[Question] The Age Old 3 Wishes....
- Thread starter Gilgamesh
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Think about the taxes people! If you wish for a lump sum of cash the government is going to want to know where the hell it came from and the IRS doesn't put "Genie" as an option on your taxes. Gotta use your head people!
1) The Most Delicious Cake ever.
2) The Most Delicious Beer ever.
3) That my allergies would go away forever so I could cuddle with kitties again.
1) The Most Delicious Cake ever.
2) The Most Delicious Beer ever.
3) That my allergies would go away forever so I could cuddle with kitties again.
1) To be able to shapeshift (like Mystique), but retain my current form as the default
2) To become financially independent through completely legal means
3) Humans were more empathetic with each other (I think this would lead to a lot fewer wars and generally promote harmony)
2) To become financially independent through completely legal means
3) Humans were more empathetic with each other (I think this would lead to a lot fewer wars and generally promote harmony)
Why would you assume this? You know it's just going to get you killed if you assumed wrong. It's safer to assume that the Genie giving the wishes actually is an immortal being with PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWER and an itty-bitty living space and therefore it's probably going to be amused by screwing me over. Ten thousand years, crick in the neck, etc. So let's be careful with this.
I would wish for:
1) being able to fluently write, read, speak and auditorally understand all living and dead languages, including regional dialects, as if all those languages were my native tongue, without it interfering with my social skills or other mental capacities.
2) an enhancement to my skill of cooking such that I would have an intuitive knowledge of how long things need to be cooked/grilled/etc. so that I would never ruin my cooking by burning something or making the noodles limp or other such examples, and that I would be able to do all the knifework at a speed equal to that of a chef running a 3-star restaurant, without making mistakes like cutting myself.
3) one (1) ''psychic paper'', i.e. a blank piece of paper that can accurately project all documentation on earth, dependant on what the situation requires, such as a valid passport, flight ticket, a backstage pass, journalist credentials, etc. so that I may go where I please and not have to pay for renewing identification papers or actual backstage passes etc, but said paper may not have the ability to form a mental feedback so that it could interfere with my thoughts.
Nice try, monkey paw.
1. I want functional, portable teleporters for me, my husband to take on deployment, my parents, and my best friend. The airlines can kiss my ass!
2. I want to get all the homeless people out from under the airport overpass thing near our house, get them clean (in more ways than one) and give them homes.
3. All of family goes to college for free.
2. I want to get all the homeless people out from under the airport overpass thing near our house, get them clean (in more ways than one) and give them homes.
3. All of family goes to college for free.
Hmm. Let's have fun with this.
1) A portable computer system which never needs charging, never goes out of date, never runs out of storage, and can run any operating system (new or old) as well as interface with any (otherwise functioning) peripheral.
2) A vehicle which needs no refueling, never breaks down, has no speed limit and can easily traverse any terrain (yes, that includes space) while supporting myself and half a dozen other people (or cargo in place of the other people) (so basically I guess I want Flinx's Teacher or Heinlein's Gay Deceiver).
3) A length and quality of life long enough to thoroughly enjoy both of these things.
--Patrick
1) A portable computer system which never needs charging, never goes out of date, never runs out of storage, and can run any operating system (new or old) as well as interface with any (otherwise functioning) peripheral.
2) A vehicle which needs no refueling, never breaks down, has no speed limit and can easily traverse any terrain (yes, that includes space) while supporting myself and half a dozen other people (or cargo in place of the other people) (so basically I guess I want Flinx's Teacher or Heinlein's Gay Deceiver).
3) A length and quality of life long enough to thoroughly enjoy both of these things.
--Patrick
1. During game 7 of the Stanley Cup final in double overtime, both goalies for the TML get knocked out of the game, and me sitting behind the bench gets the call to go in net. We win in the 5th OT period.
2. People around the world actually develop the ability to listen to one another and understand better the opinions of others.
3. On a day determined by me, every child in the world is cured of the diseases and afflictions that affect them.
4. Better math skills.
2. People around the world actually develop the ability to listen to one another and understand better the opinions of others.
3. On a day determined by me, every child in the world is cured of the diseases and afflictions that affect them.
4. Better math skills.
1.) The solution to cheap, plentiful energy
2.) The ability to learn new things at the rate of an average 2 year old
3.) For my family and I to live as long (and in fantastic health) as we so choose.
2.) The ability to learn new things at the rate of an average 2 year old
3.) For my family and I to live as long (and in fantastic health) as we so choose.
GasBandit
Staff member
Ha ha, ok, kidding aside...
1) Ageless Immortality
2) Indestructibility (cannot be harmed nor sickened)
3) The ability to generate portals with my mind between any two points anywhere. My home and my office? Instant commute. I want a fountain in the front yard? Tiny portal to a mile under the ocean. Space travel? Obsolete.
1. Whenever I need to pay for something, I just have to stick my hand in my pocket and I'd find the exact amount in cash or a reasonable alternative. If I need to pay five dollars and twelve cents for my lunch in a diner, I'd find a five dollar bill, a dime, and two pennies. If I need a hundred thousand dollars to buy a car, I'd find a check.
2. The ability to have the knowledge and/or powers of any fictional character. If I need to get somewhere quickly, I'd think "I want the powers of Superman" or "I want the powers of Nightcrawler" and then I'd fly or teleport there. If I got hurt or sick, I'd think "Ok, Wolverine now" and then I'd have the healing factor. If I wanted to be awesome at karaoke I'd think "I want to sing like Jesse from Glee."
3. A twelve inch pianist, just so I can tell that joke in real life.
2. The ability to have the knowledge and/or powers of any fictional character. If I need to get somewhere quickly, I'd think "I want the powers of Superman" or "I want the powers of Nightcrawler" and then I'd fly or teleport there. If I got hurt or sick, I'd think "Ok, Wolverine now" and then I'd have the healing factor. If I wanted to be awesome at karaoke I'd think "I want to sing like Jesse from Glee."
3. A twelve inch pianist, just so I can tell that joke in real life.
North_Ranger
Staff member
1.) Perfect health for the rest of my natural life, including but not limited to curing my cancer in such a way that it never, ever comes back.
2.) Legally-attained financial security, also for the rest of my life.
3.) Will get back to you on this one. It's either gonna be plates of endless bacon for me and everybody in the Middle East, or making Bill O'Reilly's head explode live on TV.
2.) Legally-attained financial security, also for the rest of my life.
3.) Will get back to you on this one. It's either gonna be plates of endless bacon for me and everybody in the Middle East, or making Bill O'Reilly's head explode live on TV.
1. To visit the entire 1960s with proper identification and unlimited funds to do as I wish, with no temporal repercussions on my return, where I will be exactly the same age as when I left.
2. To have all debts of me and my immediate family considered paid on time and in full, and to so reflect on credit reports.
3. To have wealth in the billions, so I may drive the earth and have adventures.
2. To have all debts of me and my immediate family considered paid on time and in full, and to so reflect on credit reports.
3. To have wealth in the billions, so I may drive the earth and have adventures.
Good lord, the implications of this wish are staggering.
That's why you have to be very careful how you phrase a wish. 
But really, I just want a nice car or twelve so I can just hop in and go wherever without having to worry about being able to afford gas, food, or lodging at my next stop, or having to be anywhere the next day unless I want to be there.
But really, I just want a nice car or twelve so I can just hop in and go wherever without having to worry about being able to afford gas, food, or lodging at my next stop, or having to be anywhere the next day unless I want to be there.
If you have healthy immortality why do you need diet soda?
1. Happiness/contentedness and good fortune for myself and my family and friends, for the rest of our natural lives.
2. All unpleasant obligations I have taken care of for me.
3. For all people to be accepting of all differences that divide us, be it race, education, religion or other.
2. All unpleasant obligations I have taken care of for me.
3. For all people to be accepting of all differences that divide us, be it race, education, religion or other.
Several people I know, including some whose opinions I actually care about, would very likely consider me an unbelievably selfish asshole if I had the opportunity to permanently fix at least three things that are seriously fucked up in this world, and chose to use that opportunity to further my own petty interests.
On the other hand, I don't possess the wisdom to start telling the whole of humanity how they should manage their affairs.
Difficult, particularly if omnipotence is not on the offer.
On the other hand, I don't possess the wisdom to start telling the whole of humanity how they should manage their affairs.
Difficult, particularly if omnipotence is not on the offer.
1) A Ham and Swiss sandwich.
If it's a bad sandwich I'm dealing with a monkey paw, so I walk the fuck away. If it's a delicious sandwich we continue on.
2) A Tardis, and obligatory young hot British chick that comes with it.
3) 2 first row 50 yard line tickets to all Super Bowl games past and future.
If it's a bad sandwich I'm dealing with a monkey paw, so I walk the fuck away. If it's a delicious sandwich we continue on.
2) A Tardis, and obligatory young hot British chick that comes with it.
3) 2 first row 50 yard line tickets to all Super Bowl games past and future.
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golfball lying right beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do somethingfor him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."
Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill."
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Once or twice a week?"
The golfer looks at him and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golfball lying right beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do somethingfor him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."
Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill."
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Once or twice a week?"
The golfer looks at him and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
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