GasBandit
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  • The DFW TSA is such a joke. They confiscate my nail file, send me through, and then I go have a steak at Chili's and they give me a great big sharp knife.
    Yogurt is a good diet food, because it makes you eat less. Not because you're full, but because you're too grossed out to eat.
    I'd do an AMA, too, but I know it'd just be 30 questions about pork sausage.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Nothing is keeping you from doing it in spite of this. Except you.
    I'm playing the game - the one that will take me to my end. I'm waiting for the rain, to wash who I am.
    Every day is a struggle against the idea of putting chicken nuggets in the blender and calling it a protein shake. 17 days til solid food.
    When the PC Master Race curses you: "May your ping time match your frames per second."
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    "May your GPU temp match your FPS in °C."
    The boss just banned overly-specific nicknames, and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian the Good Time Ruiner.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Yeah, leave Brian’s good name out of it.
    Marriage must be especially awful for a bisexual. There's TWICE as many people you can't have sex with!
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    What happens if you marry an asexual?
    If there is a universal constant, it might be that no man of any age ever wants to consider the thought that he may have had his last BJ.
    Yogurt is just spoiled milk pretending to be pudding.
    blotsfan
    blotsfan
    Greek yogurt is delicious and can work as a great, healthier substitute for cheese in many places. Fight me.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    At least it's not kefir.
    If animals didn't want to be eaten, why are they made out of food.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Because making out of the food food eats would also make them much, much slower.
    It annoys me that the lowest magnitude numbered street in my town is 15th street. Doesn't that really make 15th street... 1st street?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    No, it means they could only come up with 14 clever street names.
    Whose IQ is higher, a Hanzo Main, or a Rick and Morty fan?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Statistically? I'm guessing the R&M fan. Just remember that IQ is only a measure of INT, not WIS.
    Karma means I can do bad things to people all day long and rest easy in the knowledge they deserve it.
    Being an adult is easy. You just feel tired all the time and tell people about how tired you are and they tell you THEY are tired as well.
    blotsfan
    blotsfan
    Then take a nap.

    THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES!
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Then you tell them about how you stayed up until 3:30a the previous night dicking around on the Internet.
    "Dependence begets subservience and venality, suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the designs of ambition." Jefferson
    We went a walking in the dark, goosing statues in the park, and honey, if Sherman's Horse can take it, so can you.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    ...and reminisciiiiiiiiiing
    I bet the first guy to hear a parrot talk freaked right the hell out and was afraid to tell anybody.
    Horror movies with jump scares are like stand up comedians who tickle people instead of telling jokes. "You laughed! Technically I'm funny!"
    Picking your nose doesn't make you a bad person, it's what you do next that determines your character.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    What kind of person are you if you put it back?
    There's no longer such things as unacceptable behavior, just unacceptable victims.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    What we need now are standards on what constitutes unacceptable victim behavior.
    Most adult friendships are just figuring out whose turn it is to cancel plans.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Sometimes it's more about whose turn it is to forget to plan any plans in the first place.
    I was Bart's age when the Simpsons launched (not counting Tracy Ullman). They're still on the air, and I'm now Homer's age, and I envy him.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Don't. The weirdest stuff always seems to happen to that guy. And his family. And his town. Also I was in college by the time even the Tracy Ullman ones came out.
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