GasBandit
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  • Picking your nose doesn't make you a bad person, it's what you do next that determines your character.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    What kind of person are you if you put it back?
    There's no longer such things as unacceptable behavior, just unacceptable victims.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    What we need now are standards on what constitutes unacceptable victim behavior.
    Most adult friendships are just figuring out whose turn it is to cancel plans.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Sometimes it's more about whose turn it is to forget to plan any plans in the first place.
    I was Bart's age when the Simpsons launched (not counting Tracy Ullman). They're still on the air, and I'm now Homer's age, and I envy him.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Don't. The weirdest stuff always seems to happen to that guy. And his family. And his town. Also I was in college by the time even the Tracy Ullman ones came out.
    My career as a karate instructor was tragically curtailed when parents found out I was wholly unqualified & just enjoyed kicking children.
    Knowing what a CHA modifier is, is apparently a negative CHA modifier.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    This explains why high CHA folks tend to have low INT.
    I have two settings: "Sleep is for the weak" and "Sleeping for a week."
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Is there a setting for "Sleep-eat your physique?"
    If your GF/Wife has a friend you find annoying, simply mention offhandedly at random that the friend is pretty. Problem will solve itself.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    That could backfire, y'know. Best be prepared for either outcome.
    One of the difficult things about being single again is trying to find a good reason to shower on days I don't go in to work.
    You ever just feel like a gooey wad of festering, caustic venom encased in a candy shell of politeness and amiability?
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    No. There have been a few times I've felt like caged vengeance, but not venom.
    Every corpse on Everest was once an extremely motivated person. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    "Even if you don't succeed, you might still serve as a cautionary tale for those who follow."
    • Like
    Reactions: Null
    That one rogue hair on your forehead that shows you where your hairline used to be. When it grows out, it's like running into an awkward ex.
    People my age get so worked up about Star Wars because they've been making payments on it since they were kids but they'll never own it.
    • Like
    Reactions: Dei
    "Don't call me racist until you've tried taking Korean clients to a Japanese restaurant." -Overheard in a Goldman Sachs elevator
    "Political Correctness is fascism pretending to be manners." - George Carlin
    • Like
    Reactions: PatrThom
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    This quote is confirmed as "genuine Carlin," unlike many of the other ones out there attributed to him.
    Women are like guns - they recoil when I hold them.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Do any of them go off half-cocked?
    Null
    Null
    If they're recoiling when you hold them, it sounds like there's a problem with an oversensitive trigger causing premature detonation. Girls with oversensitive triggers can be avoided by steering clear of tumblr.
    I don't think people appreciate how much effort I put into not becoming a serial killer.
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    Right there with you, pal.
    If you're not the one paying for something, you're what's being sold. Expect to be treated as their product, not a customer.
    Taylor Swift has 100 songs about guys leaving her and 0 songs about blowjobs. I think we all see correlation here.
    Songs I can't sing alone because the backup and lead vocals overlap are a constant source of irritation to me. Wake me up insiCAN'T WAKE UP
    PatrThom
    PatrThom
    You must hate singing along to R.E.M.
    • Like
    Reactions: Null
    We're all just 5 liters of blood sloshing around in a big meaty bag, turning food into poop and trying to fuck a little.
    You ever notice that supervillains are always the ones trying to change things, and super "heroes" are the ones resisting change?
    Null
    Null
    Yes, but changing from "a vibrant civilization" into a "blasted wasteland of nuclear fallout" is not a *positive* change.
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