Oh god, but this brings back memories. While I have not had the experience of being quite as repressed as you (it sounds like), I have experienced something similar. My heart just about broke for you when I got to this line:
I feel terribly depressed and have zero self-esteem due to living with my mother over the summer
because I know just how that is. I used to CHERISH being outside home for even the space of the day even though I was forced to go back home every evening, because outside my home I could breathe free.
So... I know a little of what you are going through.
May I give you some unorthodox advice? Something you may not hear on this thread?
Don't get too attached to your boyfriend. In particular, don't turn him into your savior in your mind. Don't build him up into your lifeline. Don't make
him your path to freedom from your family.
Okay?
I'm saying this because I have been where you are now, and reading everything you have written here, I have complete confidence that within a year or two tops, you are going to break free from your family. It's going to be a turbulent time, but someone who is questioning things as deeply as you are is in no danger of meekly following the prearranged script as if nothing is happening inside your head.
So I have just complete faith that you WILL break free. You WILL live your own life on your own terms. You WILL NOT just marry some guy from your community who will put up with your shit and keep house for him. That WON'T be the rest of your life. I have complete confidence that you have already hit escape velocity, and now it's just a matter of breaking free of the atmosphere of your community into complete freedom. (You may decide you don't want to do that - and that will be fine too. I just want to assure you are out of their clutches already, just from thinking of all this.)
The thing that worries me is your boyfriend. No doubt he is an awesome person and truly fantatsic for helping you break free of your old life. But you
don't know who you are yet. You have to stand on your own feet and live by yourself and find out who YOU are before you commit your life to a man - even if he is a man of your choice. Not saying he might not be the right one for you, only that you need to take things VERY VERY slow. Don't rush to fall in love with him, don't rush to make him The One. Five years from now you won't even recognize yourself anymore... who's to say what kind of man you will like by then??
{{hugs}} and take care!! PM me if you need anything.