For the love of God, help

LittleSin

LittleSin

I know, strange to post this in the wake of my Epic Win but I've had enough. I literally just broke down in tears of frustration over this.

Jet will be five in May. He starts kindergarten in September.

He will not use a toilet or potty or anything.

I feel like I have done everything. I've tried rewards, praise, punishment. I've let him 'take the wheel' and decide when he should go for him to decide NEVER is a good answer. I make him clean up after himself and he just shrugs and does it. I've denied him pull up and he just goes in his pants.

Over a year now I've tried. I've listened to him...and his reasons are "I don't wanna". He's not afriad of the toilet, he knows his cousins and friends use it but he thinks he an exception.

I just...I am so lost. I'm tired of being angry with him over this.
 
Dei

Dei

It took my son about this long to get used to the potty as well. Thankfully he went to a pre-school that did not require potty training. And double thankfully he only went to half day kindergarden, so accidents were kept to a minimum. :p Keep making him clean up after himself and doing what you are doing. I don't know what you tried in regards to rewards, praise, and punishment, but I would try to think of something really really big that he might want to do, and be clear that only big boys get to do this if they can use the potty, because you won't be able to change your clothes if you are out all day (maybe an amusement park or other such thing). Of course, you *should* pack a change of clothes without letting him know about it, because kids have accidents.
 
Celt Z

Celt Z

We haven't reached the potty training stage yet (but it is coming rapidly), so my knowledge with this isn't first-hand. I would echo what Dei said, perhaps dangle a big reward like the amusement park, and keep a chart so he can mark his progress and count down to the goal. Sometimes the visual will help the goal seem more obtainable. And if you haven't already, maybe talk to your pediatrician to see if they have any ideas? I'm pretty sure this isn't unheard of in their office.

And I also hate to say this, because it's a lousy way to learn, but maybe peer pressure is the motivation he needs. The other kids in his class are going to be potty trained, and far less accepting of someone who messes themselves. I hate to think of poor Jett being ostricized as soon as he starts school, but maybe he needs to hear it coming from his peers and not his parents to really make it hit home.
 
strawman

strawman

I'm sorry, I know it's frustrating.

When you had him tested for autism, was he diagnosed as being on the spectrum of autism disorders? This can play a part in toilet training.

Our toughest nut to crack didn't break until we stopped putting him in diapers altogether, and had him clean up each and every mess he made. It took... awhile. But eventually he learned it was less work (and less interruption from playtime) to use the toilet. It was a lot of laundry for a loooong time, though. There were also "big boy" things he couldn't have or participate in unless he was mess-free for a certain period of time. They were natural consequences, though, nothing contrived - he can't go to the Ikea playplace, or the McDonald's playplace, for instance. He couldn't go to friend's for sleep-overs. We restricted his "big boy" tv shows if he made a mess. If we knew he was getting to a point where he was likely to mess himself we'd suggest he use the restroom, and ban him from furniture until he did.

We have a nephew whose parents ultimately put a TV in the bathroom, and he would sit on the toilet every two hours until he used it, then he'd get another two hours to do whatever else he wanted. He had a favorite show that he could only watch in the bathroom, so it wasn't a punishment - he thought of it as a treat, but even he would get tired of doing one thing for too long and eventually got down to one 30 minute episode every two hours, then every 3 hours, and so forth. He also didn't have access to diapers, so if he did make a mess it was bothersome for him.

You might consider bringing it up with your pediatrician. They'll go through the usual checklist of ideas, which may or may not help, but some children can benefit from medication in certain rare cases.

I'm sure you've heard it all before, though. Don't get too down about it, this isn't a parenting failing, just another of life's challenges. He will eventually be fine, and you will too, just take it one day at a time.
 
Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Rub his nose in it?

....

Yeah, I don't have any kids. But I have a dog >.>

I'm guessing crate-training a child is not something people do
 
LittleSin

LittleSin

Thanks guys.

I'm normally pretty laid back but lately my husband has been getting in on it and I can't tell if he's a help or a hindrance. He gets really pissed off and can't come to terms with the fact that speaking to Jet like you would an 'adult' ain't going to work.

He was clear f the autism spectrum but he may have ADHD. It's a little early to test for that, though.

I find him incredibly stubborn. How can such a bright child just not go to the toilet? Like...I'm not saying he's genius but he knows whats up. He knows it works us up and he loses toys and video game time, so why do it?

Liek, maybe moving and having a new baby sister on the way is making him regress but to regress you need to be there anyways.

I'm just so....blah
 
Tinwhistler

Tinwhistler

I had a very similar problem, and I did many of the same things steinman did.

I also made him watch Bear in the Big Blue House's potty episode until he was sick to death of it. heh I paid for it, but it's on youtube now.

 
Mathias

Mathias

For my youngest nutball, we used a monthly calendar chart. Every time the potty was used a sticker went on the chart. If he got 50 stickers, he was promised a prize trip to Toys R Us. Bribes work soo well.
 
WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

stienman said:
this isn't a parenting failing, just another of life's challenges. He will eventually be fine, and you will too, just take it one day at a time.
Click to expand...
I quoted this because I want to stress it. It's not your fault. You are trying your best which really is all you can do. Once upon a time, when I was trying unsuccessfully to get Noah interested in potty training, I had someone tell me not to get worked up over it since you usually don't see kids in college who need diapers. It will happen.[DOUBLEPOST=1395966820,1395966461][/DOUBLEPOST]
Mathias said:
For my youngest nutball, we used a monthly calendar chart. Every time the potty was used a sticker went on the chart. If he got 50 stickers, he was promised a prize trip to Toys R Us. Bribes work soo well.
Click to expand...
The sticker chart didn't work for my son. He would cry when you put the sticker on the chart because he wanted it. He liked to sit on the potty and read, so we bought him a stool that had storage space inside.
My daughter needed to be bribed. We had a special prize bag for her that was full of little party favors, stickers, and hair accessories from the dollar section of Target, Toys R Us, or Party City's bulk supplies. If she used the potty she got a prize. Noah's teacher even got into the act. She made Lily a tshirt that says "I Rock" on it in glitter paint which she got when she finally pooped in the toilet.
 
Thread Necromancer

Thread Necromancer

With both of my little ones I did a very structured "it's been 45 minutes, I don't care if you think you have to go, you are going to sit on the pot" idea. also, I abandoned diapers all together. no pull ups, no night time specials, it's straight to big boy/girl pants. I would have thought my daughter being the younger would have been easier because she always wanted to be "big" like her brother but that wasn't the case. But every time there was a mess, there was cleaning to do, and daddy was never happy about it. And they had to do it.
Patience, that's the hardest part. I know I was short of it on so many occasions. And not slipping. And basically every singular thing under the sun. I almost literally got to the point with my daughter I was willing to just let her run around naked for days so I could spot when it was coming to rush her to the toilet, but that would only really work for the much younger to train earlier than Jet.
Hold strong. And consider this: It is not an impossible battle. You don't see 8 year olds in diapers still. So eventually there is always a way found.
 
Fun Size

Fun Size

We were concerned about our son as well. At one point, his pediatrician said "Don't worry about it. You don't see anyone going off to college who isn't potty trained."

I responded, "Well sure. I mean, who would let them in?"

...

Yeah, Mrs. Size didn't think it was funny either, but he had a point. Everyone gets it eventually. I would (somewhat hesitantly) add that if Blue (it is Blue, right?) is getting impatient, then that might very well make it worse. I know, because I was the same way, and since then I've done a lot of reading about the effects of that on kids and worked hard to be way, way more chill with them.
 
Celt Z

Celt Z

Slightly off topic, but I am going to have to find a way to save this thread. There is a lot of good advice here and I have a feeling I'm going to need it in the coming year. Or two. :confused:
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

Once they start to care, they will go. The trick is in finding what it is they care about. For our son he lost his patience waiting for the ritual of the potty seat/pants/diaper/etc and basically just took matters into his own hands rather than have to deal with all the rigamarole. I don't know what Jet's trigger will be. Best of luck to you.

--Patrick
 
Emrys

Emrys

Celt Z said:
Slightly off topic, but I am going to have to find a way to save this thread. There is a lot of good advice here and I have a feeling I'm going to need it in the coming year. Or two. :confused:
Click to expand...
Is there something you need to tell us, young lady?
 
Celt Z

Celt Z

Emrys said:
Is there something you need to tell us, young lady?
Click to expand...
No no no! I just meant I didn't know how long it was going to take me to get Li'l Z potty trained. I assure you, we are sitting comfortably with one kid right now, and the rest of us are housebroken. :p
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
Celt Z said:
Slightly off topic, but I am going to have to find a way to save this thread. There is a lot of good advice here and I have a feeling I'm going to need it in the coming year. Or two. :confused:
Click to expand...
Go to the first post in the thread. At its bottom, there should be two buttons marked "Report" and "bookmark." Click "Bookmark." This will make that post (and this thread) show up on your Forum list of bookmarks, which you can see by clicking "Bookmarks" at the top of any forum screen between "Members" and "Games."

Or.. you know.. use your browser's inherent bookmarking.
 
PatrThom

PatrThom

Or enter the search string "littlesin potty jet site:halforums.com" into Google once its bots have had a chance to index this thread.

--Patrick
 
ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Terrible advice: Every time he goes for a deuce, start shouting like Vince McMahon.

"He's gonna...he's gonna...HE'S GONNA POOP!"

 
Shawn

Shawn

We had a lot of difficulty getting the three kiddos to potty train at once. The boys were three and Loralei was 2. There was a lot of frustration involved. They would start to get it, and then they started having accidents when they felt like the ones who were not getting it were getting more attention. We were praising everyone for good potty habits. We'd let them sit down on the potty and play with their LeapPads while they waited.
I think the biggest thing that helped was getting them into pre-school. We went to a private school that allowed us to pay a little extra a week if the kids weren't potty trained. Now they weren't allowed to wear diapers to school, and we did have to provide extra sets of clothes for them. But basically the school lined up all the kids for on schedule potty breaks, starting with the ones who had more difficulty not having an accident.
 
WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

Zero Esc said:
Every parent I've met says girls are easier to potty train, so don't stress too much in advance.
Click to expand...
I will be the voice of dissent here. My son was a snap to potty train once he was interested in doing it. It took him about a month to get it. My daughter took about a year and a half.
 
Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

WasabiPoptart said:
I will be the voice of dissent here. My son was a snap to potty train once he was interested in doing it. It took him about a month to get it. My daughter took about a year and a half.
Click to expand...
That was the case for me vs my sister as well, but I've heard more often that the boys take longer. I figured it was just a fluke of my being firstborn and thus superior :p.
 
WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

Zero Esc said:
That was the case for me vs my sister as well, but I've heard more often that the boys take longer. I figured it was just a fluke of my being firstborn and thus superior :p.
Click to expand...
That's how it is in our household, too. Noah's the older one. I wonder if that makes a difference. I just laugh at anyone who says girls are easier. Lily was absolutely obstinate compared to Noah.
 
jwhouk

jwhouk

A suggestion from my wife: keep up the rewards, except modify it.

If he at least sits on the potty, give him something small - one M&M or Skittles, perhaps. If he actually goes, then increase that to two or more.

The wife says she'll discuss it with one of her co-teachers and see if they can determine any other strategies.

Keep working on the reward system, and reward the smallest progress.
 
WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

That was the same advice I gave to one of my neighbors whose 3 year old is not onboard with potty training yet. You also need to make sure you do not give him the candy (or whatever the reward is) for any other reason - not even for a special treat or dessert or to shut him up in a store. Then he only gets it when he performs a potty training action.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top