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Dave's Quest for History

Nov 3, 2016#1

Dave

So as you all know (or might not), I'm adopted. So medical history is something that I've never been privy to. So I did the AncestryDNA thing and got the results back today. This thread will be my journey into discovery.

To start, I'd planned on live streaming the initial opening and streaming of the results. My plan was that you would all find out at the same time as me. Well, I got the results this morning and there was no way I could wait until 4 pm tonight to open the email. I caved.

I am probably not the whitest person in the world...but I gotta be close.

So it turns out that I'm pretty much the same as my adopted family, even though they are almost all German or Scottish.

Now the interesting part - the family tree matches. What this part does is it matches you against other people who have taken the DNA test. Normally for these you find a second cousin and on back. Mine shows a First cousin!! That means it'll be very easy to track down history. Or at least it would if the profile were public instead of private. Damn it! So I sent them a message and went to the next person.

I had 2 second cousins (our grandparents were siblings) and sent them messages. And then there's a third cousin (our great grandparents were siblings) that blew me away. She has 25,000+ people in her tree, so it'll be a great starting point. I sent her a message as well. What's so cool about hers...her grandfather is Ralph Waldo Emerson! Super cool!

Anyway, I've uploaded this to GEDMatch and will be sending it to 23andMe for further analysis. So stay tuned!

https://www.ancestry.com/dna/public...fc77302e/bd3aa177-7d9e-4098-b41f-73093c6225d3

Nov 3, 2016#2

strawman

I got my DNA sequenced for free for a UofMichigan study (still ongoing if anyone else is interested in giving their sequence to medical researchers). But I haven't done anything with it yet, so seeing you fiddle around with yours makes me want to finally deal with it. I'm looking forward to your adventure!

Nov 3, 2016#3

Celt Z

This is very cool! I hope something pans out with the people you contacted.

My mom's youngest sister did this recently, and my mother and her siblings are 91% Irish (no surprise there), 1% African, and the final 8% is a mix of Spainish and ...some Nordic I can't remember. (Viking visits and all that.) I'd really like to get mine done because my dad's side are the real mutts. Even though his father's side said they kept a pretty accurate family tree, I'd like to see what comes up, especially for Li'l Z. Heck, I'd want to get Mr. Z swabbed, too, just to see if there's any other Asian mixing in his background.

Nov 3, 2016#4

strawman

The study is at https://genesforgood.sph.umich.edu/ for anyone interested. It does require a facebook account, but you can create one just for the study if you are worried about privacy or using facebook for anything else.

Nov 3, 2016#5

Dave

Well I got this going for me!

[DOUBLEPOST=1478183768,1478183409][/DOUBLEPOST]And now for some deeper analysis through GEDMatch.

Hunter/gatherer, baby!

Nov 3, 2016#6

fade

Man, the paranoid conspiracy theorist in me doesn't want to voluntarily have its DNA sequenced.

Nov 3, 2016#7

strawman

fade said:
Man, the paranoid conspiracy theorist in me doesn't want to voluntarily have its DNA sequenced.

Yeah, but the paranoid engineer in me accepts that in my lifetime you'll be able to steal my dna and have it sequenced and the results in a matter of days if not hours without me ever noticing, a la Gattaca. So why not do it early on the off chance it might help scientists and possibly myself now?

Besides, the risk/reward scale seems tipped in favor for me:

Chance that someone else will want it, and the risk of the damage they could do to me with it are both low.
Chance that I might learn something about myself, and the possibility that it could benefit me in a particularly great way are high and low, respectively.

So, in balance, at least for me, it seems like the scales tip more in favor of getting it and using it now vs worrying about the possible outcome.

Nov 3, 2016#8

fade

stienman said:
Yeah, but the paranoid engineer in me accepts that in my lifetime you'll be able to steal my dna and have it sequenced and the results in a matter of days if not hours without me ever noticing, a la Gattaca. So why not do it early on the off chance it might help scientists and possibly myself now?

Besides, the risk/reward scale seems tipped in favor for me:

Chance that someone else will want it, and the risk of the damage they could do to me with it are both low.
Chance that I might learn something about myself, and the possibility that it could benefit me in a particularly great way are high and low, respectively.

So, in balance, at least for me, it seems like the scales tip more in favor of getting it and using it now vs worrying about the possible outcome.

Have fun being a remotely converted cyborg when the robo-wars come!

Nov 3, 2016#9

strawman

fade said:
Have fun being a remotely converted cyborg when the robo-wars come!

MY BODY IS READY.

Nov 3, 2016#10

Emrys

fade said:
Have fun being a remotely converted cyborg when the robo-wars come!

How do you know he isn't already?

I swear, all those kids are factory-made.

Nov 3, 2016#11

strawman

Emrys said:
How do you know he isn't already?

I swear, all those kids are factory-made.

Nov 3, 2016#12

Dave

So Ralph Waldo Emerson is my First Cousin-Twice Removed. Sweet!

Nov 3, 2016#13

Cog

So that's what "once removed" means!

Nov 3, 2016#14

Emrys

Cog said:
So that's what "once removed" means!

Yes, but do you know what "diurnal" means?

Nov 3, 2016#15

strawman

Emrys said:
Yes, but do you know what "diurnal" means?

"I pee in diurnal"

Nov 3, 2016#16

Ravenpoe

My prediction of @Dave's face when he discovers that Donald Trump is his biological father

Nov 3, 2016#17

Dave

Well, I did some internet sleuthing and found out the name, address, email, and phone number of my first cousin. I tried to send him an email but I got a rejection back. Apparently he only accepts emails from specific addresses that he white lists. That's a wee bit paranoid for a guy whose phone number is readily available online.

So...should I call him since I can't message?

There are 3 people with the same name on Facebook and I sent them all messages, but two of them haven't been on since 2015.

Nov 3, 2016#18

strawman

I'm just hoping for a 5 minute comedy routine from the whole experience.[DOUBLEPOST=1478191239,1478191149][/DOUBLEPOST]

Dave said:
Well, I did some internet sleuthing and found out the name, address, email, and phone number of my first cousin. I tried to send him an email but I got a rejection back. Apparently he only accepts emails from specific addresses that he white lists. That's a wee bit paranoid for a guy whose phone number is readily available online.

So...should I call him since I can't message?

There are 3 people with the same name on Facebook and I sent them all messages, but two of them haven't been on since 2015.

Well, with that level of paranoia, I'd suggest waiting until you've exhausted other resources. At least then you can play the, "You're my only hope!" card.
While it's fun to have answers immediately, patience is a valuable resource in genealogy.

Nov 3, 2016#19

Dave

A friend suggested I write him a letter. I think that's a good idea, although it'll be tough to wait for a reply that might never come.

Nov 3, 2016#20

PatrThom

Dave said:
A friend suggested I write him a letter. I think that's a good idea, although it'll be tough to wait for a reply that might never come.

That just sounds like regular waiting. Shouldn't be any more difficult.

--Patrick

Nov 3, 2016#21

Dave

So what do you guys think about this for a letter? I don't want to freak him out and want to walk the fine line between not looking needy while wanting information. I want to convey that I don't want anything from them but information.

First, I must apologize for the unexpected letter. I did a bit of internet sleuthing to get this address so I hope this is not being too intrusive.

My name is David Nihsen. I was born on October 3, 1965 in Sioux City, Iowa and was adopted by a couple in Minden, Iowa about 12 days later. I've always known I was adopted and never really wanted to find my biological family due to having a happy childhood. My adopted father passed away a few years ago of cancer and my adopted mother is suffering mightily with Alzheimer's. It really got me to thinking that I have no medical history so I'm unaware if there are any genetic ticking time-bombs awaiting my future (or the future of my children). To this end I took the Ancestry DNA test. You have been identified as a first cousin. I did send you a message at Ancestry.com, but you haven't been there since like May so I did a Google search on your user name and this produced your email address. I tried to send an email and was rebuffed as your account only accepts from specific addresses. Again, I apologize if you feel this is intrusive - that wasn't my aim. The search also gave me your telephone number, but with the levels of anonymity you have I thought that might be a bit too much to start.

To set your mind at ease, I am not looking for my biological family per se. If it happens I am not against the concept of meeting them, but my main focus is in obtaining a more complete medical history. Or any medical history, for that matter.

Please respond and let me know if you are able and willing to speak about this or if you would rather I not contact you further. My email address and phone number are at the top of the page. I hope to hear from you soon.

Nov 3, 2016#22

Denbrought

Personally...
internet sleuthing -> Googling
wanted to find -> sought to find
mightily -> (remove)
medical history -> medical history,
ticking -> (remove)
awaiting my -> awaiting in my
(or the future of my children) -> (or my children's)
message at Ancestry.com -> message through Ancestry.com
haven't been there since like May -> haven't logged in since May

Nov 3, 2016#23

Dave

Thanks! Made a few of your changes and kept some the same way.

Nov 3, 2016#24

strawman

I'd probably start out more directly. Too much personal information, particularly at the start, makes me think scammer/con artist.

Dear [firstname],

I submitted my DNA to GEDMatch.com, and it identified you as a possible first cousin - here's a link to my GEDMatch profile (profile which should allow him to verify DNA connection). I was adopted and have no knowledge of my parents. I'm writing you to see if there is a connection, and if so whether you know how to reach our common relatives. My primary purpose is to gain a more complete understanding of my genetic medical history so I can better take care of myself. While I am open to meeting either of my parents, I don't want to open old wounds. At the same time the medical history is important to me - even if I cannot contact them, any relatives or known medical information within our shared ancestry would be useful.

I would appreciate your help with this, are you willing to talk or email? If so, here's my contact information. I've also included a self addressed stamped envelope which you can use to respond. If you are unable to help please at least let me know you received this letter by sending a short note back via the return envelope.

Thank you so much for your time and assistance.

Sincerely,
blahblahblah

But that's just me. I tend to be somewhat more paranoid when a complete stranger offers me way too much personal information before they get to know me. Consider hand writing it for this reason as well.

Nov 3, 2016#25

Dave

If I write it by hand it'll look like it's coming from someone who has palsy and is half-illiterate. My handwriting is amazingly bad.

Nov 3, 2016#26

Denbrought

Dave said:
If I write it by hand it'll look like it's coming from someone who has palsy and is half-illiterate. My handwriting is amazingly bad.

Dictate it to one of your family members, preferably whilst sipping brandy.

Nov 3, 2016#27

strawman

Dave said:
If I write it by hand it'll look like it's coming from someone who has palsy and is half-illiterate. My handwriting is amazingly bad.

As long as it's legible. Particularly if they are from the generation above you - handwritten letters are strangely comforting to them, even when the handwriting is terrible.

I don't think a printed letter would be bad, I just don't think it would convince them to give you some time as much as a handwritten one would, and I suspect you'd like to tip the scales in your favor as much as possible.

Nov 3, 2016#28

Dave

It's my cousin. Same generation.

Nov 3, 2016#29

strawman

Dave said:
It's my cousin. Same generation.

Ah, for some reason I was thinking first cousin, once removed.

Nov 3, 2016#30

Emrys

Don't tell them right off that you're a Nigerian prince. Wait a few messages to announce that.

Nov 3, 2016#31

Dave

Turns out someone with the last name of Emerson named their son "Ralph Waldo", but this is NOT the famous poet/philosopher. I thought the timeline was off considering the woman doing the thing is his granddaughter.

Nov 3, 2016#32

Dave

Okay, I uploaded my DNA file to a site called GEDmatch. Good lord what the FUCK am I looking at?!? Here's an example of what I'm getting. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!?

Code:

Comparing Kit A317691 (*Edrondol) and A295868 (*[redacted])
 
Minimum threshold size to be included in total = 500 SNPs
Mismatch-bunching Limit = 250 SNPs
Minimum segment cM to be included in total = 7.0 cM
 
 
Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
2 6,919,861 17,251,681 24.3 1,920
2 67,389,946 81,841,893 17.9 2,220
2 120,793,654 138,521,504 19.7 2,232
3 138,718,570 150,505,455 13.6 1,594
3 150,661,351 174,759,452 20.3 2,605
7 46,336,205 66,763,901 11.3 1,683
7 67,250,154 77,777,932 10.1 1,078
8 72,908,845 82,134,300 7.5 1,170
8 139,371,399 146,241,933 12.2 1,187
9 131,155,000 136,430,546 13.0 1,100
12 102,897,730 114,857,228 15.6 1,819
13 105,325,671 109,269,107 10.9 1,031
17 32,563,796 66,954,416 39.4 4,199
Largest segment = 39.4 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 215.6 cM
13 matching segments
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 3.0
 
401147 SNPs used for this comparison.

Nov 3, 2016#33

strawman

Well, the most useful number is the MRCA - it's the number of generations you can expect you have to go up your two trees to find a common ancestor. They use a liberal model that does 50th percentile, so the MRCA is a very likely candidate for common ancestor - with 3.0, you have good chances of sharing a great grandparent, but it's not a 100% certainty, just an estimate based on how many of your SNPs (single-nucleotide polymorphism) match and how many long sequences of SNPs match.

https://dna-explained.com/2012/08/06/what-does-mcra-really-mean/

Nov 3, 2016#34

bhamv3

Dave said:

Okay, I uploaded my DNA file to a site called GEDmatch. Good lord what the FUCK am I looking at?!? Here's an example of what I'm getting. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!?

Code:

Comparing Kit A317691 (*Edrondol) and A295868 (*[redacted])
 
Minimum threshold size to be included in total = 500 SNPs
Mismatch-bunching Limit = 250 SNPs
Minimum segment cM to be included in total = 7.0 cM
 
 
Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
2 6,919,861 17,251,681 24.3 1,920
2 67,389,946 81,841,893 17.9 2,220
2 120,793,654 138,521,504 19.7 2,232
3 138,718,570 150,505,455 13.6 1,594
3 150,661,351 174,759,452 20.3 2,605
7 46,336,205 66,763,901 11.3 1,683
7 67,250,154 77,777,932 10.1 1,078
8 72,908,845 82,134,300 7.5 1,170
8 139,371,399 146,241,933 12.2 1,187
9 131,155,000 136,430,546 13.0 1,100
12 102,897,730 114,857,228 15.6 1,819
13 105,325,671 109,269,107 10.9 1,031
17 32,563,796 66,954,416 39.4 4,199
Largest segment = 39.4 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 215.6 cM
13 matching segments
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 3.0
 
401147 SNPs used for this comparison.

It means you have frog DNA mixed into your genome, and thus you can autonomously change sex if needed and breed.

Nov 3, 2016#35

evilmike

bhamv3 said:
It means you have frog DNA mixed into your genome,

That's a common misconception. When the scientists were trying to clone dinosaurs, they recovered Dave's DNA from mosquitoes trapped in amber. They weren't able to read the full sequence so they filled in the missing parts with frog DNA.

Nov 3, 2016#36

Dave

Here's a link to my Promethease report that allows you to search magnitude and frequency of diseases and stuff in my genome. This cost $5 to get! And yes, I give you all free reign to look at it all you want. And this is a link to the downloaded zip file in my Dropbox. Again, if you're curious, take a look. You all have free reign.

Nov 3, 2016#37

strawman

Neat! I'll take a peak just so I can see what's included. For a $5 that seems like a good deal, maybe I'll go that route...[DOUBLEPOST=1478235114,1478234871][/DOUBLEPOST]Well, looks like you're male. Glad they squared that away for you.[DOUBLEPOST=1478235259][/DOUBLEPOST]A few obesity related genes, and one breast cancer related gene.

Nov 3, 2016#38

Dave

I'm working on the one, can't do much about the other. And they are all very low magnitude, so there's that.

Nov 4, 2016#39

strawman

Also increased chance of prostate cancer.

Increased chance of dyslexia and poor reading performance.[DOUBLEPOST=1478235483,1478235449][/DOUBLEPOST]Yeah, all these are low magnitude.[DOUBLEPOST=1478235629][/DOUBLEPOST]It'll be interesting to compare mine to yours. Stuff like "The one in four subjects who inherited a variation in this allele called G/G were significantly better at accurately reading the emotions of others by observing their faces" makes me wonder what variation of SNP I have at that location. I'm surprised to see so many SNPs associated with ability to handle stress, or how one manages changing conditions.[DOUBLEPOST=1478235790][/DOUBLEPOST]Increased risk for celiac, magnitude 3.[DOUBLEPOST=1478235920][/DOUBLEPOST]gs157: more likely to metabolize caffeine slowly, so it works longer for you. Magnitude 2.5[DOUBLEPOST=1478236040][/DOUBLEPOST]Well the report and report format is fascinating. Thanks for the peek! Feel free to edit any of my posts to remove anything that may be too sensitive to post so openly. I'll probably be doing mine when I can.

Nov 4, 2016#40

Dave

Nothing is too sensitive. No worries.

Nov 4, 2016#41

fade

Dave said:

Okay, I uploaded my DNA file to a site called GEDmatch. Good lord what the FUCK am I looking at?!? Here's an example of what I'm getting. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!?

Code:

Comparing Kit A317691 (*Edrondol) and A295868 (*[redacted])
 
Minimum threshold size to be included in total = 500 SNPs
Mismatch-bunching Limit = 250 SNPs
Minimum segment cM to be included in total = 7.0 cM
 
 
Chr Start Location End Location Centimorgans (cM) SNPs
2 6,919,861 17,251,681 24.3 1,920
2 67,389,946 81,841,893 17.9 2,220
2 120,793,654 138,521,504 19.7 2,232
3 138,718,570 150,505,455 13.6 1,594
3 150,661,351 174,759,452 20.3 2,605
7 46,336,205 66,763,901 11.3 1,683
7 67,250,154 77,777,932 10.1 1,078
8 72,908,845 82,134,300 7.5 1,170
8 139,371,399 146,241,933 12.2 1,187
9 131,155,000 136,430,546 13.0 1,100
12 102,897,730 114,857,228 15.6 1,819
13 105,325,671 109,269,107 10.9 1,031
17 32,563,796 66,954,416 39.4 4,199
Largest segment = 39.4 cM
Total of segments > 7 cM = 215.6 cM
13 matching segments
Estimated number of generations to MRCA = 3.0
 
401147 SNPs used for this comparison.

Centimorgans represent how closely you match some guy named Morgan, who was selected at random from the US population for being "rather bland", based on his ho-hum food, alcohol, and sports team choices. Each centimorgan of course represents 1/100th of a match with Morgan.

Nov 4, 2016#42

Emrys

fade said:
Centimorgans represent how closely you match some guy named Morgan, who was selected at random from the US population for being "rather bland", based on his ho-hum food, alcohol, and sports team choices. Each centimorgan of course represents 1/100th of a match with Morgan.

Just some random Morgan, not Morgan Freeman?

Nov 4, 2016#43

TNM

Would this service be useful for locating your birth parents? I'm adopted and I've been meaning to start a search for medical history and general curiosity.

Nov 4, 2016#44

Dave

TNM said:
Would this service be useful for locating your birth parents? I'm adopted and I've been meaning to start a search for medical history and general curiosity.

Well, as an adopted person myself...maybe. I have been matched with a genetic first cousin so if I ever get to talk with him it'll be only a short step to finding out which of his aunts/uncles had a kid given up for adoption.

My sister found out that she had biological sisters through this service. She also found out that her grandmother is a raging bitch.[DOUBLEPOST=1478284804,1478284207][/DOUBLEPOST]If you are interested, though, put me down as a referral and your kit will be 10% off.

Nov 4, 2016#45

Denbrought

Thinkin' bout it, should this be in the Health & Advice forum?

Thanks for the link, @stienman. I'm almost done with the requirements to get a spit kit. I kept putting off budgeting for 23andme, so this kind of sped things up

Nov 4, 2016#46

drawn_inward

@Dave I look at SNPs for a living. If you have some genetics questions, I'd be happy to try to help. Just PM me and I'll do what I can.

Nov 4, 2016#47

Tinwhistler

I combed through my promethease report, hoping to find some clue that would point out why I am anesthesia resistant, but didn't find anything promising

Nov 4, 2016#48

Emrys

Tinwhistler said:
I combed through my promethease report, hoping to find some clue that would point out why I am anesthesia resistant, but didn't find anything promising

You're really an alien.

Nov 4, 2016#49

Tinwhistler

Emrys said:
You're really an alien.

You think you're funny....
But 23andMe pegged .1% of my DNA as "unassigned" ancestry:

Nov 4, 2016#50

Emrys

Tinwhistler said:
You think you're funny....
But 23andMe pegged .1% of my DNA as "unassigned" ancestry:

View attachment 22463

Now we have scientific proof.

By the way, can I borrow some of your DNA? For science?

Nov 4, 2016#51

Tinwhistler

Emrys said:
Now we have scientific proof.

By the way, can I borrow some of your DNA? For science?

Nov 4, 2016#52

Emrys

Tinwhistler said:
:O

Nov 4, 2016#53

Dave

drawn_inward said:
@Dave I look at SNPs for a living. If you have some genetics questions, I'd be happy to try to help. Just PM me and I'll do what I can.

That's awesome! Too bad I don't even know which questions to ask yet!

Nov 4, 2016#54

Bubble181

Dave said:
That's awesome! Too bad I don't even know which questions to ask yet!

"So, wait, like, were Adam and Eve my children, or were there more steps in between?"

Nov 4, 2016#55

Dave

Nov 4, 2016#56

Dave

Okay I'm stymied. I have no idea what to do from here. I have gotten information from Ancestry DNA, GEDmatch, & Promethease. I've had one promising lead that I ended up sending a letter to, and three emails sent to different people. Nothing.

There's nothing more I can really do with the Ancestry DNA. It's mostly for ethnicity than anything at this point. Oh, I could contact some 4th & 5th cousins, but without knowing which way to branch it's a definite needle in a haystack.

GEDmatch is interesting but I don't know what any of it means. It's super confusing, although I'll probably give my login information to @drawn_inward and see what he sees. Other than that, it's $10 that doesn't do me anything. (It's completely free except for four reports that you gain access to for $10 per month. I paid because nothing else really showed me anything.)

Promethease is really interesting to tinker around with, but I have yet to find anything with a magnitude that I have to worry about, whether what it shows is good or bad. The only thing that really jumps out is it says I have a 7x chance to go bald. And I have a swell head of hair, thank you very much!

So now that I've done all of this I'm not sure what else I can do.

Nov 4, 2016#57

Dei

Tinwhistler said:
I combed through my promethease report, hoping to find some clue that would point out why I am anesthesia resistant, but didn't find anything promising

Red head genes?

Nov 5, 2016#58

Dave

I got an answer from one of the people I sent an email to!! We're third generation, which means we probably share a great-grandparent. I sent off a quick email but on reread I came across like a raving loonie, so I wrote another one that apologized for the first and was quite measured. I forgot you never email when feeling ANY real strong emotions. Bad Dave! Bad!

Nov 5, 2016#59

Dave

Okay. Major update. The cousin that was identified from AncestryDNA - the one I sent the letter to - just emailed me.

David,

I received your letter today. We have guests through Tuesday, but I would be willing to speak with you (preferably during the evening) on Wednesday (11/9) to assess as to whether or not I can help with family background information. Please let me know.

So Wednesday night I get to possibly make a huge discovery.

Nov 5, 2016#60

strawman

That's awesome.

Nov 5, 2016#61

Dave

You'll note, though, that he said "family background information." While that's amazing, it's also cryptic enough that he might be sticking with the health thing and not divulging familial connections.

Nov 6, 2016#62

Denbrought

Dave said:
You'll note, though, that he said "family background information." While that's amazing, it's also cryptic enough that he might be sticking with the health thing and not divulging familial connections.

Fair enough , that's more or less what you asked for .

Nov 6, 2016#63

Ravenpoe

Dave said:
You'll note, though, that he said "family background information." While that's amazing, it's also cryptic enough that he might be sticking with the health thing and not divulging familial connections.

He probably thinks you want to harvest his organs after finding out he's a match for your blood type

Nov 6, 2016#64

Dave

And...?

Nov 9, 2016#65

Dave

Spoke to my cousin tonight. We talked for a while and determined that because of geography, I have to be from the father's side of the family. So my biological last name is....Johnson.

So his dad had 3 brothers and 3 sisters, all but one of which have passed away. Not sure about the partners or anything like that so on that front the search continues. Each of the kids, though, had kids of their own who are still living. This means that I have at least one and possibly more brothers or sisters. I have a book that shows the age of my mother & father but we can not find it and have no idea where it is. Go figure. He's going to be sending me information on each of the families and we're going to talk again soon. If by some chance we figure out which one is my parent, I'm going to have him reach out to them to find out their level of interest.

I'm a Johnson. Huh.

Nov 9, 2016#66

Denbrought

Dave said:
I'm a Johnson. Huh.

What is Alleles?

Nov 9, 2016#67

Dave

Are you asking or was this an obscure joke I'm not getting?

Nov 9, 2016#68

Denbrought

Dave said:
Are you asking or was this an obscure joke I'm not getting?

Allele is a word related to genetics that sounds like Aleppo.

Nov 9, 2016#69

Dave

Denbrought said:
Allele is a word related to genetics that sounds like Aleppo.

Ah. Quite the reach you have on that joke of yours. They sound nothing alike. Dork.

Nov 9, 2016#70

Denbrought

Dave said:
Ah. Quite the reach you have on that joke of yours. They sound nothing alike. Dork.

They do in Spanish, figured it'd all work out in the end. Clearly not

Nov 10, 2016#71

Celt Z

Dave said:
Ah. Quite the reach you have on that joke of yours. They sound nothing alike. Dork.

*cough*

https://www.halforums.com/threads/which-joke-is-better.32044/

Nov 10, 2016#72

Dave

I won that debate. Mine was the Fish joke. You've proven my point admirably. Thanks!

Nov 10, 2016#73

blotsfan

Both jokes were bad and you should feel bad.

Nov 10, 2016#74

Dave

blotsfan said:
Both jokes were bad and you should feel bad.

Fuck you, it's funny!®

Nov 10, 2016#75

evilmike

Dave said:
Fuck you, it's funny!®

Maybe you will find out that Scott Kurtz is your second cousin or something.

Nov 10, 2016#76

jwhouk

evilmike said:
Maybe you will find out that Scott Kurtz is your second cousin or something.

And it was on that day that we discovered why he was called "evilmike".

Sent from my NXA8QC116 using Tapatalk

Nov 10, 2016#77

Bubble181

jwhouk said:
And it was on that day that we discovered why he was called "evilmike".

Sent from my NXA8QC116 using Tapatalk

Well, I had the exact same thought but was beaten to it. Soomething something lack of sense of humor runs in the family something.

Nov 10, 2016#78

GasBandit

Denbrought said:
They do in Spanish, figured it'd all work out in the end. Clearly not

I got it right off.

Nov 10, 2016#79

Dave

I now have a family tree. And the guy I've been speaking to might be my SECOND cousin. His father and the siblings were all anywhere from 40 - 49 years of age in 1965, so it's unlikely that they are my parent. He thinks that it's either the daughter of one of them (we think we know who) or there'd always been a rumor that one of the boys had an affair. Not sure which generation because there's three generations with the same first name. So knowing how old my parents were (or their birth date) will nail it down exactly.

But I still can't find my booklet. So I called my sister who thinks that the original books are in my mom's lockbox at the bank. She's going to check that tonight.

So one step closer.

Nov 10, 2016#80

Dave

UPDATE!

Well, I found my baby book. When I was born my mother was 26 and my father was 35. This means that the guy I've been speaking with is my SECOND cousin, not my cousin. And I think that I know who my mother is, although I don't know if she's still alive or if she had any other kids. I'm waiting for my second cousin to confirm the birth year of my mother.

I also found out that my birth name was Christopher Paul instead of David Paul. So I had the middle name before being adopted by Paul Nihsen, so they just kept the middle name the same and changed my first name to David. My sister's name was Kandy Sue. I told her she started life with a stripper's name.

So when I hear from my second cousin I'll update again.

Nov 10, 2016#81

jwhouk

Oh great, now we have to change all the "Dave is Old" jokes to "Chris is Old" jokes...

(kidding

)

Nov 10, 2016#82

PatrThom

jwhouk said:
Oh great, now we have to change all the "Dave is Old" jokes to "Chris is Old" jokes...
(kidding )

Well, "Chris" is earlier in the alphabet than "Dave."

--Patrick

Nov 11, 2016#83

Dave

UPDATE!

Minor math fail. The parents of my cousin (second cousin?) are not aged from 40 - 49 like I thought. Going over the numbers again they range from 36 - 49. The youngest, Richard, was 36 when I was born. But if they filled out the paperwork early he would 35 as his birthday is September. So it's conceivable that Richard is my dad. If this is true, then he's still alive - the only one of the siblings that are alive.

The cousin I'm talking to is out of town and gets back tonight. So I have to be patient.

Nov 11, 2016#84

fade

This is going to end up like King Ralph.

Nov 11, 2016#85

Dave

That would be sweet if he didn't have 4 other kids running around.

Nov 11, 2016#86

strawman

... then Dave found out they all voted Trump.

:awesome:

Nov 11, 2016#87

Dave

Nov 11, 2016#88

@Li3n

Ravenpoe said:
My prediction of @Dave's face when he discovers that Donald Trump is his biological father

So... does Trump redeem himself by throwing Dick Cheney down a well?

Nov 11, 2016#89

Dave

Shooting him in the face.

Nov 11, 2016#90

GasBandit

Dave said:
Shooting him in the face.

Nov 11, 2016#91

@Li3n

Dave said:
Shooting him in the face.

Wait, so it all goes down in Soviet Russia?

Nov 11, 2016#92

Dave

@Li3n said:
Wait, so it all goes down in Soviet Russia?

I used the same tense as the previous post, you knob.

Nov 11, 2016#93

Celt Z

Dave, I'm genuinely excited for you and i hope it all turns out well!

...however, it IS pretty funny how close you came to being Dick Johnson, Jr. I guess the stage name "Dave DeLong" wasn't so far off after all.

*snicker*penispenispenispenispenispenispenis

Nov 11, 2016#94

PatrThom

Celt Z said:
Dave, I'm genuinely excited for you and i hope it all turns out well!

...however, it IS pretty funny how close you came to being Dick Johnson, Jr. I guess the stage name "Dave DeLong" wasn't so far off after all.

*snicker*penispenispenispenispenispenispenis

Stop, you're going to put that song back in my head.

--Patrick

Nov 11, 2016#95

GasBandit

Celt Z said:
Dave, I'm genuinely excited for you and i hope it all turns out well!

...however, it IS pretty funny how close you came to being Dick Johnson, Jr. I guess the stage name "Dave DeLong" wasn't so far off after all.

*snicker*penispenispenispenispenispenispenis

Nov 11, 2016#96

GasBandit

Dave said:
MAJOR FUCKING UPDATE!!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you my father, Richard "Dick" Johnson. The following is from my FIRST cousin.

So I may never get to meet my biological father because it doesn't sound good for him at all. I still don't know the name of my mother and am not sure how to go about getting that information. If we could get Richard to speak and give up a name, that would be ideal, but I'm not holding my breath.

You have roots in Texas, then?

One of us!
ONE OF US!
ONE OF US!!

Nov 11, 2016#97

Ravenpoe

Dave said:
MAJOR FUCKING UPDATE!!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you my father, Richard "Dick" Johnson. The following is from my FIRST cousin.

So I may never get to meet my biological father because it doesn't sound good for him at all. I still don't know the name of my mother and am not sure how to go about getting that information. If we could get Richard to speak and give up a name, that would be ideal, but I'm not holding my breath.

I already am imagining how this will go down.

Dave: So, you're Dick Johnson?

Dick Johnson: Don't. I've heard the jokes, I hate when people are funny.

Dave: Then you're in luck!

Nov 11, 2016#98

Dave

Nov 12, 2016#99

@Li3n

Dave said:
I used the same tense as the previous post, you knob.

I was making a Yakov Smirnoff joke... coz in Soviet Russia you shoot Cheney in face.

Nov 12, 2016#100

Dave

@Li3n said:
I was making a Yakov Smirnoff joke... coz in Soviet Russia you shoot Cheney in face.

I know.

Nov 12, 2016#101

@Li3n

Dave said:
I know.

Then clearly i don't get your response...

Nov 14, 2016#102

Dave

Next step is trying to find my mother's side of the family. This is going to prove difficult as my father either isn't giving up the goods because he doesn't remember or is physically unable to respond. I don't know which. My cousin hasn't checked back with me yet.

So I started looking at the names in DNA trees for 3rd & 4th cousins, checking all levels that I could find. One name keeps coming up - Flageolle. So I am searching the male line to see if maybe there's a flageolle there. If not, I may have a starting point for the maternal line.

Nov 14, 2016#103

fade

Nov 15, 2016#104

@Li3n

Flageolle sounds like some sort of cellular organism to me.

Nov 15, 2016#105

PatrThom

@Li3n said:
Flageolle sounds like some sort of cellular organism to me.

Or at least an organelle.

--Patrick

Nov 15, 2016#106

Dave

Welp, my cousin seems to have cut off contact. He's no longer returning my emails and the call he was supposed to make yesterday never happened. I have other avenues, but all of them are more nuclear option than going through him. I really don't want to rock the boat, but as of right now I don't know what my options are.

Nov 15, 2016#107

bhamv3

Dave said:
Welp, my cousin seems to have cut off contact. He's no longer returning my emails and the call he was supposed to make yesterday never happened. I have other avenues, but all of them are more nuclear option than going through him. I really don't want to rock the boat, but as of right now I don't know what my options are.

My immediate thought is that he spoke to someone who confirmed the affair theory, and he was ordered to end this whole thing before old wounds / dirty laundry reemerge.

Nov 15, 2016#108

Denbrought

Dave said:
Welp, my cousin seems to have cut off contact. He's no longer returning my emails and the call he was supposed to make yesterday never happened. I have other avenues, but all of them are more nuclear option than going through him. I really don't want to rock the boat, but as of right now I don't know what my options are.

Alternatively, something happened and they are temporarily unable to dedicate time to your quest. Give 'em a few days before assuming the worst re radio silence.

Nov 15, 2016#109

Dave

He was on the Ancestry DNA page today. I'm more willing to go with @bhamv3's theory.

But I have a few items in my arsenal. Anyone up for a name hunt? Send me a PM and I'll fill you in.[DOUBLEPOST=1479263448,1479263425][/DOUBLEPOST]I won't post any of this publicly yet. Out of deference to the family.

Nov 15, 2016#110

jwhouk

Dave said:
He was on the Ancestry DNA page today. I'm more willing to go with @bhamv3's theory.

But I have a few items in my arsenal. Anyone up for a name hunt? Send me a PM and I'll fill you in.[DOUBLEPOST=1479263448,1479263425][/DOUBLEPOST]I won't post any of this publicly yet. Out of deference to the family.

I was going to do a discreet Ancestry search myself, but as you apparently have access to ancestry.com yourself, I won't duplicate efforts.

And a hug goes out over the "likely cut contact because of old wounds" thing. Not every search for birth parents has a happy ending.

Nov 15, 2016#111

Dave

You can check anything you like.

[DOUBLEPOST=1479264468,1479263980][/DOUBLEPOST]I now have all the names of my brothers & sisters. If I want to go nuclear, game on. I so want to but I'm holding off. I AM going to go Facebook stalking, though.

Nov 15, 2016#112

PatrThom

Dave said:
But I have a few items in my arsenal. Anyone up for a name hunt? Send me a PM and I'll fill you in.

I admit I'm tempted, but I know I'm not going to have the luxury of time right now, and probably won't have more than an hour or two to myself daily until January.

--Patrick

Nov 15, 2016#113

Dave

I've now seen pictures of all of my living siblings, my father, and his deceased wife.

I look like none of them. At all.

Nov 15, 2016#114

strawman

Well, I understand your desire to move things forward quickly, but I suggest patience. While you are hot in he topic right now, it's probably best not to rock boats or burn bridges - give it a few weeks, a few months, and give them time to come to grips with this new information.

They may come around later, particularly if they don't feel like they're dealing with fire. Going nuclear, as you put it, may give you some immediate results, but at the cost of getting some real closure and willing particiapation.

Nov 15, 2016#115

Dave

I'm not sure they HAVE any information to come to grips with and I won't unless my cousin gets back to me. I have no idea how far he got, what steps he took to get there, etc. So a few days, maybe a week. But months? Nope.

Nov 16, 2016#116

strawman

Well, burning bridges before you know where they lead is risky, but I'm certain you know that. Good luck!

Nov 16, 2016#117

Dave

It's like I was telling a person I work with. Letting me know the family has been contacted and isn't interested is perfectly fine. Whatever. Stonewalling and cutting off all contact without nary a word pisses me off. Like it's so hard to drop an email that says, "We feel that at this time it is not in the best interest of the family to continue inquiries." is a legitimate communication. Stone silence shows a lack of respect. It's the different between actually breaking up with someone and just blocking them and ignoring calls.

Hell, for all I know I'm not being stonewalled. But it certainly is starting to feel that way. But I'm not making a move until next week at the earliest.

Nov 16, 2016#118

Dave

I've made a decision. Monday if I've not heard anything I'm going to send my cousin a message. It will be something like:

Dear X,

I haven't heard from you in a while and my emails have gone unanswered. At this point I am wondering if my inquiries are going to be going any farther or how far they've gone. If this is due to a family request I completely understand, but without a communication I have no way of knowing. I enjoyed speaking with you and attempting to unravel this mystery. I do have other avenues of inquiry that I can follow, but will wait a few days before doing this.

I won't pull the trigger on a nuclear option until after Thanksgiving.

Nov 16, 2016#119

evilmike

Dave said:
I've made a decision. Monday if I've not heard anything I'm going to send my cousin a message. It will be something like:

I won't pull the trigger on a nuclear option until after Thanksgiving.

I'd suggest waiting on the initial message until after Thanksgiving. I know you are really excited about this, but I think this situation would benefit from allowing it some time to breathe.

Nov 16, 2016#120

Dave

evilmike said:
I'd suggest waiting on the initial message until after Thanksgiving. I know you are really excited about this, but I think this situation would benefit from allowing it some time to breathe.

I think that's fair.

Nov 16, 2016#121

Emrys

I'll adopt you and you can be my brother. I have to warn you though, I've got a pretty fucked-up family.

Nov 16, 2016#122

Bubble181

Emrys said:
I've got a pretty fucked-up family.

She's somehow three seventh Weasel. Nobody can really figure out how that works.

Nov 17, 2016#123

Dave

I have a new idea that is really growing on me. But it starts with a question.

If you got an Ancestry DNA kit in the mail and it was in your name - even if you don't know where it came from - would you do it out of curiosity?

Nov 17, 2016#124

Denbrought

Personally, I'd call Ancestry and make sure that only I have access to the results, not whomever paid for it. Depending on that, I'd use it, because that's something I've been wanting.

My model of the average person would react with something between "the fuck" and "THE FUCK". I would not do this to anyone because receiving unexplained gifts in the mail from anonymous strangers sounds pretty creepy, specially when they're asking for your spit in return.

Nov 17, 2016#125

Dave

Only you have access to the results. You have to activate it to your account.

Having said that, it does show close matches so it would eventually show up on my account as what relationship they were. I couldn't SEE the results, but I would be able to see the relationship. Oh, and they'd see me as well. It would be THEM discovering ME instead of me hitting them out of the blue.

Nov 17, 2016#126

Dave

Did I fuck up? I don't know.

On a whim, I sent one of my potential brothers a Facebook friend request. To my surprise, he accepted. Then I went to a 2-hour meeting. When I got back someone asked, "Can't he see YOUR timeline?"

Oh shit! I had stuff up there on the situation! It's now hidden and he hasn't said anything or unfriended me, so I don't know if I fucked up or not.

I still don't plan on saying anything to anyone until after Thanksgiving, but I almost did it unintentionally.

Nov 17, 2016#127

PatrThom

I think "accidentally" revealing a bit about yourself might help the situation, actually.

--Patrick

Nov 17, 2016#128

Dave

PatrThom said:
I think "accidentally" revealing a bit about yourself might help the situation, actually.

--Patrick

I both agree and disagree. It would be easier on me, but I think it would be cowardly. Either way it's going to be hard on the family, if I'm an unknown. Hell, Richard might not be my dad. The dates and everything line up, but until we get a DNA test done it's difficult to triangulate.

Nov 17, 2016#129

PatrThom

Dave said:
I both agree and disagree. It would be easier on me, but I think it would be cowardly. Either way it's going to be hard on the family, if I'm an unknown. Hell, Richard might not be my dad. The dates and everything line up, but until we get a DNA test done it's difficult to triangulate.

No, no...I mean that if they tried to do a little Facebook stalking on you while your profile was still open, it might have made them more comfortable because they were able to easily "sneak" a peek at your profile rather than being blocked every time they tried to "secretly" dig up any info on you. I have the terms in quotes because they are presumably not doing so out of malice, rather they just want to learn a little about you without you knowing they've been curious.

--Patrick

Nov 21, 2016#130

Dave

Well, I fucked up. Sort of. My cousin said he was going to get back with me a week ago to discuss and then nothing. So I assumed radio silence. I sent him a message thanking him for his help. He took it...badly. He said I had sent him a veiled threat and that I didn't believe he was trying to help me - which is not what I thought. I was kind of stuck between trying to find out if I was getting stonewalled, which is very common in these instances, or if I should continue to correspond. Well, I guess that has been answered.

It's the age old "I'm totally reading the tone of the emails incorrect". Possibly on both of our parts. But life moves on, I suppose.

I guess the next step (after Thanksgiving) is having a conversation with one of the brothers. That should be fun.

Nov 21, 2016#131

Mathias

drawn_inward said:
@Dave I look at SNPs for a living. If you have some genetics questions, I'd be happy to try to help. Just PM me and I'll do what I can.

Late to the party, but I'm glad I saw this before spending an hour remembering all I can about SNPs.

Nov 25, 2016#132

Dave

Okay, boys and girls. Message sent to my (probable) brother. I did not discuss what it was, but merely said that I had a matter of a personal, family topic to discuss. I also let him know that it might be uncomfortable and that if he was not interested I'd back off.

If he does want me to maintain silence, I then move to my (probable) sister.

Nov 26, 2016#133

evilmike

When I suggested "after Thanksgiving", I was really thinking the Monday after. Remember, you're way more invested in this than they are. If you want a little perspective, think of it as you're a seventh grader dealing trying to get a date with your first crush.

Nov 26, 2016#134

strawman

evilmike said:
When I suggested "after Thanksgiving", I was really thinking the Monday after. Remember, you're way more invested in this than they are. If you want a little perspective, think of it as you're a seventh grader dealing trying to get a date with your first crush.

Dave has already rejected all our suggestions to be patient and wait without pushing, and believes he is already being patient and that his messages aren't pushy.

So obviously the only thing left is

THERAPY

Nov 26, 2016#135

Dave

There's a time element with all of this. If my biological father is that ill he might be the only chance to get the name of my mother. So I can't afford to be as patient as you all want me to be.

Nov 26, 2016#136

PatrThom

I might include that in your letters. The whole, "If true, time is short" thing.

--Patrick

Nov 26, 2016#137

Dave

PatrThom said:
I might include that in your letters. The whole, "If true, time is short" thing.

--Patrick

I want to have some rapport before I go that far. As much as I want to know, I'm not going to nuke the family without them giving me permission. Which is why my message didn't spell everything out. Although I seriously thought about that.

I'm really hoping the brother reaches out to me as the next step is a phone call and the only number I have is to the sister's work. So I'd leave a message there, which I *SO* do not want to do.

Nov 26, 2016#138

strawman

Dave said:
There's a time element with all of this. If my biological father is that ill he might be the only chance to get the name of my mother. So I can't afford to be as patient as you all want me to be.

Time frame

It's only been three weeks since you got your first email from someone regarding this whole thing. November 5th you heard from them, and it's only November 26th.

Risk analysis

What you're saying is that you're balancing your aggressiveness against the likelihood of a line of inquiry being permanently shut. But if he's on death's door such that a week or two might make the difference, then it's already too late and it's nobody's fault - certainly not your cousin's for taking his time about the whole matter.

What you're essentially betting is that he's sick enough that he's going to die within weeks, but he's well enough that he can help you. And the small chance of this being exactly the case is causing you to close doors and possibly burn bridges just in case he's in that exact situation and no one else has any possible way for you to find anything else out.

The risk of that being the case is low. The cost you're spending to prevent that possible outcome is very high.

What's more important - information or relationships?

I suppose, then, that I am making a bad assumption about your intentions. Your actions say, "I don't really care who I upset in order to get the information I'm looking for - I'm interested in information, not relationships, and if they get upset it's really their own fault for not helping me faster." While I'm sitting here thinking, "It's probably too late to develop any meaningful relationship with dad, so if you want to know him you should probably focus on building relationships with those around him."

Relationships

Reading back through the thread and the email you sent him most recently, it sounds like you're threatening an end run. You're essentially saying, "Hey, I suspect you aren't interested in helping me, and if so well I don't need you and I'll just go through other channels." And you're sending this message, ironically, because you feel like he's not respecting you.

Now it could be years down the line you'll all be at a reunion, everything will be smoothed over, and you'll all laugh about it, or it could be that you'll be no closer to knowing your biological family because in your haste to get to the one person you think might have the answer you've upset them and years later they still refuse contact.

Information

Of course, if you aren't interested in developing relationships with your family, and are really only interested in finding the names and medical histories of your biological parents, then I suppose it doesn't matter and you should go full steam ahead. I have a hard time understanding how this will help you though, because even if you do get some information - say confirmation that he's your father, and a medical history - is that really enough? You'll still be left with many, many questions.

Conclusion

But this is me viewing something very important to you through a small window. What I'm seeing - going from "Hey, I might have just met a cousin!" to "Hey, I might have just offended a cousin!" in three weeks - suggests that your current plan isn't going to provide you with long term success, which may depend largely on whether living relatives will want to communicate with you after your most significant possible connection is gone.

So....

THERAPY[DOUBLEPOST=1480197624,1480197443][/DOUBLEPOST]To be particularly explicit about the threat:

If this is due to a family request I completely understand

Then you say

I do have other avenues of inquiry that I can follow, but will wait a few days before doing this.

So you're essentially saying, "Perhaps people don't want to tell me, but I'll continue pursuing it until I find out."

Nov 26, 2016#139

mikerc

@stienman the reason I think @Dave is pushing so hard is that the family have told him that his believed father might not last long &

Dave said:
There's a time element with all of this. If my biological father is that ill he might be the only chance to get the name of my mother. So I can't afford to be as patient as you all want me to be.

Nov 26, 2016#140

Dave

Yeah, they tell me he's not doing well but won't go into it in any detail. Is he on death's door? Does he have mental issues? I don't know. So I'm walking a tightrope between time & alienation. I'm not really in it for the relationships, but if they happen I'm not against it. I may be burning bridges and preventing it, but I don't know if I can wait or not.

THERAPY!

Nov 26, 2016#141

strawman

Fair enough.

Nov 26, 2016#142

Officer_Charon

Also, man up.

This has been extremely intriguing to follow, on my end, and I wish you the best of luck in seeing it through.

Dec 9, 2016#143

Dave

Well, I decided not to pursue this any further. At least not in the ways that I could. Right now the only remaining option would be to call them at their places of work and I just can't bring myself to do this. Talk about being intrusive. So I created a Facebook post that only a couple of the kids could see and I wrote the following:

This will probably be my last attempt at reaching out. I have other contact information like phone numbers, but have decided not to follow those avenues as I feel they would be intrusive. It is not nor has it ever been my aim to make anyone uncomfortable. So I'm laying everything out here and let the chips fall as they may.

I believe I'm your brother.

I was born in 1965 and was adopted to a couple in Minden, Iowa. I have always known I was adopted and it's never been a big deal, until my adopted mother got Alzheimer's. It got me to thinking about genetic health risks, so I took the Ancestry DNA test. This identified a cousin (who shall remain nameless) and together we discovered that your father, Richard, is most likely also my biological father. At this time I do not have any information on my mother, and I fear that if I get nowhere on this angle I may never know.

But, of course, without any of the four kids taking a DNA test (which I'd pay for) it's all conjecture at this point. The dates and ages all line up and it's the only possible option that I'm aware of.

So that's it. I think we're siblings. Please note that nobody else besides you two can see this and unless you reach back to me you'll probably not hear from me again (barring any further information received from whatever source).

I hope to hear from you to discuss.

Well, there it is. If I don't ever hear back I'm fine with it. I haven't known anything for 50+ years, I guess it really won't hurt to not know in the future. I'd certainly like to know more about my mother's side, but it's going to be difficult to impossible to figure out unless there is a big break somewhere.

So it looks like Dave's Quest for History may be coming to an end. With a whimper, not a bang. But you never know.

Dec 9, 2016#144

Gared

Sorry this is ending in such a potentially lackluster fashion, @Dave. You'll always be family to Halforums.

Dec 9, 2016#145

Emrys

Gared said:
Sorry this is ending in such a potentially lackluster fashion, @Dave. You'll always be family to Halforums.

Is he the crazy uncle?

Dec 9, 2016#146

Gared

Emrys said:
Is he the crazy uncle?

Indeed he is - which is good. Without Dave I don't so much have a crazy uncle, as I do a molesty uncle.

Edit: Sorry, my mom's side of the family is all screwed up.

Dec 9, 2016#147

Dave

Uh...

Dec 9, 2016#148

Dave

Holy shit, holy shit, HOLY SHIT!

It worked.

I just got off the phone with the person who might be my brother.

I am not a surprise. They've thought for years that I exist.
He is willing to take a DNA test.
They are open to discussing the family ties.
He is going to ask Richard my mother's name.
We are going to be exchanging information like phone numbers and addresses.
I might be making a trip to Texas after the holidays.

Holy shit how fast things turn around.

Dec 9, 2016#149

Dave

And now my sister has reached out as well. Apparently my brother made some calls.

Dec 9, 2016#150

Dave

And now my other brother as well. Holy crap! IT'S HAPPENING!!

Dec 9, 2016#151

Emrys

It's because they think you have money.

:hide:

Dec 9, 2016#152

Dave

Boy will THEY be disappointed!

Dec 9, 2016#153

strawman

I'm so happy for you Dave!

Dec 9, 2016#154

ThatNickGuy

Dave said:
Boy will THEY be disappointed!

Dec 9, 2016#155

Celt Z

But Dave is rich with comedy!

...you may not want to inform them of this until AFTER you've gotten all your information.

Dec 9, 2016#156

Dave

I have showed one of them my stand-up.[DOUBLEPOST=1481318911,1481318722][/DOUBLEPOST]

ThatNickGuy said:

TWO WEEEEKS!

Dec 9, 2016#157

blotsfan

Celt Z said:
But Dave is rich with comedy!

Dave said:
I have showed one of them my stand-up.

Well then so much for that.

Dec 9, 2016#158

Dave

Seems my bio father and his wife had divorced three times and married four. I was made during one of those breaks. One of the brothers remembers me as a baby.[DOUBLEPOST=1481320674,1481320657][/DOUBLEPOST]

blotsfan said:
Well then so much for that.

Dec 9, 2016#159

GasBandit

Dave said:
Seems my bio father and his wife had divorced three times and married four. I was made during one of those breaks. One of the brothers remembers me as a baby.[DOUBLEPOST=1481320674,1481320657][/DOUBLEPOST]

Your father is the original inspiration for Ross Gellar.

Dec 9, 2016#160

Dei

Dec 11, 2016#161

Dave

Things have been happening at an amazingly fast pace. I am now in contact with all four siblings and my potential father called last night although I was doing a gig. He did talk to my wife for about a 1/2 hour. I'll be calling him soon. I'll let you all know what's going on but it looks like he's willing to take a DNA test.

Dec 11, 2016#162

PatrThom

<that_escalated_quickly.jpg>

--Patrick

Dec 11, 2016#163

blotsfan

So how long until you find out they're all die hard trump supporters?

Dec 11, 2016#164

Dave

If they are they are. Doesn't change who they are to me.

Dec 12, 2016#165

Dave

And now for some updates. The following quotes are from emails I received from the siblings. It paints kind of a bleak picture of Richard, my possible biological father, as a person. But read to the end.

I shared your email with dad and unfortunately, he says he doesn't remember. Where were you born? Omaha? I know at one time he was stationed in Omaha but I believe that was when our second oldest brother was born. His discharge papers have him out of the service February 1959. Another time, he and my mom were separated and dad was living in Omaha and that is when dad did a recording of a song, Oh So Proud. All of 11 copies of a one-sided 45 record were made., He again doesn't recall what year it was. The studio was Sears Records, don't quote me on that one.

Dad not remembering is about par for the course. Short term memory is good, long term not so great. Don't give up hope though. I have found that the more we talk about this, the more he thinks about it, facts begin to surface. You made reference to snail-mail, with dad it's snail-tell/tale. Lol

Okay, I just was talking to dad and before I say any more, I feel I should, set the scene so to speak, with respect to dad's character. My dad has been an alcoholic as long as I can remember which would attest to the "non-recollection" of his life events thing. I believe the Korean War was a contributing factor to the alcoholism with all it's. amenities, mostly blackouts, denial, and being a general "dick". Sorry about the language, pun intended. Spent most of our discussion repeating myself to convince him it's okay to tell us anything and it won't effect how we feel about him. In one breath he wants to forget about it and you can hear and see the fatigue that has set in and in another he's calling Steven for your phone number. I think he's remembering more than he's saying at the moment.

I asked him where he was when he was 35yrs old, couldn't recall but then made the statement "she had about 5 boyfriends.' I asked him "who?", He said "I don't remember her name". That's about all I got this round but the day isn't over yet. Haha. I hope I haven't said anything to hurt you but I'm sure you live in the real world and want it straight. If you happen to get any more info, no matter how small or insignificant you might think it is, let me know. I'll run it by him and maybe we can refresh his memory a bit more.

I love Dad but am not especially close to him. We moved in with my grandmother, mom's mom, when I was three, and I lived there until I was almost fourteen. He wasn't around much so I never really got a chance to know him. Grandma and mom took care of us and there wasn't any abuse, mostly just indifference. He truly does care about his kids but just doesn't know how to show it most of the time. I know it hurts him.. It's possible he's much closer to the other kids, I was just the youngest.

He and his wife were married 4 times and divorced 3. He was frequently absent and distant. He would disappear for months on end and his wife always took him back.

But.

Also explains, his PTSD, which wasn't a thing back then... Most of his drinking originates from that experience. He has some stories, but only tells while drinking.

Dude was in the Korean War. He's got a Bronze Star with V cluster, Purple Heart with oak leaf cluster, and a Silver Star. He took out a couple machine gun nests on his own.

For me there's nothing to forgive. It's the past. But his kids all handle it differently. Oh, and there's more that will be coming in a different post.

Dec 12, 2016#166

Siska

Dei said:
View attachment 22767

Seriously though, with their many breaks I hope none of your siblings gets a bad surprise from the DNA test.

Dec 12, 2016#167

jwhouk

Wow.

Dec 12, 2016#168

Dave

Siska said:
Seriously though, with their many breaks I hope none of your siblings gets a bad surprise from the DNA test.

So you say that there may be some other surprises...and this is a perfect segue. In my last post I said that there's more coming that wold come in a different post. This is that post.

While talking to them, I found out that one of the brothers - Steve - had already taken the Ancestry DNA test. We don't match. At all. So there are three possibilities.

Dick is not Steve's father. This would be a surprise to Steve. Lois would still be his mother so he'd still be a half-brother to his current siblings, but he'd be no relation to me at all.
The cousin's father is not his real father. This would be a surprise to the cousin. But it would explain why I was related to him, but not HIS cousin.
The cousin's grandfather is not the father of the cousin's father. Did you understand that? That would also be a surprise to everyone.

No matter which one it is, someone is getting a surprise. My guess is that Steve's dad is not Dick. We'll find out when Dick takes the DNA test I've sent them. But if I were the kids I think I'd get tested.

I did talk briefly - VERY briefly - with Dick on Sunday, but I called him instead of him calling me and I think it flustered him a bit. He didn't stay on the phone too long. He says he doesn't remember, but a couple of the kids aren't so sure this is the truth. But he's willing to take the DNA which should prove to be very enlightening for a number of reasons. And not just for me.

Dec 12, 2016#169

Officer_Charon

Goodness, what a rollercoaster! And this... this whole endeavor, the story, the revelations here towards the end of it are all something out of a movie script.

Dec 12, 2016#170

Dave

The family have been amazing, truthfully. They've welcomed me with open arms and there's absolutely no hard feelings or holding back. It's like I walked into a Greek family gathering and everyone yelled, "OPA!"

I've already told them that this has been such a positive experience that even if it turns out I'm not related I'm going to keep in contact and have them as friends. And they feel the same. Makes me feel bad for my sister and her terrible experience.

Dec 13, 2016#171

MindDetective

Is your cousin related to the brother?

Dec 13, 2016#172

Mathias

Dave said:
So you say that there may be some other surprises...and this is a perfect segue. In my last post I said that there's more coming that wold come in a different post. This is that post.

While talking to them, I found out that one of the brothers - Steve - had already taken the Ancestry DNA test. We don't match. At all. So there are three possibilities.

Dick is not Steve's father. This would be a surprise to Steve. Lois would still be his mother so he'd still be a half-brother to his current siblings, but he'd be no relation to me at all.

The cousin's father is not his real father. This would be a surprise to the cousin. But it would explain why I was related to him, but not HIS cousin.

The cousin's grandfather is not the father of the cousin's father. Did you understand that? That would also be a surprise to everyone.

Dec 13, 2016#173

GasBandit

Dec 13, 2016#174

Dave

MindDetective said:
Is your cousin related to the brother?

I don't know. The reason for this is because I haven't said anything to the brother - yet - and the cousin has basically cut off contact. But that's the $25,000 question.

Dec 13, 2016#175

Emrys

The result of @Dave's family history search

Dec 13, 2016#176

Hailey Knight

Dave said:
I don't know. The reason for this is because I haven't said anything to the brother - yet - and the cousin has basically cut off contact. But that's the $25,000 question.

Now wondering if this is why the cousin cut off contact. Maybe knew something the others didn't. At the very least, your cousin is much more discomforted by all this than your siblings, who seem to have made peace with Dick's life events.

Dec 13, 2016#177

Dave

The joke has been made.[DOUBLEPOST=1481653638,1481653574][/DOUBLEPOST]

Zero Esc said:
Now wondering if this is why the cousin cut off contact.

Nah, he thought I was being pushy. He was supposed to call me on a Monday and then didn't. I waited until the following Monday and sent him a message. He didn't like that because I was supposed to wait for him to email me.

Dec 13, 2016#178

Mathias

Dave said:
The joke has been made.[DOUBLEPOST=1481653638,1481653574][/DOUBLEPOST]

Nah, he thought I was being pushy. He was supposed to call me on a Monday and then didn't. I waited until the following Monday and sent him a message. He didn't like that because I was supposed to wait for him to email me.

Jeez what a little crybaby bitch.

Dec 13, 2016#179

Dave

Well I wouldn't go that far.

Dec 13, 2016#180

evilmike

Emrys said:
The result of @Dave's family history search

You know what they say about people who live in glass houses...

@Dave isn't the only one might end up inspiring a Ray Steven's song:

Sounds like the operatives of a certain someone... all I'm saying.

Dec 13, 2016#181

Dave

Now THERE'S a song I haven't heard in a long, long time!

Dec 13, 2016#182

GasBandit

Ravage, plunder, pillage, maim, and put big hickeys on all the fair damsels! YAAAAAAAA!

Jan 8, 2017#183

Dave

Been a while since I've updated this. Mainly because not much has happened. Rick (brother?) has had the paternity test to give to Dick (dad?) since about Christmas and just today took it over to him. So I did mine and after Rick sends me the code (because we're in separate states, we have to get a case number from the lab and write it on both tests so they know WHO to test it against) I'll mail it off. After the lab gets it, they say it'll take about 2 days. So it's conceivable that I will know by the end of this week if Dick is my father or if I get to ruin Ken's (cousin) day.

Jan 11, 2017#184

Dave

Got the paternity test in the mail from Rick (brother?) with DNA from both he and Dick (father?). Overnighted it to the lab. Should have results by Friday or Monday at the latest if their claims of 1-2 days is correct.

Jan 11, 2017#185

fade

"Hey Steve, come check out this DNA! This guy's so old his X chromosomes are pronounced 'chi'!"

Jan 11, 2017#186

Dave

I have to point out that if I am related I'll be the youngest. So there.

Jan 11, 2017#187

ThatNickGuy

Dave said:
I have to point out that if I am related I'll be the youngest. So there.

Oh awesome, now you can finally learn what life was like before you.

You know, like the Big Bang.

Jan 11, 2017#188

blotsfan

ThatNickGuy said:
You know, like the Big Bang

Wasn't that the term scientists gave for Daves conception?

Jan 11, 2017#189

Bubble181

ThatNickGuy said:
Oh awesome, now you can finally learn what life was like before you.

You know, like the Big Bang.

Who would've guessed the Big Bang was an extramarital one?

Jan 11, 2017#190

GasBandit

Bubble181 said:
Who would've guessed the Big Bang was an extramarital one?

Well, duh, it predates the institution of marriage.

Jan 11, 2017#191

ThatNickGuy

blotsfan said:
Wasn't that the term scientists gave for Daves conception?

No no no, you're confusing it with the term scientists coined for my prom night.

Jan 11, 2017#192

Adam

ThatNickGuy said:
No no no, you're confusing it with the term scientists coined for my prom night.

"The Great Disappointment"?

Jan 11, 2017#193

ThatNickGuy

Adam said:
"The Great Disappointment"?

Jan 17, 2017#194

Dave

Paternity test results are in. Ladies and gentlemen, Richard Johnson...

IS MY FATHER!!!

Jan 17, 2017#195

bhamv3

Yay! Go Dick Johnson!

Jan 17, 2017#196

Dave

I really want to tell people on Facebook, but I promised MY BROTHER, Rick, that I'd let him find out instead of me telling him.

Jan 17, 2017#197

Dave

And now the news is out. Rick has seen it and it's now common knowledge.

This summer I'll be heading to Texas to meet him.

Jan 17, 2017#198

jwhouk

So do we call you the Big Johnson around here now?

Jan 17, 2017#199

Dave

jwhouk said:
So do we call you the Big Johnson around here now?

The biggest!

(This statement - like my penis - is a joke.)

Jan 17, 2017#200

Mathias

Nice, Dave. Glad you found closure!

Jan 17, 2017#201

Dave

Mathias said:
Nice, Dave. Glad you found closure!

Now on to the mother! Dick says he doesn't remember her so I'll probably have to go the DNA route again. I have a couple interesting leads, but these are tenuous at best so I might not ever find out.

Jan 17, 2017#202

GasBandit

And so on.

Jan 17, 2017#203

Dave

For those interested, here's the pdf paternity test result. It's not very exciting...except for that last part.

Jan 17, 2017#204

Mathias

Wait so your positive test confirms that someone else is not a biological kid right?[DOUBLEPOST=1484670610,1484670278][/DOUBLEPOST]Also. No Maury dance for Dick.

Jan 17, 2017#205

Dave

Mathias said:
Wait so your positive test confirms that someone else is not a biological kid right?

Yes. Son Steve and I do NOT match on Ancestry DNA. So he needs to get a paternity test done as Dick is probably NOT his dad. Or the Ancestry DNA screwed up. But the first one is probably more likely.

Jan 17, 2017#206

blotsfan

Dave said:
Yes. Son Steve and I do NOT match on Ancestry DNA. So he needs to get a paternity test done as Dick is probably NOT his dad. Or the Ancestry DNA screwed up. But the first one is probably more likely.

Sorry if I missed it, but was he ok with that possibility? That'd be a crazy thing to learn after so long.

Jan 17, 2017#207

Dave

blotsfan said:
Sorry if I missed it, but was he ok with that possibility? That'd be a crazy thing to learn after so long.

At this point only Rick, Steve's son Aaron, and I know this. So it's going to be a complete surprise. It's not my place to tell him, though. Rick or Aaron will tell him.

Jan 17, 2017#208

Mathias

So, Dick gets a double Maury whammy. He IS/IS NOT the father.

I think he's allowed to do a half breakdance move at this point.

Jan 17, 2017#209

Dave

Rick is waiting to see how HIS DNA test goes. He wants to see if he matches with Steve. They'd still be brothers, but would have different fathers.

Jan 17, 2017#210

ThatNickGuy

Putting together the family tree for this would be a nightmare.

Jan 17, 2017#211

Gruebeard

Bubble181 said:
Who would've guessed the Big Bang was an extramarital one?

The biggest bangs always are.

Jan 17, 2017#212

BananaHands

Been following this on facebook - just realized there was a HalForum thread. Congrats on finding a brother, Dave!

Jan 17, 2017#213

Dave

BananaHands said:
Been following this on facebook - just realized there was a HalForum thread. Congrats on finding a brother, Dave!

Two! And two sisters! And a fuckton of nieces and nephews! And cousins!

Jan 17, 2017#214

BananaHands

Dave said:
Two! And two sisters! And a fuckton of nieces and nephews! And cousins!

Oh god, your christmas list just got so much bigger.

Jan 18, 2017#215

Bubble181

Didn't really want to make a new thread, adn this seems like a good place: my long-lost sister (over 10 years of no contact with the family) has reached out to me and my brother again. Huh. She's living in Ireland now, married, twins. I'm in favor of contacting her again, but my brother's never told his daughter that there was another aunt, and he doesn't want to tell her just yet, depending on how the contact turns out. Also, my parents and sister probably both don't want contact with the other, so that might get weird. Sigh.

Jan 18, 2017#216

sixpackshaker

Let it get weird, if there is a serious falling out between your folks and your sister, so what she is still your sister. Just don't take sides between your parents and sibling.

Jan 18, 2017#217

Dave

sixpackshaker said:
Let it get weird, if there is a serious falling out between your folks and your sister, so what she is still your sister. Just don't take sides between your parents and sibling.

Whenever I'm stuck between warring parties that I like, I always tell them the following:

I am going to agree to everything you say. And when I'm with them I'm agreeing to everything THEY say. But I also won't tell them what YOU say.

The few times I've had to use this it's been very up front that I was not taking sides but I would be sympathetic and discreet.

Jan 31, 2017#218

Dave

UPDATE!!

Brother Rick has taken the Ancestry DNA test and the results came back today. And yes, we do match as half-brothers. So it's certain that Steve is not related to me biologically in any way. Rick and Steve are half-brothers, sharing the same mother but different fathers. Rick and I talked about it. Steve is a pretty smart guy so we're going to let HIM open the subject.

On the maternal side, I've found a lady with a family tree that has 27,000 people in it...and none of them match with anyone that I know are on the paternal side. So I know for a fact that this tree has my mother hidden in it somewhere. I just have to find out which of the many branches she's on. If she's still living it's going to be double plus hard as it won't show me her name at all but will just say "Private".

May 1, 2017#219

Dave

Time to dust off this old chestnut with some interesting information. I logged on to Ancestry on the computer and saw that I had a message waiting for me from March 15. I usually use the iPad app, which doesn't give access to messages. The message reads:

Hello,

My name is Stephanie and I am a Producer with Lenzworks, the production company responsible for Relative Race. If you are unfamiliar with the show, Relative Race follows the journey of 4 teams as they race across America and meet new relatives.

I am contacting you directly because you happen to be a match to one of our contestants. My team would love the opportunity to talk to you about the show, and see if you may be interested in meeting your relative.

Please click the link below for more information.

http://lenzworks.com/201703trrcasting-group1b/

Note: If the link doesn’t work by clicking on it, you may need to copy and paste the URL into your internet browser (e.g., Internet Explorer, Google Chrome, etc.).

We hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you for your time,

Stephanie
LenzWorks Productions
http://lenzworks.com/

So I thought what the hell and sent a reply. Now I wait.

May 1, 2017#220

Dave

A new player has arrived! Seems a new person on my DNA hits is a 2nd cousin on my maternal side. I sent him a message and he responded! All I need now are the names of his parent's aunt & uncles - one of them will be my grandparent.

May 2, 2017#221

Dave

Welp, that ray of sunshine didn't last very long. I'm pretty sure I know who my biological grandfather's sibling is. He's the only one that fits. So all I have to do is figure out which of his brothers or sisters is my grandparent. Easy right? Nope. Turns out he's adopted. So knowing who he is helps me not in the least. I have to find HIS biological family to find mine.

May 2, 2017#222

Dave

And I have confirmation that the person I thought was my Great Uncle is indeed my Great Uncle. Which means his brother or sister is my grandparent on my mother's side. And not only is he adopted, but he died in WWII bombing Japan. (Sorry, Japan, but you started it!) His (adopted) name is Walter Homer. Now I just have to find his biological siblings. Oy.

https://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=56111137

May 3, 2017#223

Dave

For the first time I've found a female born in the family trees that was born in 1938 or 1939 - the year my mother would have been born. Could Fern Pentz be my biological mother? Stay tuned and cross fingers while I try and find some - ANY - information on her or her family.

May 4, 2017#224

Dave

Time for a humorous update.

I got a message from a lady that is my second cousin that there was a new player in the game - a first cousin of hers! Wow! Uh...wait. That can't be your first cousin if I'm your second cousin. That's my dad, Richard. Interesting. See, second cousin is trying to find her grandfather as her MOTHER was adopted. We started looking through charts and graphs and centimorgan amounts to see what was up...and we found the only scenario that fits everything.

At 650 or so centimorgans, she thought that my father was her first cousin. But also at that range would be Great Uncle. And my cousin Ken (remember Ken?) showed as a first cousin as well (550 centimorgans or so) yet that made no sense since he is my father's nephew. But looking at the chart, a Half-Uncle would also fit the bill. Which means that Jen's mother is cousin Ken's sister! A sister cousin Ken did not know that he had.

But it gets even better. Second cousin's DNA results showed that the person SHE thought was her father was not. In fact, he's only the father of one of the couple's three kids.

Gotta hand it to DNA, man. All those cold, dark secrets aren't staying hidden any longer.

May 4, 2017#225

Cheesy1

Dave said:
Time for a humorous update.

I got a message from a lady that is my second cousin that there was a new player in the game - a first cousin of hers! Wow! Uh...wait. That can't be your first cousin if I'm your second cousin. That's my dad, Richard. Interesting. See, second cousin is trying to find her grandfather as her MOTHER was adopted. We started looking through charts and graphs and centimorgan amounts to see what was up...and we found the only scenario that fits everything.

At 650 or so centimorgans, she thought that my father was her first cousin. But also at that range would be Great Uncle. And my cousin Ken (remember Ken?) showed as a first cousin as well (550 centimorgans or so) yet that made no sense since he is my father's nephew. But looking at the chart, a Half-Uncle would also fit the bill. Which means that Jen's mother is cousin Ken's sister! A sister cousin Ken did not know that he had.

But it gets even better. Second cousin's DNA results showed that the person SHE thought was her father was not. In fact, he's only the father of one of the couple's three kids.

Gotta hand it to DNA, man. All those cold, dark secrets aren't staying hidden any longer.

May 4, 2017#226

Celt Z

I feel really bad if these findings are ruining someone's life, but, MAN, is it interesting to watch! :popcorn:

May 4, 2017#227

Dave

Cheesy1 said:

This is from http://roots4u.blogspot.com/2015/01/centimorgans-or-percentages.html

May 4, 2017#228

Officer_Charon

I have never delved into family trees too much - that's my mom's gig. My father's side of the family never kept too close of a family tree - to the point where I suspect that Dad is actually the product of some infidelity, as he is noticeably different from his brothers and sisters.

But damn if this ain't fascinating to learn about. Dave, thank you for sharing your journey and education on the subject here!

May 4, 2017#229

bhamv3

All this infidelity is making me feel good about my thus-far lack of cheating on my wife.

(Also I probably couldn't get any other girl to do anything with me even if I wanted to, so she's definitely got nothing to worry about)

May 4, 2017#230

GasBandit

She may have cheated on me, but at least mine didn't have a kid by way of it, I suppose. If she had, and I'd still found out after she was gone, I'd like to believe I'd be man enough for it to not matter as far as the kid would be concerned.

But I'm still glad to not be in that position.

May 5, 2017#231

General Specific

Dave said:
Time for a humorous update.

I got a message from a lady that is my second cousin that there was a new player in the game - a first cousin of hers! Wow! Uh...wait. That can't be your first cousin if I'm your second cousin. That's my dad, Richard. Interesting. See, second cousin is trying to find her grandfather as her MOTHER was adopted. We started looking through charts and graphs and centimorgan amounts to see what was up...and we found the only scenario that fits everything.

At 650 or so centimorgans, she thought that my father was her first cousin. But also at that range would be Great Uncle. And my cousin Ken (remember Ken?) showed as a first cousin as well (550 centimorgans or so) yet that made no sense since he is my father's nephew. But looking at the chart, a Half-Uncle would also fit the bill. Which means that Jen's mother is cousin Ken's sister! A sister cousin Ken did not know that he had.

But it gets even better. Second cousin's DNA results showed that the person SHE thought was her father was not. In fact, he's only the father of one of the couple's three kids.

Gotta hand it to DNA, man. All those cold, dark secrets aren't staying hidden any longer.

All I get from this is:

May 10, 2017#232

Siska

Dave said:
Gotta hand it to DNA, man. All those cold, dark secrets aren't staying hidden any longer.

I guess it's not surprising when you consider the pressure to marry (young) and the difficulty in getting a divorce back in those days. And I think often if was not really a secret but something the "fathers" knew but ignored or preferred to keep hidden.

May 10, 2017#233

sixpackshaker

So many strange things went on with "unplanned" pregnancies. Like a 15 year old girl leaves town for a year and comes back with baby sister. Or what happened in my family once, there were two sisters (my Great Aunts) one could not have kids and the other had too many. So one sister literally gave a child to the other. The worst part was they never told the boy. It was at the adoptive mother's funeral that the birth mother told him that she was really his mother.

May 14, 2017#234

Dave

Well never mind. Found an email address, which led me to names of kids, which led me to Facebook pages, which led me to messaging about 6 people. Here's to hoping one of them gets curious and responds.

May 15, 2017#235

Dave

One of them got curious. The lady would be my cousin if this lead holds up, which right now is looking at about 50/50 at best. I'll keep chugging away at this lead, but will start going through the trees again to find a suitable female candidate just in case. Lot of work, though. Here's how I was able to get to her in the first place (redacting out last names):

I did the Ancestry DNA and found my father through a cousin in Sioux City. Because I have proof of my father, I am able to isolate those who do NOT match with his DNA, which means anyone who shares a match there is from my maternal side. Most don't have very many people in their family trees, but one - Carolyn - who has 25,000+ people in her family tree. Since her and I are 3rd cousins, we share great-great-grandparents. So I went through her tree starting at the great-great-grandparents and working my way down. When I'd hit a dead end (usually because the people are still alive and are set as private) then I'd go look at both obituaries and the website find a grave. Working down through the great-great-grandfather, Andrew, I went to William Henry, then Bertha, then Fern - who was born in the right year to be my biological mother.

So I had a name, but her account still shows as living, which is obviously incorrect. (This is why I say these things are tenuous - we're not dealing with official paperwork or certificates, merely information entered by other people.) I then hit obituaries (nothing) and find a grave. On find a grave, I was able to find Bertha Pentz (link removed).

This gave me the names of her MALE children - for some reason it didn't show the females. But clicking on the link to Daniel gave me a picture with the entire family. I clicked on the name under the picture (K. S.) and went through the comments, which included an email address for her. So I emailed her. After a few back & forths, she sent me an email she received from Archie back in 2015. I sent him an email, but considering his age I thought it would be best to try and find more information. So I googled his email address, which took me to this webpage document called US Action. (link removed)

This gave me his city - [City], [State]- which when googled as "Archie [City]" took me to a site called Radaris. I clicked the "full profile" link thinking it was going to then tell me to pay for information, but instead took me to a page with "Related to". The "Related to" includes Melanie (I assume that's you), Betty, Daniel, Crystal, William, & Joyce.

I then went to Facebook and looked for people with those names that included friends in their list that also included any of those names and was from [State]. I found Dan and looked through his comments, then messaged people that were active and had the right names.

See? Easy.

May 15, 2017#236

strawman

If you're going that far back you might actually find something useful in census records as well, if you hit another dead end.

May 15, 2017#237

Dave

stienman said:
If you're going that far back you might actually find something useful in census records as well, if you hit another dead end.

Yup. The 1940 census has been a godsend. Strange how difficult it is finding census data later than that, though.

May 15, 2017#238

strawman

Dave said:
Yup. The 1940 census has been a godsend. Strange how difficult it is finding census data later than that, though.

https://www.census.gov/history/www/genealogy/decennial_census_records/the_72_year_rule_1.html

You'll see the 1950 census in 2020, and 1960 in 2030, etc.

May 15, 2017#239

jwhouk

Yeah, not everyone knows that, I guess.

Oh, and don't bother looking for the 1890 Census. Most of those records burned with the building where they were stored. (If there ever was one census that I really really really wish I had access to, that would be the one TBH.)

May 15, 2017#240

Dave

I did not know that. Son of a gun.

May 15, 2017#241

jwhouk

Yep. A fire in the Commerce Department building in 1921 took out all but a handful of states' data - and even then only a few counties.

Just looked it up: 6,160 entries out of 62,979,766 - about 0.01%.

May 16, 2017#242

Dave

Well, folks, Fern Pentz is....NOT my mom.

She had 2 kids and her daughter was born in April of 1965. So unless she has super-human gestation periods, she couldn't have had me on October 3 of the same year.

Back to square 1 I go.

May 16, 2017#243

@Li3n

Dave said:
She had 2 kids and her daughter was born in April of 1965. So unless she has super-human gestation periods, she couldn't have had me on October 3 of the same year.

Well, actually: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfetation#Humans

May 16, 2017#244

Dave

One month is the longest recorded difference. Mine would be 6 months. So t would still be super-human.

May 16, 2017#245

ThatNickGuy

What if she's, like, part elephant? Elephants have long gestation periods.

You could be part elephant, Dave!

May 16, 2017#246

Dave

ThatNickGuy said:
You could be part elephant, Dave!

Well I don't mean to brag...

May 16, 2017#247

Cheesy1

Dave said:
Well I don't mean to drag...

FTFY

May 18, 2017#248

Dave

Found another person that might fit!

I was going through my matches and one name popped up on several of them - John Sylvester Flageolle. I started down the rabbit hole and actually found one Doris A. French, born 1938. Perfect. Now all I have to do is FIND her somehow. I have the name and address of a nephew, and have sent some Facebook messages to her brother's grandchild. Now I wait.

May 18, 2017#249

Squidleybits

22 months...I can't even...

May 20, 2017#250

Dave

Well, could Dave's search be coming to an end? Enter the next possibility - Doris French, who unfortunately died in 2015. But her description matches the booklet thing that I have and she was born in the correct year. Additionally, she was apparently left at the alter in about 1965. The year of my birth. Coincidental, no?

She's got a brother who is still alive. I left him a voice mail message earlier tonight. Now I wait. (I get to say that a lot...)

May 21, 2017#251

Dave

Well shit. Seems like Doris may not be the answer, either. I spoke with her brother and he's fairly certain she did not ever live in Iowa, nor did she have any kids. She was married for a short time - like a couple of weeks - and then he left her, which just SCREAMS Richard Johnson. It is really something he would have done. But I'm marking her as a dead end unless the family sees something or remembers something pertinent.

Back to square 1.

May 22, 2017#252

evilmike

XKCD seems on point today:

May 27, 2017#253

Dave

Been an interesting week/weekend already. Found a pretty weak link to a woman that was born in the right year but didn't live anywhere around where she would have needed to. I still followed up and had a pretty long conversation with a woman who was very, VERY nice but let me know I was chasing shadows.

Then just this morning I found a woman who was born in the right year and in the same county from where I was adopted. I've started researching and reaching out to relatives I can find. I think this one might be the one. The last name is Walrod. Every name that's fit so far has been some sort of penis pun, which fits well with Dave DeLong. Karma, I tell ya.

May 27, 2017#254

PatrThom

Dave said:
Every name that's fit so far has been some sort of penis pun, which fits well with Dave DeLong. Karma, I tell ya.

Well maybe soon your long, hard search will be over quicker than you thought.

--Patrick

May 27, 2017#255

Dave

I have a joke in my set that goes something like, "My last name is DeLong. My biological father's name is Dick Johnson. When I finally find my mom her name is going to be something like Agnes ObviousPenisMetaphor."

May 28, 2017#256

Gruebeard

I'm gonna guess Delores Cockburn.

May 28, 2017#257

evilmike

May 28, 2017#258

PatrThom

Dave said:
I have a joke in my set that goes something like, "My last name is DeLong. My biological father's name is Dick Johnson. When I finally find my mom her name is going to be something like Agnes ObviousPenisMetaphor."

I think you mean Enormous Genitals.

--Patrick

May 30, 2017#259

Dave

Okay so question.

How long should I wait to call the lady directly that might be my mother? I've messaged other people that might have more information, but I don't just want to cold-call her from left field unless it's a last-ditch effort. So how long do I wait on the others to take the next step?

May 30, 2017#260

Denbrought

Dave said:
Okay so question.

How long should I wait to call the lady directly that might be my mother? I've messaged other people that might have more information, but I don't just want to cold-call her from left field unless it's a last-ditch effort. So how long do I wait on the others to take the next step?

A week after you run out of ideas/options?

May 30, 2017#261

strawman

What will time change? If there's something that will change between now and later then I guess waiting makes sense, otherwise why torture yourself?

May 30, 2017#262

Dave

stienman said:
What will time change? If there's something that will change between now and later then I guess waiting makes sense, otherwise why torture yourself?

It's not me I worry about. I don't want to cold call someone and spring this crap on them unawares. Which is why I reach out to ancillary people first. If I can remove the person from my lists without upsetting them then that's a good thing. Such as the lady who was childless or the one who was born at the right time but was never around the area.

Jun 5, 2017#263

Dave

So the lady I'm currently reaching out to has not answered any of my calls, letters, emails...nothing. I'm starting to think I might be on to something here and that she's not interested in knowing me. Of course, she (and her daughters) could just think I'm some weirdo and that's why, but in every other case I've at least gotten a "who are you again and why are you contacting me?" note of some sort. I'm going to keep trying, but the more they deflect the more i think I might be on the right track.

Jun 8, 2017#264

Dave

Well crap. The lady in California is not my mother. She's 5'8" tall and my mom was only 5'3". So back to the drawing board.

What's bad is that I have gone completely through the family tree and found what I thought was every viable candidate. Now I have to figure out what I missed.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Jun 8, 2017#265

PatrThom

Wait. How do you know how tall your mom was if you know virtually nothing else about her?

--Patrick

Jun 8, 2017#266

Dave

I have a baby book with limited information like age, height, education, and stuff like that.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Jun 8, 2017#267

evilmike

Dave said:
What's bad is that I have gone completely through the family tree and found what I thought was every viable candidate. Now I have to figure out what I missed.

Parthenogenesis?

Jun 9, 2017#268

Dave

I thought I'd posted it before.

Jun 9, 2017#269

Terrik

evilmike said:
Parthenogenesis?

Maybe he was born of the Force. Would explain his unnaturally long lifespan.

"Would 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not"

Dave - 2017

Jun 9, 2017#270

Dave

I'm just lousy with midichloreans.

Jun 9, 2017#271

fade

Great now I have this image of you chasing tiny Jedi out of your house with a straw broom. Also you're an old lady in this image for some reason.

Jun 11, 2017#272

PatrThom

Dave said:
I'm just lousy with midichloreans.

No, those are actual lice. You should see someone about that.

--Patrick

Jun 11, 2017#273

Squidleybits

I still shudder when I think of the day I got that call from the school. So gross. So god damn gross.

I now truly understand the phrase nit picker. Bleh.

Jun 12, 2017#274

Dave

So the lady in California who I thought was on the right track because they were stonewalling? Yeah...I jumped to all sorts of conclusions.

Turns out she passed away in April. And since she owned her own business and apparently might have had some money, they were perfectly right to be suspicious of this guy who just came out of nowhere and was asking about genealogy. I don't blame them for acting the way they did. It was the right thing to do.

Jun 12, 2017#275

drawn_inward

Robert Burns said:
Now haud you there, ye’re out o’ sight,
Below the fatt’rels, snug and tight,
Na faith ye yet! ye’ll no be right,
Till ye’ve got on it,
The vera topmost, towrin height
O’ Miss’s bonnet.

Jun 17, 2017#276

Dave

Got a new player in the family tree thing, and it goes back to the Flageolle line again. That name and the name of John Homer keeps coming back to me in several lines. It can't be a coincidence. It's got to be the right branch. I just have to find the right one. Delores French is still in my sights, I just need to have more information before I reach out again.

Jun 17, 2017#277

Dave

Okay, you guys want to help me out a bit here? I need to find information on one Evelyn (Homer) Warner from Nebraska. I'm coming up blank.

Here's what I know:

Has 3 siblings:
Harold Homer (from Tacoma, WA)
Jack Homer (from Sioux City, IA)
Florence P. (Homer) Franklin (from Reno, NV)
Florence died 1985 (the above info is from her obit and all info is from 1985)
https://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/...all&GSdyrel=all&GSob=n&GRid=155065502&df=all&
Was married to Ernest K. Franklin.
Florence had 4 kids:
Kenneth Franklin
Ronald Franklin
Tammy (Franklin) Byrne (from Sun Valley)
Dorothy (Franklin) Dunson (from Pittsburgh, CA)

I need to know Evelyn's birth year if nothing else. I have no idea if any of these people are alive or dead (other than Florence and her husband, Ernest.)[DOUBLEPOST=1497756557,1497756173][/DOUBLEPOST]Additional:

Florence's 4 kids should be about my age or so (give or take a decade) while Evelyn should be in her late 70's - hopefully 78 or 79.

Jun 22, 2017#278

Dave

*ahem*

I FOUND HER!!!!

More information to follow.

Jun 22, 2017#279

Cheesy1

Dave said:
*ahem*

I FOUND HER!!!!

More information to follow.

Yay Dave!

Jun 22, 2017#280

Dave

Okay I'm off the phone. Here's the rundown. Her name is Julia Homer. Well, Homer is her maiden name. She's been married SEVERAL times and I am the youngest of 7 kids. So my adopted family I was the youngest of three. My biological father I'm the youngest of five. Now I'm the youngest of 7. That means I went from a brother and a sister to a mix of brothers & sisters equaling 12!! I have 12 brothers and sisters! Holy shit!

If you look at my post from Saturday you'll see that I was looking for kids including Jack. But Jack's REAL name is John - a fact that completely escaped me. Once I started looking for John Homer instead of Jack shit just fell into place. I contacted a few people and *BAM* confirmation. No, we haven't taken a DNA test to confirm yet, but she gave up a boy in 1965, she's the right age, height, and lives in the city I was adopted from.

I go into this one with caution. She was a pretty screwed up person. She had her kids taken away several times, she'd been forced to give me up and have her tubes tied by the state (or social services?), and many of her kids don't want anything to do with her.

But I found her.

Jun 22, 2017#281

Krisken

Hug of excitement and caution

Jun 22, 2017#282

Dave

I'll take it, thanks!

Jun 22, 2017#283

jwhouk

I'd at least hope it means you can connect with the brothers and sisters. I mean, if they want nothing to do with her, you can just point out your circumstances...

Jun 22, 2017#284

Dave

I've been able to find out a lot more - and I mean a LOT more - but I really can't touch on it publicly without breaking confidentiality. So suffice it to say that I will be treading VERY lightly when meeting folks. Very, very lightly.

Jun 23, 2017#285

PatrThom

Dave said:
Once I started looking for John Homer instead of Jack shit just fell into place

Ah, the comma, your faithful grammatical servant.

--Patrick

Jun 23, 2017#286

Bubble181

Notice how in all these things he's always claiming to be the "youngest" of this or that group. This may be technically correct, but only in the sense that Bill Gates would be the "poorest man" at the table if he's out having dinner with the Koch brothers.

Jun 23, 2017#287

Dave

Jun 23, 2017#288

HCGLNS

Dave said:
*ahem*

I FOUND HER!!!!

More information to follow.

Howls of supportive laughter.

Jun 23, 2017#289

Emrys

He found mitochondrial Eve.

:hide:

Jun 23, 2017#290

PatrThom

Emrys said:
He found mitochondrial Eve.

Most people stop once they hit the Mayflower, @Dave isn't happy until he gets to the Toba catastrophe.

--Patrick

Jun 23, 2017#291

Dave

Just announced: 7.5% bonus. TEXAS HERE I COME!!

Jun 23, 2017#292

Celt Z

Jun 23, 2017#293

evilmike

Congratulations on finding your family, Dave!

My only disappointment is that I no longer have to finish my project to create a synthetic family tree for you using Halformites.

Jun 23, 2017#294

Dave

Spoke to Julie Ann Domina tonight on the phone. It's gone from 99.9% certain to 100% certain. Confirmed.

Driving up to Sioux City tomorrow to meet her and two siblings. I'll try and remember to take pictures.

Jun 24, 2017#295

PatrThom

Now you just have to figure out what to do with the rest of your life.

--Patrick

Jun 24, 2017#296

blotsfan

PatrThom said:
Now you just have to figure out what to do with the rest of your life.

--Patrick

Studies have shown that the longer you live, the faster time moves. To us this might have been the culmination of a lot of work, but to Dave this wasn't more than a second.

Jun 25, 2017#297

Dave

(Cut & pasted from my Facebook post because I'm not typing this all out again.)

Okay, all. *whew* What a day.

We got to Sioux City about 12:30 (left Omaha at 10:30) and went to sister Diane's place of business - a neutral location just in case I turned out to be a creepy ax murderer or something. (I'm joking by the way - meeting at a neutral location was very smart on their part.)

So immediately I got to meet Diane Geary and her husband Ken. Ken reminded us of Sammi's fiance, Nick. Very tall, skinny, & reserved. Diane, though...how to explain Diane. Let's just say her family nickname - Motormouth - is WELL deserved! That woman can talk like a fish can breath water. She's a natural.

Soon after that the doors opened and in walked my mother Julie, her husband Donald, and my brother Jeff Eichmann. It was pretty noticeable right away that a DNA test to confirm is not necessary. Plus, she remembers my biological father and they were married for a short time, so no guessing.

We all sat down and started talking, and by that I mean Diane talked and we interjected now and again. Jeff was very stand-offish at first, which you can understand considering he just learned I existed a few months ago. By the end, though, he'd warmed up and we were all involved in the conversation. We even Skyped with sister, Elaine Whiteford, against my wishes. Not because I didn't want to talk to her, but because she lives in Australia and it was 4:30 in the morning for her - after her and I had chatted until about 1 am her time. So she hadn't had much sleep and I felt bad they called her. She was okay once she'd fixed her hair, though.

After talking a while, we decided to go to lunch and went to the Garden Cafe. Not that chain restaurant, a neighborhood joint that had the same name. Food was amazing, though. I showed Julie and Don my baby pictures and stuff while Diane cornered a very overwhelmed Kerri. Once Ken showed up (he was closing the store for the day) we ate and then drove out to Jeff's house to have chocolate malts (low carb diet? WHAT low carb diet?!?) and play with the 30+ kittens (no, this is not an exaggeration) on their acreage. Then once we were all tired we split up and we came home. I have pictures but won't post them until I get permission from those involved.

So how did it go? It went perfectly wonderful. I think they are great people who have had some interesting early years. I, of course, won't get into any of it publicly. I think Jeff and I will get along completely. I think Diane is great and fun...and even though I've given her a lot of crap about her talking, I think she's the bee's knees. I like Elaine and she's fun to talk to, although I haven't really met her yet. And Julie...I'm very glad I found her. She was pretty quiet, but the things she said and how she said them spoke volumes. She wanted nothing more for me than for me to have had a wonderful childhood, which I did. I have a loving family and great parents, and stability that I never appreciated fully until my search began.

This family has gone through so much in the last few years, with deaths in the family and interpersonal conflicts that shall go unmentioned here except for this passing remarks. I'm glad that even after all of that, they were able to open their hearts and accept a new and weird fella that just came out of nowhere to stir up their lives. I hope that this positive outcome continues and that we can get to know and appreciate each other more as the years pass.

This chapter of Dave's Quest for History is over, but the book is still being written. I think I'll call it, When Family Trees Turn Into Forests.

Jun 25, 2017#298

Dave

And by the way, IT'S A MIRACLE! My dad remembers her name now! Without prompting. How coincidental!

Jun 26, 2017#299

Officer_Charon

First off, MASSIVE congratulations on your huge success!

Your saga has come at a most opportune time, as my wife has decided, for similar reasons as you, to try and track down her father. Knowing what steps you've taken, as well as the advice that you've been posting in here, has helped me to give her a vector to follow, and knowing stuff to watch out for. And your success has provided that glimmer of hope.

Great job, Old Man!

Jun 26, 2017#300

Squidleybits

I'm so happy for you! It sounds like your trip to meet them went really well. That's amazing!

And you got to play with 30 kittens at the same time!?!?

Jun 26, 2017#301

PatrThom

Squidleybits said:
And you got to play with 30 kittens at the same time!?!?

"Priorities."

--Patrick

Jun 26, 2017#302

Squidleybits

Hey! I congratulated him for finding his mother first!

Jun 27, 2017#303

blotsfan

So I gotta be the guy that's concerned that his brother's last name is Eichmann?

Jun 27, 2017#304

Dave

blotsfan said:
So I gotta be the guy that's concerned that his brother's last name is Eichmann?

The jokes were made.[DOUBLEPOST=1498565188,1498565155][/DOUBLEPOST]

Squidleybits said:
And you got to play with 30 kittens at the same time!?!?

The ones you could catch. They ran when you got close. You had to be sneaky.

Jun 27, 2017#305

blotsfan

Dave said:
The jokes were made.

Well, the

emoji is starting to feel a bit too real.

Jun 29, 2017#306

Dave

So I promised pictures, then forgot to post them. So...pictures.

Biological father, Richard, and his wife, Lois.

Left to right: Diane (sister), Jeff (brother), Me (me), Julie (mom)

I made everyone laugh. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO!!

Just Julie and I.

She has no idea who she's dealing with. THE MADMAN!

Jun 29, 2017#307

PatrThom

Dave said:

I see Julie had exactly the average of 2.5 kids.

--Patrick

Jun 29, 2017#308

Dave

PatrThom said:
I see Julie had exactly the average of 2.5 kids.

--Patrick

Not shown: The other 4.

Jun 29, 2017#309

PatrThom

Dave said:
Not shown: The other 4.

Also not shown: The ability to frame a camera shot.

--Patrick

Jun 29, 2017#310

fade

Wow, you really do resemble her. That must be neat to see for the first time.

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