GasBandit
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  • "Soundcloud" is just a fancy ass word for "fart."
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Does that mean "Spotify" caters more to women?
    To this day, I'm still disgruntled that I was forced to learn to write in cursive as a child. It has literally never been useful.
    Dei
    Dei
    Cursive exists so old people can complain that kids don't learn it anymore.
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    I have to keep detailed journals of my work as a researcher. I write in cursive all the time. Print would be too slow. I use multiple pen colors, too, just to really old school it. I like to imagine some video game protagonist will pick up one of my notebooks one day and somehow thumb through 100 pages to the exact passage that hints at how to solve my intricate death traps, despite no interaction from the user.
    fade
    fade
    Uh, I mean "fun traps", FBI.
    20 years ago, people escaped from the real world into the internet. Now people escape from the internet into the real world.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Twenty-SIX years ago, they were escaping from the movie theater into the real world. Coming from the Internet was just the next logical step.
    It's so vulgar and unintellectual to call it "cum." Instead, call it high fructose porn syrup.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Or you could call it "bi-bro thigh's bae protein isolate" but that might be *too* intellectual.
    Of all the bodily functions that COULD have been contagious, we are lucky it turned out to be yawning.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Laughter > Yawning
    Brushing your teeth is the only time you ever clean your skeleton.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Kissing is the only time your skeleton normally touches someone else's, and you do NOT get extra points for finding new ways to do so.
    My body is a temple. Ancient, crumbling, cursed, haunted.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    And full of traps for the unwary.
    Does running out of fucks to give count as cardio?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    No. Giving fucks is noticeably more of a workout.
    I demand to be in good shape and I refuse to do anything to make that happen. Those are my terms.
    My favorite childhood memory is the lack of joint pain.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Mine is being allowed to sleep as long as I damn well pleased on weekends.
    GasBandit
    GasBandit
    You obviously did not have a dog when you were a kid.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    I did. We had a golden retriever puppy I named “Playful” ... for about 10 days. He grabbed my pant leg one morning while I was jumping for my chin-up bar which made me faceplant, and when I came home from school that day, he was gone.
    As long as you stay current on memes you can never truly be old - Dei, 1/24/2019
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Does this mean Dei will always be more current than you?
    I might be white, but I'm not "Let's go see what that noise was" white.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Won't that make people think you're yellow?
    Babies sure stare a lot for somebody that doesn't know how to fight.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    They're getting that vacant drunken stare down, though.
    Like hornets, ticks do actually serve a larger, important role in the earth's ecosystem - they teach the compassionate the necessity and virtue of hate.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    And they keep the opossums fed. You wouldn't want an opossum to die of starvation before it can grow up and be hit by a car, do you?
    Being happy is like pissing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you feel the warmth. Also I haven't experienced it since I was 7 years old.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    If true, then the quickest way to happiness is just to drink excessively.
    In >/dev/null, no one can hear your screams.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    In /dev/zero, they amount to nothing.
    The more a cat acts like a dog, the better a cat people say it is.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Conversely, I've noticed that I prefer the types of dogs that act more like cats. e.g., basenji, greyhound, whippet, Akita, borzoi.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    And when a dog acts like a cat, they call it a fox.
    My retirement plan is to start walking across streets without looking and hope I get reborn in an Isekai anime, because that apparently happens constantly.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Not in TX, though. Sorry.
    "Does my Thai girlfriend have a penis?" he wondered. Something inside him told him, "yes."
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    He would have asked her about it sooner, but it had never come up.
    You can say "Have a nice day!" and it's fine, but "Enjoy the next 24 hours" sounds like a threat for some reason.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    You can also imagine how people react when you say, “Treasure what remains of your current 86400 second cycle.”
    If I am expected to manage my anger, stupid people should be expected to manage their stupidity.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    See, that's the thing, because at least you can TELL when you're being angry.
    Reading is staring at a dead piece of wood for hours and hallucinating.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    I thought it was a city in Pennsylvania?
    mikerc
    mikerc
    Dead piece of wood? Get a kindle you Luddite!
    Sears started out as a mail order catalog that would deliver products right to your door. They were driven to bankruptcy by internet sites that deliver products right to your door.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Pretty sure they were driven to bankruptcy by Eddie Lampert's greed.
    I'm pretty disappointed that Batman is the rich man beating up criminals and Daredevil is the blind man using echolocation, and not vice versa.
    GasBandit
    GasBandit
    That's not the same thing. Unless there's a BLACK lantern that is actually GREEN, and a guy named Claybody who can only reshape his face.
    mikerc
    mikerc
    Wasn't Jade a Black Lantern for a while?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Pretty sure most everyone was.
    There's a point where we need to stop, and we have clearly passed it. But let's keep going, and see what happens.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    You mean like, getting a ticket?
    Every time you get dressed, remember: If you die, that's what your ghost will wear. Forever.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    i.e., don't die naked if you can help it. Otherwise everyone will think you died on your birthday.
    Dei
    Dei
    My ghost will be slovenly, but oh so comfy.
    People with "make tea, not war" bumper stickers are pretty ignorant about the history of tea.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    The "make love, not war" people are in a for a few shocks, too.
    Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but could this meeting be an email maybe
    You ever notice, for special occasions, ladies with curly hair straighten it, and ladies with straight hair curl it?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    And well-endowed women minimize while slender women pad.
    The best part of the cucumber tastes like the worst part of the watermelon.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    But put them both on the belt in the checkout lane with a jar of Vaseline and see what kind of looks you get.
    When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees, sycamore~~~
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    When converting Poe's "Raven" to text-to-speech .WAV, "Nevermore~~~"
    I used to sneak out of the house to go to parties. Now I sneak out of parties so I can go home.
    [E\\..............F] <- Outta Gas
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Eat more fiber!
    It takes 45 muscles to frown, but only 10 to smile. So smiling is for the weak and lazy. Frown your way to fitness.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    It only takes two muscles to close your eyes, though, and then you don't have to do either.
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