Let's discuss my flaws

Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Chummer

A friend of mine recently freaked the fuck out when she couldn't deal with the fact that I have feelings for her and she might feel the same (as she came to me for a night of comfort etc).

There is more to the story but...

Anyways she recently cut me off completely. From quitting her job to get away from me to defriending me from myspace. She somewhat explained in some weird martyr/victim thing where she has to save herself from my false love and me so I can find someone else. etc etc childish bullshit.

Anyways, she was nice enough to leave a list of flaws I have, if she meant to leave it where I could find it here in the office I'm not sure, but anyways:

-No ambition or goals, educational or career
(I'm more family orientened in my goals so...)

-No interest in personal health or appearance
(I'm a t-shirt and jeans guy, and yea I could eat better)

-Narrow Spiritual Focus
(Her religion seems to change weekly, I'm a plain old Christian.)

-Too Sensitive
(Got me there)

-Too many "tune-out" hobbies
(I like comics and video games, which she feels is time wasting. Read a book!)

-Believes in necassary violence
(I like horror movies, she does not. I also think the world is to complicated to have all its problems solved with love and talking)

-No artistic or creative ability
(She's a passionate artist, I like tv so...)

-Weak-Willed
(Thats a toughy, not so much as i go by what others say, I just find that i'm more apathetic -as in go with the flow- to certian things.)

-Not environmentally conscious
(Not really sure where this comes from... i don't have a garden?)

-Doesn't contribute to the world
(She likes to "fight the power", even by atleast just talking about it. Where as I know I'm just a small fish in a large ocean. Although, i do donate to charity on a monthly basis if that counts.)

-Not especially witty or intelligent
(Pot Kettle Black? Actually she is highly intelligent, so much it impresses me. As for me... eh.. she could be right there.)

-Narrow food choices
(Shes a veggie, which limits her choices? But I'm not much of a cook so in a way she pegged me there)

-Not spontaneous or adventurous
(She feels she's "lived" cause she stole a car and drove to Florida when she was 15. Has been in orgies, and tried drugs. She's "LIVED". I've been a good boy my whole life, which I suppose does make me a tad boring.)



So yea, I have found the last couple of weeks pretty jarring and hurtful. The friendship finally imploded today for such weird reasons.

My word of advice: Don't stick it in the crazy. Even if he/she's been one of your best friends for over a decade. Or simply: Don't sleep with your friends, it never ends well.
 
Fun Size

Fun Size

Seriously. I love me some judgmental hippy chicks, but damn brother. I'm thinking you'd do well to just step away.
 

A girl I was dating once "complimented" me by saying, "Well, you're not Tom Cruise, but you're not hideous."

My advice?

RUN AWAY! :aaahhh:

-- Tue Jul 07, 2009 10:42 am --

Tinwhistler said:
I've slept with friends and had it end well.
Click to expand...
Yeah, but they were dudes.
 
B

bhamv2

hylian said:
Man I share most of your :quote: flaws :quote:
Click to expand...
Ditto.

By the way, the author of the Chinese novel Lust, Caution, Eileen Chang, once wrote in one of her stories, "Men love women to cherish them. Women love men to admire them." While this is, naturally, a highly oversimplified and romanticized view, I find there's still an element of truth. Women often prefer men who have qualities they find admirable.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Sounds like the girl who dumped my buddy a few months back... loved to criticize him and play the martyr. I'm sorry she went out of her way to mess with you like that. :\
 
strawman

strawman

She took the midnight train to crazytown, and good riddance!

I'm sorry for you that it didn't work out as you might have hoped.

Regarding your list of 'flaws' note that many people would not see them as such, and they should in no way impede you from succeeding and living a happy life. From her perspective they may be weaknesses, and perhaps you look at a few of them and want to change them.

But don't change for her, or try to live up to her standards.

Be yourself, change what you don't like about your life, and you'll find someone who sees those as strengths, and is strong where you are weak.

Probably one of the reasons you liked each other - you complemented each others weaknesses to some degree.

This too shall pass.

-Adam
 
S

Steven Soderburgin

Let me give you a bit of advice: Consider your behavior and her criticisms honestly and openly. Take this as an opportunity to change yourself for the better. Obviously she saw something that made her make those criticisms and perhaps made some accurate observations. Don't just blow this off as being from some crazy dumb bitch. You were friends with her for years and so obviously you had respect for her opinions before this all went down.

Also, if you kept hounding her with advances to the point where she quit her job to get away from you and ended a long friendship, then for fuck's sake, maybe next time you should take the hint when someone says they don't want to be with you and get over her. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like she was the one being childish when she cut you off.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Looks like you've already been thinking about it a lot and even accept some of it already.

It just sounds like you're not compatible, and she told you so in a way that makes you sound like you're messed up. That's a sign of insecurity to me, and/or a need to validate her own choices.
 
Espy

Espy

Chummer said:
-No ambition or goals, educational or career
(I'm more family orientened in my goals so...)
Click to expand...
Well, ambition can be a good thing. This one is worth considering.


-No interest in personal health or appearance
(I'm a t-shirt and jeans guy, and yea I could eat better)
Click to expand...
We can all eat better, it's a good thing to do as well. As far as fashion... well, it never hurts to find clothes you like that fit what you do.

-Narrow Spiritual Appearance
(Her religion seems to change weekly, I'm a plain old Christian.)
Click to expand...
Oh I love this. God forbid you have something that you hold close to your heart and follow it. :eyeroll: Tell her to have fun with her flavor of the week.

-Too Sensitive
(Got me there)
Click to expand...
Yeah, some girls will like it and some won't. Find one who does.

-Too may "tune-out" hobbies
(I like comics and video games, which she feels is time wasting. Read a book!)
Click to expand...
Diversifying is good. I like comics and games as well but I also play music and read and etc, etc. Maybe a pro-active hobby would be a good inclusion into your mix.

-Believes in necassary violence
(I like horror movies, she does not. I also thin the world is to complicated to have all its problems solved with love and talking)
Click to expand...
You guys differ enough to not be together then.

-No artistic or creative ability
(She's a passionate artist, I like tv so...)
Click to expand...
You don't need artistic or creative ability to do many things. You can learn piano or guitar or rock climbing without any of the above.

-Weak-Willed
(Thats a toughy, not so much as i go by what others say, I just find that i'm more apathetic to certian things.)
Click to expand...
There is a difference between "apathetic" and "go with the flow". If you are apathetic, that has to change if you go with the flow that's cool. Don't sweat it.

-Not environmentally conscious
(Not really sure where this comes from... i don't have a garden?)
Click to expand...
Tell her you buy carbon credits from your carbon credit business. :pud:

-Doesn't contribute to the world
(She likes to "fight the power", even by atleast just talking about it. Where as I know I'm just a small fish in a large ocean. Although, i do donate to charity on a monthly basis if that counts.)
Click to expand...
To each their own but I dare say you giving money to charities is probably doing more good for the world than all her talk.

-Not especially witty or intelligent
(Pot Kettle Black? Actually she is highly intelligent, so much it impresses me. As for me... eh.. sh eoucld be right there.)
Click to expand...
Good lord. You are so, SO much better off without this girl.

-Narrow food choices
(Shes a veggie, which limits her choices? But Im not much of a cook so in a way she pegged me there)
Click to expand...
To reuse: Good lord. You are so, SO much better off without this girl.

-Not spontaneous or adventurous
(She feels she's "lived" cause she stole a car and drove to Florida when she was 15. has been in orgies, and tried drugs. She's "LIVED". I've been a good boy my whole life, which I suppose does make me a tad boring.)
Click to expand...
HOLY CRAP YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT THIS GIRL.
Plus it sounds like you need to get tested for STD's since she sounds like hive of scum and villainy.
 
W

Wasabi Poptart

I wouldn't put a lot of merit in her list of "flaws". Anyone who has to resort to making a list and leaving it out where a person who is the subject of said list probably will find it isn't doing so out of sincerity. If she was such a good friend who thought you had issues to overcome, she should have told you these things in person. This list sounds more like she is reassuring herself that you don't fit the mold of her perfect man.

However, if you feel there is something to this list, you have to want to make these changes for yourself. Don't do it because she says this is what she finds wrong with you and therefore why she can't see herself with you. She is but one fish in the entire ocean. What she thinks of as a "flaw" could be seen as appealing to another woman.
 
Hylian

Hylian

bhamv2 said:
Espy said:
Plus it sounds like you need to get tested for STD's since she sounds like hive of scum and villainy.
Click to expand...
I think I just developed a man-crush on Espy.
Click to expand...


You sicko he's just a little baby! How can you have a crush on a little innocent baby?
 
C

Chibibar

WildSoul said:
I wouldn't put a lot of merit in her list of "flaws". Anyone who has to resort to making a list and leaving it out where a person who is the subject of said list probably will find it isn't doing so out of sincerity. If she was such a good friend who thought you had issues to overcome, she should have told you these things in person. This list sounds more like she is reassuring herself that you don't fit the mold of her perfect man.

However, if you feel there is something to this list, you have to want to make these changes for yourself. Don't do it because she says this is what she finds wrong with you and therefore why she can't see herself with you. She is but one fish in the entire ocean. What she thinks of as a "flaw" could be seen as appealing to another woman.
Click to expand...
I concur. I say, do what makes you happy. I can assure you DON'T change in hope to get her. It will not end well. There are some items on the list that we all can update (I love video games so does my wife but take time to do other things as well) It is up to you. You can change in you WANT to change.
 
B

bhamv2

hylian said:
bhamv2 said:
Espy said:
Plus it sounds like you need to get tested for STD's since she sounds like hive of scum and villainy.
Click to expand...
I think I just developed a man-crush on Espy.
Click to expand...


You sicko he's just a little baby! How can you have a crush on a little innocent baby?
Click to expand...
He's a smoking baby. Obviously he's more mature than your everyday infant.

Also... innocence is hot! :unibrow:
 
C

Chazwozel

Shannow said:
So...she was a hippe *?
Click to expand...

Sounds about accurate. I had a girlfriend like her in High School. I keep in contact with her now, but she sounds spot on the same i.e. she's lost in a perpetual Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder loop of thinking she's so much better than everyone else, but she's the one wearing burlap sacks and smelling to high heaven like shit due to lack of showering.
 
Fun Size

Fun Size

Chazwozel said:
Shannow said:
So...she was a hippe *?
Click to expand...

Sounds about accurate. I had a girlfriend like her in High School. I keep in contact with her now, but she sounds spot on the same i.e. she's lost in a perpetual Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder loop of thinking she's so much better than everyone else, but she's the one wearing burlap sacks and smelling to high heaven like poop due to lack of showering.
Click to expand...
They didn't have patchouli where you went to high school? :puke:
 
Jake

Jake

Reading between the lines, you should probably get out of the basement and away from the cheeseburgers a bit, but if you ever speak to this person again, you're validating all the shit she has flung at you.

Get a bottle of wine and take a long hike. You can work out a lot of existential kinks that way.
 
C

Chummer

Kissinger said:
Let me give you a bit of advice: Consider your behavior and her criticisms honestly and openly. Take this as an opportunity to change yourself for the better. Obviously she saw something that made her make those criticisms and perhaps made some accurate observations. Don't just blow this off as being from some crazy dumb *. You were friends with her for years and so obviously you had respect for her opinions before this all went down.

Also, if you kept hounding her with advances to the point where she quit her job to get away from you and ended a long friendship, then for smurf's sake, maybe next time you should take the hint when someone says they don't want to be with you and get over her. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like she was the one being childish when she cut you off.
Click to expand...

Trust me, I backed off. I would never try to hurt her. One of her problems is she blows things up A LOT. Give her an inch and she takes a mile.

Such as: I told her I have feelings for her. To her this meant that I've been lying to her for months now and real friends shouldnt have feelings etc I just wanted to use her to placate my feelings etc.

Yea, I get she has major problems. I just wish I could help her and make her realize I'm not trying to hurt her. But she doesn't want to listen.

i appreciate what everyone has said so far. I'm not taking what shes says to heart. I know shes hurt and striking out. I just found the list interesting (yea and a tad hurtful but...).

Oh yea, as for "having lived" that was years ago. She's pretty clean cut now, aside from her emotional issues, which I wish she would see a professional for. She seems hippy ish but dresses like any other average girl.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Whatever happens with you guys, I hope that you continue to develop and grow however you think is best for you. One thing I'm grateful about is the philosophy I got from my mom--that change occurs at every stage of life <--as opposed to the "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" philosophy. If there's something about you you actually want to change, I'm sure you'll achieve that. :)
 

The thing about dating the opposite sex (either side) is simple.

They're sane.
They're attractive.
They're smart.

Pick two.
 
strawman

strawman

ThatNickGuy said:
The thing about dating the opposite sex (either side) is simple.

They're sane.
They're attractive.
They're smart.

Pick two.
Click to expand...
:rofl:

Only because it reminds me of engineering:

You can have it cheap (low cost)
You can have it fast (high performance and/or full of features)
You can have it now (short development time)

Pick two.

And engineering solutions applied to relationships --> hilarity.

-Adam
 
C

Chummer

She has now wished (via myspace) for parthenogenesis to be more widespread.

This means a lack of males aka asexual reproduction.

I was tempted to mention if that were so her son wouldn't exist but whatev....


Sigh. Everything is mens fault. Why must we use and abuse women? Darn penis brains.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

stienman said:
Chummer said:
She has now wished (via myspace) for parthenogenesis to be more widespread.
Click to expand...
It's hard, but don't beat yourself up by checking out her myspace.

-Adam
Click to expand...
Take this man's advice, I spent 2 solid months trying to learn how to hack private MySpace accounts to glimpse at the girl I have feelings for's site. It's an obessesion I can't break, don't fall into the same thing.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top