[Contest] Win a Humble Bundle!!

[fade]

EA begins Charging for Value-Added Services at Hospitals, Soup Kitchens, and Women's Shelters
Medication, spoons, and beds now cost extra

Don't hospitals already do this?

 

[Anonymous]

Monsanto lobbies FDA to recognize GMO foods as a fifth food group.
Anti-GMO groups pleased, as this would require additional labeling.

 

[Anonymous]

President Obama Set to Meet & Greet Winner of Internet Vote
Given the day off after unsuccessful search for the winner, Woll Smoth

 

[Anonymous]

Woman Found Guilty of Murdering Husband
Unrepentant, she was quoted as "Well, I told him if he stole one more star..."

 

[Anonymous]

Man Converts after seeing Christian photo on facebook.

 

[Anonymous]

Man Charged with Selling Counterfeit Fun-House Mirrors Releases Statement
Tells Reporters "This isn't what it looks like"

 

[Anonymous]

Pat Robertson Fails to Decry Oklahoma Tornadoes as Acts of God.
Chides caller for suggesting as much; cites local topography, atmospheric instability as likely factors.

 

[Anonymous]

Man Lets Visiting Jehova's Witnesses into House
The witnesses were at a loss for what to say, stating they'd never planned for this event.

 

[Anonymous]

Westboro Baptist Church to picket local Olive Garden.
Calls their eggplant parmigiana "an abomination unto the Lord."

 

[Anonymous]

Local teen meets federally mandated education goals
District officials at a loss; federal education commission promises to raise standards.

 

[figmentPez]

School bans triangular flapjacks from being served in cafeteria
Cites that corners could cause injuries when thrown

Oh, wait, that one is real. (and thankfully higher ups overturned the decision.)

 

[Ravenpoe]

School bans triangular flapjacks from being served in cafeteria
Cites that corners could cause injuries when thrown

Oh, wait, that one is real. (and thankfully higher ups overturned the decision.)

Silly Brits, that's not a flapjack!

 

[Terrik]

Whoops[DOUBLEPOST=1370137788][/DOUBLEPOST]

School bans triangular flapjacks from being served in cafeteria
Cites that corners could cause injuries when thrown

Oh, wait, that one is real. (and thankfully higher ups overturned the decision.)

I...how can people...I mean, this was a real thought?

 

[Anonymous]

Michael Bay tapped to direct remake of Ghost Busters
The story will now focus on a teenage boy, his bimbo girlfriend, and his Army Hero father fighting aliens from Mars.

 

[Emrys]

I read the title as "Win a Humble Bumble" and thought "Bumble is humble?"

 

[Anonymous]

Fans pleasantly surprised that new video game sequel is all it was cracked up to be
"I can't believe it," says series fan Joe Smith, "what am I supposed to do on the internet now?"

 

[Anonymous]

After years of lying to self, man admits he doesn't get internet meme
"I never knew," says clueless Joe Jackson, "I even made a few, but I never really got it. It was all a lie."

 

[Anonymous]

New gun control laws require automatic pilots become semi-automatic

 

[Anonymous]

Quaker Oats mascot discovered to be Catholic
In response, manufacturer adding bits of glass to oatmeal to allow self-flagellation for sin of indulging in breakfast.

 

[Anonymous]

Some People on the Internet Actually in Agreement
"What the &*%$ is this gay bull&%#?!" said internet user UrMomologist.

 

[Anonymous]

Animated GIFs of new movie appear on Tumblr before production begins
Fans rage because no one is tagging them #spoilers

 

[Bumble the Boy Wonder]

So... I'd like to just combine all my likes from the entries I've made, then maybe I could win.

 

[Bowielee]

Fox News Predicts Rising Number of Women in the Workforce Will Lead to Societal Collapse

Oh wait... Oops.

I didn't notice this before... all I can say is wow... just... wow...

 

[Chad Sexington]

I didn't notice this before... all I can say is wow... just... wow...

Right? It's hilarious until you remember it's not satire.

 

[bhamv3]

So... I'd like to just combine all my likes from the entries I've made, then maybe I could win.

I could combine all of mine and I still wouldn't win.

 

[Dave]

Added Humble Bundle 8 to the prize package!

So far that's 18 games & a ton of soundtracks to go with them!

 

[Anonymous]

Twelve-Year-Old Boy Discovers Masturbation, Forgets Literally Every Other Thing He Wanted To Do This Weekend

 

[Anonymous]

"Homosexual Agenda" Discovered To Be Mostly Mundane Chores, Occasional Dancing

 

[Anonymous]

NASA announces that thy have discovered oil on Mars.

*Headline directly below*

US Government has announced project "Space Freedom" to liberate Mars from terrorist threats that have been detected.

 

[Anonymous]

North Korea Declares War on Dzhokhar Tsarnaev
"They stole our headlines, bastards"

 

[Anonymous]

MLB player caught not using steroids.
Apologizes to fans, teammates, for not giving 110%

 

[Anonymous]

It has finally been proven that human infants cannot fly
"We've studied this for years throwing tens of thousands of infants off literally everything from beds to out of airplanes at altitude but the results have conclusively come back. Babies don't fly." said Doctor Nihsen lead scientist of the Flying Circus Project

 

[Anonymous]

School Lunch Cook Fired Due to Student Complaints
Claims "students are at fault for not appreciating Bouillabaisse, Beef Wellington, and Caviar." Student council president saddened by departure, "We just want chicken nuggets once in awhile."

 

[Dave]

Damn it! I was posting these to my Facebook to see what kind of play they would get. Turns out I was posting them to my HF account and it didn't go out into the wild. I fail so hard.

Posting some of them now.

 

[DarkAudit]

Damn it! I was posting these to my Facebook to see what kind of play they would get. Turns out I was posting them to my HF account and it didn't go out into the wild. I fail so hard.

Posting some of them now.

They made it out on twitter, so you're fine.