Rant VIII: The Reckoning

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Just had a major blow up with my brother-in-law tonight. My parents and I went down to my sister's tonight for my niece's birthday party. As usual, I mostly kept to myself because I'm not the most social creature.

Anyway, we all sit down for supper and naturally, dinner discussions begin. Our local teacher's union is threatening to strike very soon, a topic my niece brought up. My brother-in-law, who is the type of person who thinks he knows everything but is so stuck up his ass, had an opinion on this. Teachers don't even do anything, he said. And they get summers off. They don't do any work, he said. They say the strike isn't about the money, which he said is bullshit and that's all it's about. They want to be paid more to do less work.

Because I worked in some schools, know many teachers, including my own sister (the other one; the one he's not married to), I had to speak up. I tried defending them with the fact that they have to juggle 30 kids a day, all with their own problems and needing certain approaches to teach them. That at least a third of my sister's students have some sort of special needs or require special guidance. He responded with saying that should be all up to those "idiot" kids, not the teacher. I tried to explain kids with, say, ADHD, but he lumped them in with the rest of the "moron" kids.

At that point, I lost it. I said, "So am I a moron because I have ADHD? Am I an idiot?"

His response was the most hurtful thing someone's said to my face in a long time. He curled his lips dismissively and said, "You don't have ADHD." He said it like he knew everything about me. He's the know-it-all kind of person who has an answer for everything.

I slammed my hands down on the table and said, "That's it. I'm out." And left. It was fortunate my folks and I brought both cars (they had to pick some other people up). We talked about the whole thing when we all got home just a few minutes ago.

Mom and Dad left shortly after me. Before they did, Dad laid into him, defending me and my mental health (and that of kids who have problems in school). Of course, all my brother-in-law did was defend himself. He even had the gall to bring up that the only time I disappointed him was when I didn't take that job he found for me. Which was something he constantly brought up at dinners to the point that I refused to visit anymore (until my nice, bless her heart, convinced me). Even his own mother was red-faced and screaming at him to stop. Dad said my niece disappeared; our guess is she went up to her room to cry.

At this point, it's not going to take hearing he's sorry from his daughter. He'll have to apologize to me IN PERSON before I'll even consider stepping foot in their house again.

I texted my niece, too, apologizing for causing a scene on her birthday. I told her why her dad upset me, but it wasn't fair to her and I'm sorry.
 
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Just had a major blow up with my brother-in-law tonight. My parents and I went down to my sister's tonight for my niece's birthday party. As usual, I mostly kept to myself because I'm not the most social creature.

Anyway, we all sit down for supper and naturally, dinner discussions begin. Our local teacher's union is threatening to strike very soon, a topic my niece brought up. My brother-in-law, who is the type of person who thinks he knows everything but is so stuck up his ass, had an opinion on this. Teachers don't even do anything, he said. And they get summers off. They don't do any work, he said. They say the strike isn't about the money, which he said is bullshit and that's all it's about. They want to be paid more to do less work.

Because I worked in some schools, know many teachers, including my own sister (the other one; the one he's not married to), I had to speak up. I tried defending them with the fact that they have to juggle 30 kids a day, all with their own problems and needing certain approaches to teach them. That at least a third of my sister's students have some sort of special needs or require special guidance. He responded with saying that should be all up to those "idiot" kids, not the teacher. I tried to explain kids with, say, ADHD, but he lumped them in with the rest of the "moron" kids.

At that point, I lost it. I said, "So am I a moron because I have ADHD? Am I an idiot?"

His response was the most hurtful thing someone's said to my face in a long time. He curled his lips dismissively and said, "You don't have ADHD." He said it like he knew everything about me. He's the know-it-all kind of person who has an answer for everything.

I slammed my hands down on the table and said, "That's it. I'm out." And left. It was fortunate my folks and I brought both cars (they had to pick some other people up). We talked about the whole thing when we all got home just a few minutes ago.

Mom and Dad left shortly after me. Before they did, Dad laid into him, defending me and my mental health (and that of kids who have problems in school). Of course, all my brother-in-law did was defend himself. He even had the gall to bring up that the only time I disappointed him was when I didn't take that job he found for me. Which was something he constantly brought up at dinners to the point that I refused to visit anymore (until my nice, bless her heart, convinced me). Even his own mother was red-faced and screaming at him to stop. Dad said my niece disappeared; our guess is she went up to her room to cry.

At this point, it's not going to take hearing he's sorry from his daughter. He'll have to apologize to me IN PERSON before I'll even consider stepping foot in their house again.

I texted my niece, too, apologizing for causing a scene on her birthday. I told her why her dad upset me, but it wasn't fair to her and I'm sorry.
Your a real man in my eyes nick, fuck your bil, what a grade A shit stain. Especially that you apologized to your niece. God speed buddy.
 
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I just hated creating such a big scene during my niece's birthday party. I adore her. From her perspective, I feel horrible.
I can understand that, and sympathize with you, but sometimes you just have to stand up and fight against the bigotry that many have against teachers and students with special needs.

Teachers have influenced everyone's life at one point or another, and it's too bad that some cannot (or do not want to) understand what stresses most teachers go through on a daily basis.

I do believe that your niece will forgive you, but tonight has probably sent her world into a bit of a tumble that will have to work it's way out for her. Just give her some time, because you have already taken the first step with your apology.
 
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I can understand that, and sympathize with you, but sometimes you just have to stand up and fight against the bigotry that many have against teachers and students with special needs.

Teachers have influenced everyone's life at one point or another, and it's too bad that some cannot (or do not want to) understand what stresses most teachers go through on a daily basis.

I do believe that your niece will forgive you, but tonight has probably sent her world into a bit of a tumble that will have to work it's way out for her. Just give her some time, because you have already taken the first step with your apology.
Thing is, I'm not so sure this is new territory for her. I stopped going to their house for awhile when he upset me before. I wound up not going to an interview for a job he found for me. Every time we were all together, he brought it up. When I said I was looking for a job, he said, "Well I know where you COULD have worked."

When I explained to my niece why I stopped visiting, that the things he said were too hurtful to be around, she nodded and said, "Yeah. He's like that."

So she knows. She fucking KNOWS. At 15.
 
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So she knows. She fucking KNOWS. At 15.
Oh yes, she knows. But still having it play out in front of you (anyone that age really) is a little different than just the knowledge of it. It may be just anger/upset at her father and nothing to do with you at all right now. She saw you didn't start it, and that he was the one that escalated. Just give her some time, and yourself some time, to decompress and work through those emotions that are still running ragged.
 
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Here's an interesting plot twist: he e-mailed me, with an apology. Of course, he still had to rant about the teacher's strike. And he didn't understand how the conversation went from kids with special needs to me.

I just finished writing my response. It's nine paragraphs long. I wasn't rude, but I explained everything to him. Why my heart goes out to those kids with special needs. Why I have cripplingly low self-esteem or no self-worth, even on my good days. Why I've had strong suicidal thoughts even up until a week ago, with concrete plans. Why what he said hurt so much. Everything. I gave him both barrels.

A large part of me doubts he'll even read any of it.
 
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I hate his attitude! Want me to pay him a visit for a headshot with my cane?? I feel strongly that some people need a good thump to the head by times.

I also hate people who crap on unions and legal job actions. Most with this attitude have never been in a union and don't understand thst no one (accountant, nurse, teacher etc depending on your Union) would want to go on strike unless it truly was a last resort.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. For what it's worth, I think that he is responsible for any birthday scene. It sounds like he picked a fight.
 
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Paper rejected. It took nearly four months to deliver that no, more than a month of which was the editor sitting on the paper with feedback from the reviewers. Thanks for nothing. Well, maybe the feedback is useful, but I haven't had time to look it over yet. Applying for tenure is going to be very difficult now.
 
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I also hate people who crap on unions and legal job actions. Most with this attitude have never been in a union and don't understand thst no one (accountant, nurse, teacher etc depending on your Union) would want to go on strike unless it truly was a last resort.
Without wanting to derail or cause a fight, don't lump all unions together. Over here in (to use Trump speech) Socialist Utopia, some unions really are a pest. Which doesn't mean unions aren't necessary, helpful, and important a lot of the time, of course; but while I am all in favor of unions in theory, they're not always all great and perfect.


That said, Nick, good on you for standing your ground and daring to defend yourself and others in need. People'll probably tell you that blowing up like that doesn't help and won't change anything (and blahblah), but I likely would've blown up just the same, and your BiL deserved it. A shame it was at your niece's birthday party, but I'm sure she'll be OK with you.
 
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Paper rejected. It took nearly four months to deliver that no, more than a month of which was the editor sitting on the paper with feedback from the reviewers. Thanks for nothing. Well, maybe the feedback is useful, but I haven't had time to look it over yet. Applying for tenure is going to be very difficult now.
Ugh, that sucks.
 
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How he responds will determine whether or not I'll visit anymore. Which I imagine would upset my nieces (certainly the older one).

Honestly Nick, he sounds toxic to you. Since he is your brother-in-law, it's understandable if this is hard to do, but if you can cut him out of your life (for the most part) it might be for the best. At least until he stops being so toxic. You don't need that kind of shit, and you don't have to be a part of it.
 
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Broken heart?

--Patrick
From yesterday's death? No, they were in separate groups. Not all of my weasels play nicely in the rice box.[DOUBLEPOST=1480556124,1480555857][/DOUBLEPOST]
when it rains it god damn pours...
You may be more correct than you realize. My ferret yesterday died from lymphoma. There is a theory in ferret circles that lymphoma in ferrets is caused by a virus and can be spread, like distemper. If that is the case, I may be in for a bad time.
 
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From yesterday's death? No, they were in separate groups. Not all of my weasels play nicely in the rice box.[DOUBLEPOST=1480556124,1480555857][/DOUBLEPOST]
You may be more correct than you realize. My ferret yesterday died from lymphoma. There is a theory in ferret circles that lymphoma in ferrets is caused by a virus and can be spread, like distemper. If that is the case, I may be in for a bad time.
like the cancer that kills tazmanian devils? if so...
 
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We had numerous packages supposedly delivered yesterday, but they are nowhere to be found. We also didn't get our Netflix yesterday despite being told that it was delivered.

I fucking hate thieves.
 
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We had numerous packages supposedly delivered yesterday, but they are nowhere to be found. We also didn't get our Netflix yesterday despite being told that it was delivered.

I fucking hate thieves.
'Tis the season!

--Patrick
 
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So my brother in law surprisingly responded to my e-mail. And in perfect fashion for him, it's exactly what I expected: no actual apology for what he said or did. Oh, he said sorry plenty of times, but let me show you some examples:

"I am truly sorry about how you feel..."
"I am sorry to say I don’t see the guy you described below."
"Again I apologize for what you have perceived to have occurred"

So now apparently the onus is on me, not him. Apparently I'm the one who did something wrong.

Oh, and apparently the "morons and idiots" he was talking about was the doctors who over-prescribe ADHD medication. Which is sure as hell NOT what he said.

At this point, I don't know what to do or what to say. I really thought I could reach him by explaining the problems I've had, but no, he just went on the defensive and made himself out to be the best guy ever who is never wrong.
 
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So my brother in law surprisingly responded to my e-mail. And in perfect fashion for him, it's exactly what I expected: no actual apology for what he said or did. Oh, he said sorry plenty of times, but let me show you some examples:

"I am truly sorry about how you feel..."
"I am sorry to say I don’t see the guy you described below."
"Again I apologize for what you have perceived to have occurred"

So now apparently the onus is on me, not him. Apparently I'm the one who did something wrong.

Oh, and apparently the "morons and idiots" he was talking about was the doctors who over-prescribe ADHD medication. Which is sure as hell NOT what he said.

At this point, I don't know what to do or what to say. I really thought I could reach him by explaining the problems I've had, but no, he just went on the defensive and made himself out to be the best guy ever who is never wrong.
Tell your nieces that you'll miss them.
 
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It is terribly sad when a family member says something so horrific to you that you feel you need to end that relationship.

Are sure certain there is no way to maintain even a small relationship with them despite their words?
 
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It is terribly sad when a family member says something so horrific to you that you feel you need to end that relationship.

Are sure certain there is no way to maintain even a small relationship with them despite their words?
With my nieces? Absolutely.
With him? No.
 
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