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Jiarn
Would you? If so, what reasons and what circumstances would it take for such an impossibility to take place? I'm currently in a strange situation. The mother of my kids, whom I haven't really spoken with much outside of the occasional passing of the children, due to them living with me full-time. I found myself single recently, well going on about 5 months, and had a sit down meeting with her to speak on a serious issue with our son. I had a few drinks, so did she, to deal with the night, both for the subject matter, and the fact that being around her never really sat well with me as we did NOT split on good terms back then.
Well a supposed 2hr conversation at a restaurant ended up 4hrs, and then 2 more hours at a pool hall and more drinks. Once the serious conversation was over, we got to talking about our own relationship past and how things fell apart. Surprisingly she cried and lost her cool halfway through and had to excuse herself outside for a cigarette. This happened at the restaurant, just fyi. From there we sat outside and talked some more, to which she confessed that even though she had always said she'd love me, just not be IN love with me, she thought she was over me, until that point. That news kind of struck me in an odd way because at that point, I looked at her and saw a bit of what I fell in love with when I was much younger.
When we got to the pool hall, and drinks continued, we just kept talking about the past, both good and bad. Lots of laughs were had, alot of innuendo was made and an actual good time was the overall event. On my way to drop her off, as hse lived about 15minutes from the hall, I realized that there was no way I was going to make it home if I drove, since I live 2 hours away from her. She offers to help me get to a phonebook so I can call some local hotels, as she can't invite me to stay at her place as she's a co-roomate/renter and they have agreements on people staying over without notice.
We end up at an ex-roomate's house that she still had the key for, and while she searched for a phonebook, I took that opportunity to lay on the couch and regain my bearings as I was slightly dizzy. She comes over to the couch, lays on the floor and places her head on my stomach. I don't know if it was the drinks, though I doubt it due to my high tolerance, but I began talking to her sweetly and stroking her hair as if we were teenagers all over again. She let me and talked back to me in the smae way. We both apologized to each other for the wrongs we had done each other and said that we hoped things would improve from here on. Nothing more was really said and I headed down stairs to get the car.
Since we never got the phone book, I assured her I would take her home and just drive very slowly to the first motel I'd find. We get to her parking lots, exchangethank yous for the good time and shock and awe that we DID have a good time together. Then, really without any kind of intention, we kissed sweetly. Not exactly tongue throttling making out but a kiss that sent electric waves down my spine. She looked at me with the same kind of shock that I knew I must have been looking at her and just smiled with a good night.
Phew, what a mouthful. Still reading? Thanks for putting up with all that, but backstory was necessary I think.
I pass out a motel about an hour away, wake up and ask her if she wants to have lunch since I didn't have to head home till the evening and she didn't have to work till 5pm. Sadly here's where things go downhill. She immediately says that we should focus on being friends and nothing more because things could rush too fast and end up in a bad situation, that being a horrible thing for both the kids and the two of us. I have to admit, I was surprisingly crushed.
Ask me 3 months ago if I would have cared if she didn't want to try a relationship with me and I would have laughed in your face. I drove home those 2 hours trying to rationalize every reason why being with her again would be the biggest mistake of my life. I accepted it and moved on. Three days later I get an email from her saying that she's scared, confused and in total bewilderment. She can't get me out of her mind, she can't stop thinking about our night together, she can't stop thinking about how wonderful it would be if we were able to manage the impossible and get back together as a whole family.
Naturally I'm completely shocked, again. She did say she hoped I wasn't thinking she was trying to screw with my mind with her 180s, but she was very very scared of opening up again. Neither one of us really opened up to anyone after our split. She had even gotten remarried for 3 years and that just never worked out. I was in a long term relationship that never felt really emotional and mostly physical. So now here I sit. She's making plans to come visit me this time, for 2 days to see if things do have a chance. As we spent the last get together reminising about old times and not really alot about our current lives and our paths in the future. Me? I'm at a complete loss as to what to do.
She emailed me some pictures as I did to her and I can't stop just gawking at them. I've dated a few girls since my ex, and ended every one of them because there was no strong feelings in it. I'm getting strong feelings just looking at the pictures. I know nostalgia has alot to do with it, but we weren't exactly HAPPY TIMES all the time back then. Why am I even posting all this dirty laundry? Because opinions and advice are very much appreciated. I've spoken with family members, friends, and all sorts and the advice has varied so greatly. The larger voice of the forums is welcome and I look forward to what is to be said.
My plan for this whole situation is thus: Take things very very slowly. Continue talking/texting her on a daily basis and take this next meet up with caution. Talk very openly and truthfully about my life and ask her very openly and bluntly about hers. Honestly weigh the decisions in my head about whether things would be better or worse for everyone involved. Do my best not to let past feelings cloud possibly current ones. Most of all, not let the kids know a THING about it till anything does solidify.
Also, if you couldn't stomach reading my entire BOOK that I wrote, please feel free to simply answer the poll and question and move on.
Well a supposed 2hr conversation at a restaurant ended up 4hrs, and then 2 more hours at a pool hall and more drinks. Once the serious conversation was over, we got to talking about our own relationship past and how things fell apart. Surprisingly she cried and lost her cool halfway through and had to excuse herself outside for a cigarette. This happened at the restaurant, just fyi. From there we sat outside and talked some more, to which she confessed that even though she had always said she'd love me, just not be IN love with me, she thought she was over me, until that point. That news kind of struck me in an odd way because at that point, I looked at her and saw a bit of what I fell in love with when I was much younger.
When we got to the pool hall, and drinks continued, we just kept talking about the past, both good and bad. Lots of laughs were had, alot of innuendo was made and an actual good time was the overall event. On my way to drop her off, as hse lived about 15minutes from the hall, I realized that there was no way I was going to make it home if I drove, since I live 2 hours away from her. She offers to help me get to a phonebook so I can call some local hotels, as she can't invite me to stay at her place as she's a co-roomate/renter and they have agreements on people staying over without notice.
We end up at an ex-roomate's house that she still had the key for, and while she searched for a phonebook, I took that opportunity to lay on the couch and regain my bearings as I was slightly dizzy. She comes over to the couch, lays on the floor and places her head on my stomach. I don't know if it was the drinks, though I doubt it due to my high tolerance, but I began talking to her sweetly and stroking her hair as if we were teenagers all over again. She let me and talked back to me in the smae way. We both apologized to each other for the wrongs we had done each other and said that we hoped things would improve from here on. Nothing more was really said and I headed down stairs to get the car.
Since we never got the phone book, I assured her I would take her home and just drive very slowly to the first motel I'd find. We get to her parking lots, exchangethank yous for the good time and shock and awe that we DID have a good time together. Then, really without any kind of intention, we kissed sweetly. Not exactly tongue throttling making out but a kiss that sent electric waves down my spine. She looked at me with the same kind of shock that I knew I must have been looking at her and just smiled with a good night.
Phew, what a mouthful. Still reading? Thanks for putting up with all that, but backstory was necessary I think.
I pass out a motel about an hour away, wake up and ask her if she wants to have lunch since I didn't have to head home till the evening and she didn't have to work till 5pm. Sadly here's where things go downhill. She immediately says that we should focus on being friends and nothing more because things could rush too fast and end up in a bad situation, that being a horrible thing for both the kids and the two of us. I have to admit, I was surprisingly crushed.
Ask me 3 months ago if I would have cared if she didn't want to try a relationship with me and I would have laughed in your face. I drove home those 2 hours trying to rationalize every reason why being with her again would be the biggest mistake of my life. I accepted it and moved on. Three days later I get an email from her saying that she's scared, confused and in total bewilderment. She can't get me out of her mind, she can't stop thinking about our night together, she can't stop thinking about how wonderful it would be if we were able to manage the impossible and get back together as a whole family.
Naturally I'm completely shocked, again. She did say she hoped I wasn't thinking she was trying to screw with my mind with her 180s, but she was very very scared of opening up again. Neither one of us really opened up to anyone after our split. She had even gotten remarried for 3 years and that just never worked out. I was in a long term relationship that never felt really emotional and mostly physical. So now here I sit. She's making plans to come visit me this time, for 2 days to see if things do have a chance. As we spent the last get together reminising about old times and not really alot about our current lives and our paths in the future. Me? I'm at a complete loss as to what to do.
She emailed me some pictures as I did to her and I can't stop just gawking at them. I've dated a few girls since my ex, and ended every one of them because there was no strong feelings in it. I'm getting strong feelings just looking at the pictures. I know nostalgia has alot to do with it, but we weren't exactly HAPPY TIMES all the time back then. Why am I even posting all this dirty laundry? Because opinions and advice are very much appreciated. I've spoken with family members, friends, and all sorts and the advice has varied so greatly. The larger voice of the forums is welcome and I look forward to what is to be said.
My plan for this whole situation is thus: Take things very very slowly. Continue talking/texting her on a daily basis and take this next meet up with caution. Talk very openly and truthfully about my life and ask her very openly and bluntly about hers. Honestly weigh the decisions in my head about whether things would be better or worse for everyone involved. Do my best not to let past feelings cloud possibly current ones. Most of all, not let the kids know a THING about it till anything does solidify.
Also, if you couldn't stomach reading my entire BOOK that I wrote, please feel free to simply answer the poll and question and move on.
I sincerely hope for whatever is best for you and your children.
