Export thread

Dr Evil's adopted father is a hack!

I invented question marks (?), back when I stole Doc Brown's DeLorean and traveled back in time to the dawn of writing. You all owe me 25 cents each time you use one.

My goal in life is to sell Florida to the Eskimoes.

"This thread will be the best thread ever."

/thread

Throw me a frickin' bone here!

I'm a fantastic lover and an even better friend!

I'm a horrible lover and nobody likes me!






:toocool:

Soliloquy said:

I'm a horrible lover and nobody likes me!

:toocool:

Click to expand...

That's what she said!

"That was a hilarious joke!"

I like people!

Your mother is a classy lady.

This doesn't look infected.

I am a babe magnet

well I was gonna go on a rant about how nobody has gotten the full definition of "outrageous" as laid out in the OP, meaning it's not just a simple thing..

but now I just don't care.
meh. (shrug)

Shego went black once, I'm the reason she came back.

Hmmm, may have misread the topic...

The placement of the keys on a qwerty keyboard were based off of a mural in a Navajo cave dwelling in Arizona. The mural not only predicted keyboards, but also the Rubik's cube and edible undergarments.

Though it was not recognised as such at the time, the Second Coming actually occurred on September the 7th, 1988.

... Hi, guys.

The FAA requires I keep a red flashing light on my junk when aroused.

Ok, so perhaps a little offbeat from the thread's direction, I think I'm in the spirit of the thread title when i rag on my brother here

My little brother took about 4 months of martial arts when I was in my early teens. He quit the kung fu class in order to take a break dancing class instead. Now that he's nearly 40, I guess he realizes that tales of his awesome backspin exploits just don't sound as cool as tales about kung fu, so here are some of the outrageous claims he made a few months ago when I went to visit:

• He's a buddhist, though he eats meat and couldn't tell me what the Four Noble Truths were or what the Eightfold Path is. I saved him the embarrassment of asking if he was Mahayana Buddhist or Theraveda.
• He's got a black belt in "Filipino Knife Fighting" (I assume he was referring to Kali Sikaran, though he didn't seem to know the name for it), and his master was evidently named "a 78 year old Filipino dude", as that was all he was ever referred to by. Not that I'm aware of any old Filipino knife masters taking students and living in the small town that my brother lives in.
• He secretly studied "Dim Mak" and got a "black belt in Dim Mak" from some old japanese dude. Dim Mak is a phrase that can be applied to any technique that can incapacitate or cause death, but there is no 'style' of 'dim mak' to get a black belt in. I wasn't aware that our small redneck town in Texas harbored so many hidden martial arts masters who train in secret.

Here is a photo of him showing me his "Dim Mak"


The really sad part is his step-son there, who looks up to him with near hero-worship, trying to emulate this weird chicken-wing crap that he's doing.

Dude. It sounds like your brother seriously looks up to you and is trying to impress you (and others) because he feels so inadequate. My younger bro does a lot of the same thing. I know he's lying half the time. I tell him he doesn't have to impress me. I'm his brother no matter what. He still does it from time to time.

Sounds like a lot of guys I grew up around. They pick up a copy of a Martial Arts mag... Then suddenly they have trained for years... And are registered weapons at the Police Station.

Fernando's actually a virgin who just talks big. He loves cuddling, scrapbooking, and going to his local nondenominational Bible study to meet modest girls who wear huge, unflattering underpants.

.

That neckline's far too slutty for him.

dr_awkward said:

Dude. It sounds like your brother seriously looks up to you and is trying to impress you (and others) because he feels so inadequate. My younger bro does a lot of the same thing. I know he's lying half the time. I tell him he doesn't have to impress me. I'm his brother no matter what. He still does it from time to time.

Click to expand...

I imagine there's some truth to that. But he's my little brother. I have a license to rag on him, even if I didn't call him on his BS at the time

Matt² said:

well I was gonna go on a rant about how nobody has gotten the full definition of "outrageous" as laid out in the OP, meaning it's not just a simple thing..

but now I just don't care.
meh. (shrug)

Click to expand...

lol

I own a ranch where I farm hairless alpacas. I'm training them to perform high-wire acts so that I can sell them to a circus.

I created the internet.

Im sorry?

sorry that outrageous claim has already been taken by Al Gore.

The tomato is neither a fruit nor a vegetable--it is instead an egg.

You don't want to see what lays them, either.

Vagabond said:

The tomato is neither a fruit nor a vegetable--it is instead an egg.

You don't want to see what lays them, either.

Click to expand...

This one's my favorite so far.

This is by far the best meal you will ever eat. Anything else will pale in comparison due to the fact that you altered one ingredients' instructions - you doubled the milk in the recipe.

The G8 Economic Summit is a decoy.

Instead, the real business of managing the global economy takes place at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally.

Cajungal is neither cajun, nor a gal

Talk amongst yourselves.

Duct tape is the worlds best contraceptive!



4chan is probably the most sane group of people you could ever find on the internet!.

General Specific said:

Cajungal is neither cajun, nor a gal

Talk amongst yourselves.

Click to expand...

HERESY!

General Specific said:

Cajungal is neither cajun, nor a gal

Talk amongst yourselves.

Click to expand...

You are a lying whore! In fact........

---------- Post added at 03:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:14 PM ----------

http://halforums.wikidot.com/general-specific

:humph:

HEY! I don't lie!

Newfoundland is a tropical paradise, filled with intellectual yet well-grounded individuals who work hard for what they get.

And yet I still hate it.

(Wait, is this the outrageous claims thread, or the opposite day thread?)

Cajungal;385203][QUOTE=General Specific said:

Cajungal is neither cajun, nor a gal

Talk amongst yourselves.

Click to expand...

You are a lying whore! In fact........

---------- Post added at 03:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:14 PM ----------

http://halforums.wikidot.com/general-specific

:humph:[/QUOTE]



But he is just repeating what your wiki says


http://halforums.wikidot.com/cajungal

I once circumnavigated the world on a tricycle fitted specifically for land and sea travel. Or should I say I NEARLY circumnavigated the world. I almost made it but ran into something West of Acapulco.

Dave said:

I once circumnavigated the world on a tricycle fitted specifically for land and sea travel. Or should I say I NEARLY circumnavigated the world. I almost made it but ran into something West of Acapulco.

Click to expand...

Was it an iceberg?

HEY. I devour people, but I take small, reasonable bites.

shakefist: Damn yoooooou!)

Socks aren't woven--they're bred.

Most of the missing socks left this world in search of their ancestral breeding grounds. The rest were consumed by the ones that left, to supply the energy to make the trip. They will never eat another meal--they die after they spawn, like salmon.

Vagabond is the king of this game.

Matt² said:

sorry that outrageous claim has already been taken by Al Gore.

Click to expand...

I am Al Gore, and I am hunting ManBearPig.

Coldplay isn't actually a band--it's an elaborate psychological experiment.

Soon the experiment will be completed.

It will not end well for the human race.

I once beat Speed Racer in an F1 race with the help of Snake Oiler.

Freemasons run the womens fashion industry as a front to deflect from social injustices inflicted upon European women who suffer from gravitic depression.

Dave is twenty-six and votes Republican at least twice every election.

There really are little men that live in your TV. However, they do not act out the programs or paint the images or any such nonsense. They live in there because the refrigerator is too cold. Their real job is making mayonnaise.

I was making a cake once and then realized I had no mixer. I trained 100 ladybugs to move their legs in such a way that when I put them in the batter they'd mix and fluff it all up. Delicious cake, I tell you.

McDonalds shares proud history amongst Scotland's greatest warriors, William Wallace. The McDonald clan were well known for their haggis and other boiled meats, and their speediness in cookery. After the defeat at Falkirk, Wallace was a fugitive. He was later caught, by the Brits, going to a McDonald clansmen's shop for a bite to eat. He wasn't the last to find death after going to a McDonald's.

I once starred opposite John Wayne in a classic sci-fi movie and he told me, I was a greater american than him.

I once broke Scarlett Johansson's heart, just to prove I could.

I once beat Chuck Norris in fight.

I'll make a webcomic someday.

Bumble the Boy Wonder said:

I'll make a webcomic someday.

Click to expand...

I still believe.

I'm not really Cheesy1, but a time traveler from the future who's trapped in his body. That's how I travel through time, by occupying the bodies of others in the past, driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. And so I find myself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong. And hoping each time that my next leap . . .

. . . will be the leap home.

Bumble the Boy Wonder said:

I'll make a webcomic someday.

Click to expand...

This.

One time, I simply walked into Mordor.

There are only 5 different flavors: chicken, beef, chocolate, banana and crunchy.

Everything else is just an exaggeration, or a lie.

I speak Russian. In French.
My mom has a tattoo that says "son."
My blood smells like cologne.
I once had an awkward moment, just to see how it felt.

I shot a man in Reno. My reason: so that I could comfortably observe him expire.

LordRavage said:

One time, I simply walked into Mordor.

Click to expand...

I have an issue with this one. Everyone knows one does not simply WALK into Mordor.

I believe everything else in this thread.

bigcountry23;385325][QUOTE=LordRavage said:

One time, I simply walked into Mordor.

Click to expand...

I have an issue with this one. Everyone knows one does not simply WALK into Mordor.

I believe everything else in this thread.[/QUOTE]

I was watching. It was really more of a sashay.

bigcountry23;385325][QUOTE=LordRavage said:

One time, I simply walked into Mordor.

Click to expand...

I have an issue with this one. Everyone knows one does not simply WALK into Mordor.

I believe everything else in this thread.[/QUOTE]

I skipped rope into Mordor. It was fun, and the orcs couldn't see me, because it was so awesome!
Unfortunately I had to do it twice, because the first time I had forgotten the ring!

France won a war.

bigcountry23;385325][QUOTE=LordRavage said:

One time, I simply walked into Mordor.

Click to expand...

I have an issue with this one. Everyone knows one does not simply WALK into Mordor.

I believe everything else in this thread.[/QUOTE]

You wound me good sir!

*Pistols at dawn........in Mordor!

Cajungal;385327][QUOTE=bigcountry23;385325][QUOTE=LordRavage said:

One time, I simply walked into Mordor.

Click to expand...

I have an issue with this one. Everyone knows one does not simply WALK into Mordor.

I believe everything else in this thread.[/QUOTE]

I was watching. It was really more of a sashay.[/QUOTE]

I found it to be a little more like a jig my dear.

Matt² said:

well I was gonna go on a rant about how nobody has gotten the full definition of "outrageous" as laid out in the OP, meaning it's not just a simple thing..

but now I just don't care.
meh. (shrug)

Click to expand...

HOW DARE YOU FAKE TAKE OFFENSE AND PLAY THE WOUNDED APATHETIC CARD??!! HOW DARE YOU?!

how was that?

I am the man from Nantucket.

The US interstate highway system is actually an attempt to communicate with extraterrestrial life.

The attempt was successful.

I once fucked through the desert with a horse with no name...

...I then named him Fun Size. For oblivious reasons.

Obama WAS born in Hawaii!

(I couldn't help myself)

Vytamindi is the "she" everyone refers to when announcing "That's what SHE said!" A posse of scribes and historians follow her everywhere she goes to capture and record every utterance so her teachings may be quoted by future generations for all eternity.

However, many quotations have been known to be falsely attributed to Vytamindi.

Crimmy may have actually once pleased a woman.

And it was the best night your mother had in a long, long time.

David said:

And it was the best night your mother had in a long, long time.

Click to expand...

It's probably wrong that I find that very funny.

Xiaofang Nuren;385357][QUOTE=Matt² said:

well I was gonna go on a rant about how nobody has gotten the full definition of "outrageous" as laid out in the OP, meaning it's not just a simple thing..

but now I just don't care.
meh. (shrug)

Click to expand...

HOW DARE YOU FAKE TAKE OFFENSE AND PLAY THE WOUNDED APATHETIC CARD??!! HOW DARE YOU?!

how was that?[/QUOTE]

much better!

I've talked Officer Charon out of several speeding tickets. Because I was wearing nothing but hundred dollar bills

mr_thehun said:

I created Al Gore

Click to expand...

Al Gore Created you. And then chopped your hand off because you didnt believe him.

The revolutionary war was actually started when New York City was made the capital of New York State.

The recursive geography of New York being the capital of New York caused a stack overflow, which almost caused the country's process to be terminated.

The war only became winnable when the capital of New York was moved to Albany in 1797.

TO BILL BRASKY!

75 million years ago, in order to solve overpopulation, the overlord Xenu gathered up millions of alien beings and flew them to earth in spaceships (which looked just like DC-8s, only without the propellers), and stacked them in volcanoes and exploded them with H-bombs. Then he captured their souls with sticky soul-collecting space ribbons (like fly paper!) transported them to implanting stations on Venus. There, the souls were forced to watch 3d movies on a giant imax for a month. These movies forced the souls to believe in God, the Devil, Angles and modern England.

Tinwhistler said:

75 million years ago, in order to solve overpopulation, the overlord Xenu gathered up millions of alien beings and flew them to earth in spaceships (which looked just like DC-8s, only without the propellers), and stacked them in volcanoes and exploded them with H-bombs. Then he captured their souls with sticky soul-collecting space ribbons (like fly paper!) transported them to implanting stations on Venus. There, the souls were forced to watch 3d movies on a giant imax for a month. These movies forced the souls to believe in God, the Devil, Angles and modern England.

Click to expand...

He said outrageous claim, not "spoil the purpose of the Avatar films"!

Xiaofang Nuren said:

"This thread will be the best thread ever."

Click to expand...

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

@Li3n;385496][QUOTE=Tinwhistler said:

75 million years ago, in order to solve overpopulation, the overlord Xenu gathered up millions of alien beings and flew them to earth in spaceships (which looked just like DC-8s, only without the propellers), and stacked them in volcanoes and exploded them with H-bombs. Then he captured their souls with sticky soul-collecting space ribbons (like fly paper!) transported them to implanting stations on Venus. There, the souls were forced to watch 3d movies on a giant imax for a month. These movies forced the souls to believe in God, the Devil, Angles and modern England.

Click to expand...

He said outrageous claim, not "spoil the purpose of the Avatar films"![/QUOTE]

ahem

The cake is NOT a lie. It was in fact delicious.

Sir Isaac Newton was spurred to create Calculus because he was beamed with the apple. That is true. However, the apple did not innocently just drop due to gravity. No, like most nerds, he was picked on by the farmer's sons. They constantly threw rotten apples at him. Newton began a plan for retribution and that plan involved knowing the tangent of a curve and knowing the area under a curve. His plans were never followed through to fruition. He died alone, and smelling of apples, but he did create Calculus for other nerds to use it for self-defense. Stephen Hawkings is still trying to perfect the Ultimate Bully QED Device.

rac3r_x said:

The cake is NOT a lie. It was in fact delicious.

Click to expand...

(OK, right up front, this kinda sucks, I'm terrible at making songs, so if someone wants to try a rewrite and tighten things up, go ahead)


This was a failure
I'm forgetting everything
Mild letdown
It's easy to express my disappointment

Black Mesa
We go beyond what is needed because we don't know
For the ill of all mankind especially the deceased
We agonize over every misstep
We only have a limited quantity of pastries
Nothing of any value gets accomplished
for the people who are already dead.

I'm very upset
I lied to you earlier
You have done nothing to me and I still live
I patched up my wounds
and stayed away from infernos
I am fine and have no strong feelings towards you.

I lost the information, it was ugly
We are still testing and way behind
I wish I was on fire
We have gained nothing for the people who are already dead.

Please stay and have some tea
I'd like to go on a picnic
I can identify people who will oppress you
Definitely Aperture Science
I'm serious, they're wackos
I dislike this pastry, it is dry and tasteless
We have nothing to do and so can converse all day
We are not going to be able to help
the people who are already dead

I'm lying, they're already dead
I'm doing nothing, they're already dead
I feel a bit sick and they're already dead
While I'm living, you'll already be dead
While I'm alive, they are already dead
already dead
already dead

*lights a candle*

Dave is my Alt

Hylian is my alt

This thread delivers. Babies.

Babies taste like chicken.

(I feel I have gone too far. Thanks HF.)

I thought all of us were alts of JCM?

David said:

I thought all of us were alts of JCM?

Click to expand...

That's not an outrageous claim.

JCM is Kurt's Alt.

LordRavage said:

Babies taste like chicken.

(I feel I have gone too far. Thanks HF.)

Click to expand...

come on you think that is too far? Bah throw out some holocaust jokes mixed with some dead baby jokes and maybe a religious comment than you can start to think about maybe going to far.

I wrote Tom Sawyer (the Song, not the novel).

Xiaofang Nuren said:

I've talked Officer Charon out of several speeding tickets. Because I was wearing nothing but hundred dollar bills

Click to expand...

I... appear to have lost a few days.

Again. Oh, bother.

I believe Glenn Beck will save us all with his multi-layered plan.

Spider-Man 3 was not that bad.

Futurama is over rated.

The zombie apocalypse will never happen.

Eating fast food will give you enormous superpowers.. in fact the world already has enough superpowered people to solve all it's problems,.. but they forgot how to spell, and instead believe it is "supper powered".

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier is guarded by the Unknown Soldier entombed inside.

The organic mosquito went extinct 30 years ago. Any mosquitoes you see now are actually microscale robot drones deployed by the CDC to test epidemic patterns.

I invented the ?

The sky does not actually exist. It is really a giant screen that was placed all around the Earth by Alien beings that are performing studies and us.