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So many homophobes turn out to secretly be gay that I'm worried I'm actually a cell phone battery on single digit percentage charge level
PatrThom
PatrThom
More likely a cell phone battery that's degraded below 80% FCC. You think you're charging to 100%, but it's actually 78% of what it used to be...and falling.
Good Morning. God has allowed me to live another day, and I'm about to make it everyone's problem.
PatrThom
PatrThom
If you don't, God will make you live another day.
And another,
and another...

...I think there was a movie about this, wasn't there?
Ladies, don't be embarrassed by the quantity of guys you have slept with - just the quality.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Don't be embarrassed by the quantity of ladies you've slept with either, I guess.
Sorry, I can't do stuff tonight, I have to sit in front of a TV show I'm not watching while I refresh the same 3 websites, scraping for fresh content like an addict licking the inside of a plastic baggie that has been empty for days
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