Two is enough for us. Even if we were younger there would only be two. But that, imo, is personal preference just like whether to have a child in the first place.
Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!
- Thread starter strawman
- Start date
It can be at times. Telling one child you can't attend their concert because you're at another's function. Telling one gamer he can't get the latest game because his brother wants one too and you can't afford two etc. We find compromises and make as many exceptions as we can but it doesn't compare to how much better it would be if it were only one of them. I feel like I don't give enough because I can't give all 3 equal yet enough of anything.
Green_Lantern
Staff member
http://bronzybabe.tumblr.com/post/46373539773/gay-marriage this individuals exists. That is it.
Best thing was this:
ADDITION to all of you friendly rebloggers who’ve enjoyed caps-locked swearing in response to me while failing to a make a point and suggesting “marriage existed long before your f***ing made up deity”: It didn’t. People would cohabitate, make life-long commitments, and have families but it wasn’t until the 12th Century that Roman Catholic theologians and writers defined a marriage. It was defined as: a sacrament, a sacred ceremony tied to experiencing God’s presence.
China had marriages around 400-500 B.C.Is all I am saying.
Green_Lantern
Staff member
Yeah, it is the kind of thing... did she lived in a cave her entire life and only recently got an internet connection??
No, they've each said it at one time or another. It hurt like nothing else ever has. The fact that at any time, one of them feels like I don't care as much about them as I do another is the emotional pain equivilent of having hot razors run across my heart. Having to pick and choose between them for attention/time/finances is almost as bad.
How old are your kids? I'm in agreement with blotsfan on this... I'm guessing they're still young. They will understand when they're older.
14, 13, 12. It's been a constant issue since they were 8 or so. If anything, it's gotten harder and harder to spread time equally as they're all getting into different after school programs. It was actually easier when they were younger.
As for understanding when they get older? I'm sure, but that's not the original point. The original point was, if you only have one child, you can give them your undivided attention/finances/time and to me, that's just a better way to raise a child.
As for understanding when they get older? I'm sure, but that's not the original point. The original point was, if you only have one child, you can give them your undivided attention/finances/time and to me, that's just a better way to raise a child.
They don't do it to hurt me, they don't say it in anger. Everytime it's been said with a little sadness and disappointment in thier voice about how we weren't able to do something because our time/money was tied up with another child.
There is no fixing it, all we can do is compromise the best we can. I'm not asking for help because there is no help. I'm simply stating that if given the chance, I would have raised only one child or had my children 5, 7 or even 10 years apart so they'd never feel that way.
There is no fixing it, all we can do is compromise the best we can. I'm not asking for help because there is no help. I'm simply stating that if given the chance, I would have raised only one child or had my children 5, 7 or even 10 years apart so they'd never feel that way.
Well Gil, most only children (is that the term? sounds wrong) I know wished that they had a sibling and a lot of them dislike how hovering their parent is. I think its just that no matter what you do, there are going to be issues, so just do what you can.*
*not a parent, take with grain of salt
*not a parent, take with grain of salt
It's quite simple: I cannot be in two places at once, and our household income split between 3 children is not as flexible as it would be with 1 child. You can offer ways to fix it, I'm all ears but it's a matter of physics and math.
(Things we do to compromise: One parent will attend one event while the other at another. We record events and watch them as a family to try and work with it. We also do not buy 1 child an item until we've had enough funds to buy them each one etc)
It still doesn't change the fact that with one child it would be easier and more beneficial to all involved.
(Things we do to compromise: One parent will attend one event while the other at another. We record events and watch them as a family to try and work with it. We also do not buy 1 child an item until we've had enough funds to buy them each one etc)
It still doesn't change the fact that with one child it would be easier and more beneficial to all involved.
Shit, I forgot about that thread.
Except that you would only have one of your three awesome kids.
Do your kids get along well or do they hate eachother. Do you not feel it's beneficial for them to have siblings? I don't doubt that one child would be easier, but beneficial for all is a rather sweeping statement.
Steinman. How many kids do you have? 5? 10? 50? I struggle with two... I don't know how you do it.[DOUBLEPOST=1364401929][/DOUBLEPOST]
Also this Gilgamesh. My kids are still little stinkers compared to yours... but sometimes the older one says things that can cut like a knife. We've all been there.
fade
Staff member
Here's a parenting conundrum I have. I make a lot of money--I'm not going to deny it. I do well. But I grew up poor. I had next to nothing. I know I'm looking back with rose-tinted glasses, but I see my childhood as happier and less materialistic than my kids. I try not to overindulge them (I'm a cheapskate, too), but despite that, they seem to have developed this taste for "stuff". I discuss, I lecture, but it doesn't help all that much. They see their friends and the privileges they get (I dislike living in a neighborhood that corresponds to my tax bracket for exactly this reason, but wife trump card), and anything we withhold from them isn't fair. I can blow that off, I can discuss it, but it's a pretty big wall sometimes. It feels dirty to me this desire. I know part of it is their youth, but I feel like I need to intervene now.
And visiting in person makes it hella easier to get a head start on having ALL THE BABIES
That right there is the crux. Having to compromise isn't something you'd have to do with one. That's all I'm saying. I have no doubts that raising a single child has it's pratfalls and issues and regrets, I just personally feel I'd have been able to deal with those vs the ones I have with multiple children.
I also have been preparing them for life through shared chores, responbilities that affect not only themselves but the rest. I never complained life was bad or my children live horrible lives, it was a simple statement that I tell all perspective parents: If I had one child, I'd have been able to give them more one-on-one attention and been able to do things I can't with multiple children. Just something simple like going to the movies or restaurant is a huge difference between one child and three. Let alone a big family vacation.
Too often we, as teachers or parents, will find ourselves adhering to a child's view of what is "fair." To most people under the age of 17, fairness means everyone gets the same thing equally. Thus, if a child gets attention for something, or gets an item/toy, then other children will cry foul and demand the same. But that's not how fairness actually works. Instead, "fair" should mean that everyone gets what they need. It's not about everyone getting the same experience, it's about everyone getting what they need to live a healthy life.
So, Gil. I don't doubt for a moment that you're a great parent. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your kids just need to understand that things won't always look the same for each, but rather, you give them all the support they need when they need it. That's the true fairness at work.
So, Gil. I don't doubt for a moment that you're a great parent. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your kids just need to understand that things won't always look the same for each, but rather, you give them all the support they need when they need it. That's the true fairness at work.
I know it's hard to believe, but being an only child is not all you might think it is. Sure you can give your kid individualized attention and more stuff, but when it comes down to it being an only sucks. You are accused of being a spoiled rotten brat based simply on the fact that you're an only child instead of your behavior. Parents expect more of you because you are usually more mature than your peers. You have no one to share the blame when something goes wrong. You have no older sibling to look up to who has "been there" whether it's the first day of high school or the first heartbreak you've experienced. And when you're older and your family members start to die off you have no one else to share your grief because no one else knew your grandparents or parents like you did.
I'm really not trying to romanticize having more than one child. I know kids fight, not all siblings get along well enough to have deep conversations, and so on. This is based on my experience as an only child and an only grandchild on my mom's side. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows.
I'm really not trying to romanticize having more than one child. I know kids fight, not all siblings get along well enough to have deep conversations, and so on. This is based on my experience as an only child and an only grandchild on my mom's side. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows.
My local news radio station was doing a story about a quadriplegic man who was stuck on a ride at Disneyland, when everyone else had been evacuated after the ride broke down. Now I have the theme song from that ride stuck in my head. And so do the rest of you. Because it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small, small world.
WasabiPoptart - I guess this is a grass is greener subject because I think those are way smaller issues than the ones with multiple children are.
It's also the difference between looking at it from a parent's point of view and the child's point of view. My experience as an only child isn't the same as my experience would be as the parent of one.
Cajungal
Staff member
I understand the way you feel, in a way. My parents were in that kind of position. I went to "rich kid" schools, and I often noticed that I didn't have as many things or as big an allowance as my friends (and I had to work for my money by doing chores--which is how I thought all allowances were supposed to work!). My parents nipped any brattiness in the bud, cutting off all privileges if they ever got a tiny whiff of entitlement. Whining was met with, "Well, if that's the way you handle 'no,' I guess you need to hear it more often!"
By the time we got to high school, mom and dad sometimes had to sneak money into our pockets/wallets, because we were so hesitant to ask for something that we didn't feel we had earned. I'm not perfect, but I grew up understanding the value of a dollar. I understood that my parents had expenses to worry about besides my siblings' and my entertainment. I didn't have every little thing I wanted, but we grew up knowing what was truly valuable. A lot of "splurging" was done for family vacations and outings.
There are few things that make me feel as much pride as my parents. They really did a good job.
My parents were fabulously wealthy. Each day my manservant would gently rouse me with a glass of orange juice and hot breakfast in bed. After I finished my daily ablutions, I would hop into the Rolls and drive from my family's estate to the private school, where boys were named things like Reginald and were legitimately "the Third". I spent my money on every material comfort I could reach, and now have a rotation of escorts, massage therapists and personal chefs to wait upon my every vice.
I thumb my nose at your "good parenting through poverty." I've turned out splendidly.
I thumb my nose at your "good parenting through poverty." I've turned out splendidly.
I didn't get an allowance. I got a list of chores and a speech about how I had a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes on my back.
I'm living on my own now, I make enough to pay rent on my apartment, pay bills, buy groceries, have a little fun now and then, and not be in debt. I grew up modestly, my father taught me the value of money and saving and the reward of earning something. He taught me how to feel like hours of work = things, and I saw dollar values as time. Is this game worth the effort I've put in to buy it? I started buying fewer and fewer things, and the things I bought would be things that lasted.
It's only now, though, as a 20-something adult with his own place and job and spending habits that I have learned how much money my parents have (and had when I was young). Turns out, a lot. Like, holy cow, I couldn't believe it. But my dad grew up poor, and was happy, and he loved our small house, which was big enough for our family of five. He has friends who turn their nose up at a wine that costs less than $40, and he never wants to be that way. He doesn't want to live the life of the super rich, and he doesn't want people to believe that money is the most important thing. He manages my investments and every time we have a meeting, he reminds me and my siblings that the important things are honesty and courage and respect and honour. That people and relationships matter more than anything else. In his will, most of that lucrative sum of money my parents have will be dispersed to various charities. My parents have splurged, at times, and why not: big family trip to a resort Mexico once, my mother built a beautiful veranda on the front of our home... But generally the lesson my parents taught me about money was: be responsible, and take care of people.
Although, my siblings grew up in that environment, and both of them are in huge debt. Hm, maybe I'm just independently awesome.
SCREW YOU, MOM AND DAD. YOU TAUGHT ME NOTHING. NOTHING!
It's only now, though, as a 20-something adult with his own place and job and spending habits that I have learned how much money my parents have (and had when I was young). Turns out, a lot. Like, holy cow, I couldn't believe it. But my dad grew up poor, and was happy, and he loved our small house, which was big enough for our family of five. He has friends who turn their nose up at a wine that costs less than $40, and he never wants to be that way. He doesn't want to live the life of the super rich, and he doesn't want people to believe that money is the most important thing. He manages my investments and every time we have a meeting, he reminds me and my siblings that the important things are honesty and courage and respect and honour. That people and relationships matter more than anything else. In his will, most of that lucrative sum of money my parents have will be dispersed to various charities. My parents have splurged, at times, and why not: big family trip to a resort Mexico once, my mother built a beautiful veranda on the front of our home... But generally the lesson my parents taught me about money was: be responsible, and take care of people.
Although, my siblings grew up in that environment, and both of them are in huge debt. Hm, maybe I'm just independently awesome.
SCREW YOU, MOM AND DAD. YOU TAUGHT ME NOTHING. NOTHING!
...And now you're in Hawaii.[DOUBLEPOST=1364434603][/DOUBLEPOST]And [user]LittleSin[/user] - you can only do so much. Show him love and discipline and right and wrong, and hope for the best.
That's thanks to the US Navy though. I didn't work toward living in HI, I married into it.
Ultimately, all we can do is hope that the values that we cherish will be instilled in them, either by example or by direction.
My parents busted their asses raising my siblings and I. As the oldest, I held a somewhat more... privileged (for lack of a better word) position, no hand-me-downs (until a brief period during high school, when I could wear my Dad's... then I outgrew them), new stuff, first one to get a lot of things... they taught me about earning luxuries, rather than being handed them. When the "fun" money dried up when we had to move back to the States, they taught me about living within my means.
Above all, there was my parents SHOWING me to not be afraid of doing work, and doing it properly. With everything I do, I'm brought back to that lesson. Sometimes I've not applied it, and it's gotten me in trouble (why oh WHY didn't I take a picture of that BEFORE I dismantled it, and WHY didn't I document the steps?) - with the clarity of hindsight, I see now why my father was always so meticulous with what he did.
But it was the moral example that both of them showed me that I cherished. The worst thing that my mother ever did that I can recall was get a speeding ticket (I come by my heavy foot honestly! ), and neither one shied away from a job when it needed doing, or from a friend who needed help. THAT'S the image I carry and cherish of my parents, and the image I hope and pray that my daughter (and any future children) will keep close to their hearts.
My parents busted their asses raising my siblings and I. As the oldest, I held a somewhat more... privileged (for lack of a better word) position, no hand-me-downs (until a brief period during high school, when I could wear my Dad's... then I outgrew them), new stuff, first one to get a lot of things... they taught me about earning luxuries, rather than being handed them. When the "fun" money dried up when we had to move back to the States, they taught me about living within my means.
Above all, there was my parents SHOWING me to not be afraid of doing work, and doing it properly. With everything I do, I'm brought back to that lesson. Sometimes I've not applied it, and it's gotten me in trouble (why oh WHY didn't I take a picture of that BEFORE I dismantled it, and WHY didn't I document the steps?) - with the clarity of hindsight, I see now why my father was always so meticulous with what he did.
But it was the moral example that both of them showed me that I cherished. The worst thing that my mother ever did that I can recall was get a speeding ticket (I come by my heavy foot honestly! ), and neither one shied away from a job when it needed doing, or from a friend who needed help. THAT'S the image I carry and cherish of my parents, and the image I hope and pray that my daughter (and any future children) will keep close to their hearts.