[Rant] Minor Rant III: For a Few Hollers More

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Oh really? Do tell.
Okay, so like, one time, I'm with this girl, right, and she's all like, I mean, obviously, into me, because, who wouldn't be, like, obviously, and she's like, "Man this is so much better than the last guy," and I was like, "Tell me, Objectified One Night Stand, how much better?" and she's like, "Well for one, you don't have feathers. I just giggled, until he stabbed me in the boob with his talons," and I was like "DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF?!"

I sent her home, because you don't do that to a bro without his permission. I called up @Bubble181 and he's all like, "Nah, man you should've gone for it, she's a bitch anyway, didn't like my patented ticklemove," and I was like "Bro, that's not a move," and he was like, "I'm a claw you in the boob!" and I was like, "I don't have boobs, bro," and he was like, "I'm flying for your face right now, bro," and I was like, "I just windexed my windows, bro!" and he was like

THUNK

And I nursed him back to health, and then he clawed me in the nonboob.
 
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Okay, so like, one time, I'm with this girl, right, and she's all like, I mean, obviously, into me, because, who wouldn't be, like, obviously, and she's like, "Man this is so much better than the last guy," and I was like, "Tell me, Objectified One Night Stand, how much better?" and she's like, "Well for one, you don't have feathers. I just giggled, until he stabbed me in the boob with his talons," and I was like "DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF?!"

I sent her home, because you don't do that to a bro without his permission. I called up @Bubble181 and he's all like, "Nah, man you should've gone for it, she's a bitch anyway, didn't like my patented ticklemove," and I was like "Bro, that's not a move," and he was like, "I'm a claw you in the boob!" and I was like, "I don't have boobs, bro," and he was like, "I'm flying for your face right now, bro," and I was like, "I just windexed my windows, bro!" and he was like

THUNK

And I nursed him back to health, and then he clawed me in the nonboob.
It's good to know this about @Bubble181.

And you. I'll know what to expect when I come visit.
 
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Similarly, two of my idiot cousins posted about the death of my grandfather on Facebook before most of the family had been notified, so a nonzero number of cousins, aunts, uncles, found out from crass, misspelled, faux-sentimental Facebook status updates.
Uhg. I had something I think as bad happen when my great grandmother died: my parents sent off my 8-year-old brother to come get me to tell me, and he came pounding on my door and casually yelled "David, grandma's dead!" like he was informing me the TV cable had gone out.
 
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...I'm not sure. Am I being used as the butt of a joke, or am I being used as a weapon in a battle of the heart? Or did I just get a short story written with me in it, free of charge?

Also, damn you double glass windows. Ouch.
 
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My son ran into a steel light pole today during recess. No idea why. Smacked himself right in the forehead, probably has a concussion.

It seems like something that shouldn't be a big deal, and yet I'm a quivering emotional wreck about it all, just one more thing to add to stress of recent life. I'm constantly going from feeling nothing for weeks to losing it at the slightest thing.
 
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