If you think you can or you think you can not, you are correct.
Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!
- Thread starter strawman
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At a nearby coffee shop because I had another breakdown at work. So they gave me am extended lunch and see if I'm feeling better after it. I won't. Because what's the point? It's not going to miraculously fix anything in my life. Why they don't just fire me is beyond my understanding.
The whole time I walked down the hill, I thought about just stepping out in front of a car. Would've been so easy. Just a few steps to the left and boom. Doubt it'd kill me, anyway. And then if have to hear from everyone what a moron I was and asking why I would do such a thing. Fucking hell, I can't even consider suicide without over thinking it.
The whole time I walked down the hill, I thought about just stepping out in front of a car. Would've been so easy. Just a few steps to the left and boom. Doubt it'd kill me, anyway. And then if have to hear from everyone what a moron I was and asking why I would do such a thing. Fucking hell, I can't even consider suicide without over thinking it.
This is what your life is going to look like, and then this pattern is going to repeat itself for as long as you are alive.
Now that you know this information, you ought to devote some time during your next "up" cycle to prepare for that fact, and devise and put mechanisms in place to deal with what life is going to be like for those times when you are "down."
As for why they don't fire you, it's because they see that you're basically a decent human being and want you to succeed, and so they're willing to stick out some of your doldrums to get back to when you're better.
--Patrick
Just speaking from my own very personal experience, if you can't even consider suicide without over thinking it, you really don't want to die.
It seems like your recent breakup may have been a trigger this time around. Breakups do suck but give yourself a little time to distance yourself from where you are now, emotionally. My wife and I often say, "You never know where you'll be in a year." We (humans) are notoriously bad at predicting where we will be and how we will feel in a month or a year or longer. Chance encounters brought you your previous relationship and similar (but totally different) encounters will occur again.
I did most of the breaking up, really. And she's already dating again, so she's fine.
Yeah, but we're talking about you. And separation from someone that you care about, whether because of them or you, impacts a person deeply.
All the things I'm depressed about were things I was depressed about even when we were together. She's not the problem.
I'm not saying she is. I'm saying that separation triggers these kinds of feelings. Depression is very linked to other disorders, like OCD, in that a sufferer cycles through the same kinds of thoughts during each episode. If you were thinking all about your ex, it might be just sadness, after all. But what pushes a person into that cycle can be different, and social and emotional disconnection is a strong trigger for depressive episodes.
figmentPez
Staff member
They probably keep you around because you're good at your job when you're not breaking down. Nick, you fucking care about the world, and that's something a lot of other people don't. At least, not beyond their own interests. You like people, you care about justice and making things right, you believe in doing a job well. That's evident by your love of Superman, and by a lot of your posts here as well. You may not be able to see it, but when you're functioning you're probably a pretty good employee, who makes customers feel welcome.
I really do empathize with much of this. I'm fortunate that I don't need much socialization due to the demands of my job being so eminently social-centric, but not having any friends beyond my girlfriend and living out in the middle of nowhere is certainly defeating at times. My strategy of moving out here and considering it like being 'at work camp' has certainly ameliorated a lot of that feeling but it's still troubling to spend a weekend by myself. There's no doubts that I drive myself crazy at times.
Gonna be blunt.
BULLSHIT.
You can NEVER succeed if you don't try. You don't ever leave home if you don't take the first step out the door, and that step is trying to get the better job. You have tried, and succeeded at getting a book published, if you had never written the first word that would never have happened.
Take the help offered by others in this thread, it might just be the exact right thing to do even if you can't see it now.
Left work today because I can't. I just can't.
Going back to bed soon.
Going back to bed soon.
Can't fucking sleep probably because of the nap earlier. What's the fucking point, anyway? All I'll do is just waste time in front of the computer, same as I do every day or when I'm not working. Because my life is pathetic, filled with nothing and no one. Because who wants to hang around with an anti-social sad sack, right?
That's what I say! What is the point of sleep? Such a huge waste of time that could be used otherwise, more productively in any other activity.
Fuck sleep, I say. Fuck sleep.
Getting that 4AM call has always been something I've been terrified of getting so when it happened last night, I'm surprised I didn't completely fall to pieces. My younger sister collapsed at a friend's wedding last night with her boyfriend and my parents in attendance. Thankfully there were two nurses nearby and they were able to perform CPR and put the AED on her (Which shocked her twice). They brought her into the hospital where my brother works and she's been intubated and sedated since. I've raced to the airport and am now waiting for my connections to head home and I'm only praying it's not to bury my sister. This will be the longest flight ever.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Let us know how she's doing!
With your hair coverage, surely that's not such a problem.Managed to get sunscreen on eight wrangly kids yesterday. Forgot myself.
Funny because its true!
Update:
She's stabilized but being packaged up for an air ambulance to a larger centre. I've rerouted my flights to that city so I'll actually be the first one there. Girlfriend has been acting as a translator for all the gobbledygook which is nice and my brother has been providing more details.
Still no cause, she just collapsed at the party. Unfortunately she has some aspirated pneumonia now which complicates things a bit and there's some concerns about neurological damage. I'm in Vancouver airport getting ready to fly in and friends of the family have already offered up their place when I land. My brother in law is a bit of a mess as they just had a daughter 8 months ago. Don't envy the position he's in.
She's stabilized but being packaged up for an air ambulance to a larger centre. I've rerouted my flights to that city so I'll actually be the first one there. Girlfriend has been acting as a translator for all the gobbledygook which is nice and my brother has been providing more details.
Still no cause, she just collapsed at the party. Unfortunately she has some aspirated pneumonia now which complicates things a bit and there's some concerns about neurological damage. I'm in Vancouver airport getting ready to fly in and friends of the family have already offered up their place when I land. My brother in law is a bit of a mess as they just had a daughter 8 months ago. Don't envy the position he's in.
I'm so sorry Adam, I hope she's feeling better soon and you get some answers.
So my wife and I are in our mid-thirties and my Mother has not yet realized that we are adults. Even though we have been together for 15 years and married for 12 years.
She is always prying about finances, and undermining our authority as parents (8 y/o daughter and 5 y/o son). Now she is mad because we didn't invite them on our camping trip, note that last summer was the first camping trip we had with our kids without them. Our idea of camping involves sitting and reading, exploring the campground and such. Hers is more of a reason to have cheap lodging while sitting at the beach/shopping. Our last trip with them we had to go to the beach and we couldn't just sit and relax at the site. Our kids were not allowed to play with their friends in the field because my mom said they had to play at the beach all day. My dad is the expert at his work and has a phone that they pay for, he was told that he had to turn off his phone and let them just deal, because of two five minute phone calls.
I grew up at the fucking beach and am tired of it. I spent all summer every summer at Okanagan Lake. I would rather do anything but the beach.
TL;DR version: My mother has control issues and my Dad is an enabler. How do I get them to accept that my wife and I are the adults now and they have been relegated to extended family.
She is always prying about finances, and undermining our authority as parents (8 y/o daughter and 5 y/o son). Now she is mad because we didn't invite them on our camping trip, note that last summer was the first camping trip we had with our kids without them. Our idea of camping involves sitting and reading, exploring the campground and such. Hers is more of a reason to have cheap lodging while sitting at the beach/shopping. Our last trip with them we had to go to the beach and we couldn't just sit and relax at the site. Our kids were not allowed to play with their friends in the field because my mom said they had to play at the beach all day. My dad is the expert at his work and has a phone that they pay for, he was told that he had to turn off his phone and let them just deal, because of two five minute phone calls.
I grew up at the fucking beach and am tired of it. I spent all summer every summer at Okanagan Lake. I would rather do anything but the beach.
TL;DR version: My mother has control issues and my Dad is an enabler. How do I get them to accept that my wife and I are the adults now and they have been relegated to extended family.
Act like adults. If you don't want her on a trip, don't take her. If she gets upset, tell her why. Keep doing this until she either learns to accept it, or just stops asking.
fade
Staff member
Continuing the bad baby sister news, by coincidence, we got some about mine this weekend. You may recall she woke up unable to walk a little more than a year ago. Now they've confirmed two brain lesions and multiple spinal lesions. They were calling it transverse myelitis before, but now they're calling it MS. 
They're starting new medication, which I'm guessing is immunosuppresant. That opens up a whole world of new problems.
They're starting new medication, which I'm guessing is immunosuppresant. That opens up a whole world of new problems.
Update:
Yesterday was one of the worst days in my life. And then it got substantially better. I was at the hospital at 8AM where she was still 'comatose'. At that point, she was not aware of surroundings and still intubated. She would cycle into semi-consciousness and start straining against the ventilator and in distress where I would calm her down. She would eventually fall back to sleep. The main concern was that she was still not awake despite having no sedation whatsoever so they were looking at neurological damage as a cause.
Around 11AM the whole family was there and she was still unresponsive so we decided to go back to our shift work and I took the first one on where I was the only one there. 20 minutes later she woke up full force and was straining against the restraints and the tube. I spent 30 minutes holding my sister down as she thrashed against it, not recognizing me, just instinctual escape, gagging against the tube, sobbing and moaning. I called her boyfriend and he came in just when it got worst and so both of us were there helping. At that point, the doctors decided to extubate her (Remove the tube). By the time the rest of the family showed up, she was without a tube and breathing on her own but still in distress, crying and moaning but not able to respond to commands.
As of this morning, good news. She's verbalizing, recognizing, has motor skills again and is able to joke and laugh and talk. Some minor memory issues and she's still out of it as if sedated but certainly more responsive than she's been in 5 days. Very thankful for some great care but now the long road to recovery begins.
Yesterday was one of the worst days in my life. And then it got substantially better. I was at the hospital at 8AM where she was still 'comatose'. At that point, she was not aware of surroundings and still intubated. She would cycle into semi-consciousness and start straining against the ventilator and in distress where I would calm her down. She would eventually fall back to sleep. The main concern was that she was still not awake despite having no sedation whatsoever so they were looking at neurological damage as a cause.
Around 11AM the whole family was there and she was still unresponsive so we decided to go back to our shift work and I took the first one on where I was the only one there. 20 minutes later she woke up full force and was straining against the restraints and the tube. I spent 30 minutes holding my sister down as she thrashed against it, not recognizing me, just instinctual escape, gagging against the tube, sobbing and moaning. I called her boyfriend and he came in just when it got worst and so both of us were there helping. At that point, the doctors decided to extubate her (Remove the tube). By the time the rest of the family showed up, she was without a tube and breathing on her own but still in distress, crying and moaning but not able to respond to commands.
As of this morning, good news. She's verbalizing, recognizing, has motor skills again and is able to joke and laugh and talk. Some minor memory issues and she's still out of it as if sedated but certainly more responsive than she's been in 5 days. Very thankful for some great care but now the long road to recovery begins.
A very much baby-like whine.
I can't sleep from the pain, then I worry about not sleeping and I need to work tomorrow.
Annoying!
I can't sleep from the pain, then I worry about not sleeping and I need to work tomorrow.
Annoying!
Fuck full moons. Seriously.