Dear Dave

[Unregistered]

Dear Dave,

A month ago my girlfriend of 7 years and I broke up. For awhile we remained on okay terms. We weren't best of friends but we weren't angry at each other. About two weeks ago she started asking me for favors. Nothing major just picking up some groceries while I was getting my own. I had no real problem doing this since I still had the credit card she gave me to help with household expenses when we lived together. What I did have a problem with was her saying that she loved me. Eventually it got awkward to not say it back when she said it so I started saying it back.

Saterday night we were drinking and I was in no shape to drive home so she let me crash at her place. We of course ended up having sex and now I'm not really sure where our relationship is. She hasn't commented on it, hasn't even really acted like it happened at all. But even though we haven't talked about it I can't help but feel that she thinks our relationship is back on.

I really don't want that. We were absolutely horrible together. She was terribly passive agressive to the point where I couldn't even go to the gym without feeling like in some way I was depressing her and not a week would go by without some kind of horrible screaming match which would cost us at least $100 in broken electronics or home repairs. Since I've broken up with her I've lost 6 pounds and everybody is shocked with how much more relaxed and happy I am.

So I guess my question is twofold. First part is are we back in a relationship? Or at least to the point where I have to break up with her again? And the second part is how do I keep it from going any further down the path to a relationship?

signed,

Relaxed, healthy but still confused in Maryland.

 

[Dave]

Dear Relaxed,

If you are having sex and she says she loves you then she feels it's back on. If this is not what you want, you need to tell her right away. Let her know that the reasons you broke up are still there and that even though you have feelings for her, you realize that you are not right together. Give her back her credit card and let her know that it needs to stop. If you don't man up to it now it will get out of control and will be much, MUCH harder down the road.

By the way, she'll probably yell and cry and throw stuff. Duck and cover!

Good luck, my friend.

 

[Unregistered]

Fuuuuuuck. I know you're right I was just hoping that you would see something that I missed.

Fuck I was hoping I was free of this Bullshit.

 

[Calleja]

I'm with Dave dude, if she's using the Love word and sleeping with you, she's either convinced you're back together or at least heading that way. In my experience the best thing to do in this cases is just come clean, no point dragging it out "for her sake". In the end you end up hurting more if you leave her on the hook. Just be honest and have a clean cut. No more favors or stuff until you can see she's moved on.

 

[Cajungal]

Double on the "no more favors" thing. A friend of mine didn't have sex with his ex, but he did stay linked to her that way. They had a lot of friends in common, so he saw her a lot, and she still pretty much ordered him around. "Unregistered" is nobody's bitch!

 

[Math242]

yeah the sex with exes is good but then it's BAD.

run for the hills man