GasBandit
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  • Where do I register to become a sex offender?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    PLEASE tell me there is a Yahoo! Answers thread for this.
    Pollen count's so high, the meth heads are trying to convert it back into sudafed.
    I was Bart's age when the Simpsons launched (not counting Tracy Ullman). They're still on the air, and I'm now Homer's age, and I envy him.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Don't. The weirdest stuff always seems to happen to that guy. And his family. And his town. Also I was in college by the time even the Tracy Ullman ones came out.
    There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over, somehow.
    My career as a karate instructor was tragically curtailed when parents found out I was wholly unqualified & just enjoyed kicking children.
    Postmodernism - is it nihilism for narcissists, or narcissism for nihilists?
    Knowing what a CHA modifier is, is apparently a negative CHA modifier.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    This explains why high CHA folks tend to have low INT.
    Why do people get excited for Pi day (3/14)? It's completely irrational.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    I prefer Tau day. It's twice as good.
    I have two settings: "Sleep is for the weak" and "Sleeping for a week."
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Is there a setting for "Sleep-eat your physique?"
    If your GF/Wife has a friend you find annoying, simply mention offhandedly at random that the friend is pretty. Problem will solve itself.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    That could backfire, y'know. Best be prepared for either outcome.
    Fee Fee Fi Fi Fo Fo Fum, I smell smoke in the au-di-to-ri-um
    Make guns illegal! Because it worked so well for drugs, right?
    One of the difficult things about being single again is trying to find a good reason to shower on days I don't go in to work.
    You ever just feel like a gooey wad of festering, caustic venom encased in a candy shell of politeness and amiability?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    No. There have been a few times I've felt like caged vengeance, but not venom.
    Every corpse on Everest was once an extremely motivated person. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    "Even if you don't succeed, you might still serve as a cautionary tale for those who follow."
    That one rogue hair on your forehead that shows you where your hairline used to be. When it grows out, it's like running into an awkward ex.
    People my age get so worked up about Star Wars because they've been making payments on it since they were kids but they'll never own it.
    "Don't call me racist until you've tried taking Korean clients to a Japanese restaurant." -Overheard in a Goldman Sachs elevator
    "Political Correctness is fascism pretending to be manners." - George Carlin
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    This quote is confirmed as "genuine Carlin," unlike many of the other ones out there attributed to him.
    Women are like guns - they recoil when I hold them.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Do any of them go off half-cocked?
    Null
    Null
    If they're recoiling when you hold them, it sounds like there's a problem with an oversensitive trigger causing premature detonation. Girls with oversensitive triggers can be avoided by steering clear of tumblr.
    I don't think people appreciate how much effort I put into not becoming a serial killer.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Right there with you, pal.
    If you're not the one paying for something, you're what's being sold. Expect to be treated as their product, not a customer.
    Taylor Swift has 100 songs about guys leaving her and 0 songs about blowjobs. I think we all see correlation here.
    How many stupid people are alive today because lawn darts were banned in the 80s?
    It's best not to accept oral sex from someone with a history of uncontrolled seizures.
    Songs I can't sing alone because the backup and lead vocals overlap are a constant source of irritation to me. Wake me up insiCAN'T WAKE UP
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    You must hate singing along to R.E.M.
    We're all just 5 liters of blood sloshing around in a big meaty bag, turning food into poop and trying to fuck a little.
    You ever notice that supervillains are always the ones trying to change things, and super "heroes" are the ones resisting change?
    Null
    Null
    Yes, but changing from "a vibrant civilization" into a "blasted wasteland of nuclear fallout" is not a *positive* change.
    Ya haul sixteen tons, and whaddaya get? Another day older and that much closer to murdering coworkers.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    St. Peter don'tcha call me cuz I cain't go.
    I owe my soul to the Devil because I murdered all those coworkers.
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