Dating Advice : first steps? breaking the ice? (serious advice)

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M

Matt²

THIS IS NOT A MANBAW THREAD.

Dear Dave

I'm searching again for the love in my life. I feel as if I don't have time to waste and am stepping into the game again.
It seems any time I am interested in someone I clam up. I have been taking a fairly unusual (for me) step in actually getting OUT of the house and getting out into more public places. I think I could really use some help knowing how to break the ice and get the conversation flowing.. once I can garner the courage to go UP to someone that is!

I won't say where but I just sent a message to a lady that had a lot of similar interests to me through an online site. I've tried the bigname date sites - they haven't worked. This was a smallername site.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Dear Matt,

The main issue is that looking for love sends a signal of desperation that women can smell - like animals can smell fear. I have a feeling that you are just trying to damned hard. That was my problem.

You have a circle of friends? Go do stuff. Hit a karaoke bar and make a good-natured ass of yourself trying and failing to hit notes you have no business trying to hit. Go bowling. Frisbee golf. Have a softball game in the park. Go to bars and just ask a pretty stranger to dance. Walk up to her and say, "You are very beautiful. Would you like to dance?" She'll either say yes (score!) or no. If she says no you say, "That's cool. You're still beautiful. Have a good night." Then walk away and join your friends again.

Women love confidence. Even faked confidence. When I've ever asked women out I was always a nervous wreck and it showed. Once I said to myself, "Fuck it." did I ever find someone. Because I was myself and not trying to impress her.

Dating sites are okay and I know a few people who have used them to great effect. BE HONEST! There's nothing worse than a person showing up and finding the person in life is nothing like the person they thought it was going to be. Let the woman know ahead of time that the first "date" is going to be in a public place and that you won't be leaving together. Make sure she knows that she won't have to fear for her safety. Tell her you will call her the next day and DO IT! Don't listen to these idiots who tell you that you have to wait three days. DON'T think it would be cute to call her from the lobby and say you miss her already. That might work in movies but in real life it's creepy and stalkerish.

Matt, I know you are a nice guy. You work hard but have some issues about how you view yourself. You may have to work on your own self image before you can find someone to see you as they should. For me it was getting different glasses and cutting my nasty, long, stringy hair. Yes, my hair used to be long & ugly as shit. Once I did that I felt better about myself and that confidence showed. So whatever about yourself you are not happy with, work on that and it'll totally change how you feel about life.

This is one of those areas where I can give advice but you have to do all the real work. Good luck and don't get discouraged.
 
Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

B+ for fire usage - his use of fur for tinder, whilst innovative, caused a multitude of allergic reactions throughout the lab.

@Matt: Concurring with the "be yourself" angle. I know it sounds cheesy and cliched. There's a reason for this: It's true! I met my wife through a combination of feelin unusually social one day, a LOT of patience, and a willingness to be friendly and open. I doubt that'll be much of an issue, but often it can get lost in the attempts to show your best side. Don't worry about showing your best side, and if you feel yourself making mistakes, just shrug them off. People aren't perfect, but if you focus on the imperfections, you don't allow yourself to see what a good person you are normally.
 
D

Dusty668

Coincidence? I THINK SO!!!!


(yah I'll fix the hotlinking thing when I get home.)
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
This morning I was listening to my local radio program when they had a guest on who wrote a book called "Copy, Paste and Bang: A Man's Guide to Meeting Women Online And Having Sex With Them". I know the title of the book is a bit....um....piggish, but the guy has a lot of valid points like use a current photo, be nice even if she's not what you are looking for and having the confidence to know that when you are looking for love (in any form) online the person you are meeting with is looking for the EXACT SAME THING! In a bar or other face-to-face setting you don't know if the other person is even open to being approached.

His website is here and you can get a discount on either the book (by using the promo code CPBTNT) or on Match.com (they are a sponsored link). He also talks about a free site called www.plentyoffish.com.

If you want to hear the interview, go here.

Maybe an internet site would make you feel more comfortable and allow you to be yourself more.
 
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