Rant VI: Now Drama Free

Status
Not open for further replies.
fade

fade

Staff member
Problem with saying you're sorry, as much as you want to, is that she's going (a) think she was right and justified and (b) use tears as a weapon in the future. I don't know if I'd apologize directly. Maybe talk more kindly about the situation, but keep the attention there for now.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
I won't apologize. I was not in the wrong. I told her not to do X and she did X. I let it slide the first time because I spoke to her like an adult and thought she got it. I was wrong.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
There's definitely some truth in that, but I'm not sure if it has to go like that. My dad used to say he was sorry for the bad language, but he still meant what he said (about whatever he was trying to teach me). One time there was no apology, just something along the lines of, "I lost my temper. You know I don't really think you're __insult here__, but you weren't listening to the important things I was trying to say. Next time would you please have a conversation with me and not make it a fight?"

---------- Post added at 10:54 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:54 AM ----------

That's fair enough. I'm no parent, after all. Just thinkin' out loud.
 
Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

Dave said:
I won't apologize. I was not in the wrong. I told her not to do X and she did X. I let it slide the first time because I spoke to her like an adult and thought she got it. I was wrong.
Click to expand...
I have to say I more or less agree with this approach, but I got the impression you wanted to apologize.
 
M

makare

Dave said:
I won't apologize. I was not in the wrong. I told her not to do X and she did X. I let it slide the first time because I spoke to her like an adult and thought she got it. I was wrong.
Click to expand...
Now she won't remember the lesson just that you swore at her and called her names. Seems pretty wrong to me.
 
Hylian

Hylian

While yelling is never a good response I can see where you are coming from and I think if I had been in the same situation I would have been just as pissed off as you where. And I agree with you that it is beyond the point of money being money tight. you had asked her to stop and she refused and she is using your hard money while refusing to listen to you and that is just like a double slap in the face.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
I understand what you guys are all saying which is why this is in the rant thread. I feel bad but know I should probably feel worse than I do. I'm not even worried as much about the lesson any more because she already KNEW the lesson and ignored it. Now the lesson is not so much "Don't eat breakfast at school." but is "When your dad tells you something you better damned well listen."

I feel bad that I called her names but at least I know it got through to her.
 
M

makare

I guess time will tell on that one. When my mom yelled and cursed at me she got more a fuck you from me than she did before she got mad.
 
D

darkangel6988

Dave said:
I understand what you guys are all saying which is why this is in the rant thread. I feel bad but know I should probably feel worse than I do. I'm not even worried as much about the lesson any more because she already KNEW the lesson and ignored it. Now the lesson is not so much "Don't eat breakfast at school." but is "When your dad tells you something you better damned well listen."

I feel bad that I called her names but at least I know it got through to her.
Click to expand...

I agree and it's not like calling her a selfish bitch is really that insanely horrid. I've been called many worse things by my mother but I know never to fuck with her so I learnt that way.

It may have hurt her feelings but she will learn that when u speak and ask her to do something ....she will do it.......ANd maybe bitch could have been left out of the phrase but she was acting selfishly and there is nothing wrong with telling her so. Just my opinion. My mother has used this approach and it always worked for me.

My rant of the day....

I'm mad , Sad and pretending to be happy for about a week now. .....

My Husband said something absolutely horrendous to me . And i've asked for advice but all I seem to get back is that such a thing being said is crossing a line and I agree with that but now I don't know what to do ......I've told husband that I'm mad about this phrase that was said to me and all I get was I really didn't mean it...I love you and I"m truly sorry.

I'm beginning to think I should just let it go then the lil voice in my head comes back and says BUT IT CROSSED THE LINE ! so i'm real confused and irritated !
Oh and my mother stayed home from work today again for no reason just to make my life hell !!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE LIFE RIGHT NOW !
 
fade

fade

Staff member
makare1;347677][QUOTE=Dave said:
I won't apologize. I was not in the wrong. I told her not to do X and she did X. I let it slide the first time because I spoke to her like an adult and thought she got it. I was wrong.
Click to expand...
Now she won't remember the lesson just that you swore at her and called her names. Seems pretty wrong to me.[/QUOTE]

I disagree with you there. But then, it depends on the kid. My six year old boy forgets the anger as soon as it's done. But he WON'T forget an apology, and not in the good way. He'll use it as a means of manipulation. I'm not saying don't be nice or kind to her afterwards and I'm not saying the initial name calling was right (it wasn't, but Dave knows that), but I think a direct apology exposes your jugular.
 
C

Chazwozel

I'm a big wuss when it comes to my kids. Especially my daughter. I know I can have a temper, to the point of scaring the shit out them from yelling. After scolding them and things cool down I always make sure they feel alright afterward. My wife and I usually sit them down and ask them if they know why we were upset with them, and we'll go over why what they did was wrong. It's worked so far. Both kids are really good kids for the most part; they're both pretty mellow too. I've never had them act up in public or anything like that.

I'm so fucking glad I don't have to deal with teenagers yet, but by that age they know right and wrong etc...

I think Dave was in the right place to get pissed, and sometimes hurting their feelings is what gets them to turn the ship around, especially teenagers. But I'll tell you from experience, once you get on the trend of buying food on the go for breakfast or lunch, it's very, very, very hard to get out of that habit.
 
MindDetective

MindDetective

I failed at securing a second interview with the school that called two weeks ago. I had a feeling it didn't go as well as desired. The waiting game begins again now. The worst case scenario is I am stuck in the job I have for another year, which isn't so bad. But it is a bit depressing feeling unwanted. Mostly I think it is a matter of unprecedented competition for positions. Still, I wish more schools would inform about the status of their searches. I'm done waiting.
 
C

Chazwozel

MindDetective said:
I failed at securing a second interview with the school that called two weeks ago. I had a feeling it didn't go as well as desired. The waiting game begins again now. The worst case scenario is I am stuck in the job I have for another year, which isn't so bad. But it is a bit depressing feeling unwanted. Mostly I think it is a matter of unprecedented competition for positions. Still, I wish more schools would inform about the status of their searches. I'm done waiting.
Click to expand...
I don't think it's that they don't want you. They probably have a butt-ton of candidates interviewing.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Call the lady who gave you the interview and call her a selfish little bitch. I hear that's going around these days.
 
C

Chazwozel

Dave said:
Call the lady who gave you the interview and call her a selfish little bitch. I hear that's going around these days.
Click to expand...
You selfish bitch! Dude, stop beating yourself up over it. My old man threw my sister out of the house for stealing money when she was 17 or 18. She stomped off in a huff, telling him that she'd be just fine without and I quote, "you fucking stupid idiots". Yeah, one week later she shows up at the door with no money and pleading to come back home. Sometimes teenagers need a rude awakening to straighten up. Maybe you blowing up at your daughter will finally cause those synapses to start firing and make the correlation that listening to parents = less rules and regulations for me.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Bah. If you can't fight and yell around your family, who can you fight and yell around? She knows you love her, and I gotta agree that this might help her realize how strongly you feel about this. That's how it made me feel sometimes. Dad or mom would say something totally out of character, and even if I fought back, later I'd think about what they'd said.

---------- Post added at 02:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:44 PM ----------

Six, there's nothing wrong with female firefighters.
 
MindDetective

MindDetective

Chazwozel;347785][QUOTE=MindDetective said:
I failed at securing a second interview with the school that called two weeks ago. I had a feeling it didn't go as well as desired. The waiting game begins again now. The worst case scenario is I am stuck in the job I have for another year, which isn't so bad. But it is a bit depressing feeling unwanted. Mostly I think it is a matter of unprecedented competition for positions. Still, I wish more schools would inform about the status of their searches. I'm done waiting.
Click to expand...
I don't think it's that they don't want you. They probably have a butt-ton of candidates interviewing.[/QUOTE]

Oh, I know it. I applied at the place I am already working at and I'm not sure I'll how it will go! In some ways, NOT getting a job and sticky with what I have could be good for me, career-wise.
 
fade

fade

Staff member
I HATE the way academia keeps you in the dark on job interviews. They take forever, and they rarely say "No". You just get put on infinite hold until you get sick of the muzak and hang up.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Darkangel, about your fight--

I'm with grue, there's not much that I can say with so little information... nothing that would be helpful, anyway. It's a hard time for both of you right now; he doesn't want to be away, I'm sure, and I know that the separation is probably hard on you too. That can cause a lot of tension. Even though he said he's sorry, it's hard to achieve any sort of closure in a fight when you're dealing with distance.

This is just my $0.02, read or ignore: Again, I have no idea what he said to you... You said that all you got was an apology, but living away from you that's kind of all he can do. You can either accept it and deal day by day with whatever anger you have left or tell him that you need time before you can forgive the words. I'm guessing you're both craving a little comfort and peace of mind, so if you can find a way to get over it, and if you really believe that his apology wasn't empty, it might be best to accept the apology and set this fight as a precedent. If you forgive him, he has to know that what he said is unacceptable. That's a positive aspect of conflict in a relationship: It's a good way to set boundaries.

Like I said before, the details are unknown to me, so that's probably a lot of blah blah blah. I'm sure that time will heal all wounds.
 
C

Chazwozel

darkangel6988 said:
My Husband said something absolutely horrendous to me . And i've asked for advice but all I seem to get back is that such a thing being said is crossing a line and I agree with that but now I don't know what to do ......I've told husband that I'm mad about this phrase that was said to me and all I get was I really didn't mean it...I love you and I"m truly sorry.

I'm beginning to think I should just let it go then the lil voice in my head comes back and says BUT IT CROSSED THE LINE ! so i'm real confused and irritated !
Oh and my mother stayed home from work today again for no reason just to make my life hell !!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE LIFE RIGHT NOW !
Click to expand...
He asked you for anal?
 
K

Kitty Sinatra

Oh hell. If that was it, I'd have had ready advice for her: Give it to him. But start with a small strap-on so she don't hurt him too much.
 
MindDetective

MindDetective

fade said:
I HATE the way academia keeps you in the dark on job interviews. They take forever, and they rarely say "No". You just get put on infinite hold until you get sick of the muzak and hang up.
Click to expand...
Seriously. Terrible PR on the part of the universities. If I am ever on a hiring committee, I'm going to do whatever I can to push for an online accessible progress bar.
 
C

Chazwozel

MindDetective;347845][QUOTE=fade said:
I HATE the way academia keeps you in the dark on job interviews. They take forever, and they rarely say "No". You just get put on infinite hold until you get sick of the muzak and hang up.
Click to expand...
Seriously. Terrible PR on the part of the universities. If I am ever on a hiring committee, I'm going to do whatever I can to push for an online accessible progress bar.[/QUOTE]

I got hired right away in like two weeks for a community college position. I'm afraid this might turn out to be the position from hell and they're desperate.
 
IronBrig4

IronBrig4

Dave, I'd apologize for the harsh language but not for anything else. Sometimes your point has to be made and harshness may be necessary.

Darkangel, I'm just gonna give you my two copper pieces and suggest you tell him you need a little time to get over it. But do NOT say you need an indefinite amount of time because that will just leave him hanging. Say you need a week, and then tell him how things are progressing.
 
D

darkangel6988

Cajungal said:
Darkangel, about your fight--

I'm with grue, there's not much that I can say with so little information... nothing that would be helpful, anyway. It's a hard time for both of you right now; he doesn't want to be away, I'm sure, and I know that the separation is probably hard on you too. That can cause a lot of tension. Even though he said he's sorry, it's hard to achieve any sort of closure in a fight when you're dealing with distance.

This is just my $0.02, read or ignore: Again, I have no idea what he said to you... You said that all you got was an apology, but living away from you that's kind of all he can do. You can either accept it and deal day by day with whatever anger you have left or tell him that you need time before you can forgive the words. I'm guessing you're both craving a little comfort and peace of mind, so if you can find a way to get over it, and if you really believe that his apology wasn't empty, it might be best to accept the apology and set this fight as a precedent. If you forgive him, he has to know that what he said is unacceptable. That's a positive aspect of conflict in a relationship: It's a good way to set boundaries.

Like I said before, the details are unknown to me, so that's probably a lot of blah blah blah. I'm sure that time will heal all wounds.
Click to expand...

Thanks :) I'd rather not post the details I just wanted to vent it out.....

As to Grue yeah it could have been a PM if there was anyone i found worthy enough to hear it......and that whole strap on thing is really just gross.. along with the anal comment

But since both those posts are irrelevant I won't comment on them...

I'll just say THank you Cajungal and yes it's hard to be apart it's annoying !
 
Frank

Frank

Tinwhistler said:
hydroplaning should not be considered an at fault accident :(

my new car, too :(
Click to expand...
I'm surprised getting rear ended while stopped at a red light doesn't get put down as at fault accidents the way insurance companies like to fuck you.

They are seriously the corporate equivalent of the telling a rape victim it was their fault, they shouldn't have worn such a short skirt sort of people.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top