How To Properly Eat a Burger?

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North_Ranger

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#1
I've been wondering about this for a few months now, ever since me and my folks started visiting restaurants that serve burgers. And I mean proper restaurants, not fast food places. Y'know, places with knives and forks, and food served on plates rather than cardboard boxes.

The thing is, we have different opinions as to what is the proper restaurant-fashion to eat a good burger. My parents essentially lift the top of the bun, and then dissect the rest of the burger with knife and fork. Me, I once heard it is proper to cut the burger in half and eat one of the half at a time by hand.

Any advice?
 
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#2
Grasp entire burger gently but firmly with both hands.

Raise burger to face.

Seek out a point of entry that will minimize chances of a blowout on the opposite side.

Om nom nom.
 
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#3
I've been wondering about this for a few months now, ever since me and my folks started visiting restaurants that serve burgers. And I mean proper restaurants, not fast food places. Y'know, places with knives and forks, and food served on plates rather than cardboard boxes.

The thing is, we have different opinions as to what is the proper restaurant-fashion to eat a good burger. My parents essentially lift the top of the bun, and then dissect the rest of the burger with knife and fork. Me, I once heard it is proper to cut the burger in half and eat one of the half at a time by hand.

Any advice?
Grasp entire burger gently but firmly with both hands.

Raise burger to face.

Seek out a point of entry that will minimize chances of a blowout on the opposite side.

Om nom nom.
Yeah, it's fine to eat a burger with your hands at pretty much every restaurant that serves burgers. Super swanky restaurants usually don't serve burgers (I'm talking suit and tie places).
 
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#7
Cuttong it in half is really only for convenience if it's a large or hard to hold burger. Otherwise, do what everyone else has said, eat it however the fuck you want.
 
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#8
I slice my burgers too, if they are too large to fit comfortably in my pie hole. It also cuts down on the fixins blowing out of the back.
 
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#9
Grasp the burger firmly, with thumb and pinky on the bottom, and three fingers on top. Use pinky and ring fingers to compress the side away from your gaping maw preventing toppings from spilling out. If burger is too large to correctly hold in this manner, place on plate and press firmly with palm until burger size is adjusted. Allow toppings and sauces to spill during this process, do not be timid.

Once the correct hold is achieved, move the forefinger and thumb away from your gaping maw, exposing some of the remaining burger for consumption. Apply moderate pressure with the forefinger and thumb to prevent burger toppings from sliding further into the burger during the next step. Continue to apply pinky and ring finger pressure to prevent topping spillage from the back of the burger.

Place exposed portion of burger between front incisors. Close lips around the burger, then apply sufficient biting force to cut, not rip or tear, but cut through entire burger, bun, toppings and all. While pulling remaining burger and unharmed fingers away from face, close lips and commence chewing. If you are unable to close lips fully, consider adjusting your bite size in subsequent iterations of this process.

Your previous bite has likely created a prominent portion of burger that is more exposed than others. Move your thumb and ring again to further expose this spot, and consume this portion. You may rotate the burger a few degrees each bite, but you should be consuming the burger from one side to the other, not in a rotary manner. Your pinky and ring finger should be constantly guarding nearly the same edge throughout the entire process, until too little remains for them to come into play.

You will find that many prefer to use their dominant hand for this process. This is acceptable, particularly while learning, however experienced burgermeisters use their non dominant hand, which leaves their dominant hand free to consume beverages and the traditional french fries inbetween bites. They keep the burger in hand until it is consumed in order to prevent any loss of toppings during the repositioning process that would be required if they placed the burger back on their plate. This is generally acceptable, as meals containing a burger as the main dish usually consist entirely of food meant to be eaten by hand, however a fork may also be handled with the dominant hand without having to place the burger back on the plate. At no point should a knife be necessary. If you gesticulate while eating, be sure your grip on your burger is sufficient to prevent flinging some or all of it on adjacent patrons.

Particularly large burgers may require two hands, and those with small hands may find two hands more comfortable than the typical singlehanded grip. In this case one hand replaces the function of the pinky and ring fingers, and the other replaces the function of the forefinger and thumb.

It is the rare exception to see someone in the US consume a burger with utensils, but it is not frowned on or offensive. Indeed, many parents cut up burgers into small pieces for very young children who are unable to grasp the burger as normal. It may then be consumed carefully with fingers or using a fork. One may use any method of consuming the burger that feels comfortable to them when using utensils, but they should be aware that it is the combination of ingredients in the proportion as prepared that provides the full flavor of the burger.

Removing a bun, for instance, may also remove some of the sauces present, and certainly increases the meat to bread ratio of successive bites. Some may prefer this, but they should be aware that they are altering the texture and flavor of the food. You may see burgers served in the US with one bun off to the side - this is a convenience so the consumer may alter, apply, or customize toppings before putting the bun back on and consuming the burger as normal. Some advertising also shows burgers with the bun removed in order to showcase the toppings, but again the burger is rarely consumed in this manner.

There is no wrong way to consume an amican style hamburger, but we do hope that these tips improve your future burger eating experiences.

Dig in!
 

Gusto

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#11
Open your mouth and put the entire burger in and spend the next 3 minutes choking to death.
 
#13
I like burger places (or places that serve burgers) that pre-slice your burgers.

Another burger pro-tip - turn the burger as you eat it, always biting the outside until you are left with the one perfect middle bite.
 

BananaHands

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#18
I cut mine in half to contain the mess.

But yeah, I do the black bean thing so my burgers all fall apart anyway. But halving them keeps the condiment splatter to a minimum.
 
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#19
Since you're at a sit down restaurant rather than a fast food place I would say to cut it into pieces you can eat in a few bites, but pick it up with your hands. It would be like any other type of sandwich. There is a chain we like to go to called Islands that has huge burgers. I usually cut mine into quarters so I can comfortably take a bite without the rest of the restaurant seeing where my tonsils used to be.
 
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#22
Dude that's like asking if there's etiquette for tacos.

If you used a knife and fork to eat tacos, you'd get a machete to the face before you finished.

Even if you were in Taco Bell.

We'd know.
 
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#24
I wish I knew the proper way to eat a taco to not get taco sauce on my crotch.
You tilt your head. It's funny cause it's not something we mention a lot, but go to any taco place in Mexico and you'll see EVERYONE tilting their head (think ear almost parallel to the plate) before taking a bite.
 

BananaHands

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#25
You tilt your head. It's funny cause it's not something we mention a lot, but go to any taco place in Mexico and you'll see EVERYONE tilting their head (think ear almost parallel to the plate) before taking a bite.
Are you messing with me right now or is this legit.
 
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#26
I wish I knew the proper way to eat a taco to not get taco sauce on my crotch.
Grasp one dend of the taco firmly with one hand. Place the other end of the taco into your mouth. Now Hoover out the filling while tipping the other end up. Throw the used carcass on the ground, hopefully loudly shattering it, and demand the barmaid bring another round.
 
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#27
Are you messing with me right now or is this legit.
I am being 100% serious. Mexicans lift the taco by the tortilla edges (tacos ALWAYS have soft tortillas, or they're not tacos they're tostadas) so the bottom of it is parallel to the plate, and then tilt their head to bite into it without dropping anything. It's weird cause it's something every mexican does but most of us don't realize it until someone points it out.
 

BananaHands

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#28
I am being 100% serious. Mexicans lift the taco by the tortilla edges (tacos ALWAYS have soft tortillas, or they're not tacos they're tostadas) so the bottom of it is parallel to the plate, and then tilt their head to bite into it without dropping anything. It's weird cause it's something every mexican does but most of us don't realize it until someone points it out.
Well, hot damn. I learned something today.
 
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#29
Grasp one dend of the taco firmly with one hand. Place the other end of the taco into your mouth. Now Hoover out the filling while tipping the other end up. Throw the used carcass on the ground, hopefully loudly shattering it, and demand the barmaid bring another round.
Listen buddy, if the carcass shatters it means you're using a spurious "taco shell" and those things are NOT, I repeat, NOT tacos. I will go to WAR over this.
 

BananaHands

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#30
Listen buddy, if the carcass shatters it means you're using a spurious "taco shell" and those things are NOT, I repeat, NOT tacos. I will go to WAR over this.
Wait, so how do you eat a hard-shelled ta-- ...tostada... because that's what I was referring to.
 
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#31
(tacos ALWAYS have soft tortillas, or they're not tacos they're tostadas)
But then they're just unfolded mini burritos![DOUBLEPOST=1359137917][/DOUBLEPOST]Tacos in the US of Freemerica are hard shell by default, soft shell are the exception.
 
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#32
But then they're just unfolded mini burritos![DOUBLEPOST=1359137917][/DOUBLEPOST]Tacos in the US of Freemerica are hard shell by default, soft shell are the exception.
Ergo THEY'RE NOT TACOS. Dude, if someone made a burger with hard bread thing that fucking CRACKS when you bite out of it and went around the world calling it a "American Food Burger!" you'd balk too.[DOUBLEPOST=1359138185][/DOUBLEPOST]
Wait, so how do you eat a hard-shelled ta-- ...tostada... because that's what I was referring to.
You don't. Tostadas are FLAT... hard tortillas are FLAT. Taco shells are abominations probably made in that shape already, like pringles.

So a tostada you just lift and bite into, no tilting necessary.[DOUBLEPOST=1359138505][/DOUBLEPOST]This is a typical tostada though they come in hundreds of varieties:



You'll notice that's WAY closer to the "taco" you guys created in the US than an actual mexican taco which does NOT have cream and grinded cheese or whatnot:

 
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