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J
Jiarn
Again, minority. I'm not talking about my single bad experience, I'm speaking about the population on the whole and divorce rates.
Just because you've had a good experience doesn't mean everyone will. The difference between my advice and yours, is that mine doesn't come with consequences.
Just because you've had a good experience doesn't mean everyone will. The difference between my advice and yours, is that mine doesn't come with consequences.
Oh, just a quick point - if you feel that you have to hide your identity from a group of strangers, then you can bet real money that your relationship is not anywhere near open enough to even consider the possibility.
M
makare
Dave
Staff member
Just a couple of points. First, I truly don't know if he has kids. If he does I've never heard him talk about them. So if he does then they are probably older. Second, the whole reason this came up in the first place is he won't cheat on his wife. So unless it's a threesome he and the mystery girl ain't happening. He didn't want to do it in any other way but anonymous because he knows that people can find things out and he's not taking any chances. Apparently his wife is computer literate and her Google-fu is strong.
It'll be very interesting because tonight is our company Christmas party and not only will my wife and I be there, but so will my friend, his wife and the mystery woman. And I'd be willing to bet that we'll all be at the same table.
Fly on the wall, folks. This should be a hoot to watch.
It'll be very interesting because tonight is our company Christmas party and not only will my wife and I be there, but so will my friend, his wife and the mystery woman. And I'd be willing to bet that we'll all be at the same table.
Fly on the wall, folks. This should be a hoot to watch.
E
Element 117
video recorder!
C
Chibibar
and post on Youtube??
I have to agree with Tin: It all depends on the relationship. It can happen, but I personally won't advocate it either. It takes a REALLY strong relationship, trust, commitment, and 100% transparency for it to work. Not many relationship has all these factor.
If he goes through with this, I hope this hurts him; badly.[/QUOTE]
The fuck kind of thing to say is that?
J
Jiarn
Tinwhistler, I understand that you have had good experiences. I also knew people, when I was involved in the lifestyle who had good experiences and it enhanced their relationship. The truth is, it's the minority. I know this from experience, and I also know this from obvious proven facts.
You cannot deny that the smallest crack in a realtionship can easily grow into something more. By even breaching this subject with his sig other, it could cause that slightest crack.
"Is he going to do something with her anyway if I say no? Is she better than me and that's why he's looking elsewhere? Am I not good enough for him anymore?" etc etc
Even if she agrees or is interested, during or after the process even more cracks could form. "Was she better than me? Did he like it more with her than with me?" etc etc.
The pros and cons list posted earlier is really damn accurate, and I know the point you're trying to get across: "It works for me and my friends, it could possibly work for him so you shouldn't give a general response without understanding his situation" I'm commenting ON the information presented and the lack of situations presented there in.
Give me a general question, you'll get a general response.
You cannot deny that the smallest crack in a realtionship can easily grow into something more. By even breaching this subject with his sig other, it could cause that slightest crack.
"Is he going to do something with her anyway if I say no? Is she better than me and that's why he's looking elsewhere? Am I not good enough for him anymore?" etc etc
Even if she agrees or is interested, during or after the process even more cracks could form. "Was she better than me? Did he like it more with her than with me?" etc etc.
The pros and cons list posted earlier is really damn accurate, and I know the point you're trying to get across: "It works for me and my friends, it could possibly work for him so you shouldn't give a general response without understanding his situation" I'm commenting ON the information presented and the lack of situations presented there in.
Give me a general question, you'll get a general response.
I believe the point he is making is that he has seen it go wrong more often than he's seen it go right. So in the absence of more information, the scale tips in favor of avoiding the situation.
It appears you are saying that you've seen it go right more often than you've seen it go wrong, but you're not interested in providing guidance in the absence of information, despite your relatively positive experience overall.
What this suggests to me is that:
- Those who have been burned suggest you don't do it
- Those that have good experiences cannot give advice without vastly more information
When you add this together, the important points appear to be:
- When it goes bad, it goes really bad
- It only goes well under a very specific set of circumstances, and a lot of information must first be understood prior to having a good experience.
J
Jiarn
I'll admit, my opinion is strongly worded because it comes from strong emotion.
I'd rather see a relationship stay strong than take a chance that it cracks. Again, I know you're speaking from experience, much like I am. I understand that it can go both ways.
Simply put, if the clock isn't broken, why try and add modifcations that could essentially rend the clock destroyed?
There is absolutely nothing personal about it. Apologies if you feel thusly. If anyonelse in this thread had said what you did, I would have reacted absoultely in the same manner.
I'd rather see a relationship stay strong than take a chance that it cracks. Again, I know you're speaking from experience, much like I am. I understand that it can go both ways.
Simply put, if the clock isn't broken, why try and add modifcations that could essentially rend the clock destroyed?
There is absolutely nothing personal about it. Apologies if you feel thusly. If anyonelse in this thread had said what you did, I would have reacted absoultely in the same manner.
C
Chibibar
My personal advice is open communication. To make any thing work in a relationship, you gotta have open communication. I tell my wife everything and thus (so far) we have a solid relationship. We do watch porno on the side, sometime on our own. We do experiment here and there and talk about other avenues. The main things that break a relationship are usually insecurity, lies, and deceptions. (my opinion) If a relationship has any of those seeds or "cracks" then it is dangerous to open new avenues until those issues are resolve 
that is pretty much what I can say about the matter.
that is pretty much what I can say about the matter.
To add one more pro to that overall accurate list: bragging rights and maybe fantasy fulfillment.
Still doesn't outweight everything else. I'm with everyone else. If the woman you're with was more open to things like that and the co-worker wasn't so close, I'd say go for it. But yeah, this just sounds like it'd be bad all around. The co-worker would start inviting you to private parties in the closet during lunch breaks. And then Dave walks in on all that action and he's scarred for life.
I'm just thinking about Dave in the longterm, here.
Still doesn't outweight everything else. I'm with everyone else. If the woman you're with was more open to things like that and the co-worker wasn't so close, I'd say go for it. But yeah, this just sounds like it'd be bad all around. The co-worker would start inviting you to private parties in the closet during lunch breaks. And then Dave walks in on all that action and he's scarred for life.
I'm just thinking about Dave in the longterm, here.
M
makare
Huh if Dave is scarred by closet nookie... I'm majorly disappointed.
You have to think of the possible repercussions. Like dave being asked to join in, and someone else walking in to see him in a gimp suit with clamps on his old man hooties.
M
makare
You have to think of the possible repercussions. Like dave being asked to join in, and someone else walking in to see him in a gimp suit with clamps on his old man hooties.[/QUOTE]
well that image killed my girlie boner for the next five years. O.O
If he goes through with this, I hope this hurts him; badly.[/QUOTE]
The fuck kind of thing to say is that?[/QUOTE]
I was getting the impression that he was clamoring for attention and that he would undergo this threesome in spite of sound advice directing him not to. Making a foolish mistake because a 'threesome' is the coveted sexual experience.
You have to think of the possible repercussions. Like dave being asked to join in, and someone else walking in to see him in a gimp suit with clamps on his old man hooties.[/QUOTE]
well that image killed my girlie boner for the next five years. O.O[/QUOTE]
I can fix that. *flexes!*
I
Iaculus
You have to think of the possible repercussions. Like dave being asked to join in, and someone else walking in to see him in a gimp suit with clamps on his old man hooties.[/QUOTE]
well that image killed my girlie boner for the next five years. O.O[/QUOTE]
I can fix that. *flexes!*[/QUOTE]
Intending to double it to ten, Nick?
Are we talking about number of years makare's girl boner is killed...or your preferable age that you date?
Fuck it, do it. If you've even discussed it with the woman then you've already crossed lines that shouldn't be crossed if you're married. So go ahead and do what the hell you want to do, because what the hell can you do if you can't do what you want.
Dave
Staff member
Okay, last night was...interesting. First, his wife didn't attend. She had a birthday party to go to and so she was not there. The girl in question did not want to drive so that she could drink and my wife & I offered to pick her up and take her home. We were turned down. Instead, HE picked her up and ended up taking her home. Oh, did I mention her husband is out of town? (Her and her husband are going to be getting a divorce already, unrelated to anything currently going on.)
So we get there and were late because my friend and his not-a-date-we're-just-friends girl wanted to stop at a bar and have "pre-party drinks". They didn't get there until almost 6:30 which is what time the ACTUAL party started - and the ACTUAL party had free drinks. So why do this? I don't fricking know. Anyway, when we DO get there there's no place to park. We get inside and there's no place to sit. So we end up standing with plates of finger food and hors d'oeuvres while we waited for a table somewhere to open up for four. Finally got one and plopped our butts down.
It's hard to put into words the things that really went on. My boss was absolutely hammered. Normally he's an uptight, very conservative guy who is very, VERY PC and never says anything that could possibly be misconstrued. When drunk, though...Let's just say he sat on my wife's lap again this year. He is a fun drunk.
There was very little sexual innuendo flying which surprised me, although she DID try and kiss MY wife. My wife thought she was kidding around and when she found out she wasn't said something like, "I'll need more wine." (Which I got her immediately. >) Nothing more happened with that, though.
The wife and I danced a few times, I went back into DJ mode and showed the room how to do the Cupid Shuffle and broke out some 80s dance moves that had people laughing with me. I swear it was with me and not at me. Okay, I *THINK* they were laughing with me. Shit. They were laughing at me, weren't they? Damn it!
Anyway, my friend and the now-very-drunk-but-only-a-friend girl only danced together once even then they had what we called "Jesus space" between them. Then the party started winding down. The DJ was both good and terrible. He played a lot of good music but also a lot of shit that I could have told him was a bad idea. It was remarked that it seemed I really missed DJing. I really do. But I'm not going back.
Anyway, after the party which ended at 10:30 we four went to a karaoke bar (by this time I was on charity money as we'd gone through the $60 we took). And it was there that the flirting really began between the two. He "helped" her learn how to throw darts (because when you are 30 you apparently haven't ever thrown a dart before) by standing behind her and helping her "form". She still sucked and never hit the board, breaking the tips on several darts because she threw them like they were having to impale someone. Regardless, it was amusing to watch. Then she ordered a big plate of greasy fried potatoes...which when mixed with the alcohol was probably the most effective cock-blocker I've ever seen. She turned a lovely shade that was somewhere between ghost white and sea green and had to excuse herself all sudden-like to the restroom. When she came back the party was pretty much over. My wife and I left to go get our daughter from her friend's house and the two friends-not-a-couple left to take her home.
So did anything happen with them? I don't know. Will anything happen with them? I don't know. And there you have it. The story that wasn't nearly as good as I thought it was going to be.
So we get there and were late because my friend and his not-a-date-we're-just-friends girl wanted to stop at a bar and have "pre-party drinks". They didn't get there until almost 6:30 which is what time the ACTUAL party started - and the ACTUAL party had free drinks. So why do this? I don't fricking know. Anyway, when we DO get there there's no place to park. We get inside and there's no place to sit. So we end up standing with plates of finger food and hors d'oeuvres while we waited for a table somewhere to open up for four. Finally got one and plopped our butts down.
It's hard to put into words the things that really went on. My boss was absolutely hammered. Normally he's an uptight, very conservative guy who is very, VERY PC and never says anything that could possibly be misconstrued. When drunk, though...Let's just say he sat on my wife's lap again this year. He is a fun drunk.
There was very little sexual innuendo flying which surprised me, although she DID try and kiss MY wife. My wife thought she was kidding around and when she found out she wasn't said something like, "I'll need more wine." (Which I got her immediately. >
) Nothing more happened with that, though.The wife and I danced a few times, I went back into DJ mode and showed the room how to do the Cupid Shuffle and broke out some 80s dance moves that had people laughing with me. I swear it was with me and not at me. Okay, I *THINK* they were laughing with me. Shit. They were laughing at me, weren't they? Damn it!
Anyway, my friend and the now-very-drunk-but-only-a-friend girl only danced together once even then they had what we called "Jesus space" between them. Then the party started winding down. The DJ was both good and terrible. He played a lot of good music but also a lot of shit that I could have told him was a bad idea. It was remarked that it seemed I really missed DJing. I really do. But I'm not going back.
Anyway, after the party which ended at 10:30 we four went to a karaoke bar (by this time I was on charity money as we'd gone through the $60 we took). And it was there that the flirting really began between the two. He "helped" her learn how to throw darts (because when you are 30 you apparently haven't ever thrown a dart before) by standing behind her and helping her "form". She still sucked and never hit the board, breaking the tips on several darts because she threw them like they were having to impale someone. Regardless, it was amusing to watch. Then she ordered a big plate of greasy fried potatoes...which when mixed with the alcohol was probably the most effective cock-blocker I've ever seen. She turned a lovely shade that was somewhere between ghost white and sea green and had to excuse herself all sudden-like to the restroom. When she came back the party was pretty much over. My wife and I left to go get our daughter from her friend's house and the two friends-not-a-couple left to take her home.
So did anything happen with them? I don't know. Will anything happen with them? I don't know. And there you have it. The story that wasn't nearly as good as I thought it was going to be.
Man, if I ever get married, I wonder if Dave would wanna come up to Canada and DJ the reception.
I recall him saying that if any halforumites needed a wedding DJ he'd temporarily come out of retirement if they managed the travel costs and such.Man, if I ever get married, I wonder if Dave would wanna come up to Canada and DJ the reception.
THAT can be arranged.
J
Jiarn
Oh yeah, this is going to end well.
I
Iaculus
The threesome, or Dave's DJing comeback tour?
Sparkly ones?
Dave
Staff member
Your friend has no game, Dave.[/QUOTE]
If anything did happen it was an affair, not a threesome. To me they are very different animals.
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