Constructive ways to deal with heartbreak

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Timmus

Timmus

I'll try to keep the BAW part of this to a minimum. A couple days ago I got dumped and it hurts pretty bad. It upset me enough that I couldn't sleep very well--I got maybe 1 hour the first night and 6 the last night--and I didn't want to eat. I've mostly been alternating between anger and sadness. Right now I'm just kind of numb. I'm too exhausted to feel anything else. I'm sure pretty much all of you know the drill, have been there before, etc.

The idea behind this thread isn't to get sympathy from some internet people but rather to get that pleasant mixture of sound and absurd advice--that only halforums can deliver--on how best to channel the crazy energy my mind is making right now.

3
2
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Go!
 
Bowielee

Bowielee

Do the opposite of what I did when I got dumped for the first time.

1) don't obsess about the person

2) don't manipulate them and scar them for life

3) don't become a raging alcoholic

That's the best advise I can give.
 
Shannow

Shannow

Staff member
Well honestly, this seems like a good wakeup call. I would say it is pretty much time to examine your life, and see what is really necessary. do you need those things you buy, do you need the companionship, hell do you need your job to buy those things? the answer, if you think about it, is no.

What you really need is simple self fulfillment, and no single person and no amount of possessions can give that to you. Nor alcohol, and definitely not drugs. I would say it might be time to step back, and move away from all these things. Perhaps go outside and wander a bit. While out there, you should seek your own true enlightenment. Get rid of all those clothes and worldly goods you use to define yourself. They are unimportant. Don something simple, perhaps drab robes of some sort.

Now you are at nothing, and you can start to seek what it is you so desperately crave. To do this, a great thing would be to meet other people, and put their needs above yourself. This may even be dangerous, but you will find the reward to be truly fullfilling. So do not hesitate to have these adventures on your quest to become the better you.

In short, what you should do is wander the earth, meet people, and have adventures and shit...ike Caine from Kung Fu.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Forget about her. Remember the good times, but expunge that person from your memory if any way possible.

Also, put her phone number on Craigslist with the title "used panties for sale".

And whatever you do, don't listen to weird Finns in the intertubes.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
[serious]

Immerse yourself in games for a time. What new stuff do you have? Torchlight? Borderlands? Dragon Age?

Don't play games? Jam on a guitar. KEEP BUSY!

[/serious]

Locate Bubble for some rebound sex.

Go to Talkshoe and relisten to all the podcasts.

Stalk a celebrity. Make it someone who never gets stalked. See if they even care. Phyllis Diller would be a great one.
 
Timmus

Timmus

Cool. So far I've worked towards getting my first PVP mount in WoW, played badminton with a friend, talked to my parents and friends, started talking to an old crush on facebook, and walked around in the rain and cried for a bit.

I also had a talk with the girl when she came by my place to get some stuff. She kind of said the usual dumper things that people say she didn't intentionally "want to hurt me" and "we can still be friends". I let her know that we could not still be friends because I would only ever want her to me more and that that wouldn't be fair to either of us.

Have yet to have any rebound sex as I am terrible at getting laid but that's probably another thread in and of itself.
 
Charlie Don't Surf

Charlie Don't Surf

It's gonna be hard. You'll think you're over her, then something will remind you of her, and it'll feel like the first day all over again. All I can say is try to keep your time busy with movies, TV, games, anything you like to do so you don't just sit around and mope and dwell on it. Go for walks. I know that sounds really stupid and corny, but sunlight honestly helps a lot. Listen to music. That can help a whole lot too. You kind of have to be careful to avoid the minefields of "her favorite band" or a band she recommended to you one time, but that's what playlists are for. Good luck, man.
 
Timmus

Timmus

Charlie Dont Surf said:
It's gonna be hard. You'll think you're over her, then something will remind you of her, and it'll feel like the first day all over again. All I can say is try to keep your time busy with movies, TV, games, anything you like to do so you don't just sit around and mope and dwell on it. Go for walks. I know that sounds really stupid and corny, but sunlight honestly helps a lot. Listen to music. That can help a whole lot too. You kind of have to be careful to avoid the minefields of "her favorite band" or a band she recommended to you one time, but that's what playlists are for. Good luck, man.
Click to expand...
Thanks. Been getting plenty of outside time. The whole things got me pretty restless and unfocused. It's not unlike coming down off of drugs.
 
C

Chibibar

Timmus: I am sorry for your lost. :( suck to be dumped (I know that feeling)

What to do?
first of all, don't think about it right now. You are in a very emotional state (who isn't) and thus find something to occupy your time.
Don't jump into another relationship (rebound) this can backfire in the long run IMO.

Later: (maybe a week or so) once you are "over" the initial shock, if you are able you can think about what happen and maybe improve yourself FOR yourself.

examples
are you a slob? try to be more clean. Pick up stuff keep the place neat.

Hobbies - do you have any? are any outdoor? do you meet a new person each week? (or each day if you are in college)

Interest: do you have any interest? or "curious" about something. Maybe you could do that bungee jump after all, jogging (it is a great way to relieve stress), bike riding, reading a book, catch up on your DVR shows, play a game. Do something different that you normally wouldn't do.

I think that would be a good start. I don't think you should worry about WHY she dumped you. Unless she tells you, it could be anything from she found someone else, she doesn't like one of your trait, you been cheating on her (I hope not), or she doesn't love you anymore (it happens) but why worry over something that she doesn't want you anymore? move on and enjoy life. There are TONS of stuff out there and now you have time to do some of it.
 
bhamv3

bhamv3

Dave said:
KEEP BUSY!
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This right here.

Keeping yourself busy is one of the best ways to deal with heartbreak. It definitely worked for me. I got dumped once, just before summer vacation, at university. For the autumn semester, when I knew I'd have to see my ex again, I picked classes that totaled nearly double the amount of credits everyone else was taking. It definitely kept my mind occupied elsewhere.
 
Bubble181

Bubble181

Timmus;295370][quote=Dave;295363][quote=Timmus;295361][quote=Dave;295360][quote=Timmus said:
Have yet to have any rebound sex as I am terrible at getting laid but that's probably another thread in and of itself.
Click to expand...
Bubble is a whore.[/quote]

Certified?[/QUOTE]

I hear he's an editor of Whore Magazine.

(Yes, that's a real magazine and it's not porn.)[/QUOTE]

...looks it up...

Well I'll be damned, you really do learn something new everyday![/QUOTE]

And according to my latest medical examination, still 100% STD free! And just for the heartbroken and lonely, currently limited offer free hugs and touchy-feely stuff every night after the rest.

Somewhat more serious, what others have said. Try to stay busy, try to forget the bad and remember the good, try to NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HER for a few months. Go out with friends you'd been neglecting for too long.

Depending on your personality and previous experience, rebound sex may or may not be a good thing; choose wisely.

Oh, and don't listen to advice you get on the internet :-P
 
Math242

Math242

Hmmmm rebound sex.

where you evacuate all the sadness, the anger while you bang the chick... Hmm.

damn, i'm horny now.
 
Timmus

Timmus

Bubble181;295409][quote=Timmus;295370][quote=Dave;295363][quote=Timmus;295361][quote=Dave;295360][quote=Timmus said:
Have yet to have any rebound sex as I am terrible at getting laid but that's probably another thread in and of itself.
Click to expand...
Bubble is a whore.[/quote]

Certified?[/QUOTE]

I hear he's an editor of Whore Magazine.

(Yes, that's a real magazine and it's not porn.)[/QUOTE]

...looks it up...

Well I'll be damned, you really do learn something new everyday![/QUOTE]

And according to my latest medical examination, still 100% STD free! And just for the heartbroken and lonely, currently limited offer free hugs and touchy-feely stuff every night after the rest.

Somewhat more serious, what others have said. Try to stay busy, try to forget the bad and remember the good, try to NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HER for a few months. Go out with friends you'd been neglecting for too long.

Depending on your personality and previous experience, rebound sex may or may not be a good thing; choose wisely.

Oh, and don't listen to advice you get on the internet :-P[/QUOTE]

Internet advice told me not to listen to advice I get on the internet so I should listen to internet advice but it if I do I can't listen to internet advice that tells me not listen to it so I should but I shouldn't but I should....:boom:

So far the advice given has been pretty consistent with my instincts. I'm avoiding contact with her as much as possible. I've looked up old friends on facebook. I'm currently living in China so I can't hang out with them in real life. My immediate social network is pretty small but the people that are around me have been very supportive so that's all good.

I'm probably going to see her one last time because she wants a chance to explain herself so that I don't think she is a bad person. I don't think she is and I'll let her know that but that I also can't be friends with her in good faith anymore because I'll still want to be more.

Rebound sex is probably not the best idea because I'm pretty inexperienced and haven't wrapped my head around being able to have sex just for the sake of having sex.
 
W

Wasabi Poptart

Rebound sex and getting involved with someone else right away are generally huge mistakes. I don't know if seeing her one last time is really going to do anything for you either, even if she says it's to explain herself. You'll probably walk away from that conversation feeling worse. I need to explain myself = I need to justify my actions and make myself feel better about the situation (generally speaking again).

My suggestion is to write her a letter. Pour your heart out on paper or in Word. Then get rid of it or tuck it away for 6 months before getting rid of it.
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

I would cut off the contact. Erase cell phone number. Walk away. Don't let her drag you along and hurt you more. I would reconsider seeing her again to let her explain. It will just get your hopes up.

The other advice sounds good. Do constructive things, not destructive.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
^Definitely that. A friend of mine was still getting texts from his girlfriend a year after she dumped him. It was making him miserable. Finally we convinced him to block her number and completely sever all ties.
 
Jay

Jay

AshburnerX;295420][quote=SeriousJay said:
First thing you'll need is to find someone new. Honestly.
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This is probably not the best advice. Don't feel like you need to be with someone to BE someone. Just find something that relaxes and fulfills you and do that for a bit.[/QUOTE]

When I got my heart broke the first time, I felt like complete shit for a few weeks. Then I ballz up, called a girl who I knew liked me, went on a few dates with her to have a change of scenary. We went out for a few months, kept myself busy and moved on. Sitting back, drinking your problems away, hanging out with friends doesn't fill the void... at least not in the long term.

Get out there, meet someone, have fun.
 
L

LordRavage

(Serious)

Keep busy. Try a few things you havent done before. Hang with friends but do something fun. Dont sit around and talk about the X. Play World of Warcraft. Dont let yourself dwell on it, you will have crazy thoughts and ideas. Put this your mind, this is a new chapter and things will change. If you have to dwell on your feelings...write them down and burn the paper when you are done. It does free your mind of some of the baggage. Just do it over a metal trash can or such...you dont want to burn down your place.

(/Serious)

If you want to feel better...cut out her heart and offer it to the gods.
 
W

WolfOfOdin

1. Writing. Whenever I get depressed or swing one way or the other on the emotional spectrum, I write either poetry or more into my stories, it helps discharge emotions in a positive way.

2. Artwork. Can you paint or draw? Either are a good emotional outlet, specially getting messy as hell with a set of good oil paints and a bottle of linseed oil on wood or canvas. Go Jackson Pollack on that shit and feel the catharsis.
 
AshburnerX

AshburnerX

LittleSin said:
Exercise! It releases endorphins, keeps you busy, and gets you in shape for that next special someone!
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This is good, if you have the drive for it. At the very least, go outside and get some sunshine. Go to the park... take a hike... whatever. I'd be doing this myself more often if there was a park within a reasonable distance from me.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Give her up, let her down, run around and desert her, make her cry, say goodbye, tell a lie and hurt her.

Simple.
 
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