Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!

Dave

Staff member
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I just booked a comedy gig that so totally doesn't fit my style. When it came in I knew it wasn't right for me and instead of doing my usual "I'm busy on that date" I quoted an insane amount of money. Then they said yes. So now I'm locked into doing this event that I don't want to and I'm going to have to work twice as hard because I am getting paid enough that I don't want to blow it.
 
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I just booked a comedy gig that so totally doesn't fit my style. When it came in I knew it wasn't right for me and instead of doing my usual "I'm busy on that date" I quoted an insane amount of money. Then they said yes. So now I'm locked into doing this event that I don't want to and I'm going to have to work twice as hard because I am getting paid enough that I don't want to blow it.
Just remember to wear goggles when you start smashing those watermelons.
 
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I just booked a comedy gig that so totally doesn't fit my style. When it came in I knew it wasn't right for me and instead of doing my usual "I'm busy on that date" I quoted an insane amount of money. Then they said yes. So now I'm locked into doing this event that I don't want to and I'm going to have to work twice as hard because I am getting paid enough that I don't want to blow it.
You can do it! I work best with deadlines and crazy-scary deadlines motivate like no other.
 

Dave

Staff member
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Well I need 45 minutes of completely clean comedy for an HIV support group. I don't HAVE 45 minutes of clean comedy, let alone for that audience.
 
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Well I need 45 minutes of completely clean comedy for an HIV support group. I don't HAVE 45 minutes of clean comedy, let alone for that audience.
Just try to be as unfunny as possible. Given your track record as to determining funniness, you're bound to be hilarious.

More seriously, while I don't know the group or the people and don't know what "clean" means in this context (other than the obvious 7 words and such), it's probably a good group for dark/black/gallows humor - at least that's been my experience with people suffering from horrible diseases. On the other hand, HIV has become so manageable it may no longer get the same response.
 
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Well I need 45 minutes of completely clean comedy for an HIV support group. I don't HAVE 45 minutes of clean comedy, let alone for that audience.
You know what you have to do... Bomb this by being as inappropriate (but clean) as you can.
 
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Me: Woo, paycheque! Time -
Bills: Yo dawg! Heard you got paid!
Me: Dammit, Bills, I -
Bills: S'okay, bro! Check sweet these owing balances!
Me: But this isn't -
Bills: Student loans, brah!
Me: *sigh*
Paycheque: See you again in 2 weeks!
Bills: Me too, hoss! It'll be good times!
 

Dave

Staff member
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Welcome to the poorhouse, brother! The fire's nice & hot! (It better be, we can't afford to pay the heating bill.)
 
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The kids, mostly my son, aren’t grasping that the bitching, fighting, whining and complaining are literally painful at the moment.

Interrupting me while I’m helping you to bitch that I’m not doing it correctly/fast enough/or just need to bitch/beg me to buy you something else is not the way to make me want to keep helping you.
 
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Interrupting me while I’m helping you to bitch that I’m not doing it correctly/fast enough/or just need to bitch/beg me to buy you something else is not the way to make me want to keep helping you.
Can you film this? And then, when people at work start doing the same thing to you, can you show it to them as a cautionary tale?

—Patrick
 
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90% it's carcinomatosis throughout the fat in the abdominal cavity, with the liver probably affected, and no treatment worth trying. 10% it's lymphoma, and aggressive chemotherapy could buy him upwards of 6-12mo at a reduced quality of life. Internist advised to go for palliative because of his age and the sheer amount of cancer found. He says steroids and GI medication might get him feeling better for anywhere between a day and a few weeks (months if the DM feels kind), but it'll make treatment much harder (steroid helps cancer) so the next step is euthanasia. I don't think I want to put Ali through chemo on a 10% chance he gets a few months of fucked up side effects.

Ali's the cat I credit with saving my life, so the idea that I now get to kill him so soon after is not thrilling.
Palliative meds slowly lost effectiveness, Ali stopped eating completely by mid-last week, and his nausea severely increased. He was put on a second antiemetic and had his abdomen drained Monday; both made him more comfortable, but he just slid away personality-wise, kind of like an illness-spurred dementia. I had to move him to a water bowl several times a day so he'd remember to drink (boy was he thirsty), and his litterbox training went away just as his motor control decayed further, so I started giving him towel baths. I spent the rest of the week either working or hanging out with him, but it was clearly time (or past it). Thankfully he never displayed any signs of pain, just increasing confusion/disorientation, and dehydration. His euthanasia was this morning, and I'll get the ashes in a week or two. Thankfully I had 3 very close friends (who also loved him) with me, and they kept me company today. This is the first pet I've had die (Mixa was "lost" in that she's alive and well 2000 miles away, decidedly not the same), it's definitely a formative experience.
 
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Palliative meds slowly lost effectiveness, Ali stopped eating completely by mid-last week, and his nausea severely increased. He was put on a second antiemetic and had his abdomen drained Monday; both made him more comfortable, but he just slid away personality-wise, kind of like an illness-spurred dementia. I had to move him to a water bowl several times a day so he'd remember to drink (boy was he thirsty), and his litterbox training went away just as his motor control decayed further, so I started giving him towel baths. I spent the rest of the week either working or hanging out with him, but it was clearly time (or past it). Thankfully he never displayed any signs of pain, just increasing confusion/disorientation, and dehydration. His euthanasia was this morning, and I'll get the ashes in a week or two. Thankfully I had 3 very close friends (who also loved him) with me, and they kept me company today. This is the first pet I've had die (Mixa was "lost" in that she's alive and well 2000 miles away, decidedly not the same), it's definitely a formative experience.
I'm so sorry. It's never easy. <hugs>
 
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You assume it will become so, especially after you've gone through it many times. But they're all different, and they all touch your heart in different ways, and get tangled in different strings...

--Patrick
The day it becomes easy is the day I stop rescuing.
 
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My mother is on my ass to work. My knees hurt so much that I could puke. I can barely stand to put weight on them and walking is misery. I shouldn’t have to waste time explaining this to a retired nurse. If it were my sister though...all the days off would have been suggested.

As far as she’s concerned nothing is wrong and I need to work hard every day blah blah blah. I fell badly less than a week ago.

God, I wish I’d gone to the hospital with the paramedics and gotten all the scans then. I was in shock though and didn’t even realize my knees were a mess :(
 

Dave

Staff member
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Disgusting old man health stuff alert!

So I have a hemorrhoid. (Or is it AN hemorrhoid?) Anyway, I've had it for about a month or more. I have had no discomfort since the first day or so of it appearing. So now I'm making a doctor's appointment but I don't want to because (a) I hate cold, squishy fingers up my butt and (b) it's time I get a colonoscopy again and I don't want one.

God damn getting old sucks.
 
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Disgusting old man health stuff alert!

So I have a hemorrhoid. (Or is it AN hemorrhoid?) Anyway, I've had it for about a month or more. I have had no discomfort since the first day or so of it appearing. So now I'm making a doctor's appointment but I don't want to because (a) I hate cold, squishy fingers up my butt and (b) it's time I get a colonoscopy again and I don't want one.

God damn getting old sucks.
You think it's disgusting now, wait until you have it ligated!
My left knee has grown a lump. It’s really weird.
Hopefully just a regular old lump and not a hematoma.

--Patrick
 
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