When should I tell her I'm leaving to go overseas?

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There are at least four states that offer enhanced drivers licenses which allow you to cross the border on land without a passport, Michigan being one of them. Only takes a quick trip to the local secretary of states office with you current license, birth certificate, and pay stub or social security card and you get it two weeks later. Children just need a birth certificate when crossing the border.

It's a whole lot cheaper and faster than a passport, though I still want one eventually.
 
As an aside, how does a 29-year-old not have a passport?
I'm 32 and don't have a passport. When I still lived near Canada, all I needed was to wave at border guards, they never even checked ID. (Guess how long ago that was lol) I have no desire to go to Mexico, and visiting countries by plane is really expensive for a family of 4.
 
I've had a passport for a long while, but my family loves to travel and like others said, you need one to cross the border. Also I think its only about $20 difference between a passport and enhanced license and theres never a situation where you can use an enhanced license but not a passport.
 
So here's an update:

I got to Qatar and we talked about once or twice a week. That was fine, especially considering that the semester went into full swing. She works full-time in addition to a full load of classes so I was grateful that she found the time. I also called her via Skype on occasion, although that was rare because there's an 8-hour time difference. The emails from her gradually became more infrequent and then I didn't hear anything for two weeks. Before you think it, I didn't bombard her with emails or anything like that. When she didn't respond to the last couple emails I stopped because I'm not desperate. I was just about to tell her it wasn't going to work. I sent her a final quick "hi, how are you?" before that, however, and she responded.

Before I left, we'd established that we were both talking with other matches (remember, we met on a dating site). We'd both agreed that we could date other people while I was away so long as we kept talking with each other. She apologized for the gaps in communication but said that she's been extremely busy. Also, she's been exclusive with somebody and "it just sorta happened." She wants to pursue a relationship with him but also wants to remain friends with me. He's an Army officer and is being transferred away in March, but she wants to see what happens until then. From her email, it looks like she's been dating him for a while. I wasn't upset because she's dating somebody else (I'm considering a couple Canadian girls here), but that she kept me in the dark until it was too late for me to do anything. If the situation was reversed, I'd definitely tell her as soon as things progressed with a girl. She was also definitely not too busy because she found time to start an exclusive relationship. Anyways, I said there wasn't any way we could have a friendship right now because of the reasons I mentioned. That started an exhausting fight. She wants me to reconsider and we're both taking a couple days to think it through.

Experience has taught me that "I hope we can be friends" is often Womanese for "I can't see you anymore, but I'm offering a sham friendship so I won't have to feel guilty." I'm still inclined to refuse a friendship with her. Do you all think I'm being unfair or not?
 
Experience has taught me that "I hope we can be friends" is often Womanese for "I can't see you anymore, but I'm offering a sham friendship so I won't have to feel guilty." I'm still inclined to refuse a friendship with her. Do you all think I'm being unfair or not?
Ignore her and move on.
 
This is new for me. Usually I'm the one asking the girl to reconsider. But I really don't want to be friends with this girl. She already ended the romantic relationship without even trying to work it out. I don't see anything stopping her from dissolving the friendship in the future so I'm just going to save myself the trouble.

And to the Canadian forumites, what's the best way to show a Newfoundland girl that you're interested?
 
Meh. From her perspective you knew long before you left that you would be leaving, and didn't tell her for some time, and you were the one that left. She understands that your career is more important to you than your relationship with her, and she found that her needs weren't being met in a long distance relationship. When you left you both knew you would be "talking" to other matches, in effect leaving the option open to both of you to actively pursue other romantic options while being in a long distance relationship, knowing the outcome might be a breakup.

She might have told you "I'm going on a date" but if nothing came of it, that one announcement may have ended your relationship anyway. So she might have decided to see where it goes without discussing it until she knew that it was going to be a worthwhile relationship.

The fact is that she didn't need to tell you. This new guy is likely to be gone by the time you return - if you return - and she could have tried to keep both of you. But she didn't. She came clean, knowing it might hurt both of you, and that you might be so annoyed that you wouldn't even want to be friends with her.

She forgave you for starting a relationship with her knowing that you are probably leaving, is she otherwise a good enough friend that its worth forgiving her for not telling you immediately when she starts thinking about another relationship?

I don't know the answer, but I think that you and she really got along well, and liked each other, and you should consider the sum total of your whole experience with her before burning any bridges.
 
Ah yes, she is in a new relationship but wants to keep you around. Not for a"backup" of course, but for a "friend". Yes... a "friend"...
 
Do you all think I'm being unfair or not?
I really don't want to be friends with this girl.

I think it would be unfair if you considered a friendship that you were not interested in. Tell her you're sorry things didn't work out between you, you're not interested in a friendship, you're also not interested in fighting for something you don't want, and leave it at that. I believe she treated you unfairly by not being upfront about her new relationship. It sounds to me like she wants to keep you in reserve.
I hope things go well with the Canadian girls!
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Yeah, breaking up but saying "we can still be friends" is like saying "your dog died, but you can keep the corpse if you want."
 
Yeah, breaking up but saying "we can still be friends" is like saying "your dog died, but you can keep the corpse if you want."
The only way staying friends works is if both parties actually decided mutually that they weren't getting anything out of the relationship. Anything else, and it's one person hoping to get back with the other who doesn't want them at all.
 
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