Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!

GasBandit

Staff member
Reactions
6,711 1,391 27
A lady I used to work with - one of my favorite coworkers ever - just had her 19 month old grandson die. I've never had a child, let alone a grandchild, but the anguish is palpable and I feel so awful for them. Poor kid had a cough, they took him to the doctor, doc said he had Croup and gave him steroids, next morning they go in to wake him up and he was already gone. The thought of the mother trying in vain to resuscitate him while the ambulance was on its way just tears me right in half.
 
Reactions
2,161 629 23
Please let her know that random people on the Internet, even ones who don't have any grandchildren yet, are sorry for her loss. RNG can be harsh.

--Patrick
 
Reactions
2,161 629 23
I didn't say to quote me exactly, and I certainly didn't expect you to quote the RNG part (which she probably wouldn't understand anyway).
I assumed you'd translate that part appropriately, like "God works in mysterious ways" or "sometimes even when we do everything right, it's not enough" or the like.
Tailor it accordingly. Or don't say anything at all, if that's what you'd prefer. I feel bad for her and her tragedy, ok? Whether I'm expressing my condolences in some prescribed traditional manner or not isn't the point. Maybe the "how" would matter more if I knew her or was her coworker or something, but I don't and she isn't.

So please either carry my condolences to her in whatever form you feel appropriate, or else don't.

--Patrick
 
Reactions
1,724 339 5
This is probably one of those times however, when you should express condolences with a little more tact, regardless of if you expect to be quoted directly or not.
 
Reactions
2,161 629 23
I'm not arguing that your complaint is without merit. Independent of tragic grandma-ness, I'm reeeally getting tired of it lately when people (Online, IRL, wherever) tell me, "You're doing it wrong/You should do better next time" but then giving me absolutely squat to go on. No advice, no resources, not even an explanation of what it was I did wrong. Just a vague, "You should have known better/should be able to figure it out on your own/should be obvious."

Well it isn't.

So I guess that's my 500% more drama rant today.

--Patrick
 
Reactions
1,724 339 5
I'm not arguing that your complaint is without merit. Independent of tragic grandma-ness, I'm reeeally getting tired of it lately when people (Online, IRL, wherever) tell me, "You're doing it wrong/You should do better next time" but then giving me absolutely squat to go on. No advice, no resources, not even an explanation of what it was I did wrong. Just a vague, "You should have known better/should be able to figure it out on your own/should be obvious."

Well it isn't.

So I guess that's my 500% more drama rant today.

--Patrick
That's because for most people, it's a thing that comes naturally, so it's like trying to explain how to breathe. I am so socially awkward penguin, and have been so trained to not say the wrong thing, that a lot of the time I sit around in awkward silence when confronted in a physical social interaction. I don't know how quickly you made the RNG comment, but that's one of those things that you should have maybe read back to yourself a few times while reading the initial post to imagine how you would feel if it were said to you in a moment of grief.
 
Reactions
245 113 2
I'm not arguing that your complaint is without merit. Independent of tragic grandma-ness, I'm reeeally getting tired of it lately when people (Online, IRL, wherever) tell me, "You're doing it wrong/You should do better next time" but then giving me absolutely squat to go on. No advice, no resources, not even an explanation of what it was I did wrong. Just a vague, "You should have known better/should be able to figure it out on your own/should be obvious."

Well it isn't.

So I guess that's my 500% more drama rant today.

--Patrick
im sorry you are getting that pat, we all get what you are saying, and I dont take them to hard, other people on here have done similar things to me. its a known fact you have your own way of saying things, and I dont even bat an eye when you say something off key as you are not a malicious person.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Reactions
6,711 1,391 27
I'm not arguing that your complaint is without merit. Independent of tragic grandma-ness, I'm reeeally getting tired of it lately when people (Online, IRL, wherever) tell me, "You're doing it wrong/You should do better next time" but then giving me absolutely squat to go on. No advice, no resources, not even an explanation of what it was I did wrong. Just a vague, "You should have known better/should be able to figure it out on your own/should be obvious."

Well it isn't.

So I guess that's my 500% more drama rant today.

--Patrick
I'd say, when people are grieving, it's best not to try to translate it or explain it or couch it in other terms (especially not video game terms - that comes to close to making it sound like trying to turn it into a joke). Best instead to state sympathy as plainly as possible, as I did in this situation:

"That's absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry this has happened."

No dressing it up, no defense mechanisms, no references to be taken as virtue signalling or intellect flaunting... just an expression of shared pain.
 
Reactions
245 113 2
That's because for most people, it's a thing that comes naturally, so it's like trying to explain how to breathe. I am so socially awkward penguin, and have been so trained to not say the wrong thing, that a lot of the time I sit around in awkward silence when confronted in a physical social interaction. I don't know how quickly you made the RNG comment, but that's one of those things that you should have maybe read back to yourself a few times while reading the initial post to imagine how you would feel if it were said to you in a moment of grief.
I dont think "RNG can be harsh." was meant to be contained in his condolences, more as a post-thought on the matter.
 
Reactions
525 330 1
As someone who has had some condolences passed along to them, trust me, it’s very easy to tell who truly means well. Even if they make a video game reference.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Reactions
6,711 1,391 27
I honestly don't know what that's from (or if I do, I don't recognize it).

--Patrick
It's from Daredevil Season 3. Minor spoilers:
The person depicted is their interpretation of Bullseye, and the season sort of is a "Bullseye origin story." It depicts him as a clinically diagnosed psychopath with BPD and OCD, incapable of any empathy toward anyone at all. "I'm sorry, that must've been really hard" is the stock phrase his therapist had him practice as a way to fake commiseration.
 
Reactions
1,771 513 2
In seriousness though, while some of the edgier people in the population (teenagers, Youtubers) look down on canned responses of sympathy, they're not a bad thing because 9 times out of 10, people don't know what to say. It's one reason so many of us dive for the Hugs rating. So saying "that sounds hard" or "I'm sorry" or even "that sucks" are probably better than making a joke, finding some logical avenue through human emotion, or making an effort to solve the problem.

I don't know if that will help, @PatrThom, but maybe it's a first step.
 
Reactions
693 293 12
To be fair, though:
A) RNG isn't (just) a video game term
B) to me, "RNG can be harsh" carries the exact same emotional value and content as "God's ways are inscrutable". They both just state "you can do everything right and still get horrible bad shit happen to you"

That said, I do think that unless I was tired or let my guard down, I'd've realized that wording would've been considered impolite by most and chosen a more socially acceptable cliché variety.
 
Reactions
1,042 438 25
to me, "RNG can be harsh" carries the exact same emotional value and content as "God's ways are inscrutable". They both just state "you can do everything right and still get horrible bad shit happen to you"
Except the latter is meant to be a source of comfort, that there's a bigger meaning to the tragedy (whether or not you believe that to be true is another thing entirely). Saying RNG can be cruel is saying "yeah life sucks" without an aknowledgment of the pain the person is going through. Not to mention it sounds incredibly flippant since you're making something of a joke out of the situation.
 

Dave

Staff member
Reactions
2,040 937 22
What. The. Fuck? Imgur, are you high? That is NOT the picture I got the source for.

edit: It was a screen print of the time a guy talked about his brother died on the WoW official forums. The first response was, "Did he drop any good loot."
 
Reactions
693 293 12
"God's ways are beyond human reason, I'm sure He's got his reasons" is exactly the same to me. You, and people who are religious themselves or are used to the cliche and know its meaning, might give it another emotional content, but the actual signifier is the same. Some Power who seems to be completely random has decided to take away something you cherish, sucks to be you, I commiserate.

I personally don't see, feel or understand how calling it RNG is worse than calling it God, unless you're genuinely religious yourself. In fact, is r say that calling it God - thus implying there's a good reason for it and a plan behind it - is worse, because it implies there's a (good) reason for your infant/dog/grandmother/spouse to die. Considering it flippant is a projection of social customs. Which have a value of their own, certainly, which is why I said I probably wouldn't have worded it that way. I don't read it as a semi-joke out flippant when coming from Patrick, though.
 
Reactions
693 293 12
What. The. Fuck? Imgur, are you high? That is NOT the picture I got the source for.
Because you associate RNG with games. It's a perfectly fine logical term, though. That all just ties back to De Saussure if you really want to get philosophical.

Also, I just spent two minutes trying to work out what two hamsters had to do with any of this, and if I was missing an animation or something.
 

Dave

Staff member
Reactions
2,040 937 22
Also, I just spent two minutes trying to work out what two hamsters had to do with any of this, and if I was missing an animation or something.
I know! I even put the link into the url bar before I posted it. Went from a meme picture to hamsters. Have no idea why.
 
Reactions
933 294 6
Never EVER tell someone grieving that it was "God's plan" or that "He's in a better place".

Fuck. You.
This gets me boiling mad. I mean what "plan" requires you to randomly delete a three-year old kid by dropping a security gate on them? FUCK THAT NOISE.
 
Reactions
1,042 438 25
I mean, if you're religious I could see it being a comfort. I at least understand how it's nice beyond RNG.

From now on just say "Life's a bitch, nah better yet a dumb broad."
 
Reactions
693 293 12
Or telling you that it was for the best.

Trust me, you don’t want to hear that one. It’s never for the best.
I will say that, in some cases involving euthanasia, it can be. Painful, sad, unfair, and so on, but also for the best, if the person in question was reduced to suffering/agony with no hope of improvement.

Obviously a very different case than the above, of course.
 
Reactions
2,161 629 23
To me it came across like this:
Two guinea pigs? Double cavies? A "little piggish?"
What. The. Fuck? Imgur, are you high? That is NOT the picture I got the source for.

edit: It was a screen print of the time a guy talked about his brother died on the WoW official forums. The first response was, "Did he drop any good loot."
...oh.
Never EVER tell someone grieving that it was "God's plan" or that "He's in a better place". Fuck. You.
Believe it or not, there is a (highly religious, of course) subset of our population which WOULD genuinely be comforted by the suggestion that something like this may have been part of some sort of divine plan. I mean, it's the sort of thing you had better be 100% sure of before you made such a comment, but then we're back to the tailoring based on "how well do you know the recipient?" thing again.

Wow but this has stretched on unexpectedly long.

--Patrick
 
Last edited:
Top