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makare
She has been paying him pretty steady over the last year. As long as she is working he gets paid. But yes we are upset about the jail thing too.
Rant VI: Now Drama Free
- Thread starter Dave
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W
Wasabi Poptart
I'm sorry if I'm coming across as being very judgmental, Makare. I have a few family members on my dad's side who have a history similar to your sister's situation. I wish I could say things got better for them, but the pattern has unfortunately continued for many years. They were always asking my dad and two of my uncles for money. Sometimes it was for bail. Sometimes it was supposed to be to help pay their bills, but went to support their habits instead. My dad eventually stopped accepting their phone calls (mostly they called collect) and warned his youngest brother against showing up at our house ever again.
I've seen how much it hurt my dad to see his siblings doing these things to themselves and not bother to pull themselves up out of the muck. I hate that you are going through this, too.
I've seen how much it hurt my dad to see his siblings doing these things to themselves and not bother to pull themselves up out of the muck. I hate that you are going through this, too.
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makare
Oh no I don't think you are being judgmental at all.
Yesterday my mom was on my facebook account and my sisters girlfriend was talking to her thinking she was me. The girlfriend said something that was very poignant about the entire situation
"I know when I first got involved with Regina someone who knew her said she would never change. She would do this forever. I don't think I can do it forever. It will kill me. I just thought by letting her into my family and showing her that I'm not ashamed of her, somehow that would help. But she just doesn't care. She just doesn't care and that pisses me off."
It's impossible to make someone care. Gina is a bottomless pit of care and love we keep pouring ours into her and none of it sticks. We, her family and her friends, all feel so helpless and frustrated that we can't do anything. But Im kind of glad that unlike Gina I do care, I am capable of caring. So even though it hurts us at least we are human. Sometimes it seems like Gina isn't human at all.
Yesterday my mom was on my facebook account and my sisters girlfriend was talking to her thinking she was me. The girlfriend said something that was very poignant about the entire situation
"I know when I first got involved with Regina someone who knew her said she would never change. She would do this forever. I don't think I can do it forever. It will kill me. I just thought by letting her into my family and showing her that I'm not ashamed of her, somehow that would help. But she just doesn't care. She just doesn't care and that pisses me off."
It's impossible to make someone care. Gina is a bottomless pit of care and love we keep pouring ours into her and none of it sticks. We, her family and her friends, all feel so helpless and frustrated that we can't do anything. But Im kind of glad that unlike Gina I do care, I am capable of caring. So even though it hurts us at least we are human. Sometimes it seems like Gina isn't human at all.
Found out today that a friend of mine OD'ed on a mixture of alcohol and pills. I can't help but feel a little guilty about it, and it may be naive of me to say, but I think I may have been able to alter her course of self-destructive behavior.
Is she OK?
There is nothing to feel guilty about, unless you plied her with booze and pills. My friends are not responsible for my self-destructive behavior, only I am.
D
Disconnected
get her a bus pass and a good pair of shoes
You're just going to torture yourself with thoughts of what if. There's no way of knowing what could have been, and in the end they chose to abuse substances.
fade
Staff member
One of my graduate students died. It's really a weird feeling. I know a lot of you were/are grad students, so you know what it's like. We work with you pretty closely. Get to know you, direct your work, advise your career. It's a very pseudo-parental role. So it's kind of strange and floaty when this happens. He was a really good guy, and his funeral showed it. People from his work came from as far away as California (he'd graduated and been working for about a year now) because he was such and influence. It has certainly inspired me to put more effort into my work.
Is she OK?
There is nothing to feel guilty about, unless you plied her with booze and pills. My friends are not responsible for my self-destructive behavior, only I am.[/QUOTE]
No, her funeral will be soon.
I wouldn't be so arrogant to believe that I could redeem her, but she often confided in a mutual friend of ours that I was one of the few positive people in her life. So I feel that I could've been the smallest of factors that would have been able to curtail her destructive habits.
Is she OK?
There is nothing to feel guilty about, unless you plied her with booze and pills. My friends are not responsible for my self-destructive behavior, only I am.[/QUOTE]
No, her funeral will be soon.
I wouldn't be so arrogant to believe that I could redeem her, but she often confided in a mutual friend of ours that I was one of the few positive people in her life. So I feel that I could've been the smallest of factors that would have been able to curtail her destructive habits.[/QUOTE]
Look, I know nothing sounds comforting but try to think of it as your positive influence making her life better while she was alive. We're all responsible for ourselves, you can't blame yourself for what she chose. Maybe her pain was lessened by you, and you can find some measure of peace in that.
Dave
Staff member
There are days when being adopted has its advantages. Apparently my father's side of the family has a history of cancer and my mother's side a history of Alzheimers.
Went to a family reunion yesterday. I think it'll be the last one with the uncles. My father had 6 brothers that survived childhood (2 that did not) and they are all in failing health.
Here's the rundown:
Paul (my dad) - Asbestos & other lung issues.
Virgil - Prostate & bone cancer.
Elden - Perfectly fine.
Harold - Prostate & lung cancer.
Harley - Prostate cancer.
Grant - Nothing as far as I know but he looked terrible.
Kenneth - Died a few years ago of prostate cancer.
The next few years are going to be very tough on my family.
Went to a family reunion yesterday. I think it'll be the last one with the uncles. My father had 6 brothers that survived childhood (2 that did not) and they are all in failing health.
Here's the rundown:
Paul (my dad) - Asbestos & other lung issues.
Virgil - Prostate & bone cancer.
Elden - Perfectly fine.
Harold - Prostate & lung cancer.
Harley - Prostate cancer.
Grant - Nothing as far as I know but he looked terrible.
Kenneth - Died a few years ago of prostate cancer.
The next few years are going to be very tough on my family.
Jesus, Dave.... did you rape a convent in a previous life, or something? Here's hoping there's an upswing in their collective healths... that's far too much for a family to have to deal with all at once.
North_Ranger
Staff member
I feel for ya, Dave. My aunt just went through surgery due to cancer in her leg. Apparently they had to remove most of her left sole, meaning she'll now need a prosthetic shoe
Otherwise she's doing well. The surgery was apparently successful.
Otherwise she's doing well. The surgery was apparently successful.
So I found the cute Chinese girl I met in Beijing on facebook, and apparently she has a boyfriend.
And to make it worse, I think she might have already been dating him when she and I were cuddled up and kissing when I was there. Which is not cool.
And to make it worse, I think she might have already been dating him when she and I were cuddled up and kissing when I was there. Which is not cool.
Nope, she didn't have facebook when I was talking to her when I was there. She just joined it recently, it looks like. A lot of the students we met there joined shortly after we left.
Its not a huge deal, but it does kinda suck. Its worth a small rant anyway.
---------- Post added at 03:51 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:48 AM ----------
Because this ^ makes me sound creepy, let me clarify I'm not looking her up, I don't need to as we've been e-,mailing back and forth pretty much every day. I just got one of those "so and so and so and so became friends with so and so" things on my wall.
Don't worry Checker, you were well outside of the 100 mile rule. Especially if she will still come to visit you before the BF arrives.
Some of you will remember that on Saturday I posted that my dad was in the hospital. Well here is a quick update for anyone who was curious. He seems to be doing better but he is still in the hospital. They are still not sure if he had a seizure or not. They think he did but they have not run any tests to say for sure. They were supposed to run some tests yesterday to check everything out but they decided to wait another day for some reason. And that is all for the update.
E
Element 117
Geez, Hylian.*hugs*
Damn man. Both waiting and not knowing. You're in a tough spot, that's for sure and for certain.
So far all they have done is take some x-rays to make sure he didn't get hurt when he fell and they did remove a few of his molars that had gotten infected (they said that there is a small possibility that could cause a seizure). Other than that they haven't really done anything. Sadly he is having to use the VA hospital for insurance reasons.
Yeah, those tooth infections can do some weird things.
I'm hoping this works out well for you guys.
I'm hoping this works out well for you guys.
@Hylian Jeez man, I'm sorry... there's decent VA facilities available, so that by itself isn't always a bad thing... I hope you get some good news back soon.
@checkeredhat Ah, dude... that bites... Sorry, brah
@checkeredhat Ah, dude... that bites... Sorry, brah
Man, after reading Hylian's posts I feel like an ass for posting my silly girl woes in this thread.
Hylian, I sincerely hope the best for your dad and your family.
Hylian, I sincerely hope the best for your dad and your family.
Stresses high right now, need to vent. Some of this likely serious, some not.
I have three brothers in my family, all younger. All of them attended college, none finished, due to various degrees of self-loathing and doubt.
One of them attempted to kill himself recently, and he's down on himself for even failing that. He complains that everyone always thinks of himself as a failure, and that nobody expects him to make anything of himself. He's done countless idiotic things in his life, and always plays the victim when confronted on it, or passes everything off as a joke or that he wasn't really trying to begin with. He frustrates me for that reason, but I try to be straightforward with him that I separate the person from the acts. He's not stupid, he's done stupid things. I feel like the attempt was to get attention, so if I give it attention I'm only pandering or something.
The second has slowly withdrawn from society over the past 8 years to the point where he now never leaves his room except to grab food and use the toilet. He plays Counter-strike constantly overnight and sleeps during the day. He's been attending therapy for all 8 years, seemingly to no recognizable benefit. My parents continue to support him financially and provide a roof over his head for fear of what he'd do if cut loose.
My youngest brother never fully went through puberty, and it was recently discovered to result from a golf-ball sized tumor where his pituitary gland should be. It was completely unnoticed via symptom until a specific scan to see what was causing the lack of growth. It's completely inoperable and only treatable medicinally, but a short while ago the tumor was found to be hemorrhaging in his brain, so he had to have surgery to drain the hemorrhage. Doctors found that the tumor had in fact exploded in his head, such that fortunately about 80% of it had liquefied and was able to be removed. Unfortunately, it soon grew back, so they're treating it again medically, and he has to live with the knowledge he'll never be able to reproduce or grow to full adulthood. Thus, he lives with depression on a regular basis and hoping the tumor doesn't continue to spread.
On top of all that, my mother likes to play the victim card, always saying how easy we all had it compared to her life. So I feel that the onus is all on me to live up to the expectations she has for everyone, and to try to fix everybody at some level without being an enabler for everything. I don't know exactly how to do that in a way that is both possible and satisfies everyone.
Beyond this, my wife works full time and attends grad school full time, so that I don't get to see her until after 1am most days, meaning that I feel like I have to raise our 3 year old child alone most of the time. I work full time in a position that while offering freedom and responsibility, offers zero chance of advancement, so in effect my career is stalled out permanently unless I make a change. I am looking at grad school myself, but it's really costly to the point where we may not be able to afford it (wife is doing it at a 50% discount, fortunately) either by time or money. Wife being gone/exhausted all the time also contributes to the result that I never get to participate in my favorite stress reliever (once in the last 3 years...yay...), and when she is around she's never really in the mood to talk about it. We do counseling on a regular basis (12-16 sessions a year, every other week with summers off usually) just because it's a healthy thing to do, but it still doesn't fix the intimacy part of it where she's never in the mood and I'm never in the mindset to be subtle and spontaneous about things.
And the final straw that broke my stress level is that my son is scheduled for preschool to start in 3 weeks, and he has suddenly become deathly afraid of the bathroom and has "un-trained" himself, which as a result means he wouldn't be able to attend preschool, meaning I'd have to find other accommodations for him while I work.
Not really even looking for solutions as I've pretty much given up on solving all my problems. Just needed to vent a bit somewhere where it wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass immediately. Stressed out, mostly.
I have three brothers in my family, all younger. All of them attended college, none finished, due to various degrees of self-loathing and doubt.
One of them attempted to kill himself recently, and he's down on himself for even failing that. He complains that everyone always thinks of himself as a failure, and that nobody expects him to make anything of himself. He's done countless idiotic things in his life, and always plays the victim when confronted on it, or passes everything off as a joke or that he wasn't really trying to begin with. He frustrates me for that reason, but I try to be straightforward with him that I separate the person from the acts. He's not stupid, he's done stupid things. I feel like the attempt was to get attention, so if I give it attention I'm only pandering or something.
The second has slowly withdrawn from society over the past 8 years to the point where he now never leaves his room except to grab food and use the toilet. He plays Counter-strike constantly overnight and sleeps during the day. He's been attending therapy for all 8 years, seemingly to no recognizable benefit. My parents continue to support him financially and provide a roof over his head for fear of what he'd do if cut loose.
My youngest brother never fully went through puberty, and it was recently discovered to result from a golf-ball sized tumor where his pituitary gland should be. It was completely unnoticed via symptom until a specific scan to see what was causing the lack of growth. It's completely inoperable and only treatable medicinally, but a short while ago the tumor was found to be hemorrhaging in his brain, so he had to have surgery to drain the hemorrhage. Doctors found that the tumor had in fact exploded in his head, such that fortunately about 80% of it had liquefied and was able to be removed. Unfortunately, it soon grew back, so they're treating it again medically, and he has to live with the knowledge he'll never be able to reproduce or grow to full adulthood. Thus, he lives with depression on a regular basis and hoping the tumor doesn't continue to spread.
On top of all that, my mother likes to play the victim card, always saying how easy we all had it compared to her life. So I feel that the onus is all on me to live up to the expectations she has for everyone, and to try to fix everybody at some level without being an enabler for everything. I don't know exactly how to do that in a way that is both possible and satisfies everyone.
Beyond this, my wife works full time and attends grad school full time, so that I don't get to see her until after 1am most days, meaning that I feel like I have to raise our 3 year old child alone most of the time. I work full time in a position that while offering freedom and responsibility, offers zero chance of advancement, so in effect my career is stalled out permanently unless I make a change. I am looking at grad school myself, but it's really costly to the point where we may not be able to afford it (wife is doing it at a 50% discount, fortunately) either by time or money. Wife being gone/exhausted all the time also contributes to the result that I never get to participate in my favorite stress reliever (once in the last 3 years...yay...), and when she is around she's never really in the mood to talk about it. We do counseling on a regular basis (12-16 sessions a year, every other week with summers off usually) just because it's a healthy thing to do, but it still doesn't fix the intimacy part of it where she's never in the mood and I'm never in the mindset to be subtle and spontaneous about things.
And the final straw that broke my stress level is that my son is scheduled for preschool to start in 3 weeks, and he has suddenly become deathly afraid of the bathroom and has "un-trained" himself, which as a result means he wouldn't be able to attend preschool, meaning I'd have to find other accommodations for him while I work.
Not really even looking for solutions as I've pretty much given up on solving all my problems. Just needed to vent a bit somewhere where it wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass immediately. Stressed out, mostly.
Good luck Piotyr. I normally dump the advice. But you seem to be thinking these things through pretty well.
That... is a hell of a lot for one guy to bear, Piotyr. Good to share... like Sixpack said, I'd toss in advice, but I think you're going to chew through that just fine, day-by-day
Went out on a date last Friday. I thought things went well, but...well, she e-mailed me tonight to tell me that she didn't have any romantic or relationship type feelings for me.
=/
Haven't had a serious, committed relationship in over 5 years. Dated, had a few short (like a month) relationships, but that's it.
Starting to feel that I'm going to be perpetually single. Like there's just something wrong with me. Just...fuck. I'm so fucking tired of being alone.
=/
Haven't had a serious, committed relationship in over 5 years. Dated, had a few short (like a month) relationships, but that's it.
Starting to feel that I'm going to be perpetually single. Like there's just something wrong with me. Just...fuck. I'm so fucking tired of being alone.
You have been going out though, which is good. I remember you told us about that other chick not too long ago. Just keep at it man. It took Edison a long time before he invented the light bulb. What that really has to do with relationships I don't know, but it's something to think about!
W
Wasabi Poptart
Damn Piotyr. That is a lot to deal with. *hugs*
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