So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (11/07/2009 GF's BDAY Edition)
- Thread starter Shegokigo
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TotalFusionOne
So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (New Update 11/04/09)
Hey, I know I'm new here.... But after reading through all of this?
Girlfriends an emotionally manipulative person. She didn't bring up "her" getting married so that you'd feel better, she's bringing it up so that you'll forget about her. It was a calculated move on her part. I mean, think about it. Your girlfriend actually found out information about "Her" and kept it current enough that she knew when she was getting married, then told you so.... Why? She really honestly believe you could be happy for "her?" Co-dependent and manipulative my friend.
What you feel as "relief" is really just "Sameness." Now you're back to the status quo after taking a little bit of a risk, and you're... Comfortable again. And if comfortable is fine with you, by all means lets pour a cup and pass it around. But don't kid yourself about what's going on here.
Romance is a game of chess, and your castling maneuver just got you owned by the queen.
Hey, I know I'm new here.... But after reading through all of this?
Girlfriends an emotionally manipulative person. She didn't bring up "her" getting married so that you'd feel better, she's bringing it up so that you'll forget about her. It was a calculated move on her part. I mean, think about it. Your girlfriend actually found out information about "Her" and kept it current enough that she knew when she was getting married, then told you so.... Why? She really honestly believe you could be happy for "her?" Co-dependent and manipulative my friend.
What you feel as "relief" is really just "Sameness." Now you're back to the status quo after taking a little bit of a risk, and you're... Comfortable again. And if comfortable is fine with you, by all means lets pour a cup and pass it around. But don't kid yourself about what's going on here.
Romance is a game of chess, and your castling maneuver just got you owned by the queen.
So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (New Update 11/04/09)
If you want interesting chess moves, apparantly when I thought the two of them stopped speaking years ago, I find out that they've remained friends this whole time, even though my GF thought I hated "her", says she just didn't tell me because she thought I hated "her" so much that I'd be upset they still spoke.
As for "manipulative", my GF is far from it, it's more likely she really didn't think I'd be bothered by that info. I am glad you decided to post your opinion in here though, new or old opinions are welcome.
If you want interesting chess moves, apparantly when I thought the two of them stopped speaking years ago, I find out that they've remained friends this whole time, even though my GF thought I hated "her", says she just didn't tell me because she thought I hated "her" so much that I'd be upset they still spoke.
As for "manipulative", my GF is far from it, it's more likely she really didn't think I'd be bothered by that info. I am glad you decided to post your opinion in here though, new or old opinions are welcome.
So I'm Leaving MY GF, sortof - (New Update 11/04/09)
Drama Continues!
Yesterday was yet another fight, one that has sprouted up a few times since the incident from my return from my brother's. She's been putting me so down her priority list and treating me very differently than she did before. She never seems to have patience with me or the things I want to show her (Didn't even want to bother getting out of bed to watch a movie trailer on my computer) my gaming seems to really be bothering her right now (got really pissy with me when she came home and I had Saints Row 2 on the TV) and lastsly there was no sexual activity for a long while (which is strange since our relatinoship has been mostly a sexual one). To make matters more interesting, she's been going out with her friends, to the clubs, every weekend instead of once/twice a month.
Now, her partying doesn't bother me, never has. Thing is, when we argue, she says that "Maybe you're just getting tired of the way I am" which of course, isn't the issue at all, as I told her. It's the way she treats me vs how she treats others. EX: She goes to school all day, works in the afternoon and comes home late. I greet her at the door, we eat and she immediately plops on the bed. She will proclaim she has no energy to do anything (play a game with me, sit at the computer with me, go out to get a bite to eat etc). Yet the very same situation (work+school) and it's a party night? She has no trouble dancing/drinking/socializing till 3am. *sigh*
So I brought this up in our last argument and she begins crying. She says she has no idea why things changed and she is becoming aware of how she's acting and is sorry. I even brought up the old "moving this relationship forward" thing she used to against me all the time and she couldn't even defend her actions against that.
The whole argument started up because I had called her earlier in the afternoon asking if she wanted me to ditch work so we coud spend the rest of the afternoon/night together doing whatever she wanted and she got very upset and responded with "You knew I already made plans with my friends tonight and we had agreed that Saturday would be the day we spend together". That of course was the last straw for me (of her actions putting me last) and it ended with her crying and apologizing.
Fast forward to last night. She still went out with her friends (I eventually just told her to) and before she left, we did get extremely physical (her initiation, not mine). I thought all was well and good, but she shows up at 4am. All the clubs here close at 2am. My mind goes a million places, all bad. To make matters worse, her reason is the "oldest lie in the book" that women use: "I went to my friend's house, cause her BF is cheating on her and she didn't want me to leave".
My stomach did a backflip. Now, granted, there are a few things that lend weight to that reason.
#1 I actually DO know this friend personally and she IS going through some heavy emotional rollercoasters because of her BF.
#2 There's really no reason to cheat in this relationship (sexually anyway) because anytime there's someone she finds sexually attractive, we have a 3 way.
#3 She's really got a bad history with cheating and has trouble even listening to people cheat, much less being capable of doing it herself.
So here I'm sitting, at work, trying to think of what we're going to do for her B-day today and I'm upset that part of my mind can't get off the "reason" she gave me for getting home late last night. Ugh, that was a long post.
Drama Continues!
Yesterday was yet another fight, one that has sprouted up a few times since the incident from my return from my brother's. She's been putting me so down her priority list and treating me very differently than she did before. She never seems to have patience with me or the things I want to show her (Didn't even want to bother getting out of bed to watch a movie trailer on my computer) my gaming seems to really be bothering her right now (got really pissy with me when she came home and I had Saints Row 2 on the TV) and lastsly there was no sexual activity for a long while (which is strange since our relatinoship has been mostly a sexual one). To make matters more interesting, she's been going out with her friends, to the clubs, every weekend instead of once/twice a month.
Now, her partying doesn't bother me, never has. Thing is, when we argue, she says that "Maybe you're just getting tired of the way I am" which of course, isn't the issue at all, as I told her. It's the way she treats me vs how she treats others. EX: She goes to school all day, works in the afternoon and comes home late. I greet her at the door, we eat and she immediately plops on the bed. She will proclaim she has no energy to do anything (play a game with me, sit at the computer with me, go out to get a bite to eat etc). Yet the very same situation (work+school) and it's a party night? She has no trouble dancing/drinking/socializing till 3am. *sigh*
So I brought this up in our last argument and she begins crying. She says she has no idea why things changed and she is becoming aware of how she's acting and is sorry. I even brought up the old "moving this relationship forward" thing she used to against me all the time and she couldn't even defend her actions against that.
The whole argument started up because I had called her earlier in the afternoon asking if she wanted me to ditch work so we coud spend the rest of the afternoon/night together doing whatever she wanted and she got very upset and responded with "You knew I already made plans with my friends tonight and we had agreed that Saturday would be the day we spend together". That of course was the last straw for me (of her actions putting me last) and it ended with her crying and apologizing.
Fast forward to last night. She still went out with her friends (I eventually just told her to) and before she left, we did get extremely physical (her initiation, not mine). I thought all was well and good, but she shows up at 4am. All the clubs here close at 2am. My mind goes a million places, all bad. To make matters worse, her reason is the "oldest lie in the book" that women use: "I went to my friend's house, cause her BF is cheating on her and she didn't want me to leave".
My stomach did a backflip. Now, granted, there are a few things that lend weight to that reason.
#1 I actually DO know this friend personally and she IS going through some heavy emotional rollercoasters because of her BF.
#2 There's really no reason to cheat in this relationship (sexually anyway) because anytime there's someone she finds sexually attractive, we have a 3 way.
#3 She's really got a bad history with cheating and has trouble even listening to people cheat, much less being capable of doing it herself.
So here I'm sitting, at work, trying to think of what we're going to do for her B-day today and I'm upset that part of my mind can't get off the "reason" she gave me for getting home late last night. Ugh, that was a long post.
C
Chibibar
Shego: I think you might be reading too much into it (but that could be just me. I only have one side of the story)
I am sure she will tell you if there was something else.
(switching subject) have you thought about going clubbing with her? she seems to enjoy that a lot. It could be a release just to go out and dance (it is for me)
I am sure she will tell you if there was something else.
(switching subject) have you thought about going clubbing with her? she seems to enjoy that a lot. It could be a release just to go out and dance (it is for me)
I'm a nerdy indoors kind of guy, but I also love me some (drunken) clubbing sometimes.
<Drunken ramblings from a lurker>
Seems to me you broke down the wall you put up between you and are now experiencing a rare thing called feelings. You dont want to lose her anymore, you actually care. Back when you were thinking of leaving if she had of done this would oyu be as worried? I doubt it. I personally think this just shows that you are emotionally invested in this relationship now and dont want to get hurt. Perfectly normal, You just have to learn to trust her.
</ Drunken Ramblings from a lurker>
The really strange thing is I'm going through a very similar time, except my current gf is realy compatible with me in almost every way....just not the bedroom. I feel like a complete douche for even wondering if sex is worth more than a really good realtionship. Think I need another beer.
Seems to me you broke down the wall you put up between you and are now experiencing a rare thing called feelings. You dont want to lose her anymore, you actually care. Back when you were thinking of leaving if she had of done this would oyu be as worried? I doubt it. I personally think this just shows that you are emotionally invested in this relationship now and dont want to get hurt. Perfectly normal, You just have to learn to trust her.
</ Drunken Ramblings from a lurker>
The really strange thing is I'm going through a very similar time, except my current gf is realy compatible with me in almost every way....just not the bedroom. I feel like a complete douche for even wondering if sex is worth more than a really good realtionship. Think I need another beer.
Shego, your just going to have to trust her. It's apparent you both have trust issues right now and one of you is just going to have to suck it up and put themselves on the line if it's ever going to get better... and it's probably going to have to be you.
You're making sense Amorous, no worries. As for joining in her activities? The clubbing thing I can't really do as I work early in the morning every day except Sunday (If she decided to go out on a Sat. night, I might) her other interests I try and indulge her whenever I can (I'll sit through her girly romance flicks without being a bitch about it) or I encourage her to do the things she likes without restraint.
C
Chibibar
You are a resourceful gaming person so I might suggest that you "could" try to go one of the nights when you know the next day you could "function" partly.
My wife calls it "Kon-mode" basically at conventions you sleep less and do more activities, granted you would need time to help "catch up" but doing it once a month or rare occasion, I'm sure you can pull it off (if you want to)
I know it might be hard physically since dancing is more physical than a late night raiding when you can sit in a chair and mentally work instead of physical, but it is doable
Yeah, I've done the whole going out / early morning shift thing a few times too. You aren't at peak performance, probably, but as long as you manage to be sober enoguh to drive at 6am (say, stop drinking at 2 am or so) it really shouldn't be much of an issue. Especially since, as the Gusguy said, you can "ditch" work occasionally anyway, apparently.
That said - it's very much just trust issues. She is actin differnetly because she hasn't completely coped yet with what you've told her, and you have trouble trusting her because, well, you're usually a very guarded person. You didn't need to really trust her before - when it was just a relationship for the ease of life, what did you care? Now that you care and feel for her and have opened up certain gates/broken down walls, you have an emotional investment which can be very hard. It's difficult trusting someone else with your love/self.
That said - it's very much just trust issues. She is actin differnetly because she hasn't completely coped yet with what you've told her, and you have trouble trusting her because, well, you're usually a very guarded person. You didn't need to really trust her before - when it was just a relationship for the ease of life, what did you care? Now that you care and feel for her and have opened up certain gates/broken down walls, you have an emotional investment which can be very hard. It's difficult trusting someone else with your love/self.
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