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The girlfriend and I broke up last Thursday. It was a mutual, mostly painless breakup without arguing or recriminations. We both agreed that it felt like things hadn't been working since summer. I'll spare you the gory details, but I'd sometimes taken her for granted and she admitted she had been surly and resentful of my frequent travels. We had put it off because both of us were afraid of hurting the other party's feelings so it was kind of a relief. We even agreed to try being friends after everything calms down. As far as breakups go, it was the least awful. But that's not what this thread is about.

I told some friends about the breakup. No, I didn't blame the ex. I just said we were both at fault and that I was single again. One of my female friends, immediately after hearing about it, asked to go out for dinner with me after she returns from her trip overseas. She'll be back in about a week.

About this friend, she moved here in August and doesn't have any friends here. Her department colleagues are a bit anti-social so she was glad to share her geeky interests with someone. We hit it off right away and she meshed well with my group of friends. She's been over for game night and Hobbit Day elevenses. The first time she was over, she stayed until past midnight. I had guessed she was just happy to finally have somebody to talk to about Firefly. She then started coming over more frequently to hang out with me and my roommate.

The day before my friend left (remember this is after the breakup), I helped her move her group project and confirmed dinner, then I felt sort of bad afterward. Yes, I want to get to know her better. Yes, I like her. In fact, I think she's awesome. But it just feels weird right now because I'm single for the first time in nearly two years. I'm also eagerly looking forward to her return, which makes me feel douchey considering it's been less than a week since the breakup. I think I need a little time to breathe and process what happened. Hopefully I can readjust by the time she gets back.

What I'm asking is this: is it normal to feel this way after a break-up? This was my first long-term, committed relationship so I'm in uncharted territory.

eh, after 5 years I'm still looking for a rebound.

Yeah, and the ex said things had been broken for a few months. We had just been going through the motions and might have mentally ended it in July. She said she wanted to end it sooner but wasn't sure how to say it. I planned to not ask out any girls for at least a few weeks. But this time the girl made the first move and I wasn't prepared for that.

I also might still be mourning because I bake when I'm upset. In the month leading to the breakup, I baked a batch of apple brownies, some honey biscuits, and eight loaves of bread. Since the breakup, I've made one batch of chocolate-cheesecake swirl brownies, one more batch of apple brownies, and I'm baking three more loaves tonight. I don't even eat what I bake so my roommate's turning into Jabba the Hutt.

I have been broken up for about six months and I am just now feeling like I want to go out and date again but each person and relationship is different.

IronBrig4 said:

is it normal to feel this way after a break-up?

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Yes.

--Patrick

Mr. Z asked me out pretty much immediately after I broke up with my ex. That was 11 years ago.

But that doesn't mean this has to be a relationship yet. Go on some dates, get to know each other, keep it casual for now. She may or may not be what you're looking for, but the only way to know is if you get to know her. And if she isn't the one, then no big deal. Not everyone you go out with has to be a potential spouse.

Personally, I'm of the opinion that this is a good time for you to enjoy bachelorhood for a little while. Enjoy being single. Learn some things about yourself. Try a few new things.

How long were you with your ex? If it was a few years, then I would definitely suggest my above suggestion.

EDIT: Whoops, read your post too quick and missed the "two years" part. Yeah, I would say enjoy being single for at least a little while. But maybe see this friend, at least for a drink or dinner or something. Don't jump right into another relationship.

I don't feel qualified to give advice on this subject. Trying to think of what to say here made me realize I've only ever broken up with somebody once, and it was extremely unpleasantly messy, and it was when I was 19 anyway. I "met" Pauline a few months after that (we first got online), and still felt like it was too soon to be in another relationship... but it just kinda happened. One thing led to another.

The short answer: yes. If you and your ex broke up mutually understanding that things have not been right in the relationship, then it could be that you have already experienced the loss associated with breaking up. That's not the way break ups are presented either by friends' stories or in various media. Those representations usually involve fighting, tears, anger, among other things. It doesn't always happen that way, though. You both moved on without actually moving on - until now.
However, if you think you need time to breathe and process it would not be fair to get involved with someone else too quickly. You don't have to jump right in. And it's normal to be concerned about that, too. You like her and you don't want to ruin something that might have potential.

I started dating about 2 months after my marriage of 10 years fell apart. Most would say that was too soon and it probably was simply because the ex was still an issue that I was trying to resolve in my head and it wasn't really fair to the new girl that it was still being resolved. I think that would be my only concern about dating too soon. If it was pretty much over a long time ago then that 'mourning' has really already happened and there's no harm in going forward. I met my new girl two weeks after I moved to Winnipeg and felt pretty confident that the old girl wasn't going ot be an issue. I was 'mostly' right, but I also made sure that the new girl knew about some outstanding issues that were being dealt with still. In the end, that honesty was awesome.

Adam said:

In the end, that honesty was awesome.

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It's also pretty awesome in the middle, and at the beginning.

--Patrick

Yeah, well frankly after coming out of a relationship that was belaboured with cheating and affairs and a reluctance to take responsibility for that, it was refreshing to have some honesty back in my life.

Go not to the Halforumites (especially @stienman) for advise for they will say both yes and no.

And get therapy.

IronBrig4 said:

The girlfriend and I broke up last Thursday. It was a mutual, mostly painless breakup without arguing or recriminations. We both agreed that it felt like things hadn't been working since summer. I'll spare you the gory details, but I'd sometimes taken her for granted and she admitted she had been surly and resentful of my frequent travels. We had put it off because both of us were afraid of hurting the other party's feelings so it was kind of a relief. We even agreed to try being friends after everything calms down. As far as breakups go, it was the least awful. But that's not what this thread is about.

I told some friends about the breakup. No, I didn't blame the ex. I just said we were both at fault and that I was single again. One of my female friends, immediately after hearing about it, asked to go out for dinner with me after she returns from her trip overseas. She'll be back in about a week.

About this friend, she moved here in August and doesn't have any friends here. Her department colleagues are a bit anti-social so she was glad to share her geeky interests with someone. We hit it off right away and she meshed well with my group of friends. She's been over for game night and Hobbit Day elevenses. The first time she was over, she stayed until past midnight. I had guessed she was just happy to finally have somebody to talk to about Firefly. She then started coming over more frequently to hang out with me and my roommate.

The day before my friend left (remember this is after the breakup), I helped her move her group project and confirmed dinner, then I felt sort of bad afterward. Yes, I want to get to know her better. Yes, I like her. In fact, I think she's awesome. But it just feels weird right now because I'm single for the first time in nearly two years. I'm also eagerly looking forward to her return, which makes me feel douchey considering it's been less than a week since the breakup. I think I need a little time to breathe and process what happened. Hopefully I can readjust by the time she gets back.

What I'm asking is this: is it normal to feel this way after a break-up? This was my first long-term, committed relationship so I'm in uncharted territory.

Click to expand...

It sounds like your previous relationship was already dead, so it's not quite as soon as you might think. And you know, I think you'd honestly regret not giving it a chance with this female friend. Don't put too much pressure on it, and just see where it leads. Yeah, you're doing to need time to adjust, but it sounds like she already knows what the situation is.

Now that all the good advice has been served:

STICK IT IN HER POOPER.

I usually dive right into another relationship after one ends (my last one was so sudden and out of left field to me to the point that I was honestly preparing to propose to her), my current being no exception, and despite a rocky start (because I'm a fucking moron) it's been one of the best of my life. So I don't see why not. I fucking loathe being single.

I am also TERRIBLY codependent. Another flaw.

ThatNickGuy said:

Now that all the good advice has been served:

STICK IT IN HER POOPER.

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Also, MAN THE FUCK UP.

I don't quite recall which thread was the MAN THE FUCK UP thread though.

So... the poor girl got back from Central America with E. coli. She didn't want to be around people for a while afterward but recovered before Halloween. We hung out again and she came over for my Halloween event. I did what you all suggested by not putting pressure on it and just letting things happen. I asked if she wanted to do something and she reciprocated by inviting me out. We've been talking quite a bit and are doing something this weekend. She's also coming over for Thanksgiving and seems to have a list of things she wants to do with me. What just happened?

List of things of what nature?

IronBrig4 said:

So... the poor girl got back from Central America with E. coli. She didn't want to be around people for a while afterward but recovered before Halloween. We hung out again and she came over for my Halloween event. I did what you all suggested by not putting pressure on it and just letting things happen. I asked if she wanted to do something and she reciprocated by inviting me out. We've been talking quite a bit and are doing something this weekend. She's also coming over for Thanksgiving and seems to have a list of things she wants to do with me. What just happened?

Click to expand...

You slow-played your hand, and it worked. By not stressing the situation, you came off as confident and interested, rather than desperate and anxious, and that let it develop more naturally. Obviously she's quite keen on you, so kudos!

Tiger Tsang said:

List of things of what nature?

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For some reason I pictured Steven Colbert doing that face and it cracked me up. In the near future, the list includes the Texas Renaissance Festival, hiking at a national forest, Game of Thrones marathons, baking Christmas cookies, and a hotseat Civilization V game. She prefers to hang at my place because it's cozy like a Hobbit hole.

What's remarkable is my roommate's girlfriend seems to get along with her. His girlfriend seems to hate other women but she made an exception.

NOW stick it in her pooper!

....

I'll show myself out.

ThatNickGuy said:

NOW stick it in her pooper!

....

I'll show myself out.

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Just like his prom night.

Seriously though, if you make it through a full episode of Game of Thrones you are going overly slow. Not to mention the characters of the show are having more sex than you and that's just unacceptable.[DOUBLEPOST=1415462837,1415462783][/DOUBLEPOST]

So, we've had some outings and even had our first OFFICIAL date last Friday. The date went spectacularly well and we kissed at the end. She was going to be out in the sticks for the weekend on a group project. Long hours, manual labor, field work, that sort of thing. She said she'd be extremely busy all weekend, maybe stretching into Monday morning, and that's why we did something on Friday.

I gave her a call the night after the date to say I wanted to see her again. Nothing serious because I knew she could be busy. Her voicemail hadn't been set up so when she didn't pick up I just sent her a message saying I had a great time and looked forward to seeing her again. I left it at that. No response except for a work-related text meant for a coworker, filled with technical language. I figured I'd just leave her to her work for the rest of the weekend. Monday morning I sent her a quick text saying that I'd love to hear about the project and that I was going to bake a pie on Wednesday (she loves my cooking), and that she should expect a call soon. No response. I called later that night. No response. This is quite unusual because our communication had always been mutual. Even when we knew the other partner was busy, we'd still text. Whenever I was busy with work during my previous relationship, a quick text from my ex would brighten my day. Regardless, I'm not going to try reaching out again because I know that always backfires.

The last couple months of my previous relationship had been characterized by the silent treatment, which became a deal-breaker for me. I think it's still tender and I'm probably just taking it a lot harder than I should. My girl friends are telling me I'm just overanalyzing because I recently got out of a long relationship, and that it's natural to obsess over everything at this stage. She could just be flustered with a lot of work. Besides, she doesn't seem like the kind of person who would just drop somebody without a word, and she's still coming to Thanksgiving as far as I know. My guy friends are telling me that she still could have spent 30 seconds to return a text, and that I should kick her to the curb.

So that's the state of my love life right now. I just remembered that I HATE dating. The anticipation of an approaching confirmed date is awesome, and the date itself is great fun, but the tightrope act afterwards is the bane of my existence.

Just hang in there. If you hear back from her, awesome. If she doesn't get back in touch, she wasn't worth your time anyway. The ball is in her court at this point.

Null said:

Just hang in there. If you hear back from her, awesome. If she doesn't get back in touch, she wasn't worth your time anyway. The ball is in her court at this point.

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This right here. Don't stress it. Let her make the next the move.

I really needed to hear that. Thanks. My director actually asked me to email her about an inter-disciplinary conference, but I kept that completely professional.

Here's something I don't get. There's an enormous double-standard. She would come to my place unannounced and it was never a problem. There was a game day one weekend and I had switched it from Saturday to Sunday. Her cell phone was crapping out (she has a tendency to break them when out in the field) so she barged in that Saturday when my roommate and I were eating cereal in our pajamas. She said "oh, well I wasn't sure if you sent another message moving it back to Saturday, and I figured I'd just come over in case you had. I don't have other plans, so would it be all right if I hung out here?" This was when I was with my last girlfriend, btw. If I ever tried something like that, it would just come off as creepy. It don't add up, boss. It just don't add up.

IronBrig4 said:

There's an enormous double-standard.

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Gender politics, ladies and gentlemen.

IronBrig4 said:

There's an enormous double-standard.

Click to expand...

My advice? Stop thinking about her every waking moment. Are you that fucking depending on someone else? You left a message (prolly more than one, you sad sack) and you have something planned in a few days?

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE COMPLETED ALL YOUR TASKS.

Now proceed to enjoy

- Life

Go do something else.

Here's another piece of advice.

Don't fucking keep your options reserved to her whims and schedule.

You're dating.

DATING.

Yes, it sucks... because you left something long-term.

DEAL WITH IT.

Now enjoy the highlights of singleness.

Go meet up with other girls. You never know what can happen. Go out with buddies. Go perform activities. Masterbate while checking out our cosplay forums.

You think she's not looking at the easy catalog of available penii?

Take a chill pill, move along. Enjoy life.

Meet other people.

Go do stuff with other people.

Your buddies are right, REALLY BUSY?

Uh huh, cause texting someone.

"Hey, got your message. BLA BLA RELEVANT RESPONSE. See you on INSERT DAY"

Too hard.

SO BUSY

What kind of project is this?

Are we, as humans going to be able to fly? Curing cancer? Life forever?

Because unless it's that important, a text is 1 minute. Usually done when on the shitter.

I usually send at least 5 texts when on a shitter.

I'm that efficient.

Anyways.

That's just my PO PO.

Ideally, we could all just set up our damn personal parameters early on in a relationship in a kind, diplomatic way. "Hey, would you mind calling before you come over? I have a roommate/I have a weird sleep schedule because of work/that's just how I roll and I don't need an excuse."

In my experience, men always at least act more easy-going about last-minute stuff like that. Jake used to laugh when I'd call and ask if I could run by, like it was ridiculous that I still felt I had to ask. I need a half hour of warning unless it's an emergency, and everyone who loves me knows that. Don't know if it's wiring or what, but everyone--regardless of sex--deserves to have limits that they don't necessarily need to explain.

IronBrig4 said:

I really needed to hear that. Thanks. My director actually asked me to email her about an inter-disciplinary conference, but I kept that completely professional.

Here's something I don't get. There's an enormous double-standard. She would come to my place unannounced and it was never a problem. There was a game day one weekend and I had switched it from Saturday to Sunday. Her cell phone was crapping out (she has a tendency to break them when out in the field) so she barged in that Saturday when my roommate and I were eating cereal in our pajamas. She said "oh, well I wasn't sure if you sent another message moving it back to Saturday, and I figured I'd just come over in case you had. I don't have other plans, so would it be all right if I hung out here?" This was when I was with my last girlfriend, btw. If I ever tried something like that, it would just come off as creepy. It don't add up, boss. It just don't add up.

Click to expand...

Then set some boundaries. No one comes to my house unannounced. If they do, then they won't do it again. That is rude regardless of gender or relationship status.

Oh wow, I had been functioning on little sleep for the past week, so I was a little out there for a while. I also woke up the other morning covered in stinking sweat, giving me reason to believe that I had just fought off a fever. It's a long story, but it turned out well because I did what you all suggested, sat tight, and buried myself in grading. Everything's fine now and I think I really just needed a solid eight hours of sleep.

Back to the double-standard, it also seems like women can call or text the guy as often as they like without any ramifications. If a woman calls the man a little too frequently, she's just taking initiative in the relationship. If a man does the same, he is smothering her.

IronBrig4 said:

Back to the double-standard, it also seems like women can call or text the guy as often as they like without any ramifications. If a woman calls the man a little too frequently, she's just taking initiative in the relationship. If a man does the same, he is smothering her.

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Wellllll.. not so much on that front. There's many a trope about clingy/codependent/overly attached girlfriends that can't stand to be out of touch.

GasBandit said:

Wellllll.. not so much on that front. There's many a trope about clingy/codependent/overly attached girlfriends that can't stand to be out of touch.

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You are getting way too much use out of that.

AshburnerX said:

You are getting way too much use out of that.

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I went to dig it up for this thread, and realized it fit really well in the other thread, too.

Agreed. Men might not speak up to a girl about texting or calling too much, but ladies are surely mocked for it.

Yeah. When I was dating that widow she texted me like 70 times in one evening while I was working and couldn't really respond. Once we finally got together for our 2nd date, I basically said, "What the fuck was up with that?" I had been able to respond 3 times.

1st: "Hey I'm at work but you can call me later, I'll be off by 10."

2nd: "Wow lot of messages can't really respond now talk to you later"

3rd: "holy shit are you fucking psycho"

You guys wanna talk about a double standard? These days any given woman can freely talk about owning a vibrator with barely a flutter in the room at a coffee house.

But if a guy quietly admits to owning any kind of sex toy at all, he's a revolting deviant. Why is a Magic Bullet more socially acceptable than a Fleshlight? Is it a vestigial holdover from the old "gays are gross but lesbians are ok" frame of thought that comes from the belittling point of view that it's not "really" sex unless a live, real penis is involved?

GasBandit said:

You guys wanna talk about a double standard? These days any given woman can freely talk about owning a vibrator with barely a flutter in the room at a coffee house.

But if a guy quietly admits to owning any kind of sex toy at all, he's a revolting deviant. Why is a Magic Bullet more socially acceptable than a Fleshlight? Is it a vestigial holdover from the old "gays are gross but lesbians are ok" frame of thought that comes from the belittling point of view that it's not "really" sex unless a live, real penis is involved?

Click to expand...

Huh, I just had this conversation recently. My take was that it's because in societies' eyes a man shouldn't need a sex toy, he should be able to go out and find and win over an actual woman if he feels the need, while women are expected to be more chaste, so using sex toys is perferable to them sleeping around causually.

Related, semi-NSFW video.

[DOUBLEPOST=1416857562,1416857485][/DOUBLEPOST]

Reverent-one said:

Huh, I just had this conversation recently. My take was that it's because in societies' eyes a man shouldn't need a sex toy, he should be able to go out and find and win over an actual woman if he feels the need, while women are expected to be more chaste, so using sex toys is perferable to them sleeping around causually.

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Ah yes, I'd forgotten, the old "Sex is a conquest, and women are the territory" metaphor. Still doesn't seem consistent that it should persist today, though, does it?

Fake ad read by Gus during one of their podcasts:

Reverent-one said:

Huh, I just had this conversation recently. My take was that it's because in societies' eyes a man shouldn't need a sex toy, he should be able to go out and find and win over an actual woman if he feels the need, while women are expected to be more chaste, so using sex toys is perferable to them sleeping around causually.

Click to expand...

I agree. Sex toys for females were originally seen as tools to, um, release tension so women would not sleep around.

And to treat "female hysteria", the therapy for which was essentially to give the woman an orgasm. Since doing that manually got to be a bit of a chore for male doctors, they developed a variety of electric massagers.

Yup. Vibrators were originally a medical device for doctors who were tired of fingerblasting repressed housewives.

GasBandit said:

You guys wanna talk about a double standard? These days any given woman can freely talk about owning a vibrator with barely a flutter in the room at a coffee house.

Click to expand...

I'm not sure what coffee houses you're hanging out in, but only in some circles can something like this be admitted. I knew a girl freshman year of college who's roommates found out she had a sex toy (not because she used it in front of them) and they raked her over the coals for it to the point that she had to move out. Not all women are okay with admitting they'd want or use a sex toy and a lot of women out there still see it as "deviant", though it does seem that number is shrinking.

Null said:

And to treat "female hysteria", the therapy for which was essentially to give the woman an orgasm. Since doing that manually got to be a bit of a chore for male doctors, they developed a variety of electric massagers.

Yup. Vibrators were originally a medical device for doctors who were tired of fingerblasting repressed housewives.

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Not really unsafe, but probably unsuitable for work.

Celt Z said:

I'm not sure what coffee houses you're hanging out in, but only in some circles can something like this be admitted. I knew a girl freshman year of college who's roommates found out she had a sex toy (not because she used it in front of them) and they raked her over the coals for it to the point that she had to move out. Not all women are okay with admitting they'd want or use a sex toy and a lot of women out there still see it as "deviant", though it does seem that number is shrinking.

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Just out of curiosity, what college was this?

Celt Z said:

I'm not sure what coffee houses you're hanging out in, but only in some circles can something like this be admitted. I knew a girl freshman year of college who's roommates found out she had a sex toy (not because she used it in front of them) and they raked her over the coals for it to the point that she had to move out. Not all women are okay with admitting they'd want or use a sex toy and a lot of women out there still see it as "deviant", though it does seem that number is shrinking.

Click to expand...

Conversely, I had female coworkers openly planning a "sex toy party" - like a tupperware party but for a different form of plastic product - at work. And discussing previous such affairs. Apparently there was one appliance that could be mistaken for a Maglite or police baton in poor lighting.

GasBandit said:

Just out of curiosity, what college was this?

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Nopleasurefor U.

I would be scared to date a woman who didn't have one kicking around. My flesh does get weak on occasion!

GasBandit said:

Just out of curiosity, what college was this?

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Obviously it wasn't Blue Mountain State!

Not to defend the double standard, but it probably had something to do with the fact that we've been free to express our sexuality safely for a shorter amount of time. So not only is it ok to have toys but let's over compensate by waving them around at a bar the night before my friend gets married. That said, it's certainly not fair. Sex toys are equally weird and creepy looking. Although neon rubbery dicks are hilarious. Maybe that's part of it.

Cajungal said:

Not to defend the double standard, but it probably had something to do with the fact that we've been free to express our sexuality safely for a shorter amount of time. So not only is it ok to have toys but let's over compensate by waving them around at a bar the night before my friend gets married. That said, it's certainly not fair. Sex toys are equally weird and creepy looking. Although neon rubbery dicks are hilarious. Maybe that's part of it.

Click to expand...

There was a cobalt blue alien vagina fleshlight in the buzzfeed video.

GasBandit said:

There was a cobalt blue alien vagina fleshlight in the buzzfeed video.

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This is certainly part of the problem: Western makers have made these horrifying looking monstrosities that are essentially an H.R. Geiger drawing inside a flashlight. The Japanese ones just look like weird nicknacks until you open them up but this hasn't caught on domestically yet. I guess it's not any weirder than the animal, alien, and fantasy dongs they make, but it's certainly more terrifying to look at.

GasBandit said:

There was a cobalt blue alien vagina fleshlight in the buzzfeed video.

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I am going to watch that.

Cajungal said:

I am going to watch that.

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The cross-section of it they showed was mindwarping.

There were like.. flanges. And knobby bits.

GasBandit said:

There was a cobalt blue alien vagina fleshlight in the buzzfeed video.

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Wow. Some people REALLY like James Cameron's Avatar...

Null said:

Wow. Some people REALLY like James Cameron's Avatar...

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The guy who got assigned to it in the video thought it was for Mystique. My first thought was Liara.

GasBandit said:

The cross-section of it they showed was mindwarping.

There were like.. flanges. And knobby bits.

Click to expand...

Imagine being the guy who designs that and visiting your kid's career day.

Null said:

Wow. Some people REALLY like James Cameron's Avatar...

Click to expand...

*I see you...*

GasBandit said:

The guy who got assigned to it in the video thought it was for Mystique. My first thought was Liara.

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Okay so with those three... plus the blue chick from Farscape, some of those blue Twi'leks like Aayla Secura... Yeah, alright. I get the market for it now. I wouldn't get one, but I can see how they'd sell enough to make it worth while.

Null said:

Okay so with those three... plus the blue chick from Farscape, some of those blue Twi'leks like Aayla Secura... Yeah, alright. I get the market for it now. I wouldn't get one, but I can see how they'd sell enough to make it worth while.

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They are literally press-molded silicone. It's so cheap to make these... and they are usually dishwasher safe.

AshburnerX said:

They are literally press-molded silicone. It's so cheap to make these... and they are usually dishwasher safe.

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Probably the biggest reason I wouldn't own one of those is the idea of having to clean it out afterwards.

GasBandit said:

Probably the biggest reason I wouldn't own one of those is the idea of having to clean it out afterwards.

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Which is the opposite of a crack whore - those, you want to clean out prior.

What, you don't want a jizzy accessory nestled between your coffee mugs?

Cajungal said:

What, you don't want a jizzy accessory nestled between your coffee mugs?

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I don't think you can just toss it in the dishwasher and call it done. I mean, this is a semi-closed cavity we're talking about here.. gonna have to get up in there with some kind of spraying nozzle, maybe a toothbrush...

... don't mix up the toothbrushes later.

GasBandit said:

Probably the biggest reason I wouldn't own one of those is the idea of having to clean it out afterwards.

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You have to clean your other sex toys too, especially if you use them with random hook-ups. I mean... it's not like people put condoms on dildos. Usually.

It's more funny when you over simplify it though.

I see some guy whistling down his hallway, used item in hand, and he busies himself with loading the dishwasher. Then he probably eats Chef Boyardee ravioli right out of the can using a big serving spoon, because all his little spoons are in the dishwasher. With the item.

AshburnerX said:

You have to clean your other sex toys too, especially if you use them with random hook-ups. I mean... it's not like people put condoms on dildos. Usually.

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But at least with a dildo you're just wiping down the outside, not having to spoon out a (surprisingly complex) interior space of all the collected baby batter.[DOUBLEPOST=1416872344,1416872236][/DOUBLEPOST]Or it just occurs to me, maybe I have this all wrong. Maybe the reason it's held in a cup, and the reason they were able to show a cross section, is because the pseudovagina is actually two halves that are just held together by the cup exterior... so you take it out and separate them for easy cleaning. Hence, dishwasher.

Heeeeee

So I just googled "how to clean a fleshlight" at work. Good thing I'm the IT guy, huh.

Mreughnh its all tentacle- looking. the corn starch part looked weird. Also, the note about rinsing before use... will anyone really bother with that much prep? How much forethought goes into male masturbation?

Something about that dude makes me think that, if not for Fleshlight, he would probably have been on To Catch a Predator.



Probably the molestache.

And the suggestive eyebrow waggling.

Cajungal said:

Mreughnh its all tentacle- looking. the corn starch part looked weird. Also, the note about rinsing before use... will anyone really bother with that much prep? How much forethought goes into male masturbation?

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Usually just "Is the door shut?" / "Do I have a bare modicum of privacy?"

Cajungal said:

Mreughnh its all tentacle- looking. the corn starch part looked weird. Also, the note about rinsing before use... will anyone really bother with that much prep? How much forethought goes into male masturbation?

Click to expand...

At the risk of TMI, I know I sure don't.

And yeah, when he pulled it out and it was all dead-sea-creaturey I went "Nnyyeennnghh!"

It'd have to feel pretty goddamned amazing to justify all the apparently necessary maintenance.

Null said:

Usually just "Is the door shut?" / "Do I have a bare modicum of privacy?"

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I'd love it if a gong were involved.

Cajungal said:

I'd love it if a gong were involved.

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Well, there's a Dong Gong for when you've finished.

GasBandit said:

Just out of curiosity, what college was this?

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Art school (university, technically). Not even remotely conservative. Like Cajungal said, the freedom to express one's sexuality is remotely new for adult women, and still frowned upon (or given really mixed messages) to teen girls.

I own a Fleshlight and it is fantastic.

Those many months where my wife couldn't have sex in late pregnancy and post natal recovery?

A lifesaver.

Jay said:

I own a Fleshlight and it is fantastic.

Those many months where my wife couldn't have sex in late pregnancy and post natal recovery?

A lifesaver.

Click to expand...

Without going into detail, is cleanup as onerous a task as I had estimated?

GasBandit said:

Without going into detail, is cleanup as onerous a task as I had estimated?

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Once you're done, you simply rinse it out then clean it with the provided liquid cleaner. Probably less than 2 minutes of your time.

Hard to walk with your knees so numb though and so far better than the traditional method that I can rarely go back.

Null said:

Usually just "Is the door shut?" / "Do I have a bare modicum of privacy?"

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*looks at watch*
Well, I got ten minutes to kill.

What this thread has taught me: dating soon after a breakup = masturbating.

Well that's a lie, actually.

Experience taught me that. This thread has just reinforced it.

I feel like we should invite Erika Moen to guest comment in this thread.

--Patrick

Jay said:

Once you're done, you simply rinse it out then clean it with the provided liquid cleaner. Probably less than 2 minutes of your time.

Hard to walk with your knees so numb though and so far better than the traditional method that I can rarely go back.

Click to expand...

I find it difficult to believe that a fleshlight is 100 bucks better than my hand.

Obviously you haven't seen the floppity inside part that looks like a sexy nightmare slug.

Frank said:

I find it difficult to believe that a fleshlight is 100 bucks better than my hand.

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You have no idea, son

Cajungal said:

Obviously you haven't seen the floppity inside part that looks like a sexy nightmare slug.

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It looks like I imagine ladybits would look like if you reached in and dragged them out, too.

GasBandit said:

It looks like I imagine ladybits would look like if you reached in and dragged them out, too.

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Well we *are* from Venus. And that's where nightmare slugs come from.

Frank said:

I find it difficult to believe that a fleshlight is 100 bucks better than my hand.

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Can confirm, is better.

Adam said:

Can confirm, is better.

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Because you've used Jay's fleshlight or Frank's hand?

Celt Z said:

Because you've used Jay's fleshlight or Frank's hand?

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If he can confirm one's better, he'd have to have used both.

Okay, so everything's fine with the girl. Better than fine, in fact. I'm thinking about having the exclusive talk with her. We went to RenFest over the weekend and it was exactly what she needed. Her apartment building had flooded with sewer water over the weekend. I took her out for the day and cooked her a nice dinner afterward. I went over to her place afterward to help cut out the wet carpet but then maintenance finally showed up. Now she's leaving stuff at my place. I offered to let her stay while it's getting sorted but she's going to make the landlord pay for a hotel since the flood was due to poor maintenance.

My question is what would you recommend doing for a girl who's incredibly stressed out and not at home very much? She spends most of her time at her office right now because she's a grad student like me and finals are around the corner. We're already planning another outing but I'm talking about a nice little gesture. I was going to surprise her by leaving a six-pack of her favorite local soda along with a note at her door. That way she'll see it when she leaves in the morning. The problem is she lives in a rough neighborhood and I'm certain one of her neighbors will swipe it. Leaving it at her office door will meet with the same result since undergrads have sticky fingers when it comes to any sweet food items. Any suggestions?

Footrub.

Already gave a footrub and it was well received. Anything else?

IronBrig4 said:

Already gave a footrub and it was well received. Anything else?

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... uh... I've never given a footrub that didn't end in sex. If yours didn't... I'm not sure where to go from there.

IronBrig4 said:

t she's going to make the landlord pay for a hotel since the flood was due to poor maintenance...

My question is what would you recommend doing for a girl who's incredibly stressed out and not at home very much? ...Any suggestions?

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So find out when and if she will be getting this hotel room. Send some goodies directly to her room: bubble bath, some good chocolates, some flowers. Maybe, if it's within your budget and the hotel has a spa, you could pay for her to get a massage. You could also offer to cook for her again.

GasBandit said:

... uh... I've never given a footrub that didn't end in sex. If yours didn't... I'm not sure where to go from there.

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Actually, she had a nasty cold and I didn't want to get sick.

IronBrig4 said:

Actually, she had a nasty cold and I didn't want to get sick.

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Ah. Fair enough.

She'll probably need another footrub.

GasBandit said:

She'll probably need another footrub.

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And some Mucinex.

Better give her that foot rub in a sauna. Or would that be too forward?

--Patrick

IronBrig4 said:

Yeah, and the ex said things had been broken for a few months. We had just been going through the motions and might have mentally ended it in July. She said she wanted to end it sooner but wasn't sure how to say it. I planned to not ask out any girls for at least a few weeks. But this time the girl made the first move and I wasn't prepared for that.

I also might still be mourning because I bake when I'm upset. In the month leading to the breakup, I baked a batch of apple brownies, some honey biscuits, and eight loaves of bread. Since the breakup, I've made one batch of chocolate-cheesecake swirl brownies, one more batch of apple brownies, and I'm baking three more loaves tonight. I don't even eat what I bake so my roommate's turning into Jabba the Hutt.

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Apple brownies? I NEEED this recipe!!!

Okay, here you go. http://www.justapinch.com/recipes/dessert/cake/grandmas-secret-apple-brownies-3.html?p=1

Oh, and remember that thing from the video I posted? The huge cylinder with lips on top called the "Autoblow?" In case anyone was curious about how it worked... you know.. on the inside....

GasBandit said:

Oh, and remember that thing from the video I posted? The huge cylinder with lips on top called the "Autoblow?" In case anyone was curious about how it worked... you know.. on the inside....

Spoiler

Click to expand...

--Patrick

Alright, if the footrub doesn't work, time to bring out the big guns.

...maybe you shouldn't be taking dating advice from Gasbandit.

Celt Z said:

...maybe you shouldn't be taking dating advice from Gasbandit.

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Granted it's been a couple decades.

Celt Z said:

...maybe you shouldn't be taking dating advice from Gasbandit.

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I dunno. He gives interesting advice.

Notice I said "interesting". Not "good".

It's good to be interesting.

--Patrick

You ladies wound me to the quick, sometimes.

We will always love you.

PatrThom said:

Spoiler

View attachment 16823

--Patrick

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♫ ♪ Oh when you need a yank-el, just call Wankel! ♪ ♫

You know what I learned? If somebody has been assaulted in the past, it's a terrible idea to surprise them with a hug from behind.

She came over a few weeks ago to bake Christmas cookies. I was leaving the next day to visit home for the holidays. Since my last relationship ended in October, I had not been able to decompress. I had also been trapped in old habits that had worked in the previous relationship. My ex loved spontaneous displays of physical affection (get your mind of the gutter, not THAT kind of affection). This new girl has a weird thing about spontaneous touching, although she doesn't mind being the instigator. I'd been trying to break old habits, but they die hard. I'd get comfortable and, without thinking, would pat the small of her back or something. Anyways, she got mad and I didn't handle it that well. Like I said, I hadn't been able to relax since October and was running on fumes. We calmed down quickly, however, and hashed it out.

She said things had been getting awkward, and she could tell I was still hurting from the last relationship. She also said she loved spending time together and has a lot of affection for me. She wants to keep things casual for now while I put myself together, and she wants to join me for a double-date later with a couple whom I'm friends with. I left for the holidays and we kept in touch. I really did need some time to sort things out, and I bounced back pretty quickly once I found myself surrounded by family and very old friends. She picked me up at the airport and we hung out at my place for New Year's Eve. It was fun, and all that awkwardness had gone because I'm finally myself again. She's at her family's until the end of next week, and we'll do something after that. If we start dating formally again, I think she's the only girl I want to date.

And this just in: one of my female friends in New Orleans is asking me to visit her now. Crap.