I just don't know.
I don't know what I'm asking for here. How about some cool drawings or something
I don't know what I'm asking for here. How about some cool drawings or something
I hated the old title
- Thread starter Bumble the Boy Wonder
- Start date
Well, I was trying to draw you a happy owl, but given my utter lack of drawing skills, I actually couldn't tell whether it was an owl or a cat with wings, myself. So instead, I offer you this cute little owl:
Now...Please feel happy? Or some such. Hope you feel better soon. I know the feeling of feeling sad and/or annoyed almost continuously and it is not fun. Not fun at all.
Now...Please feel happy? Or some such. Hope you feel better soon. I know the feeling of feeling sad and/or annoyed almost continuously and it is not fun. Not fun at all.
I will share a pint with you.
PM me if you want to chat. There are several of us here who battle depression, and I know any of us would be happy to chat with you. You're our boy wonder on the forums and much liked.
PM me if you want to chat. There are several of us here who battle depression, and I know any of us would be happy to chat with you. You're our boy wonder on the forums and much liked.
I appreciate it guys. I really do.
I know I've always had anxieties, and lately (the last year or so) it's seemed to turn into a full on depression.
In a really dumb kind of way, which I can't explain, I think it all blew up when Robin Williams died. I can't fully explain why it hit me so hard, but something about this funny, gentle, wonderful soul being beaten by his illnesses really fucked me up.
I'm not trying to say I'm anywhere near a Robin Williams kind of funny man, but it gets really bothersome to never have an "off" day. Like I said, I don't know how to explain it, but it just wears me out.
I'm not really sure what I'm saying.
And holy cow, @Cajungal that was beautiful. Really, just beautiful! Almost drove me to tears. Because both, it sounded just lovely, and that's how tightly wound my emotions are lately.[DOUBLEPOST=1424412108,1424411986][/DOUBLEPOST]
I know I've always had anxieties, and lately (the last year or so) it's seemed to turn into a full on depression.
In a really dumb kind of way, which I can't explain, I think it all blew up when Robin Williams died. I can't fully explain why it hit me so hard, but something about this funny, gentle, wonderful soul being beaten by his illnesses really fucked me up.
I'm not trying to say I'm anywhere near a Robin Williams kind of funny man, but it gets really bothersome to never have an "off" day. Like I said, I don't know how to explain it, but it just wears me out.
I'm not really sure what I'm saying.
And holy cow, @Cajungal that was beautiful. Really, just beautiful! Almost drove me to tears. Because both, it sounded just lovely, and that's how tightly wound my emotions are lately.[DOUBLEPOST=1424412108,1424411986][/DOUBLEPOST]
I have the inclination to draw, but I might be lacking the time. I'd definitely be interested in hearing it though, and try to give it a shot.
Cajungal
Staff member
You don't have to be a comedic genius or feel like you're on the same level as Williams to feel connected to/affected by that struggle. It is devastating to think of someone who brought people so much joy feeling so tormented inside. It's a big, publicized version of every human being's struggle. We want to be strong and happy for those around us and for ourselves, but we all have something dark inside of us that can take hold when precisely the worst things happen. And what can be truly maddening is that those "worst things" can appear so small and insignificant to others--or to us when we try to be logical about our emotions.
Anyway... we can't choose our knee-jerk reactions to tragedy and rough events in our lives, but ideally, we can take conyrol after having some time to process. I hope you can find whatever strength and support you need to deal with these feelings and get back to a more even place. Hugs and best wishes. And I'll have to find more happy ukulele songs!
Anyway... we can't choose our knee-jerk reactions to tragedy and rough events in our lives, but ideally, we can take conyrol after having some time to process. I hope you can find whatever strength and support you need to deal with these feelings and get back to a more even place. Hugs and best wishes. And I'll have to find more happy ukulele songs!
Do you have a psychiatrist/therapist/insurance and/or ability to get them? If so, they can help far more than anyone on this forum.
I have pretty bad anxiety, but I got a medication + dosage amount that turns it off like an on/off switch with no side effects. It's really, for lack of a better word, like magic for me. It has really helped my life to go from "that's just how my life/brain is" to "don't care".
Even without insurance, there are possibly some therapists that work on a sliding scale/% of income charging. Or those + grad students. One of my favorite therapists that worked wonders for me was in their last year/semester/etc. of school.
I have pretty bad anxiety, but I got a medication + dosage amount that turns it off like an on/off switch with no side effects. It's really, for lack of a better word, like magic for me. It has really helped my life to go from "that's just how my life/brain is" to "don't care".
Even without insurance, there are possibly some therapists that work on a sliding scale/% of income charging. Or those + grad students. One of my favorite therapists that worked wonders for me was in their last year/semester/etc. of school.
GasBandit
Staff member
That's alright, there's not exactly a deadline or anything.
Basically, I'm trying to put together a "School crest" for Halforums Academy, suitable for putting on T-shirts and whatnot. One of the quarters of the shield needs to have somebody suckerpunching somebody else in it, but I've been unable to find any existing artwork that really fits - so I've been trying to hit up halforumites with artistic inclinations to try and find something that works. In my head, I see it as something kind of indistinct and abstract, the sort of thing one might use as clipart in a powerpoint presentation.
Maybe not a silhouette, but it doesn't need to be overly detailed. Maybe more line art-ish? Think you'd be interested?
Necronic
Staff member
Back when I thought I would do standup I had this whole bit about how bad friends travel like STD's, you'll be hanging out with your buddy and they've got their bad friend hanging around and then BAM, now that weirdo is calling you all the damn time.
I also had a bit about bowling and Schindler's Pin, which, in retrospect, was super offensive, so maybe standup was not a good calling for me.
So I've been having weird thoughts lately. Please understand this is not a cry for help, and I have no plans on hurting myself ever. But with that said, I'm terrified that at some point, my brain may decide to think "hey... Why not just end it?"
Let me explain again. I'm not thinking terrible things to do to myself. But I know most people aren't in their right mind when they do get to that point, and I'm scared of one day being there.
I don't know if I'm making sense. I'm not trying to scare you guys, because I couldn't see myself ever doing anything to harm myself. But I'm scared of what my mind thinks about. I think that's what gets me most about Robin Williams' death. Everyone that talked to him that day said he seemed pretty okay, aside from the illnesses he had long since been battling.
I'm not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish with this thread, but I just needed a place to talk this out.
Also, I'm looking for therapy/doctors.. It kind of scares me. I guess because it makes the depression real? I don't know. Dumb.
Let me explain again. I'm not thinking terrible things to do to myself. But I know most people aren't in their right mind when they do get to that point, and I'm scared of one day being there.
I don't know if I'm making sense. I'm not trying to scare you guys, because I couldn't see myself ever doing anything to harm myself. But I'm scared of what my mind thinks about. I think that's what gets me most about Robin Williams' death. Everyone that talked to him that day said he seemed pretty okay, aside from the illnesses he had long since been battling.
I'm not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish with this thread, but I just needed a place to talk this out.
Also, I'm looking for therapy/doctors.. It kind of scares me. I guess because it makes the depression real? I don't know. Dumb.
Yeah. It's incredibly hard to make that first step. If you break your finger, it's real whether or not you go to the doctor or not. It's okay to get help.
Dave
Staff member
We all have our little fears that are totally not based in reality. Like, I can go by myself to a comedy open mic where I know no one, sit alone, and do not talk to people. Yet I have a fear about going to the gym alone. I KNOW it doesn't make any sense and that it's all in my head, but I still feel it.
But once you take that step, as Charlie said, you'll wonder why you feared it at all.
But once you take that step, as Charlie said, you'll wonder why you feared it at all.
"Psychologists have known for a long time that "normal" people experience all kinds of thoughts, images, and impulses -- including those of violence and repugnant sexual acts. They are referred to as intrusive thoughts because they pop into people's minds without their control."
From http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/roger-covin/intrusive-thoughts-of-violence_b_1310749.html
Also look at http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/symptoms/weird-thoughts and maybe http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought
At any rate, if those thoughts impact your life - in other words you start avoiding people or situations because of the thoughts, or otherwise altering your normal routines - then it's worth discussing them specifically with a doctor. If they do not impact your life, and you are able to dismiss them appropriately, then you are a relatively normal human being - most people have such thoughts.
It's what you do with them that matters, not that you have them.
As far as the sadness, there's so many possible contributors to that emotional state that there's no way we here could help you overcome it. A doctor should be able to help you find ways to improve your emotional state based on the likely causes of emotional drag you're experiencing. It may involve medication, but it doesn't have to.
The first step is the hardest. As Charlie points out, if you had a broken bone you wouldn't hesitate to seek help. This isn't much different - the biggest difference is that the organ you use to think is having problems, which in turn affects your thinking. Further our culture still has a heavy negative stigma associated with mental problems. Between these two things, it's hard to take the first step and bring the issue up with your doctor, and get the appropriate help.
I'll be honest, Bumble. I don't know if you've heard me say this before, but I regularly (3-4 times over the course of say, a week) have thoughts about ending my existence, ending others' existences, violence, etc. But they're just thoughts. When I'm in a situation and ask myself, "What should I do now?" an option such as "kill yourself! It'll be hilarious!" IS on the table, because it's a legitimate option. Sure, it gets removed from consideration fairly quickly because the cases where it's a valid response are extremely rare (outside of Deadpool comix), but I don't treat that voice in my head (or that part of my brain, or wherever it originates) as "Evil." It's just a part of my psyche, doing its job. The fact that I treat this as a completely ordinary occurrence means I'm not crushed by the whole stereotypical "Mu-ha-haa!" devil on my shoulder "Oh no! I can't be seen listening to you!" guilty response, etc. that you see in literature/cartoons. It's completely normal and acceptable to be thinking such thoughts, and the more you try and shut them out, the more intrusive they're going to get. It's just when you start acting on them that there's a problem. I realize that the tough part for some people is the worry that they might "accidentally" start doing The Bad Thing if they let down their guard and the impulse manages to slip on by or something, and I see how that can scenario can be scary, but it just seems like there would be so many prior indicators that help would've been sought by that point.
As @GasBandit has so eloquently confirmed, I'm not typical, so of course YMMV, but there you go.
I asked Kati her opinion about what to do when the bad thoughts come, and she replied:
--Patrick (and Kati)
As @GasBandit has so eloquently confirmed, I'm not typical, so of course YMMV, but there you go.
I asked Kati her opinion about what to do when the bad thoughts come, and she replied:
I would like to say I did not mention my preceding comments to her until after I had solicited her input, but it is reassuring to know we are so compatible.
--Patrick (and Kati)
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I thank you guys for all your thoughts and suggestions.
I really appreciate the time you take to assure me I'm not alone in how my wild brain works.
I really appreciate the time you take to assure me I'm not alone in how my wild brain works.
Not dumb at all. Feeling apprehensive about getting psychiatric care or seeing a therapist is pretty understandable because of the stigma surrounding mental health issues. It's also pretty uncomfortable to open up to a total stranger (unless you're me, then everyone and their mother likes to tell me their life stories, but I digress...). Therapists are not there to judge you or the reason why you are in their office. They are there to help you find ways to cope with whatever issues you have and get you back to a state of better functioning in your daily life.
Also, I have had strange thoughts at times. Some that would be harmful to myself or others if I ever acted on them. Like standing on the second or third floor of a mall, looking down at the ground floor, and wondering what would happen if I just jumped. It's almost like wondering what it would be like to fly. To make that whole impulse even more odd - I'm afraid of heights. I don't want to hurt myself at all! It's not a suicidal ideation or a self-harm fantasy. It's just a thought and I know I would never act on it because I don't want to get hurt. There's actually been research on this particular type of urge. You might find your thoughts aren't that uncommon, but if they are disturbing then you may need a better way to deal with them.
You're one of my favorite people on the internet.
I just want to clarify (after getting some hugsies) that I was NOT attempting to imply that I think of these thoughts as a burden. They can be inconvenient at times, but that is entirely to be expected. In fact, I was trying to state somewhat the opposite, that they are granted the same citizenship rights as all the other denizens of my head, and that that was my "secret" to sanity.
Well, he is awesome.
--Patrick
Going to the doctor on Friday. I can't seem to shut my mind off about worrying about dumb things. I don't know why I'm so terrified of getting help. I wish there was a sooner appointment, the wait will fuck with me more than anything..
The making an appointment is the hardest part. Congrats 
While I can't speak for others, for me, a large part of the trouble of accepting help is that (in the Western world) we see our thoughts and our psyche as "ourselves". Going to a therapist or a psychiatrist feels like going to someone who's going to tell you all about what's wrong with "you', as a person. My shoulder's out of whack? yeah, ok, that's a problem, but I can't help it, or at most, I'll have to change some habits to help solve it....But a psychological problem? That's a problem with who I am, in essence, and that's hard.
This is a wrong line of thinking, mind you, and I'm aware of it. "You' isn't what they want to change (unless you're Hannibal Lecter, I guess? Then they might want to make some changes
). It's just hard (for me) to separate out what is "me" and what is "stuff wrong with me, often outside my control, which I have to cope/deal with".