True, I'm guessing lack of sleep and spending the night dwelling on my own regrets about others I have lost doesn't help. There's a lot of animosity growing between his children. I need to remember to try to be a calm head in it all.
Rant VIII: The Reckoning
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Well, yay. Had to run off two cars from the parking lot. One couple was definitely preparing to shoot up what with the foil and lighters and whatnot. But now the idiot's car and vanity license plate is known to local and state police. Would be nice if I weren't the only one interested in overnight safety and security around here.
If only I had an @Officer_Charon type to stop by to loudly say hi on nights I work
Maybe once I get settled again I could make it known that there are homemade chocolate chip cookies to be had.
If only I had an @Officer_Charon type to stop by to loudly say hi on nights I work
Maybe once I get settled again I could make it known that there are homemade chocolate chip cookies to be had.
I really, really don't want to suggest anything that would cause any more stress for your family right now, but considering this guy is a repeated DUI offender, is there nothing, legally, that can help in your favor?
Dunno if it will help but you should call and find out:
http://www.legalaidofnebraska.org/
They cover housing defense. I bet they can at least help you buy time.
http://www.legalaidofnebraska.org/how-we-help/housing/
No, fuck him. He's the dude who can't stay sober.
Unless he's offering to sign the first house over to you for $15,000, nope, no way, no how.
Is it out of the realm of possibility to start a GoFundMe campaign? I'm sure plenty of people - especially on here - would be happy to chip in to raise this.
And before doing so, I would make absolutely certain he doesn't try to screw you and raise the cost. Get that in writing.
If his eligibility for lending is as bad as he says it is, DUIGuy might not even be able to give it to them if he wanted to (lender would refuse to refinance in @Dave 's name), and this sounds more like extortion than anything else.
Though of course if he continues his ways, you might be able to leave your name with the lender with a note: "Hi there, we're being forced to move out due to this manipulative asshole, but we were actually the ones paying the bill and were more responsible party all along, so if/when this guy starts to flake on his payments and responsibilities, give us a call."
I mean, no idea if that'll work, but I would definitely NOT take him up on his "generous" offer. It smells too much like a flat out cash grab (take $15k from you, never look for new place, live on $15k worth of liquor for a year). Let him go down in pale blue flames and put as much distance between him and y'all as possible.
...yes, I know this sounds like a lot of work. But it also sounds like the best option.
--Patrick
Though of course if he continues his ways, you might be able to leave your name with the lender with a note: "Hi there, we're being forced to move out due to this manipulative asshole, but we were actually the ones paying the bill and were more responsible party all along, so if/when this guy starts to flake on his payments and responsibilities, give us a call."
I mean, no idea if that'll work, but I would definitely NOT take him up on his "generous" offer. It smells too much like a flat out cash grab (take $15k from you, never look for new place, live on $15k worth of liquor for a year). Let him go down in pale blue flames and put as much distance between him and y'all as possible.
...yes, I know this sounds like a lot of work. But it also sounds like the best option.
--Patrick
Dave
Staff member
The way the conversation went last night was that he wasn't going to leave because he spent so much money on closing costs, etc. And he's right. HE did not mention the $15,000. That's just how much I think it would take to recoup him of the closing costs, etc. which would allow him to find a new place while renting to us through a land contract. But I get the distinct feeling that his sister and her husband want to move in, which complicates things. I think getting the money would be the only chance that we have to stay, but I also don't think that it would be a definite thing either way.
I'm basically grasping at straws.
I'm basically grasping at straws.
Well, it's raining. I thought the porch was just wet. Stepped out to get a ups package that was delivered last night.
Nope, it's ice. My porch has concrete steps. One of them slammed right into the muscle above my kidney.
Now I can't bend over.
It's going to be a fun week.
Nope, it's ice. My porch has concrete steps. One of them slammed right into the muscle above my kidney.
Now I can't bend over.
It's going to be a fun week.
I searched and can't find the previous posts about your agreement with him. Is there a signed document stating terms? Are situations like terminating the agreement covered?
Also, remember that he's caused you a great deal of grief, I hope he's completely repaired the damage to your daughter's vehicle he incurred while drunk.
And less than a month ago you said:
If you've paid any part of that, you should expect him to pay you back, either in free rent, or cash, or take the stupid thing with you when you leave (actually don't, in the absence of a contract it would be considered destruction of property).
If you have a contract, particularly a rental contract (if it says "rent" anywhere in it, then state rental laws probably apply) then you have a LOT of protection and options.
If you don't have a contract, you still have a lot of protection and options, he can't just kick you out - but you can leave without notice and stiff him any rental fees he might suppose you still owe.
Getting an apartment after foreclosure is hard, but not impossible:
https://www.thebalance.com/how-to-find-an-apartment-after-foreclosure-961001
Getting another apartment isn't easy, and you will have to make a number of big sacrifices, but at this point I think you need to focus on getting your family out of this bad situation and into a stable (though undoubtedly uncomfortable) situation quickly. Look around for a 3 bedroom apartment that's cheap - less than 1/3rd your income. Plan on staying there for a year. You might have to save up a month's rent and a damage deposit to convince the landlord to rent to you ("Yes, my credit is bad, but I can pay you a month in advance on top of the damage deposit"). Look for smaller rental companies or individuals renting units rather than companies and large rental groups - smaller ones will be more likely to accept risk.
Then live there for a year, pay your rent exactly on time, get receipts for those payments so you can prove to your next landlord that you're capable of maintaining your housing costs.
Small, uncomfortable, and annoying, yes, but you have to rebuild your credit and your ability to eventually buy another home. Further, it'll be additional pressure for your children to figure out how they're going to support themselves, and it'll be a good example to them of pulling together your family and resources and bouncing back slowly and steadily from bad situations.
I do think you'll have to let go of the idea that you can settle down. You may have to make a lot of sacrifices in convenience and comfort. But I suspect that you'll be better off giving these things up and maintaining control over your situation than trying to work things out with ex boyfriend outlaw and maintaining the tenuous status quo.
If you do have a rental agreement, have him make out receipts for each of your payments that include the date and amount so you have some evidence to show other landlords regarding your capability to pay. They won't put much stock in it since it's a personal relationship, but it'll be something and you can show the withdrawals or cancelled checks from your bank backing up the movement of money. It'll be better than nothing.
Yeah I wouldn't even wait 6 months. I would get out ASAP and cancel all of the utilities without saying anything to him just to be petty.
Ah, well then you have all the power in the relationship. You can leave on a dime without notice, and you can stick around for a long time without his permission - he has to process a formal eviction notice to you to get you to leave. Worst case you're living under squatter's laws which are surprisingly strong, but chances are good in your state that you've got enough evidence of a rental situation that rental laws would still apply and he'd have to process a full eviction and have the sheriff come and evict you, which takes 60 days minimum.
That said, he can certainly make life hard for you, so it's best not to force him to go that route, but if he becomes entrenched you do have that in your back pocket.
I'd start, though, by documenting all your property and possessions, and would seriously consider taking occasional pictures of the entire house and possessions in case something goes awry and you need proof that something did or didn't happen.
Speaking of which:
I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. I hope it works out better for you in the end.
That said, he can certainly make life hard for you, so it's best not to force him to go that route, but if he becomes entrenched you do have that in your back pocket.
I'd start, though, by documenting all your property and possessions, and would seriously consider taking occasional pictures of the entire house and possessions in case something goes awry and you need proof that something did or didn't happen.
Speaking of which:
How old is your foreclosure? If it's nearing 7 years old, your credit rating should have bounced back almost completely by now.
I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. I hope it works out better for you in the end.
Can your daughter not press charges for the damage done to her car? It's well after the fact, so they may not be able to charge him with a DUI, but he did do a Hit and Run, didn't he?
Has he been drinking since? He's bound to try and drive again. Call it in. Anonymously if you think it will hurt his case more.
He can't do anything about the house from jail.
I'm aware that I sound horrible, but I have no patience for the crap he's pulling on you guys.
Has he been drinking since? He's bound to try and drive again. Call it in. Anonymously if you think it will hurt his case more.
He can't do anything about the house from jail.
I'm aware that I sound horrible, but I have no patience for the crap he's pulling on you guys.
fade
Staff member
I have seen the opposite side of this, and I agree with stienman--you have the power. I have a friend in Boston whose tenants simply stopped paying. They pulled out their pockets and said, "We don't have it." Surprisingly, he couldn't do much. Not immediately anyway. The law protects the tenants (which you can blame on centuries of crappy landlords). That works in your favor here.
Yeah, it's just difficult since the living area is shared. Ex boyfriend could change the locks while they were away, and while they'd be able to get the police to let them back in it would be a very, very difficult stressful situation. If he decided to throw all their stuff out onto the street they'd have a legal case against him, but it would cost them a lot of time and effort to prosecute, and at the end they wouldn't be any better off.
So while the power is in his court, it's best to play it safe and methodically move away from the situation rather than having to enforce your rights.
Dave
Staff member
My credit rating is in the shits thanks to my student loans. I got out from under the wage garnishment and they tripled my payment. So, of course, I couldn't afford them. And I "make too much" to be able to have my loans reduced based on my income.
As to the rest, we're looking for a place right now. When we find a place we're going to move right away. If it's tomorrow or 5 months from now, the first place we go for that says yes will be where we go.
As to the rest, we're looking for a place right now. When we find a place we're going to move right away. If it's tomorrow or 5 months from now, the first place we go for that says yes will be where we go.
I feel very similar Wasabi. My mom is a religious nutjob (i.e. Militant Evangelical). She is incapable of having a conversation w/o bringing God or the Bible into it. Last time she was around she said my 3 yr was taking God's name in vain. I wanted to say, "At least she stopped saying 'fuck' all the time!". I rolled my eyes and told her she doesn't even know what God is. She's three. She doesn't need to know. She's still learning her numbers and still can't color in the lines. I don't know how, but I'd like to tell my mom, we'll come see you if:
#1 No discussion of religion or politics.
#2 No parenting advice or comments on how we are parenting.
#3 No manipulative emotional blackmailing of me or my children.
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
SHUT THE FUCK UP AN GO TO BED ALREADY!
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
Happy graduation weekend! Your present is... major structural damage! Pickup truck jumped the curb and wiped out a room. No one was injured and the truck didn't go all the way into the building, but there's a big dent in the wall, windows are blown out, and two more rooms are suddenly lost on a sold-out weekend. 
Happy graduation weekend! Your present is... major structural damage! Pickup truck jumped the curb and wiped out a room. No one was injured and the truck didn't go all the way into the building, but there's a big dent in the wall, windows are blown out, and two more rooms are suddenly lost on a sold-out weekend.
Sorry, anonymous. For half a second, I thought this was @Dave talking about his previous house, and figured he got his wish pretty quick! Given the driving history of the current resident, I wouldn't be shocked in the least.
Dave
Staff member
I take it you run a venue? That sucks ass. Don’t tell me - drunk driver?Happy graduation weekend! Your present is... major structural damage! Pickup truck jumped the curb and wiped out a room. No one was injured and the truck didn't go all the way into the building, but there's a big dent in the wall, windows are blown out, and two more rooms are suddenly lost on a sold-out weekend.
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
"My flip-flop got stuck," was the excuse. It's a bit suspicious.
Wasn't me, if that's what you meant. Plus we don't call them flip-flops here. They're slippahs.