Depression!

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darkangel6988

Hey Dave ,

I got a question for ya.......What the hell do you do when your Best friend and your mother are so depressed and miserable that they just scream at everyone and only think of themselves on a daily basis....

My best friend concerns me more as it's putting a damper on our friendship....She has these random moments where she just tells me off for absolutely nothing and after a summer of it I've been able to shut my mouth but i feel the inner bitch beginning to be released.....I've tried to tell her that negativity is only gonna push people away , That if she needs a shoulder she has to be a lil more gentle about going about it but nothing seems to set in and well at this point shes such a lose canon I'm afraid to say anything...

Any Advice from anyone ? Don't know much about depression but could sure use some help and yes ive suggested going to the doctor which then in turn just has my mother and my bff look at me like I've lost it ! AAAA
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
What do I do? I ignore these people. I know that's hard to do with your mom but a friend like that is poison. You have to decide what is more important - your sanity or your friendship. Sometimes you have to look at these things and say to yourself, "Why am I friends with this person?" If the only answer is that you have a history together I don't think that's enough.

And I doubt it's depression. Sounds more like drama llama than anything.
 
Math242

Math242

tell it like it is. If she's really your bestfriend, she'll listen. If she doesn't, well at least you got if off your chest.
 
C

Chibibar

Wasabi Poptart said:
What makes you say it's depression?
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That is what I'm wondering too. If it is depression, they might need to see a psychiatrist. Depression are tricky stuff. I have several friends who are really depressed and need professional help cause I'm not certified to help.
I am incline to agree with Dave that these people are just being "drama queens"
 
W

Wasabi Poptart

What if DA's mom is going through menopause? When my mom did, she was absolutely off the wall. What if her friend is having a serious problem that she doesn't want to talk about, but it is affecting her attitude toward others? It isn't always easy to talk about what's going on in your life, but the stress can make you lash out at those around you. There are problems besides depression that may be at work here. It's unfair to write it off as drama when we really do not know what is going on.
 
D

darkangel6988

No my friend isn't married...Sorry this took so long to respond too I've been on vacation at my dad's for 3 weeks. I say depression because she cries alot, says absolutely nothing positive, and is always being totally negative. My whole family also says she looks exhausted ! I don't know what to do I've just kinda gone thru this summer ignoring it as well you all know my plate has been a little bit too full to be trying to comprehend other people's crap . But she is beginning to yell at me randomly for stupidity , I give her attitude back and tell her repeatedly that if she keeps it up she will have no one left including me.

Things have gotten slightly quieter since I last posted this but then again I have been away. She did come visit me out here and that went ok but there was still some attitude and negativity.

Menopause for my mom would make sense ....Also she has a thyroid problem and I read online that could contribute so I'm going to make a conscious effort to try to get along better with her. It's hard for me to describe what my friend does but it would be something like here is an example....I was unpacking a box at my ex's house and I was calm cool and collected trying to sort through my stuff as quick as possible... I asked her if I should get a Uhaul rather then come back a second time and she started crying and yelling saying the whole summer was about my divorce , when to be very honest I haven't talked about it much with her....As much as it's probably hard to believe I haven't walked around all summer whinning and crying over my stupid ex husband I kinda just let it go and have been going out and having fun . I told myself no one wants to hang with a debbie downer so after one week of him leaving I said ah fuck it and carried on.... Anyway back to my example.... so she screams its all about your divorce no one cares about me , I'm fed up of dealing with it and all this so I said to her....

If your fed up you can leave, I appreciated you coming here to help me unpack and resort my things but I really don't need you yelling at me, I'm sorry if things seem like they are about me but I'm standing in my ex's kitchen right now ! Once again if your not happy you can leave and I will make my way home by myself and deal with my ex alone I have no problem....She then went off the handle saying she lost her man too and ran out of the room.

Let me throw out there that her man was never her man he is just some asshole who has been fucking her and using her for the past I don't know 3 years and it seems like anytime this stupid ass does something bad to her she takes it out on me. Now to make matters worse I have met a new friend nothing serious but shes mad at me because someone likes me! Obviously I'm not rushing out to get married but this person is someone I enjoy hanging out with and doing physical activities with so I don't see the harm in it .

Anyway that's the best I can do as far as examples without writting a 100000000000 page comment to this thread....ANy more advice? I love her very much I would hate to cut her off but I'm soooooo positive considering what I've been through and I like being happy I don't wanna be miserable for anyone !
 
Jay

Jay

Well Shawna, do you understand why she is is so negative? Is it because she hates her job, feel trapped in their shitty life or do they lack in self esteem so the only way they can feel powerful is by hurting others? If you can understand where it’s coming from it’s much easier to deal with. Some people seem to think that the only way they can get what they want is to be manipulative. They think that if they don't whine and complain that they won't be heard and that this is the only way to get what they want.

Personally I'd day whenever the negative tirade starts just smile and don’t say anything. Remain completely detached from it and don’t get involved in it. Leave the room if you can. The negative person is simply seeking to get a reaction from you. That’s what they feed on. Don't let them catch you in their web of negativity because as soon as you do, that’s when they start draining your energy. It's the emotions that these negative people stir up in you that you need to learn to distance yourself from. Try just observing the whole scene. Say to yourself, "what a shame this person is so unhappy. Maybe some of my positive energy will rub off on her. If not, her unhappiness has nothing to do with me."

This isn't always an easy thing to do but definitely a powerful technique. In order to get the full benefit from it, you need to make sure that you're aware of what's going on around you. It's easy to slip into auto-pilot and not realize until later how drained you feel.

Perhaps may be feeling that you have to solve the problems of the energy drainer. You’re not responsible for the person’s life nor their negativity. You don’t have to feel guilty for them being unhappy! Let go of trying to fix or help them. That's not what they want anyway. They want your energy and so you have to be strong and not give in to them.

It's important to be able to let go of the idea that you owe everyone a solution. With some people you just have to let them go. They have to take responsibility for their own lives and they won't if someone is always there to fix everything for them. So, Let Go! It sounds mean but it definitely doesn't help them if they end up taking you down with them. In that case, then neither one of you is benefitting.


You went through a lot of shit recently. You don't need this.
 
D

darkangel6988

Jay said:
Well Shawna, do you understand why she is is so negative? Is it because she hates her job, feel trapped in their shitty life or do they lack in self esteem so the only way they can feel powerful is by hurting others? If you can understand where it’s coming from it’s much easier to deal with. Some people seem to think that the only way they can get what they want is to be manipulative. They think that if they don't whine and complain that they won't be heard and that this is the only way to get what they want.

Personally I'd day whenever the negative tirade starts just smile and don’t say anything. Remain completely detached from it and don’t get involved in it. Leave the room if you can. The negative person is simply seeking to get a reaction from you. That’s what they feed on. Don't let them catch you in their web of negativity because as soon as you do, that’s when they start draining your energy. It's the emotions that these negative people stir up in you that you need to learn to distance yourself from. Try just observing the whole scene. Say to yourself, "what a shame this person is so unhappy. Maybe some of my positive energy will rub off on her. If not, her unhappiness has nothing to do with me."

This isn't always an easy thing to do but definitely a powerful technique. In order to get the full benefit from it, you need to make sure that you're aware of what's going on around you. It's easy to slip into auto-pilot and not realize until later how drained you feel.

Perhaps may be feeling that you have to solve the problems of the energy drainer. You’re not responsible for the person’s life nor their negativity. You don’t have to feel guilty for them being unhappy! Let go of trying to fix or help them. That's not what they want anyway. They want your energy and so you have to be strong and not give in to them.

It's important to be able to let go of the idea that you owe everyone a solution. With some people you just have to let them go. They have to take responsibility for their own lives and they won't if someone is always there to fix everything for them. So, Let Go! It sounds mean but it definitely doesn't help them if they end up taking you down with them. In that case, then neither one of you is benefitting.


You went through a lot of shit recently. You don't need this.
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Well said and Things have started to slightly look up...I don't call her as much and when I do see her if she starts I walk away and go do something else....Your right about everything you said. Especially the I went through alot of shit recently and don't need this your completely correct...As for the parental I'm dealing with I'm rarely home and hope to find a job soon and avoid her negativity as much as possible because she doesnt get out of a person's face which causes me severe rage and anger and I'd rather avoid that.

Thanks for that advice I never knew you could be so Serious Jay lol ..... Really though thanks :) I'm still smiling and thinking positively after the summer I've had the only way to make it through the storm is to do it with a smile !.

Yall are awesome on here...This is why I cannot leave !
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

Seems like Jay has given a bunch of good advice - that's what we keep him aroudn for, after all; -)
Anyway; about your friend: have you considered other possibilities? The negative behaviour you're describing doesn't sound all that typical for a depression - it reminds -me- more of someone who's doing drugs, is burning out due to stressrelated problems, or something in that vein. Not accusing anyone of anything, but it's always a possibility. Same goes for unwanted pregnancy, by the way. Can cause pretty much that reaction. Not that it's *common* - much more likely she's just annoying and self-centered and, because you've been through a lot lately and have probably needed some support, she now needs/wants attention. WHich, in that case, you shouldn't give her.
 
D

darkangel6988

Bubble181 said:
Seems like Jay has given a bunch of good advice - that's what we keep him aroudn for, after all; -)
Anyway; about your friend: have you considered other possibilities? The negative behaviour you're describing doesn't sound all that typical for a depression - it reminds -me- more of someone who's doing drugs, is burning out due to stressrelated problems, or something in that vein. Not accusing anyone of anything, but it's always a possibility. Same goes for unwanted pregnancy, by the way. Can cause pretty much that reaction. Not that it's *common* - much more likely she's just annoying and self-centered and, because you've been through a lot lately and have probably needed some support, she now needs/wants attention. WHich, in that case, you shouldn't give her.
Click to expand...

Your sorta spot on which is creepy yet funny lol :) Alot of what you said in there has happened or is currently going on. I Haven't given in in fact I found a job and a boyfriend so I work so much and do other things that I havne't had to deal with it much and it's been nice and calm lol :)

I'll try to pop in more but a chick at my work quit which is good cuz i get more hours but bad cause I have lil time to come here !
 
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