Ever do a life reset?

doomdragon6

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#1
So some very unfortunate things are coming up in my life where I may be losing / deciding to leave roughly 80% of my friend circle and my general way of life, including something I've worked a very long time to build.

Also my neighborhood is only getting worse and worse, (my car broken into twice in two weeks, gunfight down my street, neighbor tried to stab a dude) so likely looking to move soon. If none of the above is tying me down, despite initially being what helped me soar, I can go pretty much anywhere.

Have any of you ever had complete life resets? Where you leave your entire friendgroup and social circle behind (and I don't mean physically, I mean hopefully never talk to them again level), uproot everything you've felt like you are, and just started an entirely new path?

tl;dr: things aren't great
 
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#2
Well, personally, no, not anywhere near that bad. I do think some of the forumites here who've faced rejection/aggression/etc over sexual preference or identity have left behind most of, if not all, of their previous life and family to start anew. They may be better placed to give advice.

Good luck, and sorry to hear you're in a rough place right now.
 
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#3
My big reset was quitting my career and moving 150 miles away to live with my parents, then moved 200 miles to live with a brother, until I could get going in a new career. In that time I worked a tech job that took me all over the country, went back to JuCo to have a piece of paper that says I understand technology, worked a call center, sold cars, then Best Buy Geek Squad. Then a landed a job back at the town I was in when I quit teaching. And have been here for the last 15 years.

I dropped in and out of my old social circles but never really cut off a group of friends besides moving away.

I wish you the best of luck. And stay safe out there.
 
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#5
Sort of. I dropped out of university in the UK and moved back to Taiwan, to attend university there. Changed my field entirely (went from computer systems engineering to English literature), and basically didn't contact any of my old friends or classmates at all. Even this year, I'm back in the UK to study for a year, and I still haven't contacted any of them or let them know I'm here.

The thing is, when things got bad enough that I was seriously considering just ending it all, moving to a different country and starting completely anew didn't seem that scary at all any more. Of course it helped that my family and support network are in Taiwan, I suppose...
 
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#6
Moved from OK to NC, and it was a great choice for many reasons. Halforums goes with you too, BTW. Wait. Unless you mean us? Is this your break up note for Halforums?!
 
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#8
Moved from Dallas to Virginia, about 1500 miles away.
Kept the friends I wanted to keep on facebook, but it was pretty much a clean break from my old life.
In some ways it was very challenging, because I spent a lot of years up here without any friends. And I still miss my old Texas friends. But over time, I've become more established socially up here, and it's gotten easier.

I still have the fantasy of moving back to Texas some day. I have nearly enough equity in the house up here to buy a house outright in Texas if I ever move back. But, I'm not sure that it'll ever happen.
 
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#9
I just went through a major one leaving my career of nearly 15 years to go back to school and planning a big move now that I'm done. I'm partway through my big reset.

I'm probably not leaving my social group behind for good though, my friends are good people in general.
 
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#11
I reset my life in 1994 by moving from the US to Canada, then made two moves across Canada (Montreal, QC to Kingston, ON to Saskatoon, SK). And it looks like I might do something similar in a year or so.

So if you think that's what you need to do for yourself and your peace of mind, go for it.
 
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#12
I moved across the country 11 years ago(side note: holy shit it's been 11 years already) from Ontario to British Columbia.

I dont know what I'd be doing if I stayed. It wasn't to get away from anything necessarily, least of all my friends, that was the hardest aspect to leave behind. I just felt like if I stayed in Windsor, I'd never do anything with myself.

I've made new friends but do miss my old ones. Just by nature of the distance, we have drifted apart which I regret. I was never very close with my large extended family so that wasn't a huge barrier though I do miss my Dad. That doesn't sound like it will necessarily be an issue for you.

It was the best single choice I've made. I love it here, have made my own family of friends and my Partner who I met here. I'm working a job I'd have never been motivated to get in Windsor nor would it even have been an option.
 

GasBandit

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#13
The dotcom crash of the late 90s led me to pack everything I could into my car and move to Texas. Sometimes you need a fresh start.
 

GasBandit

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#15
I moved from Houston to Dallas because of it.
I hear ya.

I dunno if I ever told you guys I used to work for Oracle? I used to work for Oracle (as a contractor in their IT department). Then the crash happened... and they laid off all the contractors at the main office. And I couldn't find work more skilled than 3rd shift kiln operator at a ceramic capacitor plant. As my savings dwindled away quickly, I decided it was time to hit the road.
 
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#17
I dont know what I'd be doing if I stayed. It wasn't to get away from anything necessarily, least of all my friends, that was the hardest aspect to leave behind. I just felt like if I stayed in [Ontario], I'd never do anything with myself.
God I identify with this so hard. Problem is I'm back here for now and...ugh.
 

doomdragon6

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#21
Hoo boy.

Things were even worse than I thought.

But, I've made my decisions.

I don't really have a life direction right now.

What do you do when you've got almost nothing?

I mean, I've got health, family (I'll never take these for granted), some money, but my life ambition is gone and I've got maybe a handful of friends left.

It feels weirdly directionless and empty.
 
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#22
It may absolutely not be for you, but some people in that position have greatly benefited from the combination of "new start", "meet new people", "greater purpose in life", and "structure" of the armed forces or charity work abroad.
 
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#23
In the last 15 years, I have gone from working and living on my own in NJ to being a military dependant and a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids to getting my masters degree and being the "breadwinner". I went from NJ to CA to HI. I've lost friends, I've made friends, I've watched friends pack up and leave because of their spouses' orders. While we came to Hawaii thanks to the US Navy, the decision to stay was entirely ours. We've mostly left behind a whole culture. My friends from the east coast US have mostly fallen by the wayside consciously or because the time difference makes it difficult to keep in touch. That's ok. As long as the hurricanes continue to avoid Oahu I'm happy to be here.
 
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#24
I imagine the largest parallel is those who were settling between continents in the earlier half of the 20th century (or before) where "long distance contact" wasn't a think. Like at all. Letters, if you're lucky. That generation is basically all dead now, but their children live on, and their stories may help.

On the lesser end of things, most of what is above applies.

As for me, I've had quite the cross-country journey, and making new friends, and leaving old ones can be tough. I don't know what it'd be like to cut off entirely though. That'd be different. I wish you luck if it's the best thing for you though.
 
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#25
Doing something similar is a possibility for me. I've thought for years I'd stay in California and pursue a career in television preproduction, but that's not really panning out and I'm finding I don't have the passion required to succeed at it. I'm left with a huge debt for a degree I'm barely using and an outrageously unaffordable housing market for my skill level's pay cap. I'm working 3 jobs now just to keep up enough hours to stay ahead, because NONE of them want to give more than 20 a week. My sister moved her family to Missouri near Kansas City where they've been pretty happy and homes and apartments are still dirt cheep. I'm browsing print production and prepress jobs in Kansas City on Indeed and might go spend some time out there if I get any significant leads.
 
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#26
I did a partial reset a couple of years ago - kept to the same field of job, but my wife and I packed up and moved from Wisconsin to Kentucky (with a new job in Nashville) - I left behind my friends and family (still travel back twice a year to visit family - it's a 10-hour trek back, so not something we do often) but basically started over - I'm now working in a job that I like doing, making more money than I was, and we're overall much happier than we were in Wisconsin. It's hard to do, but can be worth it.
 
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#27
I did when I went to college. I was the only person who went to a school with no one else from our current or previous graduating classes, something I realized when they released the Senior Edition of our school paper and it listed everyone's college destination. Plus, our school only had freshmen dorms, so you either had to get an apartment or commute. At the end of my freshman year, my immediate family left NJ and moved over 3 hours away, so I couldn't go back to my hometown, even if I wanted to. The only thing I didn't do was completely cut ties with everyone from my under-18 years. Thanks to the internet, I was able to keep in touch with a number of them, and even saw them once in a while. Some other closer friendships just faded like they do when your lives change.

I want to say it made me stronger and willing to take risks on my own, but that's not entirely true. I've always been a person who's not afraid to do or try something even if it means going it alone. I love socializing, but I'm also very happy being by myself. What I will say it helped to work without the "safety net" that a lot of my peers had. It made me quickly become responsible for things, like budgets. Also, not having to put up with toxic relationships like we so often do in high school. I never closed myself off to the possibility of new friendships, but I became a lot quicker to cut people off who weren't treating me with equal respect. That part has been a huge help to this day for my over-all happiness and mental health.
 
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