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The I Don't Care if You Just Had Sex Thread

Jun 24, 2012#1

ElJuski

Bump every time you don't give a shit that somebody just had sex, because we're not fourteen anymore.

*bump

Jun 24, 2012#2

ElJuski

BUMP still don't care

Jun 24, 2012#3

Shegokigo

Damn Juski....

Jun 24, 2012#4

ThatNickGuy

Fun fact: I have not had sex in about a year.

Jun 24, 2012#5

ElJuski

Shegokigo said:
Damn Juski....

View attachment 6974

You should know me a little bit better than that

by the way, great to see you back, booboo!

Jun 24, 2012#6

ElJuski

ThatNickGuy said:
Fun fact: I have not had sex in about a year.

Unfortunate, yes, but this, too, is something I just don't care hearing about.

Jun 24, 2012#7

ThatNickGuy

Geez, you don't want to hear about us having sex and you don't want to hear about us NOT having sex.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE WITH YOU!?
(Sounds like my prom night.)

Jun 24, 2012#8

Jay

no-ones-talking-about-me-time-to-attention-whore.jpg.png

Jun 24, 2012#9

Shegokigo

ElJuski said:
You should know me a little bit better than that by the way, great to see you back, booboo!

Oh so much to tell, sadly I can't claim to be "back" yet as there's still about 2-3 weeks more before I can reveal all the details :ninja:

Jun 24, 2012#10

ElJuski

ThatNickGuy said:
Geez, you don't want to hear about us having sex and you don't want to hear about us NOT having sex.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE WITH YOU!?
(Sounds like my prom night.)

How about beer and fun talk about pop-culture and internet nerdery that normally goes on around here without the juvenile circle-jerk and high-fiving that comes with "I had sex" "awesome!" threads.

Jun 24, 2012#11

ElJuski

Jay said:
View attachment 6975

YO BRO DID YOU STICK IT IN YOUR WIFES SWEET PUSSY LAST NIGHT I WANNA HEAR ALL ABOUT IT I BET SHE WAS WET AS FUCK AWWW MAN

Jun 24, 2012#12

Jay

No, she's on her period. I do however expect to post in that thread in a few days though. Got to keep it up to date so that the angry people can post in this thread.

Jun 24, 2012#13

ElJuski

Sweet, bro! It's gonna be EPIC, amirite!?

Jun 24, 2012#14

HCGLNS

Fuck, just got reminded by the Library that the books are due back this week.

When did libraries start stalking people...

Jun 24, 2012#15

WasabiPoptart

Go me!

Jun 24, 2012#16

Jay

ElJuski said:
Sweet, bro! It's gonna be EPIC, amirite!?

Yes, she bought this nice outfit online. I'm looking forward to break it in on Tuesday night.

Jun 24, 2012#17

Shegokigo

If General Specific went 11yrs you can go a few months Wasabi

Jun 24, 2012#18

General Specific

Shegokigo said:
If General Specific went 11yrs you can go a few months Wasabi

Yeah. All you have to do is not have sex. Pretty easy, actually.

Jun 24, 2012#19

Jay

Pretty much.

Jun 24, 2012#20

blotsfan

The page says Eljuski, but the posts say charlie...

Jun 24, 2012#21

WasabiPoptart

Shegokigo said:
If General Specific went 11yrs you can go a few months Wasabi

Truthfully I just posted that pic of the ribbon magnet because I think they're pretty stupid and attention whore-ish. I have definitely gone longer than this without any - even when I was single.

Jun 24, 2012#22

Shegokigo

WasabiPoptart said:
Truthfully I just posted that pic of the ribbon magnet because I think they're pretty stupid and attention whore-ish. I have definitely gone longer than this without any - even when I was single.

I'm told most guys don't consider it cheating if it's with a woman. So if you'd like some company sometime... you know, a few laughs, share a few drinks... :unibrow:

Jun 24, 2012#23

WasabiPoptart

Shegokigo, my husband has actually told me it's ok as long as it's on video for him to watch later. I don't know if he really means that though. lol

Jun 24, 2012#24

Bumble the Boy Wonder

.... What have you created, ElJuski

Jun 24, 2012#25

CynicismKills

Holy shit three other threads spawned off of this one. Three. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Jun 24, 2012#26

Gusto

And this thread is, itself, a spinoff.

THREADCEPTION.

Jun 24, 2012#27

CynicismKills

Gusto said:
And this thread is, itself, a spinoff.

THREADCEPTION.

Jun 25, 2012#28

PatrThom

I don't care which forumites have had sex, just like I know my fellow forumites don't care when the last time was that I clipped the hair in my nose, trimmed the cats' toenails, emptied the reanimated vegetable corpses out of the fridge, scraped the bugs off my windshield, or emptied the vacuum cleaner.

--Patrick

Jun 25, 2012#29

SpecialKO

PatrThom said:
I clipped the hair in my nose, trimmed the cats' toenails, emptied the reanimated vegetable corpses out of the fridge, scraped the bugs off my windshield, or emptied the vacuum cleaner.

These are the weirdest euphemisms for sex that I've ever heard.

Jun 25, 2012#30

Bubble181

PatrThom said:
I don't care which forumites have had sex, just like I know my fellow forumites don't care when the last time was that I clipped the hair in my nose, trimmed the cats' toenails, emptied the reanimated vegetable corpses out of the fridge, scraped the bugs off my windshield, or emptied the vacuum cleaner.

--Patrick

You mean we need 5 more threads? Awesome!

Jun 25, 2012#31

makare

I bet cats just love the toenail trimming thing.

Jun 25, 2012#32

Frank

I was watching Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO tonight and one of his guests was Rachel Maddow. I was finding her very attractive for some reason. I don't know what it was but I liked it.

I too, do not care that you had sex.

Jun 25, 2012#33

fade

I don't care if you had sex, but I also don't care if you post about it either.

Jun 25, 2012#34

ElJuski

ohhhh youuu guyyyyyyssssssss.

Jun 25, 2012#35

SeraRelm

I won't just have sex all week.

Jun 25, 2012#36

ElJuski

SeraRelm said:
I won't just have sex all week.

A tragedy.

Jun 25, 2012#37

SeraRelm

ElJuski said:
A tragedy.

Jun 25, 2012#38

Bubble181

It means he has nothing to watch on his spy-o-vision channel. Poor Juski.

Jun 25, 2012#39

HowDroll

I have confirmation by Facebook that Juice does, in fact, care about my sex stories.

Take that, Halforums!

EDIT: My sex stories are titillating.

Jun 25, 2012#40

sixpackshaker

go on...

Jun 25, 2012#41

North_Ranger

HowDroll said:
I have confirmation by Facebook that Juice does, in fact, care about my sex stories.

Take that, Halforums!

EDIT: My sex stories are titillating.

Please. Tell us more. For science.

Jun 25, 2012#42

HowDroll

Let's just say that having sex on rollerskates is challenging.

Jun 25, 2012#43

Bubble181

Lying on top of a pair of roller skates sounds painful

Jun 25, 2012#44

HowDroll

Bubble181 said:
Lying on top of a pair of roller skates sounds painful

Who said anything about laying?

Jun 25, 2012#45

North_Ranger

Who said it was a pair? I would think that a properly organized pile of roller-skates might be surprisingly comfortable.

Jun 25, 2012#46

sixpackshaker

HowDroll said:
Let's just say that having sex on rollerskates is challenging.

Nice, that sounds more fun than the time I waved at the Peeping Tom...

Jun 25, 2012#47

Bubble181

Hmm. I'm afraid I just can't picture it any other way. Perhaps visual aids would help in my being able to grasp the situation as you experienced it. Might I inquire a further exposition to allow me to understand this situation to the fullest?

Jun 25, 2012#48

SeraRelm

Jun 25, 2012#49

North_Ranger

Bubble181 said:
Hmm. I'm afraid I just can't picture it any other way. Perhaps visual aids would help in my being able to grasp the situation as you experienced it. Might I inquire a further exposition to allow me to understand this situation to the fullest?

"Pictures or it didn't happen", then?

Jun 25, 2012#50

HowDroll

Bubble181 said:
Hmm. I'm afraid I just can't picture it any other way. Perhaps visual aids would help in my being able to grasp the situation as you experienced it. Might I inquire a further exposition to allow me to understand this situation to the fullest?

Google "Derby Stance." You'll get lots of pictures.

I practice it a few times a week. I'm really good at the Derby Stance.

Jun 25, 2012#51

ElJuski

I told you what would happen if you posted that. Insta-neckbeard-validation.

SeraRelm said:

Let me rephrase. I sympathize with your situation, as I do with anyone that isn't currently "getting some"; what bothers me is Halforum's incessant need to be validated like we're all freshman kids at the lunch table. I got over high-fiving getting my dick wet years ago.

Now, interesting or embarrassing sex stories, that might be interesting conversation (even though around here it would be some weird, kinky shit).

HOWEVER, IN THE END, DROLL IS RIGHT-- I should just be happy most of you actually figured out a way to get laid. Soar into the clouds, you crazy, bergin' diamonds.

Jun 25, 2012#52

HowDroll

I, for the record, care when each and every one of you gets laid and want updates, with details, when it does happen.

Jun 25, 2012#53

SeraRelm

With graphs and pie chart... and hookers!

In fact, forget the graphs!

Jun 25, 2012#54

ElJuski

PM her, and leave me out of it.

Also, you have to admit, for as much of an evil, condescending, attention-whoring asshole that I am, this spin-off thread blew up these forums last night and today. BRINGING THE ACTION

Jun 25, 2012#55

SeraRelm

Or you could "not click" the thread and be left out of it.

I gotta say, ElJuski, you're getting dangerously close to no longer being a Murderous Moppet... What happened to you? Did you drop too much bass? Did you stop surfing? Have you started living in a perpetual Shark Week?

Jun 25, 2012#56

ElJuski

It's not just the one thread--it's several threads, and its annoying. I haven't clicked on the "I Just Had Sex" thread in months. And it's not like I'm losing sleep over this, either--once again, I think the ten separate threads in reaction to this is wayy much more revealing than anything *I* do.

Just like bacon, cats, and troll faces...things get overdone. These forums--with no real subject guidelines--has the potential to cover such a broad, awesome range of things. And yet everyone's happiest going, "lol I just got laid lol here's a song lol".

Which, as usual, everyone's right--not my business. But come, on, does this place have to reinforce itself as herpderp every other day?

Jun 25, 2012#57

North_Ranger

How about coming up with something interesting to discuss, then? Or is it more fun just being the forum's resident contrarian?

Jun 25, 2012#58

ElJuski

North_Ranger said:
How about coming up with something interesting to discuss, then? Or is it more fun just being the forum's resident contrarian?

I do, constantly. But then again half the time you guys don't realize because of the cliquish nature of these forums, where anything I'd post would be OH JUICE IS A DOUCHE HERPDERPHERPDEDOO.

Also, I'm not always contrarian--there's more than a handful of people that keep me on these forums that consistently supply fresh, creative, engaging conversation and content--not this regurgitated bullshit about omgoshbaconisdeliccccciousssssss sexisawesome

Jun 25, 2012#59

SeraRelm

Jun 25, 2012#60

ElJuski

Jun 25, 2012#61

Charlie Don't Surf

all of you just fuck all of you just shut up shut up just fucking shut up

Jun 25, 2012#62

Ravenpoe

ElJuski said:
I told you what would happen if you posted that. Insta-neckbeard-validation.

Man, I wish I was as cool as you. To be able to look down my nose at people shooting the shit on the internet, and immediately know that I'm better than them.

But alas, I'm just a lowly neck beard. Guess I'll just go laugh at some dick jokes and leave the judging to you.

I might even high five someone for it.

Jun 25, 2012#63

ElJuski

Yes, I am a better person, spiritually, physically, emotionally, holistically, every which way, is what I am saying, all the time that I am on these forums. Yes. ITS HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN <3 <3 <3

Jun 25, 2012#64

sixpackshaker

ElJuski said:
Yes, I am a better person, spiritually, physically, emotionally, holistically, every which way, is what I am saying, all the time that I am on these forums. Yes. ITS HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN <3 <3 <3

Dude, I know you are joking (somewhat) but you are still a goofy frat-boy.

Jun 25, 2012#65

Ravenpoe

ElJuski said:
Yes, I am a better person, spiritually, physically, emotionally, holistically, every which way, is what I am saying, all the time that I am on these forums. Yes. ITS HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN <3 <3 <3

Jun 25, 2012#66

Adam

ElJuski said:
Yes, I am a better person, spiritually, physically, emotionally, holistically, every which way, is what I am saying, all the time that I am on these forums. Yes. ITS HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN <3 <3 <3

It's strange. It's only high school where people feel this gnawing need to comment on other people's interests in a condescending fashion. So, yes, it is high school all over again but I don't think the students are who you think they are.

Jun 25, 2012#67

ElJuski

sixpackshaker said:
Dude, I know you are joking (somewhat) but you are still a goofy frat-boy.

Well, yeah, of course I am. If you guys think that (a) I think I'm perfect, or (b) that I am so thoroughly emotionally invested in all of this, well....I guess that's your call to believe what you want. I don't think I've ever made any statement beyond the fact that I'm a dipshit, attention-whoring, quasi-hipster, quasi-frat guy sorta-nerd who has an obsession with the Simpsons, the Pixies, and Wet Hot American Summer.

There's no anger here--sheer annoyance, maybe, that there is so much potential squandered on these boards jerkin' it to the same ol' tune--but you guys are the ones flippin' shits and making high-drama for the last thirteen hours. Talk about shootin' the shit gone wrong.

And--I feel like I'm channeling Charlie three years in the past--I'd pretty much be down at any point to go out and drink beers with pretty much any member of these forums, as long as the conversation isn't about shit like bacon and saying, "dude just before we went out--I had sex!"

Jun 25, 2012#68

ElJuski

Adam said:
It's strange. It's only high school where people feel this gnawing need to comment on other people's interests in a condescending fashion. So, yes, it is high school all over again but I don't think the students are who you think they are.

Oh, but getting the insanely disproportionate reactions from people over the internet is sooo funnnnnnnn

Jun 25, 2012#69

Adam

ElJuski said:
Oh, but getting the insanely disproportionate reactions from people over the internet is sooo funnnnnnnn

So, just to clarify, the enjoyment you're getting from the forums is in trolling or pissing people off, and your complaint is, once again, that people aren't doing enough to entertain you. C'mon man, grow up.

Jun 25, 2012#70

ElJuski

Adam said:
So, just to clarify, the enjoyment you're getting from the forums is in trolling or pissing people off, and your complaint is, once again, that people aren't doing enough to entertain you. C'mon man, grow up.

No, its more like I'm damned if I dare say something like, "hey guys, can we have more satisfying conversation than the normal internet drivel?" because I'M SUCH AN AWFUL AWFUL MAN, so when I get seven threads of people's angry knee-jerk reactions, I just end up shaking my head and laughing. Also, at a certain point I might as well just revel in the fact that "I'm so contrarian".

Jun 25, 2012#71

blotsfan

Jun 25, 2012#72

North_Ranger

Again, you could, you know, start a conversation? Instead of bemoaning the problem, you could maybe perhaps offer a solution?

Jun 25, 2012#73

Adam

You're not asking "hey guys, can we have more satisfying conversation than the normal internet drivel?", you're asking "hey guys, can you give me more satisfying conversation than the normal internet drivel?" and the reaction you're getting is "Entertain yourself."

And now ElJuski doesn't want people to post about having sex because he doesn't find it entertaining. Despite the fact that we're comfortable enough with each other to even post things like that, as a Minor Victory of sorts, you've decided to be an arbiter of what good conversation is. And then when you do realize that when it comes to 'meaningful conversation' you're not exactly the bastion, your attempt to add 'content' is basically a super-extended whine about what everyone else posts.

How about instead of being damned if you dare say something about 'satisfying conversation', you try being damned if you don't?

Jun 25, 2012#74

SeraRelm

When have you ever asked that in a normal manner and not a trolling one?

Jun 25, 2012#75

ElJuski

North_Ranger said:
Again, you could, you know, start a conversation? Instead of bemoaning the problem, you could maybe perhaps offer a solution?

I...I did. And I add to countless different conversations daily on these boards that aren't just me saying you're all beneath me. Seriously, check it out! PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING!

By the way, I'm lavishing all this attention. This can be Halforum's birthday present to me (mine is only a handful of days after Goose's!)

Jun 25, 2012#76

sixpackshaker

ElJuski said:
No, its more like I'm damned if I dare say something like, "hey guys, can we have more satisfying conversation than the normal internet drivel?" because I'M SUCH AN AWFUL AWFUL MAN, so when I get seven threads of people's angry knee-jerk reactions, I just end up shaking my head and laughing. Also, at a certain point I might as well just revel in the fact that "I'm so contrarian".

Well take the lead in steering this ship in a better direction. Put that wealth of knowledge and charisma to spicing up the conversations. But nobody likes negative people, especially ones that come in and shit on a party.

Jun 25, 2012#77

ElJuski

No, its not "your sex threads are not entertaining me", its "your sex threads are embarrassingly stupid".

I'm not saying I'm never condescending; just that I'm not always condescending. But y'all should know that I also don't take the internet as serious business.

AND YES, like I said a few pages prior, I should just be happy you guys are getting some and move on.

Jun 25, 2012#78

Adam

So, to clarify: When ElJuski trolls, it's because he doesn't take the internet too seriously. When other people troll ElJuski, it's because they take the internet too seriously.

I getcha.

Jun 25, 2012#79

Charlie Don't Surf

here's me irl

0_______________________________0

Jun 25, 2012#80

Bubble181

I don't mind the sex talk. I do know the feeling of "oh, all these intelligent and interesting people here with common interests to me, we could have so much more meaningful discussion!".

But you know what? Sera and some others feel that way about SSATPP thread. I feel that way about image macro's and gif-conversations. You feel that way about all the sex talk. Y'know, Sera probably doesn't read those forum games. I just glance by the ever-recycled images from always the same cartoons. You just skip past the sex talk, hmm? Everybody'll be happier.
Because, at least for me, talking about sex "in high school" is "herp derp sex is cool". Talking about sex here is interesting and fun and sometimes even educational. Of course we joke. Of course some of us will behave like a teen who just got laid for the first time (hint: some of us may actually *be* teens getting laid for the first time - or people for who it's been so long they feel like the first time). Of course some'll be more serious about it. Of course some will try and flaunt their sexuality inyour face like no-one's business. So what? That's life.

Also, North_Ranger, yes, I was going for that

Jun 25, 2012#81

SpecialKO

Wait, Juicy is complaining for real? :confused:

Jun 25, 2012#82

fade

I for one am disappointed that no one here has had sex just for the express purpose of posting it in this thread.

Jun 25, 2012#83

Chippy

I mean, this place is a big circlejerk anyway. Might as well circlejerk about having sex.

Jun 25, 2012#84

Cajungal

Y'all know that bitter friend who accompanies you to your favorite bar just so she can roll her eyes and make fun of all the people enjoying themselves?

Jun 25, 2012#85

sixpackshaker

Chippy said:
I mean, this place is a big circlejerk anyway. Might as well circlejerk about having sex.

WOOO HOOO!!! I FINISHED FIRST!!!

Jun 25, 2012#86

Adam

Cajungal said:
Y'all know that bitter friend who accompanies you to your favorite bar just so she can roll her eyes and make fun of all the people enjoying themselves?

It's because she doesn't take the bar too seriously.

Jun 25, 2012#87

Cajungal

Adam said:
It's because she doesn't take the bar too seriously.

Still. If she wants to skulk in a corner, there are more appropriate ones.

Jun 25, 2012#88

sixpackshaker

The number 3 reason that I go to a bar is to make fun of other people.

Jun 25, 2012#89

fade

sixpackshaker said:
WOOO HOOO!!! I FINISHED FIRST!!!

Makes sense that you would finish in half the time...

Jun 25, 2012#90

sixpackshaker

There is nothing to say with out going into super creepy territory... so it will rest.

Jun 25, 2012#91

Bubble181

As long as we all had our fun. So who's stuck eating the slice of bread?

Jun 25, 2012#92

BananaHands

Guys, I just had sex.

Jun 25, 2012#93

WasabiPoptart

Doesn't count if you were using your imagination.

Jun 25, 2012#94

BananaHands

What's sex without a little imagination?

Jun 25, 2012#95

BananaHands

Jun 25, 2012#96

Jay

Jun 25, 2012#97

Ravenpoe

Cajungal said:
Y'all know that bitter friend who accompanies you to your favorite bar just so she can roll her eyes and make fun of all the people enjoying themselves?

You mean the vagina goalie?

Jun 25, 2012#98

Frank

Guys, I'm really worried about this Rachel Maddow thing.

Jun 25, 2012#99

Ravenpoe

Frank said:
Guys, I'm really worried about this Rachel Maddow thing.

She's a confident, intelligent woman that doesn't feel the need to conform to dated, unrealistic ideals of beauty. What's wrong with that?

Jun 25, 2012#100

Frank

Kick-ass!

Jun 25, 2012#101

BananaHands

Also, SeraRelm, if the Moppets are breaking up, I call dibs on...

Jun 25, 2012#102

Bumble the Boy Wonder

ElJuski it might be entertaining to have a "oddest sexual experience thread" or something like that, but lord knows we don't need any additional fodder for us to masturbate furiously to here on the forums

Jun 25, 2012#103

Charlie Don't Surf

for the record it's not as bad as when calleja was posting

Jun 25, 2012#104

Bumble the Boy Wonder

We can start posting every time someone gets a phone number or even successfully talks to a member of the opposite sex

Jun 25, 2012#105

sixpackshaker

just like Calleja...

Jun 25, 2012#106

Adam

I miss Calleja. If only people were nicer and hadn't driven him off

Jun 25, 2012#107

sixpackshaker

Really? I considered him one of the Rock Stars here. I thought after he broke up with Jailbait Caliente, he drifted off...

I must have missed that drama.

Jun 25, 2012#108

Cajungal

Ravenpoe said:
You mean the vagina goalie?

hahahahahaha Oh my God, the what??? I love that.

Jun 25, 2012#109

Adam

He posted in March for a bit exclusively in the TF2/L4D2 forum, but other than that, Feb 21: https://www.halforums.com/threads/s...own-for-1-2-and-hour.27183/page-2#post-912342

Jailbait was before that, no?

Jun 25, 2012#110

GasBandit

I've played TF2 with him a few times since then. He's still in the steam group.

Jun 25, 2012#111

sixpackshaker

But he's been "mostly gone" for nearly a year before that. That was a pretty sedate conversation too. Unless something got ugly in PM's, I don't see any reason to leave for those posts.

Jun 25, 2012#112

Adam

OK, phew. tell him to get his ass back here!

Jun 25, 2012#113

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Let's not forget he repeatedly, time and time again, told us how the frosty susan thing got on his nerves and was not at all funny to him, yet there were still plenty of people looking for any opportunity to bring it up or make a joke about it.

I'm sure it would get tiresome and not fun at all to stick around if that kept happening.

This is the same reason I completely understood where ThatNickGuy was coming from with his complaints a bit back.

Jun 25, 2012#114

makare

I always thought if you are willing to tell people a story like that you should be prepared for the aftermath.

Jun 25, 2012#115

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Which is fine, but when it goes on for years, and you've asked people to stop, and they don't, it gets a little difficult to say LOL BROUGHT THIS ON MUHSELF

Jun 25, 2012#116

ThatGrinningIdiot!

makare said:
I always thought if you are willing to tell people a story like that you should be prepared for the aftermath.

There's the 'aftermath', which is basically joking at the expense of the storyteller, but it becomes harassment when they've asked people to cease bringing it up as it's no longer amusing.

ninja'ed by Bumble the Boy Wonder

Jun 25, 2012#117

Bumble the Boy Wonder

ThatGrinningIdiot! said:
ninja'ed by Bumble the Boy Wonder

Mwa ha ha ha!

Jun 25, 2012#118

makare

I get it and I understand that people need to let stuff go. But he did tell people that he jizzed in his own eye. I'd pretty much expect a lifetime of ridicule for that one.

Jun 25, 2012#119

Adam

You jizz in womens eyes and they make a freaking website for you, you jizz in your own eye one goddamn time and no one lets you forget it, poor guy.

Jun 25, 2012#120

Bumble the Boy Wonder

It's just a different dynamic online then it is in real life. In real life, if you're joking with friends, things tend to eventually pass and you move on to the next joke. Online, the jokes have a much longer time they stick around. If you say it in one post and someone makes a joke about it, every time the joke is brought up, that post stays there for as long as the thread is relevant. When you make a joke irl about a friend, it's only stays around as long as our minds allow us to consider it funny before we move on to the next joke, unless you want to keep making the joke and be labeled unoriginal and boring.

Calleja probably thought of us as if we were friends, just like real life. I'm sure he expected a bit of jokes made at his expense, but it would eventually get dropped. Unfortunately, we cling on to something funny and, like the internet does, run it straight into the fucking ground until every ember of humor from it has been extinguished beneath our LULZ-brand boots.

In conclusion, we can agree to disagree

Jun 25, 2012#121

ThatGrinningIdiot!

Adam said:
You jizz in womens eyes and they make a freaking website for you, you jizz in your own eye one goddamn time and no one lets you forget it, poor guy.

What happens if a woman jizzs in her own eye?

Jun 25, 2012#122

makare

if he made a website of himself jizzing in his own eye it would be pretty damn famous.

He just didn't see the potential (probably because he had jizz in his eye >.>)

Jun 25, 2012#123

Gusto

4 years and still not funny.

Jun 25, 2012#124

ThatGrinningIdiot!

Ya know, I'm all for letting jokes go, but that made me snicker just a bit.

Jun 25, 2012#125

SeraRelm

BananaHands said:
Also, SeraRelm, if the Moppets are breaking up, I call dibs on...

Very well. It all depends on how much sand ElJuski can extract from his mangina before the end of the day.

Jun 25, 2012#126

fade

Does sand in a bearded clam make bearded pearls?

Jun 25, 2012#127

GasBandit

SeraRelm said:
Very well. It all depends on how much sand ElJuski can extract from his mangina before the end of the day.

Gunna need a Krupp 288.

Jun 25, 2012#128

sixpackshaker

Also, the problem asking people to stop ribbing you for an old joke here is not everyone sees the request to drop it... then there are those that want to see the world burn.

Jun 25, 2012#129

ThatGrinningIdiot!

sixpackshaker said:
Also, the problem asking people to stop ribbing you for an old joke here is not everyone sees the request to drop it... then there are those that want to see the world burn.

Those who want to see the world burn, will sweat the most when it's their time to be grilled.

Jun 25, 2012#130

BananaHands

SeraRelm said:
Very well. It all depends on how much sand ElJuski can extract from his mangina before the end of the day.

Double-Damn it!

Jun 25, 2012#131

Gusto

BananaHands said:
Double-Damn it!

Greg! You said the double-D word!

Jun 25, 2012#132

fade

Was looking for a youtube of Quarterrmain saying "Double Damn" from King Solomon's Mines, but alas I could not find it.

Jun 26, 2012#133

Bubble181

I was wondering myself how Juski's managed to stick around this long if he doesn't like sex talk, considering we used to have Calleja and JCM around.

Both are still doing fine overo n FB, by the way; maybe we should try and drag them back in?

Jun 26, 2012#134

North_Ranger

I support this dragging operation wholeheartedly. I want to know if JCM's baby has learned how to kill people with a muffin yet

Jun 26, 2012#135

Bubble181

There's an appropriate answer to post, but I'll have to ask him permission first - I don't just post pics of random people from FB all over the 'net

Jun 26, 2012#136

Bubble181

North_Ranger said:
I support this dragging operation wholeheartedly. I want to know if JCM's baby has learned how to kill people with a muffin yet

Luiza just told me to go ahead and post it, so...:

He's learning quickly

Jun 26, 2012#137

Tress

I think we need a "D'awwww" button.

Jun 26, 2012#138

Charlie Don't Surf

lol @ the idea of asking this forum at large to drop a joke that A) is really old and B) is not funny

Jun 26, 2012#139

Gusto

Jet vs. That Kid

/dueloffates.mp3

Jun 26, 2012#140

North_Ranger

Bubble181 said:
Luiza just told me to go ahead and post it, so...:
View attachment 7018

He's learning quickly

...

Oh. My. GAAAAAWWWWWDDD!! HE'S ARMED!!!

RRRRRRUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!

Feb 11, 2013#141

dill616

Shegokigo said:
If General Specific went 11yrs you can go a few months Wasabi

I went 26 years. Someone give me a god damn medal! Or some gummy bears! Or gummy bears that look like a medal of non-sex having achievement. Never mind, I'm going to go get some gummy bears.

Feb 11, 2013#142

Dave

You're getting married. Give it a few years and you'll start the drought over again.

Feb 11, 2013#143

dill616

Dave said:
You're getting married. Give it a few years and you'll start the drought over again.

Our honeymoon phase is what killed the first thread!

Edit: I don't know if you'd call it a drought as much as chosen celibacy.

Feb 11, 2013#144

Gilgamesh

I think it goes something along the lines of what Christopher Titus said, and I'm paraphrasing since I can't find the exact quote:

Are you not having as much sex as when you first got together? Are you within 5% of the body fat you had when you met? If not, there might be your problem.

Now I'm very sure this doesn't go for everyone, but strikes a cord with alot.

Feb 11, 2013#145

dill616

Gilgamesh said:
I think it goes something along the lines of what Christopher Titus said, and I'm paraphrasing since I can't find the exact quote:

Now I'm very sure this doesn't go for everyone, but strikes a cord with alot.

Just watched this and shook my head.

Feb 11, 2013#146

fade

Gilgamesh said:
I think it goes something along the lines of what Christopher Titus said, and I'm paraphrasing since I can't find the exact quote:

Now I'm very sure this doesn't go for everyone, but strikes a cord with alot.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Feb 11, 2013#147

dill616

fade said:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

My creative writing teachers should REALLY have used these methods of explanation.

Feb 11, 2013#148

Gilgamesh

dill616 said:
Just watched this and shook my head.

Why? Most -guy- guys are exactly like that. Women still date/sleep/marry them. Their own damn fault.

Feb 11, 2013#149

dill616

Gilgamesh said:
Why? Most -guy- guys are exactly like that. Women still date/sleep/marry them. Their own damn fault.

No, I totally get it. That's why I was shaking my head. I made a sport out of avoiding relationships because of guys such as this. The women who go after guy guys are idiots who should have more self respect even if it means staying a perma virgin. :foreveralone:

Feb 11, 2013#150

WasabiPoptart

Dave said:
You're getting married. Give it a few years and you'll start the drought over again.

Poor Dave.

Just remember, dill616 , every marriage and relationship is different. And they go through phases. I've been married for almost 9 years and well - the only times we've hit a "drought" is when we have been physically separated.

Feb 11, 2013#151

dill616

Let us also not forget the ancient female secret to combat douchbagery; the friendzone.

Feb 11, 2013#152

figmentPez

dill616 said:
Let us also not forget the ancient female secret to combat douchbagery; the friendzone.

Which reminds me of a joke I heard the other day:

Q: How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, all they ever do is compliment the bulb and then get pissed that it won't screw.

Feb 11, 2013#153

Gilgamesh

dill616 said:
Let us also not forget the ancient female secret to combat douchbagery; have sex with them, ignore the kind guys, freak out when the douchebag cheats on them, forgives them at least 3 times, then dates a new one.

Again, I'm well aware that's not all women, but that's alot more accurate from what I've seen friends and family members do.

Feb 11, 2013#154

GasBandit

figmentPez said:
Which reminds me of a joke I heard the other day:

Q: How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, all they ever do is compliment the bulb and then get pissed that it won't screw.

That's... pretty unsettling if you reapply that metaphor in reverse. As in, stop whining, sieze "the bulb" and just start screwing. Sounds like something Insanity Wolf might recommend.

Feb 11, 2013#155

dill616

Gilgamesh said:
Again, I'm well aware that's not all women, but that's a lot more accurate from what I've seen friends and family members do.

Don't put words in my mouth, please! I do not friendzone and never have. I've seen my friends do it and advised them against it. It's just cruel to play with someone like that.

Feb 11, 2013#156

Officer_Charon

Yes, it is.

Feb 11, 2013#157

Gilgamesh

dill616 said:
Don't put words in my mouth, please! I do not friendzone and never have. I've seen my friends do it and advised them against it. It's just cruel to play with someone like that.

Which is why I made the disclaimer below that. My words didn't apply to you as much as your own didn't.

Feb 11, 2013#158

dill616

Gilgamesh said:
Which is why I made the disclaimer below that. My words didn't apply to you as much as your own didn't.

Both men and women can be jerks. You know what this means, right?

Feb 11, 2013#159

Gilgamesh

dill616 said:
Both men and women can be jerks. You know what this means, right?

Yep, just in different ways.

Feb 11, 2013#160

dill616

Gilgamesh said:
Yep, just in different ways.

View attachment 10227

Nu-uh!

Feb 11, 2013#161

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Why are we not talking about how little we care about the sex other people are having?

Feb 11, 2013#162

Gilgamesh

dill616 said:
Nu-uh!

Again, I'm talking majority and not exception. Just look at the ratings on Jersey Shore or the sales of 50 Shades of Grey. The world speaks volumes of itself.

Feb 11, 2013#163

dill616

Bumble the Boy Wonder said:
Why are we not talking about how little we care about the sex other people are having?

Yeah, well- uhhhh, I'm going to go home in a few minutes, make enchiladas, watch Sherlock, and have sex with the General! So there!

Feb 11, 2013#164

Bumble the Boy Wonder

dill616 said:
Yeah, well- uhhhh, I'm going to go home in a few minutes, make enchiladas, watch Sherlock, and have sex with the General! So there!

Pffft, LIKE I CARE[DOUBLEPOST=1360618121][/DOUBLEPOST](p.s. - thank you)

Feb 11, 2013#165

dill616

Bumble the Boy Wonder said:
Pffft, LIKE I CARE

I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH SEX YOU'RE HAVING/NOT HAVING SOOOOO MUCH THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE LOTS OF SEX AND NOT EVEN FEEL SUPERIOR!

Orgasms! Orgasms as far as the eye can see!

Feb 11, 2013#166

Bumble the Boy Wonder

I SEE YOUR MASS QUANTITES OF SEX, AND RAISE YOU COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF INTERCOURSE. WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH NO ONE CARES NOW[DOUBLEPOST=1360618318][/DOUBLEPOST]

Feb 11, 2013#167

fade

Psht. I'm married with two kids. I don't even know what sex is anymore.

Feb 11, 2013#168

Gilgamesh

fade said:
Psht. I'm married with two kids. I don't even know what sex is anymore.

What do kids have to do with it? Well then again depends mostly on their age, but we usually waited till they were asleep when they were toddlers to teens.

Feb 11, 2013#169

fade

Kids have everything to do with it. When you're both worn out from years of non-stop childcare, sex can be the last thing on your mind.

Feb 11, 2013#170

Gilgamesh

fade said:
Kids have everything to do with it. When you're both worn out from years of non-stop childcare, sex can be the last thing on your mind.

We raised 3, didn't really stop our sex life. I'm generally curious because I hear that complaint alot. The only thing that slowed our sex life was when work got heavy on both our ends. That's a complaint I can relate to. Made up for it on the days off though.

Feb 11, 2013#171

CrimsonSoul

dill616 said:
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH SEX YOU'RE HAVING/NOT HAVING SOOOOO MUCH THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE LOTS OF SEX AND NOT EVEN FEEL SUPERIOR!

Orgasms! Orgasms as far as the eye can see!

Female orgasms are a myth!

Feb 11, 2013#172

Charlie Don't Surf

holy shit there's more misogyny than usual in this thread

Feb 11, 2013#173

ncts_dodge_man

Sex isn't going to be happening between me and my wife for several weeks - she slipped on some ice over the weekend and strained ligaments in her hand and messed up her back and tailbone (tailbone so badly that it moved on her - didn't help she has some degenerating cartilage in that area).

Feb 11, 2013#174

WasabiPoptart

fade said:
Psht. I'm married with two kids. I don't even know what sex is anymore.

Married with 2 kids here, too. Never stopped us. Deployment and illness are the only things that have and even illness is not a guaranteed no.

Feb 11, 2013#175

Terrik

I'm half a world away for another week. Even I can't reach that far.

Feb 11, 2013#176

dill616

CrimsonSoul said:
Female orgasms are a myth!

LIAR! You're just not doing it right![DOUBLEPOST=1360622091][/DOUBLEPOST]

fade said:
Kids have everything to do with it. When you're both worn out from years of non-stop childcare, sex can be the last thing on your mind.

We have already decided not to procreate. It makes sex all the better!! YAY!

Feb 11, 2013#177

fade

WasabiPoptart said:
Married with 2 kids here, too. Never stopped us. Deployment and illness are the only things that have and even illness is not a guaranteed no.

Hey, what can I say? I've got decades of sitcom husbands backing me up.

Feb 11, 2013#178

Tress

Why, it's almost as if not everyone is the same! Crazy!

Feb 11, 2013#179

dill616

fade said:
Hey, what can I say? I've got decades of sitcom husbands backing me up.

Tress said:
Why, it's almost as if not everyone is the same! Crazy!

What'd you mean? Are you trying to tell me that not everyone has three orgasms on a typical sex session?

Feb 11, 2013#180

figmentPez

CrimsonSoul said:
Female orgasms are a myth!

I find this highly amusing in conjunction with your avatar. I think you're pushing the wrong button.

Feb 11, 2013#181

dill616

figmentPez said:
I find this highly amusing in conjunction with your avatar. I think you're pushing the wrong button.

Maybe pushing the button is the problem. It should be more of a rub- preferably in a circular motion.

Feb 11, 2013#182

Gilgamesh

Tress said:
Why, it's almost as if not everyone is the same! Crazy!

Yep.

Feb 11, 2013#183

fade

Tress said:
Why, it's almost as if not everyone is the same! Crazy!

Or, you know, playing around. For funsies. Geez, I hope I'm not really citing sitcoms as authority.

Feb 11, 2013#184

Cajungal

No jokes in the sex apathy thread, Fade! Only sobriety and crankiness about other people's fluid exchanges!

Feb 11, 2013#185

WasabiPoptart

fade said:
Or, you know, playing around. For funsies. Geez, I hope I'm not really citing sitcoms as authority.

No funzies! Srs bsns only!

Feb 11, 2013#186

Tress

fade said:
Or, you know, playing around. For funsies. Geez, I hope I'm not really citing sitcoms as authority.

Who said I was responding to you? And who said my comment wasn't meant in jest as well?

Feb 12, 2013#187

fade

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?

Feb 12, 2013#188

dill616

Look, not all fairy tales end the same. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Feb 12, 2013#189

figmentPez

GasBandit said:
That's... pretty unsettling if you reapply that metaphor in reverse. As in, stop whining, sieze "the bulb" and just start screwing. Sounds like something Insanity Wolf might recommend.

Yeah, that is a disturbing way to look at it. In my head they tried, but failed, it's not a bulb screwing itself situation.

Feb 12, 2013#190

GasBandit

figmentPez said:
Yeah, that is a disturbing way to look at it. In my head they tried, but failed, it's not a bulb screwing itself situation.

Feb 12, 2013#191

CrimsonSoul

You should ask Zapkode.marie about the sex we had last night

Feb 12, 2013#192

dill616

CrimsonSoul said:
You should ask Zapkode.marie about the sex we had last night

Three orgasms per session. Deal with it.

Feb 12, 2013#193

CrimsonSoul

dill616 said:
Three orgasms per session. Deal with it.

Yeah that's pretty low, sorry for you

Feb 12, 2013#194

dill616

CrimsonSoul said:
Yeah that's pretty low, sorry for you

Don't even. Some women can't have one. I am the queen as well as the penis whisperer.

Feb 12, 2013#195

North_Ranger

dill616 said:
Don't even. Some women can't have one. I am the queen as well as the penis whisperer.

My first girlfriend, when not being completely crazy, was very trigger-happy with her orgasms when she was aroused.

I once gave her double-digit numbers of orgasms in rapid successions... by softly blowing at the small of her elbow.

True story.

She literally begged me to stop.

Feb 12, 2013#196

dill616

North_Ranger said:
My first girlfriend, when not being completely crazy, was very trigger-happy with her orgasms when she was aroused.

I once gave her double-digit numbers of orgasms in rapid successions... by softly blowing at the small of her elbow.

True story.

She literally begged me to stop.

I'll be literally begging you to- Okay, I need to get my mind out of the gutter.

Feb 12, 2013#197

North_Ranger

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

Oscar Wilde

Feb 12, 2013#198

GasBandit

North_Ranger said:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

Oscar Wilde

Looking at the stars. <---- DO NOT CLICK AT WORK

Feb 12, 2013#199

North_Ranger

GasBandit said:
Looking at the stars. <---- DO NOT CLICK AT WORK

I approve

Feb 12, 2013#200

WasabiPoptart

CrimsonSoul said:
Yeah that's pretty low, sorry for you

Ha! It's all about quality rather than quantity IMO. But I guess that also boils down to personal preference. I'd rather have one mind-blowingly intense one that leaves me feeling like a cat sitting in a sunny spot instead of a whole bunch that leave me tired.

Feb 12, 2013#201

CrimsonSoul

dill616 said:
Don't even. Some women can't have one. I am the queen as well as the penis whisperer.

The penis whisperer you should make that your rank lol

Feb 12, 2013#202

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Because who doesn't enjoy a good penis whisperin'?

Feb 12, 2013#203

CrimsonSoul

Bumble the Boy Wonder said:
Because who doesn't enjoy a good penis whisperin'?

Amen

Feb 12, 2013#204

GasBandit

Sounds like a prelude to irrumatio to me.

Feb 14, 2013#205

Zapkode.marie

CrimsonSoul said:
You should ask Zapkode.marie about the sex we had last night

I could have sworn we was making good ole fashion love ... but w/e I suppose you are a male!

Feb 14, 2013#206

ThatNickGuy

At least he didn't call it the horizontal polka.

Feb 14, 2013#207

CrimsonSoul

ThatNickGuy said:
At least he didn't call it the horizontal polka.

I was always fond of calling it the chicken dance

Feb 14, 2013#208

figmentPez

CrimsonSoul said:
I was always fond of calling it the chicken dance

But the chicken dance is traditionally done at wedding recepti... Oh, I see what you there.

Feb 15, 2013#209

GasBandit

The technical term is schtoinking.

Feb 15, 2013#210

North_Ranger

GasBandit said:
The technical term is schtoinking.

EXACTLY! Thank you, GasBandit.

Feb 15, 2013#211

GasBandit

North_Ranger said:
EXACTLY! Thank you, GasBandit.

Heh, that's something YOU don't get to say very often, is it?

Feb 15, 2013#212

dill616

I would like to announce that I am NOT having sex right now. I repeat, I am NOT having sex at the current time. Everyone look at me and pay attention because I won't say this again; I am not having sex as of now.

I am so f-ing bored.

Feb 16, 2013#213

Gusto

I haven't had sex in around 6 months, a streak I hope to end soon.

Feb 16, 2013#214