Last week our son changed his group chat name from <fname> "<nickname>" <lname> to <fname> "Big Dork Boy" <lname>.
(Wife and I): "BWAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAAAH"
Son: "...what?"
Me: "See, I know you were trying to say 'Look, everyone! I am a huge nerd!' but what you actually ended up saying was 'Look, everyone! I have an enormous penis!'"
Son: <color drains from face>
Son: <Immediately changes group chat name>

--Patrick
 
In Canada, to claim a prize from a contest or lottery, you must answer a skill testing question, as games of pure chance are outlawed. It's normally a simple math question like 12+8-10= ?

Would the world be better if you had to answer a skill testing question before posting on social media?

10
 
In Canada, to claim a prize from a contest or lottery, you must answer a skill testing question, as games of pure chance are outlawed. It's normally a simple math question like 12+8-10= ?

Would the world be better if you had to answer a skill testing question before posting on social media?

10
I was so good at answering the skill testing question. So good. The people that did the testing said they'd never seen someone answer so quickly, it was so impressive.

Not like that other guy. Lots of fine people are saying that he didn't actually answer his question. They faked it for him. Can you believe it? They faked it. He shouldn't be allowed on social media and people let me tell you that once I'm done he won't be.

All those people that faked their question - and there's a lot of them, it's a conspiracy - I'll get rid of all of them it'll just be the best people in here. The best people.
 
I was so good at answering the skill testing question. So good. The people that did the testing said they'd never seen someone answer so quickly, it was so impressive.

Not like that other guy. Lots of fine people are saying that he didn't actually answer his question. They faked it for him. Can you believe it? They faked it. He shouldn't be allowed on social media and people let me tell you that once I'm done he won't be.

All those people that faked their question - and there's a lot of them, it's a conspiracy - I'll get rid of all of them it'll just be the best people in here. The best people.
Oh god. Halfway in, I start reading it in his voice.
 
Like all religions, the rules are really important until someone decides they're inconvenient, and then suddenly, they're not!
 
Look, what you and Gas do with his squirrel in church is between you two and God, and I'm pretty sure God is going to have some major regrets.
The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival
That broke out in revival
They were jumpin pews and shouting Hallelujah!
 
One of my high school freshman asked me if adults have dreams. Naturally I thought she was talking about aspirations, plans, etc. Like, do I hope to one day travel to Ireland? Or do I dream of being financially well-off when I retire, so I can do whatever I want?

Nope! She actually meant literal dreams.
At night.
She thought at some point adults just... fall into a black void of uneventful sleep every night.

:facepalm:
 
One of my high school freshman asked me if adults have dreams. Naturally I thought she was talking about aspirations, plans, etc. Like, do I hope to one day travel to Ireland? Or do I dream of being financially well-off when I retire, so I can do whatever I want?

Nope! She actually meant literal dreams.
At night.
She thought at some point adults just... fall into a black void of uneventful sleep every night.

:facepalm:
Apparently, you dream less as you get older. Or at least remember dreams. We still dream, of course, but not nearly as often as when we're younger.
 
One of my high school freshman asked me if adults have dreams. Naturally I thought she was talking about aspirations, plans, etc. Like, do I hope to one day travel to Ireland? Or do I dream of being financially well-off when I retire, so I can do whatever I want?

Nope! She actually meant literal dreams.
At night.
She thought at some point adults just... fall into a black void of uneventful sleep every night.

:facepalm:
Nah, we just do that during the day
 
Hi, I'm Nick, here is my resume. I'm auditioning for the role of Rick & Morty. For my monologue, I'm going to recreate a scene from one of my favourite films.

*turns around, bends over, looks over shoulder, mildly shocked, a little turned on*

Oh! What are you doing, STEP BRO?"
That would actually work if Roiland still worked there.
 
For those wondering, Ki-Adi-Mundi was given special dispensation to marry and have children because his species has a dangerously low population. So it's not that you need to be rich and famous to bend the Jedi rules, it's more that you need to be critically endangered.
 
Top