Rant VIII: The Reckoning

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What's the point, anyway? She wouldn't have helped and it would've just been a waste of money. She can't rebuild my hope for me, my life, or the world. I just don't care anymore.
This right here's exactly why you do need to go. And non-depressed Nick would see that in an instant. Depression's insidious, because it affects your thinking. "It'll never work, it doesn't help, it doesn't matter" is exactly the type of, frankly, useles negative thinking about the future depression causes and reinforces - I'm very well acquainted with the thought process myself, and it is a constant struggle not to fall victim to it.

Yeah, she may not Solve all your Issues Once and For All, obviously. But there's a huge difference between "biking out to the lake to do yoga on a flat rock" Nick and "what does it matter, I'm in a dead-end job and I'll never make a difference anyway" Nick. Maybe neither'll make a huge impact on the world; maybe both'll make a huge, lasting impression on just a few people in your life. Maybe none of it matters at all. Might as well try to enjoy. And if that doesn't help, well, consider how you want other people around you to think of you. Even people you don't see or don't know, even people you don't care about, even people you care about but don't get to see often enough.
 
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This right here's exactly why you do need to go. And non-depressed Nick would see that in an instant. Depression's insidious, because it affects your thinking. "It'll never work, it doesn't help, it doesn't matter" is exactly the type of, frankly, useles negative thinking about the future depression causes and reinforces - I'm very well acquainted with the thought process myself, and it is a constant struggle not to fall victim to it.

Yeah, she may not Solve all your Issues Once and For All, obviously. But there's a huge difference between "biking out to the lake to do yoga on a flat rock" Nick and "what does it matter, I'm in a dead-end job and I'll never make a difference anyway" Nick. Maybe neither'll make a huge impact on the world; maybe both'll make a huge, lasting impression on just a few people in your life. Maybe none of it matters at all. Might as well try to enjoy. And if that doesn't help, well, consider how you want other people around you to think of you. Even people you don't see or don't know, even people you don't care about, even people you care about but don't get to see often enough.
This is everything I was going to say and more.
 
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Depression's insidious, because it affects your thinking. "It'll never work, it doesn't help, it doesn't matter" is exactly the type of, frankly, useles negative thinking about the future depression causes and reinforces.
Depression is very much like the Sirens of old. So tempting to give up everything and follow, but giving in is misery and can lead to madness or even an early death.

--Patrick
 
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Dear asshole who laughed at me downtown Halifax,

If someone is struggling with three banana boxes worth if comics and trying NOT to drop them A THIRD TIME in the way to selling them, maybe don't joke "Don't drop them!" from the safety of your car.

DOUBLY so when I flip out at you for doing so and laughing as you drive away.

I'm so sick of this world. Empathy is dead. Consideration for another person is dead.
I'm so tired of this world.
 
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I'm hoping this is the Sluggy Freelance reference I'm thinking of. If not, carry on!
It was also used on the Drew Carey Show. "Good thing I had my emergency pants in the trunk of my car." "You travel around with emergency pants?" "Why not, they've come in more useful than the road flares ever have."
 
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I certainly could have used some trunk pants once. Got a call to check out a coal mill. It was leaking. Ended up walking back to the hotel room with a garbage bag full of soot covered clothes.
 
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I keep a set of emergency clothes in my trunk... is that weird? I thought it was common practice.
I don't usually do it for myself, but for years I carried a full set for Li'l Z. I think Mr. Z also has a full set of clothes in his car, but that's mostly because he's a slob.
 
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I don't usually do it for myself, but for years I carried a full set for Li'l Z. I think Mr. Z also has a full set of clothes in his car, but that's mostly because he's a slob.
This is why business lunches are so fun for me. I need to keep an extra shirt handy.
 
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So, I originally thought work was scheduling my week vacation for the last week of August.

Turns out it's the week of June 17 to June 21. Counting weekends, that means I'll have the 15th to the 23rd off. 9 days off.

I was roughly considering taking a biking trip by myself from Yarmouth and back, but that was with August in mind. I'm not in good enough shape to do that so soon.

So now I'll have 9 days off with no plans and no idea what to do.

If I'm being honest with myself, I'll probably spend the whole time depressed and playing video games or something. Because that's just where my mindset is these days. Just waste 9 days of my miserable, pathetic life, like I've wasted 41 years.
 

Dave

Staff member
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I'm not making light of your depression I swear. But nine days off sitting at home playing video games sounds awesome.
 

Dave

Staff member
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Yes but this is vacation time. Being unemployed suuuuuucks because you feel guilty for playing games and sitting around. You always think "I could be doing something else". But on vacation? Hell yeah! No guilt gaming!
 
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Yes but this is vacation time. Being unemployed suuuuuucks because you feel guilty for playing games and sitting around. You always think "I could be doing something else". But on vacation? Hell yeah! No guilt gaming!
It's all I've been doing when I'm not working. Spending all my time in front of the computer, eating badly, not exercising, and I've already gained almost 10 pounds back.
 

Dave

Staff member
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To be fair, that's all I do when I'm not working as well. Hell, one week I streamed over 100 hours on Twitch. But I don't have depression so my activities aren't exacerbated by that. I really can't know what you are going through and there's nothing I can do to help, no matter how much I'd like to.
 
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It's all I've been doing when I'm not working. Spending all my time in front of the computer, eating badly, not exercising, and I've already gained almost 10 pounds back.
Is there any daily yoga classes you could go to? I find making sure I hit a class on time motivates me. I know it's not a biking trip, but its something to break up your vacation time.
 
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@ThatNickGuy I feel you. At the height of my depression having 9 days with nothing to do would have ensured that I spent that whole time slowly devolving in front of a screen. I'd be lucky to even shower. Idleness is terrible for depression.


I've found that forcing myself to have a reason to leave the house each day is a good way to keep myself from falling into that ditch. There's a certain inertia to depression where starting something is the hardest part, if you can get moving it's much easier to keep moving. So go biking, go to yoga, plan something, otherwise the disease will waste no time in getting it's claws into you.
 
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So, I originally thought work was scheduling my week vacation for the last week of August.

Turns out it's the week of June 17 to June 21. Counting weekends, that means I'll have the 15th to the 23rd off. 9 days off.

I was roughly considering taking a biking trip by myself from Yarmouth and back, but that was with August in mind. I'm not in good enough shape to do that so soon.

So now I'll have 9 days off with no plans and no idea what to do.
Is there a day trip you could ride? Something longer than where your ride base is at right now?
 
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The least productive plant in our umbrella is going to teach us the most productive plant how to be more productive.

Oh rapture!
 
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The least productive plant in our umbrella is going to teach us the most productive plant how to be more productive.

Oh rapture!
Yeah, by brother was going to be lectured by corporate on how to shoot catalogue photos as fast as their boys in Atlanta.

"Sure, I want to learn how to shoot 4 photos a day. While I can only shoot 300."
 
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Groan, it's a friggin KPI hunt. We're not hitting the imaginary KPIs for rejections. Which is actually a staffing issue, we're the most experienced, so guess what we make fewer mistakes!
 
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Shoulder tendinitis.

But physiotherapy is good!
Shoulder tendinitis sucks. My physio exercises are starting to get brutal though. My weight just got bumped to 5lbs, and we added another exercise. More aches less pain
 
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