Company higher-up: "Hey, we got an applicant for a Chinese-to-English editor position in the company, and she did a translation and editing test. Have a look, will you?"

Me: (after taking a look at her test) "Her translation and editing skills are completely insufficient. She's got grammatical errors everywhere, and there are many misspelled words, which means she's either a bad speller or she's careless, both of which are not acceptable as an editor. I do not think we should hire this person."

Company higher-up: "Have I mentioned she's hot? Here's her photo."

Me: "Now hang on, I may have been a bit hasty earlier... on-the-job training is a thing, so we could bring her up to the required standard, and we do have a shortage of editors right now..."
I swear to God, you must work for Fox News.
 

fade

Staff member
I guess it could also be a stick bear starting to make sweet, sweet love to a stick figure, if you're into that sort of thing.
 
Company higher-up: "Hey, we got an applicant for a Chinese-to-English editor position in the company, and she did a translation and editing test. Have a look, will you?"

Me: (after taking a look at her test) "Her translation and editing skills are completely insufficient. She's got grammatical errors everywhere, and there are many misspelled words, which means she's either a bad speller or she's careless, both of which are not acceptable as an editor. I do not think we should hire this person."

Company higher-up: "Have I mentioned she's hot? Here's her photo."

Me: "Now hang on, I may have been a bit hasty earlier... on-the-job training is a thing, so we could bring her up to the required standard, and we do have a shortage of editors right now..."
Well, there's a trap, to be sure.

You're gonna spend weeks training her - by which I mean re-editing everything she does. Meanwhile, she'll be falling deeply in love with the boy in the coffee shop. Then, when her editing skills are finally up to par, they'll elope, leaving you alone to edit everything.

Plot twist: Coffee shop boy is a Chinese spy, and he's recruited her to steal the instruction manual for the latest Taiwanese Nuclear sub you've been tasked to translate.



Also, maybe you could share her picture with us.

Please?
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Sonic has started pushing concretes (frozen custard mixed with stuff).

Tried the "Oreo/dark chocolate" one today.

IMO, not as good as an equivalent Blast, or even a Blizzard from DQ.

Maybe custard just isn't my thing.
 
I just took a shit that smelled like every outhouse I've ever pooped in. It had that unmistakable camping shit smell to it. Just thought I'd share.

Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk
 

fade

Staff member
Sonic has started pushing concretes (frozen custard mixed with stuff).

Tried the "Oreo/dark chocolate" one today.

IMO, not as good as an equivalent Blast, or even a Blizzard from DQ.

Maybe custard just isn't my thing.
I just took a shit that smelled like every outhouse I've ever pooped in. It had that unmistakable camping shit smell to it. Just thought I'd share.

Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk
Again, can't help but see some kind of relationship between these two posts.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I'm skeptical that Sonic could do frozen custard right, hold off on an opinion until you've tried Culver's, or some other place that does it well.
That may be it. I've had concretes other places before that I liked, for example, Freddie's Frozen Custard. But I kinda got put off that when I got food poisoning there a few years back.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
This happened about 2 miles from me. It's pretty scary to think about. Anyone who follows me on FB has seen it already.

http://www.denverpost.com/2017/05/02/firestone-explosion-cause-cut-gas-line/
Yeah, that's pretty terrifying. Normally I'd have some flippant remark to say like "And that's why you don't use french drains, that along with that they don't work" or something, but even if they didn't, it probably would have just kept building up in the soil until it got in another way, or just met a stray spark in a saturated area and boom, yet another summer where all of Colorado is on fire again.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Handy tips for having a cold, by Gas Bandit.

Fuck Nyquil/Dayquil. It used to be the magic cure-all 20 years ago, but not any more. When the nanny state legislated psuedoephedrine (the active ingredient in sudafed and most 90s-and-earlier cold remedies, back when shit worked) "behind the counter," Vicks worried not "seeing" the bottle meant its loyal customers wouldn't bother to ask for it any more.

So they switched the formula to worthless near-placebo ingredients.
Acetaminophen for pain. Bullshit. That does nothing for swelling in nasal and bronchial passages. Give my ass some Naproxen.
Dextromethorphan. This crap is everywhere, but it only addresses the symptom (coughing) instead of the cause. Better to get some real antihistimine, like brompheniramine. Dextromethorphan just means you're gonna go right back to coughing when you stop taking it, even weeks after the cold is over, because of the lingering post-nasal drip. Might as well just gobble Halls lozenges one after the next after the next if that's what you're gonna do.
And finally and worst of all - Phenylephrine. Worthless. As a decongestant, it might as well be sugar water if you ask me. Nothing compares to pseudoephedrine.

So here's what you do, you walk your happy ass past all the stupid colorful bottles and boxes in the "cold remedy" aisle and go straight to the pharmacy counter. You whip out your ID, because the bureaucracy own you, you fucking sheep, and you tell that faceless labcoat behind the counter that you want:
Psuedoephedrine
brompheniramine (or doxylamine)
and naproxen.

And whatever you do, no claritin or allegra. Non-drowsy allergy meds are not good for sick people who need rest.

Sign what you gotta sign, go home, get a drink and take all three. Throw a couple blankets over yourself on the couch, turn on the TV to watch something you've seen 100 times, and go to sleep.
 
Yeah, that's pretty terrifying. Normally I'd have some flippant remark to say like "And that's why you don't use french drains, that along with that they don't work" or something, but even if they didn't, it probably would have just kept building up in the soil until it got in another way, or just met a stray spark in a saturated area and boom, yet another summer where all of Colorado is on fire again.
I don't even live in an area that's on fire when that happens. :/
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I don't even live in an area that's on fire when that happens. :/
Colorado is famous for its convenience. If you can't come to the fire, the fire will come to you![DOUBLEPOST=1493764703,1493764674][/DOUBLEPOST]
"French drains" are absolutely, positively, not a French thing. Never seen them in my life.
No, they're named after the guy who invented them, Henry French.
 
Psuedoephedrine
brompheniramine (or doxylamine)
and naproxen.
Sudafed - Got no solution for you here, not since the PATRIOT act criminalized the possession of more than about 8g/month. The only way is to get lucky when your local drugstore has the 96-count box (~3g total) in stock and grab one (or two). Skip the 12-hr sudafed, it's just four of the normal red pills tied together in time release format UNLESS the price is competitive with the 96-pack (it rarely is).
Doxylamine - also sold over the counter as "sleep aid" (doxylamine succinate). Just be careful not to confuse it with Benadryl (Diphenhydramine HCL)-based sleep aids (e.g., Tylenol PM), though I suppose one antihistamine is as good as another. Drink plenty of liquids beforehand, or pay for it later.
Naproxen - An NSAID easily purchased OTC as Nuprin or Aleve. Be careful of the dosing, since you need a lot less of it by weight than you would of Tylenol, Aspirin, or Ibuprofen.

I would add the judicious use of alcohol can have what they call "an increased sedative effect," if required. Gargling with salt brine is also a surprisingly effective way to calm a flaming (from illness, not abuse) throat.

--Patrick
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Sudafed - Got no solution for you here, not since the PATRIOT act criminalized the possession of more than about 8g/month. The only way is to get lucky when your local drugstore has the 96-count box (~3g total) in stock and grab one (or two). Skip the 12-hr sudafed, it's just four of the normal red pills tied together in time release format UNLESS the price is competitive with the 96-pack (it rarely is).
Doxylamine - also sold over the counter as "sleep aid" (doxylamine succinate). Just be careful not to confuse it with Benadryl (Diphenhydramine HCL)-based sleep aids (e.g., Tylenol PM), though I suppose one antihistamine is as good as another. Drink plenty of liquids beforehand, or pay for it later.
Naproxen - An NSAID easily purchased OTC as Nuprin or Aleve. Be careful of the dosing, since you need a lot less of it by weight than you would of Tylenol, Aspirin, or Ibuprofen.

I would add the judicious use of alcohol can have what they call "an increased sedative effect," if required. Gargling with salt brine is also a surprisingly effective way to calm a flaming (from illness, not abuse) throat.

--Patrick
Yeah, the Sudafed and Aleve are easy to get (even if you have to sign for the former). The middle one, the brompheniramine is the tricky one. Your average drugstore shelf is awash in the aforementioned minimally-effective drugs like phenylephrine and dextromethorphan, but brompheniramine is less prevalent than it once was - I suspect "this is old and therefor not sexy" is at play here, since it is a first gen antihistimine. Not as many places carry Dristan or Comtrex as used to, though I was able to find it, in all places, in Dimetapp. But that's a children's formula cough and cold syrup (and it mixes in the much despised phenylephrine, bleh), so that complicates dosage for an adult of no small stature.
 
I had a one eyed bird stare at me this morning... with the empty eye socket. It was a little unsettling.

I was half way expecting it to say something. Like from a dream in American Gods.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
If you use the speedtest.net android app, be sure to force-stop it after every use... I just noticed my pocket was really freaking warm, took out my phone, found that apparently going back to the home screen wasn't enough after having done a speed test an hour ago, and the app (specifically, I suspect its embedded ad stuff, that's usually where shit goes wrong) was chewing through battery at higher than 10% an hour. Bleh.
 
If you use the speedtest.net android app, be sure to force-stop it after every use... I just noticed my pocket was really freaking warm, took out my phone, found that apparently going back to the home screen wasn't enough after having done a speed test an hour ago, and the app (specifically, I suspect its embedded ad stuff, that's usually where shit goes wrong) was chewing through battery at higher than 10% an hour. Bleh.

Your phone battery dropped below 80%? Must've been payback from someone whose computer you "updated" :p
 
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