[Rant] Minor Rant III: For a Few Hollers More

Long rambling, unfocused rant. Possibly NSFW, TMI, whatever. I need to tell this to someone and I think this is the only place I can without being judged to hell. If you can guess/know who this is, fine, but please don't ever tell anyone.

So I'm starting to have a strong inkling that I might be trans. I've had these thoughts on and off for a few years now, but they've been pretty consistent the last 6 months or so. These last few weeks it's been incredibly strong to the point where I'm pretty sure I want to at least give it a try.

I'm not someone who "hates" my body per se. I didn't grow up knowing I was in the wrong body or anything. I just...want to be a woman. I like the idea of dressing as one, having the body of one, just living as one. I've read the old adage of "if you could press a button to permanently turn you into the opposite sex, would you?" and I pretty much 100% would. Seeing pictures of trans women makes me feel jealous. I've thought plenty of times that I wish I was trans so I could transition without it really clicking that (maybe) thats what being trans is for some people. I googled around and I read this article, and what she's said about it being a longing more than an identity describes me to a T.

The downside is, I have no way to know how real these feelings even are. I'm not in a situation where I'd feel for my life or anything like that, but there is no way I can even explore this without arousing suspicion. If I took the time to see a therapist that specializes in this kind of stuff, either I'd have to explain what I'm doing, which would never be undone, or I'd have to lie, which is just asking to have things blow up down the line. I'd even love to just buy some clothes, makeup and whatnot and try wearing that for a bit in my house but I don't live alone so that's not feasible. I fantasize a ton about going as women as I can, heading to an LGBT-friendly bar, and just sitting alone by myself. Just as a baby step. I don't really know how I could pull that off though. Not to mention of course the general way trans people are treated in society. I live in a pretty decent area, but I'm not naive enough to think I wouldn't face any of that.

Not to mention, if I start and I find out I'm not and this is a phase or fetish or something, I'll have damaged my life and hurt people for literally no reason. I know the status quo won't make me miserable or anything. I've lived like this for long enough that I can get past it. I just feel like I might be missing out on a chance to be significantly happier. Not to mention I still feel feel like I'm downplaying what real trans people go through/have gone through. I'd like to think I'm not being disrespectful or anything but I'm really sorry if I have been, to all the trans people here. It was 100% not my intention. It's just been taking over my thoughts and I just need a place to share/vent.
Hi. I'm PatrThom's wife, a person who totally exists. Mostly, I exist on Tumblr, where I have a lot of transgender mutuals. Honestly, your story sounds pretty familiar. You don't need to be uncomfortable in your body to be really trans, and you're not the only person with a logistics problem either. I think you should try talking to some other transgender people. There are plenty of them on Tumblr; just keep in mind that Tumblr is a swamp and there are absolutely people there who will tell you that your experience isn't valid because it doesn't fit their scripts so -- social media emptor, I guess. Otherwise, Scarleteen has a good primer on transgender issues and PFLAG has a nice list of books more geared toward adults.
 

Dave

Staff member
My employer sends out a notice today that the company has partnered with "My Wellness" which is a dumb "optional" app that you can use to earn points by promising not to eat meat on Mondays, or to sign up for stop smoking programs, etc.


Oh, and if you don't use it and earn at least 100 points a week, a $30 "wellness premium" is deducted from your pay every week.

Fuck that, you better believe I'm complaining to hr about this.
We have something like this at my work called "SimplyWell" but you have a year to get shit done and getting the points is stupid easy in most cases. Some things are "self reported" so I've been keeping a "food journal" that is updated irregularly. You know, like realistically, not completely made up or anything.

Basically if you DON'T make up the points you pay more in insurance costs. I actually understand why they are doing it, but forcing people to be healthy is a lose-lose proposition.
 
My employer sends out a notice today that the company has partnered with "My Wellness" which is a dumb "optional" app that you can use to earn points by promising not to eat meat on Mondays, or to sign up for stop smoking programs, etc.


Oh, and if you don't use it and earn at least 100 points a week, a $30 "wellness premium" is deducted from your pay every week.

Fuck that, you better believe I'm complaining to hr about this.
This is such bs. Your nutrition and general wellness are none of their business. It is probably illegal for them to require this sort of stuff, HIPAA & ADA would make it dodgy for them to even ask for health info in the first place.

I did a quick search and everything I find shows that they can offer incentives and rewards for meeting goals, but nothing mentions punishments for not or for not participating. However, IANAL, so you may want to talk with one near you if HR doesn't put the kibosh on it.

See: https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/regulations/qanda-ada-wellness-final-rule.cfm
 
Omg so they finally came to fix some stuff at work and I emptied out half my office. I can’t discuss the amount of dead bugs etc on the walls and floor. Just ... omg. And there are multiple issues with the wall and windowsill including a hole that I can see daylight through. No wonder it’s cold in there...and full of bugs. I’m refusing to move back in until it’s fixed.
 
So think I might be having gallbladder issues. Had a second night of writhing agony that lasted a couple of hours. Made a doctor's appointment now. Hoping to get to the bottom of this.
 
So think I might be having gallbladder issues. Had a second night of writhing agony that lasted a couple of hours. Made a doctor's appointment now. Hoping to get to the bottom of this.
Uh boy. Mr. Z just went through that last year. He figured he could ride out the pain for months, and the end result was emergency surgery. Please don't be him: get checked up right away and often.
 

Dave

Staff member
I'm looking for a part time job. I need to start making about $200-300 more a month because I need a new car. And since the wife absolutely refuses to quit her part time job and get a full time job (and because the son is still unemployed) I guess it's up to me. Again. My choices are basically these.
  • Start promoting my entertainment company again and market myself, gaining inconsistent income and traveling a lot.
    • Good: The stuff is already set up and I already own the gear. I'd only need one gig a month to make the goal.
    • Bad: I fucking HATE booking gigs. Income is inconsistent and I can't plan on anything. When I do get gigs they are out of town and ruin my entire weekend.
  • Get a part-time job.
    • Good: Would be very easy to get a part time job that fits my hours. Consistent income.
    • Bad: Would take up most night, probably some weekends. No more free time. No more streaming.
  • Make more money streaming.
    • Good: Would be something I'm already doing.
    • Bad: Yeah, the chances I'd make the $200-300 a month doing this is almost nil. I'd be just as likely to get a basketball scholarship.
  • Turn ads back on here.
    • Good: Nothing.
    • Bad: Everything. Not going to do it.
  • Donate Plasma.
    • Good: Make as much as I want and when I want. Low effort money.
    • Bad: Have to take a couple hours out of my week to do it. Have to get there REAL early as there is only a certain number of people who can donate in a day.
My boss does the plasma thing two to three times a week and he just uses the time to watch Netflix on his phone. Frankly it's probably the easiest thing I can do but of course the real solution would be my wife gets a fucking full time job. If anything happens to her physically where she needs to go to the doctor we're fucked as she has no insurance.

All this for a measly $200-300 a month.
 
Donating plasma twice or three times a week is also a great way to completely crap all over your own body. There's a reason the Red Cross suggests once every two to three weeks.

I understand your wife doesn't want to quit her current job, but, err, wouldn't she be able to get a second part time? Or your son? I mean, almost by default both of them have more free time than you and should be able to do almost any part time job you could find, too, and easier. Or all of you go donate plasma once a week, it'll still be better than you literally bleeding yourself dry for them.
 
I'm looking for a part time job. I need to start making about $200-300 more a month because I need a new car. And since the wife absolutely refuses to quit her part time job and get a full time job (and because the son is still unemployed) I guess it's up to me. Again. My choices are basically these.
  • Start promoting my entertainment company again and market myself, gaining inconsistent income and traveling a lot.
    • Good: The stuff is already set up and I already own the gear. I'd only need one gig a month to make the goal.
    • Bad: I fucking HATE booking gigs. Income is inconsistent and I can't plan on anything. When I do get gigs they are out of town and ruin my entire weekend.
  • Get a part-time job.
    • Good: Would be very easy to get a part time job that fits my hours. Consistent income.
    • Bad: Would take up most night, probably some weekends. No more free time. No more streaming.
  • Make more money streaming.
    • Good: Would be something I'm already doing.
    • Bad: Yeah, the chances I'd make the $200-300 a month doing this is almost nil. I'd be just as likely to get a basketball scholarship.
  • Turn ads back on here.
    • Good: Nothing.
    • Bad: Everything. Not going to do it.
  • Donate Plasma.
    • Good: Make as much as I want and when I want. Low effort money.
    • Bad: Have to take a couple hours out of my week to do it. Have to get there REAL early as there is only a certain number of people who can donate in a day.
My boss does the plasma thing two to three times a week and he just uses the time to watch Netflix on his phone. Frankly it's probably the easiest thing I can do but of course the real solution would be my wife gets a fucking full time job. If anything happens to her physically where she needs to go to the doctor we're fucked as she has no insurance.

All this for a measly $200-300 a month.
I'm sorry Dave, this situation sucks. I mean, I don't know what the situation is with your wife and your son, and I'm not going to pry, but it's wrong to make one person do the "heavy lifting", especially if finances are tight. The last time I witnessed a situation where the full-timed employed spouse took a second job because the underemployed/unemployed spouse refused to do so, it ended in divorce.

...Of course, the full-timed employed spouse took the second job so they could afford to divorce the unemployed spouse, and the unemployed spouse moved back in with his parents after they payed for his half of the divorce, and never held another job or moved out ever again and literally lived off his parents until they died and still complains he's suffered a hard live, even though they left him a fully payed house and the only money he has in their will, AND.....

I'm sorry , where was I? Oh yeah, don't be the only one working, man. You need down-time, too.
 
I don't work because I don't have to, and it makes taking care of my son easier, but if we were financially strapped I would find a way to do it in a heartbeat. :/ Though I get having a job you love and not wanting to give it up too.
 
I worry for the long term effects on your health re: frequent plasma donations as well.

I worry about your health in general if you work to the exclusion of all else by taking on part time work in addition to your full time job. If your wife doesn’t want to quit her current part time job, could she look for another?

Is there any chance your wife could be covered by your health plan? My office offers single and family coverage.
 
This is the same reason my wife does not work. She could get a job paying 25k/yr and then we could hire a sitter for 25k/yr, or she could just stay home for 0k/yr.

—Patrick
My issue is less a sitter and more someone to allow my son to have a more flexible school schedule.
 

Dave

Staff member
Had a LOOOONG talk with my son on the way to get the car. He's going to step up and pay more per month. Which should take some pressure off a bit. I'm still looking at getting a second job, though. At least now I won't have to worry about how I get there or whether or not I'll make it.
 
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