Rant VIII: The Reckoning

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So, had the annual physical a week or so ago, was sent for the usual blood panel. Got the results today, which came with a diagnosis I have been expecting to hear for 9 years. I'm officially diabetic. I have 4 generations of women who I am directly descended from who all had it as well, and it's been getting yonger by about a decade with each generation. As the normally cool headed and responsible one when bad shit happens or shit hits the fan, I am responding to this by getting as drunk as possible.
Fuck.
And in the continuing saga of why I hate going to the doctor, we have today's installment.

So, my back, neck, right sholder and right arm have been bugging me since early July. I finally had a CT at the beginning of December and the results are back. Good news? No new drugs (yay), and no surgery needed (yet...). The bad news: I have osteoarthritis, bone spurs, and a bulging disk. In my neck. And there's basically no treatment, just trying to slow down the progression. Ug. Apparently it's likely genetic, given my not-so-advanced age; but no one on my maternal side has this anywhere but weight-bearing joints, and it never developed until they were at least in their 50s.

FFS.
 
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I've seen a situation where whenever one of the children called a social worker, and the mother would lie. Same if it was police. Each time, she would lie to protect the abusive husband/father and eventually authorities took it as the child was crying wolf.
I was this child and my Dad was the abused person.

....we got out eventually but still....
 
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Anonymous

Anonymous

Due to a very bad year, involving unemployment, family sickness, other unexpected expenses, and unemployment (yes, it's bad enough to list twice) I find myself completely broke and unable to afford to buy anyone Christmas gifts. This hurts, a lot, because I've always been known as someone that gives amazing gifts. And what's worse, anxiety of going to the family Christmas party empty handed is really starting to set in, because I don't want them to know just how desperately broke I am.
 
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Due to a very bad year, involving unemployment, family sickness, other unexpected expenses, and unemployment (yes, it's bad enough to list twice) I find myself completely broke and unable to afford to buy anyone Christmas gifts. This hurts, a lot, because I've always been known as someone that gives amazing gifts. And what's worse, anxiety of going to the family Christmas party empty handed is really starting to set in, because I don't want them to know just how desperately broke I am.
We went through this a number of times when I was a kid (not so much the illness, but my parents were never great with money), so I know how this feels. Is there a way you can bring something for everyone to enjoy ON Christmas, like a cookie platter or dessert or a board game that everyone can enjoy, even if you can't get individual gifts? I know it may not seem like much, but it does take away the sting of not being able to afford single gifts.
 
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Cat scan confirms the enlarged lymph nodes and they think that I may have sarcoidosis. My next steps - get to see a pulmonologist and other -gists to confirm if I do have it or not.
So I've been to see a pulmonologist and they are 95% certain it's sarcoidosis. However, it is only a mild stage I - affecting lymph nodes only and it usually goes away by itself after a couple of years. They're not overly concerned about it at this time, but they are going to monitor it - I get to go back in March (after having another chest x-ray) and they'll check to see if the lymph nodes have gotten any larger.

In the grand scheme of things, this is better news than it could be.
 
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We went through this a number of times when I was a kid (not so much the illness, but my parents were never great with money), so I know how this feels. Is there a way you can bring something for everyone to enjoy ON Christmas, like a cookie platter or dessert or a board game that everyone can enjoy, even if you can't get individual gifts? I know it may not seem like much, but it does take away the sting of not being able to afford single gifts.
That is a very good idea. I used to do the same thing when I was not able to afford gifts. I made cookies, put together gifts in a jar (soup mixes, cookie mixes, etc.), made coupon books offering my services for various things, and so on. There are a lot of ideas online for homemade, inexpensive gifts.
 
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We do that a lot. Make food (bags of sugared almonds) and my wife is a potter, so for years everyone got pottery :) Sometimes you just have to make do with what you have, and if anyone judges you for not spending a fortune then it says more about them than you.
 
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Seriously. Baking something is always acceptable. Cookies and/or pie is a cheap, delicious gift and it shows them you put some time and effort into it.
 
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That's what I plan on doing this year. I'm too poor right now to buy anyone gifts, so I found a recipe for peppermint cookies and will be making a ton of those for everyone.
 

Dave

Staff member
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Due to a very bad year, involving unemployment, family sickness, other unexpected expenses, and unemployment (yes, it's bad enough to list twice) I find myself completely broke and unable to afford to buy anyone Christmas gifts. This hurts, a lot, because I've always been known as someone that gives amazing gifts. And what's worse, anxiety of going to the family Christmas party empty handed is really starting to set in, because I don't want them to know just how desperately broke I am.
Your family knows all of this happened and if they don't understand, then this is their issue not yours.
 
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Due to a very bad year, involving unemployment, family sickness, other unexpected expenses, and unemployment (yes, it's bad enough to list twice) I find myself completely broke and unable to afford to buy anyone Christmas gifts. This hurts, a lot, because I've always been known as someone that gives amazing gifts. And what's worse, anxiety of going to the family Christmas party empty handed is really starting to set in, because I don't want them to know just how desperately broke I am.
I would like to point out that I did not write this, no matter how accurate it might be (EDIT: except for the unemployment part).
Whoever this may be, you have company, and my empathy.

--Patrick
 
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The only people I feel have any "right" to any sort of tangible gift are children. Godchildren or grandchildren, your own children. (and even so! Christmas isn't about "getting presents", all the merchandising be damned! For Christians, it's about the Birth of Christ; for all the rest, it's a pagan end-of-year celebration thingie!) The rest? No offense, but if my father/brother/uncle got upset over not getting a gift of a certain monetary value, I wouldn't be seeing much of them on family dinners anymore. Especially if they know I was having financial issues.
Heck, a few years back, one of my aunts was pretty much strapped for cash, and as luck would have it, our "system" had determined that that year, it was her turn to organise the family Christmas get-together. All the family chipped in and instead of doing a Secret Santa, we gave her one big gift (which paid for the get-together and about 3 months' rent I think, though I don't honestly know exactly how much my parents and the other aunts gave...).

Anyone who's upset about not getting a present for Christmas has forgotten rule #1: it's about giving. The only person allowed to feel bad if you can't/won't give presents, is you. And, if it's not "because I'm the Grinch" but "my money went to food/medicine/children/etc", you should not feel bad for that either. At all.
 
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Anonymous

Anonymous

I don't think anyone will get upset that I can't get them a gift this year. At least not anyone whose opinion I really care about. My immediate family, those I care about most, all know that I can't and aren't even expecting me to.

-I- feel bad about it, not them. I feel bad that I'm having to borrow money from my family already when I know that they can't really afford it. Overall, I feel like a failure, and feel like this only makes me look more like a failure. Do I know this is an irrational feeling? Absolutely. Do I know my family love and support me? 100%. But none of that changes how it feels.

Ultimately it'll pass, I know. I just needed to vent.
 
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Do I know this is an irrational feeling? Absolutely. Do I know my family love and support me? 100%. But none of that changes how it feels.
Ah. Well, once you go past the rational *knowing*, I'm as useless as an anvil on the Titanic. That kind of feelings suck :(
 

Dave

Staff member
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Dude, getting older and feeling like a failure is really, really common. Hell, we all get to an age and go, "Wait a minute. I was going to change the world and look at me!" It's perfectly normal to feel that way unless you are lucky enough to be doing what you love. But since I can't make any money playing video games (unless I was really good - which I'm not), I guess I have to have a 9-5 job and just take care of business.
 
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This year needs to end. 2013 is turning into a bitch these last few months. My gf's brother was threatening to kill himself last night. Luckily he didn't, but he's gonna need a change. This is his last year of high school with no plans for college. It's going to be a rough road for him if it continues like this.
 

Cajungal

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That sounds like a cousin of mine, except she seems to have found her way. But her first 3 years of high school were riddled with cynicism, apathy, and cutting. She had no skills and didn't plan to develop any. She changed schools for her last year in high school. She started an club called "Students Against Destructive Decisions" to raise campus awareness about drinking and driving, drugs, and depression. She also made homecoming court, started writing songs again, and has a boyfriend who isn't an idiot. Crazy how little changes can make a difference.

If she can pull herself out of it, anyone can. We were really worried about what was going to happen to her after hs.
 
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It takes a special kind of asshole to go out of his way to get himself fired a week before Christmas, and thereby ruining everyone else's.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
 
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It takes a special kind of asshole to go out of his way to get himself fired a week before Christmas, and thereby ruining everyone else's.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
In this vein, one of the two comapnies I work for has beein in reorganisation for almost a year now. The "final" decisions were being handed down yesterday, but a document listing the people affected had been leaked a few weeks earlier so *who* was pretty well known, though *how much* (relocation, downsizing, early retirement,...) wasn't.
Turns out my boss at that place got fired, but not only that - he got fired "right away" - he came with his company car and had to leave by taxi, turn in cellphone, etc etc. Didn't even get a chance to go back to his former desk to clean it out, that would be done "for him". Same to all other people let go yesterday.
Considering the usual in Belgium is 2 or 3 months notice and working 'till the last day, this is....weird and sudden. Very un-belgian. With no good reason, too.
 
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Between two bouts of unemployment, death in the family and a car dying, this year has already been one long root canal. So, today's emergency root canal because of a molar broken in half kind of brings it all together.
 

figmentPez

Staff member
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I learned that one of my former roommates, from when I was on the step-down program, committed suicide in early November. He was a nice guy, very troubled, but someone who was pretty easy to share a room with. He was considerate of others, and wanted the best for those around him. His past included bullying so bad that it made newspaper headlines in his hometown. I can't say I knew him very well, we were only roommates for less than a month, but I'm still sad to hear that he ended his life.
 
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I learned that one of my former roommates, from when I was on the step-down program, committed suicide in early November. He was a nice guy, very troubled, but someone who was pretty easy to share a room with. He was considerate of others, and wanted the best for those around him. His past included bullying so bad that it made newspaper headlines in his hometown. I can't say I knew him very well, we were only roommates for less than a month, but I'm still sad to hear that he ended his life.
I'm sorry. If you want to talk about it, let me know. Any time. Sorry to hear it. Take care, and it's good you were able to see him in a light that maybe not everyone did. I hope that for him, too, knowing you was a positive in his life.
 
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Is it a foreign owned company, or did he work in IT or another "sensitive" department?
Dutch company, so no, not really...And building & facilities? Other than him being the one to give me a "go" or "no go" for making badges with access to the "sensitive" areas, nothing special. Don't know why, but oh well.
 
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Going to Europe tomorrow. I got a chip card because swipes don't always work over there. Chip card identity has been stolen. I have no time to get a new one.
 

fade

Staff member
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I just use the swipe card. They can just type it in at the rare few that don't have the swiper.
 
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For the first time ever, I payed real, hard currency for an in-game cosmetic item--and I don't feel bad about it. I should be ashamed--but I just had to buy three sets of armor for my DOTA 2 Spirit Breaker. I even got to rename his mace and add my own description. Squee!

*barf*
 
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For the first time ever, I payed real, hard currency for an in-game cosmetic item--and I don't feel bad about it. I should be ashamed--but I just had to buy three sets of armor for my DOTA 2 Spirit Breaker. I even got to rename his mace and add my own description. Squee!

*barf*
*prepares to chastise for how stupid that is*

*adds up how much he's spent in League of Legends instead*

.... OH GOD.
 
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Ravenpoe said:
*prepares to chastise for how stupid that is* *adds up how much he's spent in League of Legends instead* .... OH GOD.
Yeah, I have learned to not do that.
 
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Yeah, I feel the same way about my former MTG habit.
"I am going to have so much fun!!!" (realization dawns) "WHAT AM I DOING..."

--Patrick
 
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Ugh, I feel awful. Headache, my skin hurts, diarrhea, vomiting. You name it, I have it. To top it off I'm just coming off a cold so I get these symptoms right after starting to feel better from sneezing and coughing. I'm tired but can't sleep. I just wish it was tomorrow and I feel tip top again.
 
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