I realize that there are a lot of people worse off, and this is really is just a whine and all, but still.
My father turned 70 two years ago. Due to declining health, we assumed it would be his last major chance to go on a holiday, so he was getting an all-expenses-paid cruise around the Canary Islands; my brother and SIL and their daughter would go along, we would stay behind for dogs and stuff. because of Covid, the cruise never went through (it was actually cancelled for a sand storm the first time and only later on postponed indefinitely for Covid, but whatever).
Two weeks ago we finally got around to doing the alternative: by now my dad's 72, and he doesn't want to go on a cruise anymore because of his health. So, it became an all-expenses-paid full-family week together in the Ardennes (forests and rock and breweries and castles pretty much). So far, so good. Well, not for my dad, maybe, but you know, not my whine.
So this is a week-long getaway in a fancy vacation house with a sauna and Jacuzzi with the 7+1 of us (father, mother, brother, sister in law, niece, wife, me and my brother's dog). First day there, my brother takes us all out to a Michelin star restaurant with him paying. A few days later, we take everybody out to a fancy Chinese. Both are nice, but obviously there's a difference in price class. No worries, my brother's the CEO of an international company and I'm just an IT support guy; my SIL is a retired millionaire and my wife works in healthcare. He likes to show off his wealth to feel successful, I certainly don't mind accepting a bit. Other expenses (excursions, general shopping, other dinners,...) were either paid by my mother or by my brother. We were asked to make "a fair contribution" for the week - "give what you feel comfortable giving".
We made some back-of-the-napkin calculations and came to about €700-€800 for the both of us - we'd be paying about 1/3 of the house, and all our tickets/entries/whatever. My brother had suggested we pay just 1/4 of the house since we're only 2 out of 8 occupants (he counts his kid and the dog as full people, but w/e).
I've now been nagging my brother for two weeks trying to get an account to deposit our contribution on, and finally he's now responded with "oh, don't bother, forget about it, happy whatever day".
Which...I'm willing to believe from my SIL that it's just good heartedness - heavens know she absolutely doesn't need it and literally doesn't know how much she has, even rounded down to the nearest 50K - and wanting to help family, but from my brother comes off as rubbing my nose in his being the "more successful" son. My brother isn't a bad person, but he kind of has this superiority complex thing going on (he's married to a rich, pretty, blonde, foreign woman, has multiple houses in multiple countries, a daughter, and he's a CEO travelling the country. By many metrics he's waaay more successful than I am....And yet I wouldn't want to trade with him for the world).
Anyway, whether it's well-intended or not, this...was supposed to be a common gift for my father, not just theirs. We still owe them several thousand dollars for a personal loan for our wedding - I'd be perfectly happy to have them wave off €500 or something from that and let us pay our fair share! And I know it's practically the same, but it feels different. It feels like we don't contribute to my dad's big present. But there's no gracious way to keep insisting "no, no, I really want to pay" after being told no.
So now I'm contemplating just giving €500 or so in my father's name to the Ukraine Red Cross, but I dunno. Still not the same.