[NFL] Gridiron Wars (2016 NFL Off-Season Thread)

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#1
House Kraft has received a seeming death blow from House Gooddell, smiting his young knight Brady from starting the Long Winter.

House Allen has spent all the summer trying valiantly to forget the stupendously bad call made as the Holy Grail of Lombardi was in their grasp.

Meanwhile, House Cheesehead and their noble leader Sir Aaron the XII has chosen to reconcile with their black sheep, He Of The Misspelled Last Name From Kiln.

Houses Wilf and Bisciotti have struggled with off-field legals issues with their star warriors (Peterson and Rice), while House Khan simply tries to figure out which end of the sword to use.

House Haslam, tiring of his ever-drunken knight John the Agricultural, brought out of retirement Paladin Timotheus On One Knee.

House Pegula, now on the throne once occupied by King Wilson By The Falls, is trying to figure out how they can get a moribund franchise turned around.

Meanwhile, everyone is laughing at House Jones - just because. Though the TV screen at his castle is awesome for watching HBO.

Houses Davis, Kroenke, and Spanos all want to invade that mystical market that once housed the grand throne of House Rosenbloom. House Davis, claiming the rights given to their late head (King Al Just Win Baby), wants badly to return.

House Snyder is just being laughed at for his knight, Sir REIII, and his racist colors.

House Rooney continues to pray their knight has gotten over his predilection for falling off his horse.

House Lurie is waiting for the attack plan of the general of his army (Sir Chip Off The Oregon Duck) to come to fruition.

House Glazer has made a all-or-nothing gambit on a troubled lad from their backwaters, Jamies of the Publix Shrimp.

And House Adams has chosen its lot with one young knight that Sir Chip had longed to lead his attack for House Lurie.

There are, of course, many others in this Game of Thrones - but they all seek the one Holy Grail that will be awarded one February Sunday in 2016 - The Holy Grail of Saint Vincent Lombardi. (Of course, House Cheesehead is planning on being there to take it home where it rightfully belongs, but that goes without saying.)

So, my sweet summer children - what say you on this season of Game of Thrones (Gridiron Wars)?
 
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#2
For you who are scratching heads:
Arizona: House Bidwill
Atlanta: House Blank
Baltimore: House Bisciotti (formerly House Modell)
Buffalo: House Pegula (formerly House Wilson)
Carolina: House Richardson
Chicago: House Halas
Cincinnati: House Brown
Cleveland: House Haslam
Dallas: House of Jones
Denver: House Bowlen
Detroit: House Ford
Green Bay: House Cheesehead (We have no owner. We are Legion.)
Houston: House McNair
Indianapolis House Irsay (Irsay the Incoherent)
Jacksonville: House Khan
Kansas City: House Hunt
Miami: House Ross (formerly House of Robbie)
Minnesota: House Wilf
New England: House Kraft (Current Holder of the Holy Grail of St. Vincent Lombardi)
New Orleans: House Benson
New York Giants: House Mara
New York Jets: House Johnson (formerly House Werblin)
Oakland: House Davis
Philadelphia: House Lurie
Pittsburgh: House Rooney
San Diego: House Spanos
San Francisco: House York (formerly House DeBartolo)
Seattle: House Allen (lost the Holy Grail to House Kraft)
Tampa Bay: House Glazer (not liked by Clan Manchester the United)
Tennessee: House Adams
Washington: House Snyder (formerly House Marshall the Bigoted, currently aka House Snyder the Racist)
 
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#5
Sorry, for being rude about it. But I clicked the NHL thread so many times, thinking it was Game of Thrones. By time I wanted to say something about it, it was already playoff time.
 
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#6
House Allen has spent all the summer trying valiantly to forget the stupendously bad call made as the Holy Grail of Lombardi was in their grasp.
It was not a bad call. They had three tries for the end zone, but only one timeout. That play, or the one after, was going to be a pass. And no matter how good a RB is, they still regularly get stuffed for a loss at the goal line. Running the ball was not an automatic TD. It was not a bad call.


It was an excellent interception, though.[DOUBLEPOST=1432231419,1432231249][/DOUBLEPOST]Anyway . . . I'm guessing Dallas makes it to the Superbowl, but lose it on their last play when they let Romo throw from the 1 yard line.
 
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#7
I'm going to predict a more consistent year for Carolina ("House Richardson" if we must do that), a few more wins and probably a playoff berth, but not much further than last year. Another year or so to find some missing pieces and then we might be able to put a good run at the title together.
 
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#8
The GOT thing was supposed to be a joke for those of us not GRR Martin fans. So no, don't feel like you have to keep up with the house-name thing.
 
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#9
As a 49ers fan, I'm dreading this season. I believe that SF is about to have one of the biggest drop-offs in NFL history. I have never seen a team get dismantled so quickly in one off-season.
 
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#10
I expect this year will be like the last 15 for me. My Bills are gonna come out - if not strong, decent, and then collapse into pointlessness so by the time they play the Patriots the second time I will be firmly rooting for them bloody Bostonians, my "second" team.




And yeah, I actually do cheer for two teams in the same division.[DOUBLEPOST=1432787820,1432787595][/DOUBLEPOST](But not in baseball. Fuck the Red Sox. Alas, the Jays are like the Bills . . . except they actually were able to win it all back way back in the early nineties when they were playoff worthy)
 
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#11
...And they "borrowed" one of the greatest players who ever wore a Brewers uniform for a couple of years to do it.
 
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#12
Well the Texans will be on Hard Knocks this year, against their will. Nobody wanted the distraction, but the NFL forced it upon the Texans.
 
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#13
Well the Texans will be on Hard Knocks this year, against their will. Nobody wanted the distraction, but the NFL forced it upon the Texans.
Interesting. But it's better for the NFL as a whole; the show raises interest in the league among the public. Every team has to bite the bullet at some point.
 
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#14
Officially the Texans are fired up about being on the show... Funny how money makes people change their tunes.
 
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#16
Interesting. But it's better for the NFL as a whole; the show raises interest in the league among the public. Every team has to bite the bullet at some point.
Does it though? The NFL is already hugely popular, and Hard Knocks is on HBO. It's not like it's on a regular cable channel where it could be watched by about 2/3rds the country.
 
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#17
With Aldon Smith's arrest and subsequent release from the 49ers, this has to be the biggest offseason collapse for a team in recent NFL history.

For those of you who lost track, the 49ers have lost 12 of their 22 starters from last year. It's all been due to free agency, unexpected retirements, and now release due to criminal behavior.
 
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#18
With Aldon Smith's arrest and subsequent release from the 49ers, this has to be the biggest offseason collapse for a team in recent NFL history.

For those of you who lost track, the 49ers have lost 12 of their 22 starters from last year. It's all been due to free agency, unexpected retirements, and now release due to criminal behavior.
Hopefully they can cobble something vaguely resembling a team together. I've always like the 49ers (especially now that jackass isn't their coach anymore).
 
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#19
You reminded me, I forgot to list that almost the entire coaching staff left too. Head coach, defensive coordinator, offensive coordinator, tons of assistants... gone. It's a clusterfuck.
 
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#20
In other news, Aaron Rodgers nearly had a pass intercepted in practice today.
 
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#23
So - do you know how to punt? If so, the Pittsburgh Steelers want to talk to you.
 
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#24
According to Adam Schefter, the fight was because Smith hadn't paid the other guy the $600 that he owed him.

Meanwhile, that punch cost that player approximately $500k.
 
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#25
According to Adam Schefter, the fight was because Smith hadn't paid the other guy the $600 that he owed him.

Meanwhile, that punch cost that player approximately $500k.
Yep. It cost him $500k. Because no team would consider taking him right now. No team at all...
 

Dave

Staff member
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#32
Cheating is fine as long as you are a white superstar. Got it.
 
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#33
Cheating is fine as long as you are a white superstar. Got it.
Heh. No cheating occurred. Because it was shown that how they test the balls is ridiculously unreliable. As in a preschooler could have done a better job of testing.
 
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#34
I don't like the Patriots at all, but this was truly making a mountain out of a molehill. The NFL was trying to look tough after they got in trouble for merely slapping wife beaters and alcoholics on the wrist.
 
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#35
Cheating is fine as long as you are a white superstar. Got it.
Seriously? Did you even follow this story?

I think the biggest indication of how badly the NFL and Roger Goodell screwed up is that they made Tom Brady into a sympathetic figure.
 
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