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GasBandit
If you're naked on your front porch, and the neighbors can't see you, it's Rural.
If you're naked on your front porch, and the neighbors call the cops, it's Suburban.
If you're naked on your front porch, and the neighbors ignore you, it's Urban.
If you're naked on your front porch, and your neighbor is also naked on his front porch, it's Florida.
PatrThom
PatrThom
If you and your neighbors are naked together on your front porch, it's a commune.
GasBandit
Maybe people who meditate for an hour a day are happier because they live a life that affords them spare time in which they could choose to meditate
PatrThom
PatrThom
Ah, the "Horse girl" subset of "correlation != causation" that says, "A person who keeps a horse tends to be happier/healthier" ... cuz they are a person who can afford to keep a horse, obvs. This is why rich folk tend to be healthier and more fit...because they don't have ten tons of stress crushing them, duh.
mikerc
People who dip biscuits in their tea will be right there alongside the marketing department of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation when the revolution comes.
GasBandit
We seldom admit the seductive comfort of hopelessness. It saves us from ambiguity. It has an answer for every question: "There's just no point." Hope, on the other hand, is messy. If it might all work out, then we have things to do. We must weather the possibility of happiness. - CryptoNaturalist
PatrThom
PatrThom
AKA "Nothing good is ever easy."
GasBandit
Bon Jovi is just Zeno's Paradox in a denim jacket
PatrThom
PatrThom
He gives love a Bad (Bad (Bad (Bad...) Name) Name) Name)
General Specific
General Specific
An infinite number of Bon Jovis walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders 1/2 a beer, the third orders 1/4 of a beer, the fourth orders 1/8th of a beer, the fifth one orders 1/16 of a beer, and the bartender just sighs and pours two beers.
GasBandit
Piracy can't be stealing if buying it isn't owning it.
PatrThom
PatrThom
If what you're pirating is something that's not actually for sale anywhere in the world, are they really losing income?
Frank
Frank
Here this a lot lately. Fuuuuucking true.
GasBandit
How old were you when you realized "this little piggy went to market" did not mean he went shopping?
PatrThom
PatrThom
How old were you when you stopped giggling at going "'Wee wee wee!' all the way home" and pretending it meant he was peeing the whole way?
mikerc
9 out of 10 doctors think number ten isn't even a real doctor. I mean, their qualification looks like it was written in marker - on a ratty old piece of cardboard!
PatrThom
PatrThom
Some people even think doctor number ten is really a demon.
GasBandit
So many homophobes turn out to secretly be gay that I'm worried I'm actually a cell phone battery on single digit percentage charge level
  • Funny
Reactions: Bubble181
PatrThom
PatrThom
More likely a cell phone battery that's degraded below 80% FCC. You think you're charging to 100%, but it's actually 78% of what it used to be...and falling.
GasBandit
Good Morning. God has allowed me to live another day, and I'm about to make it everyone's problem.
PatrThom
PatrThom
If you don't, God will make you live another day.
And another,
and another...

...I think there was a movie about this, wasn't there?
GasBandit
Ladies, don't be embarrassed by the quantity of guys you have slept with - just the quality.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Don't be embarrassed by the quantity of ladies you've slept with either, I guess.
GasBandit
Sorry, I can't do stuff tonight, I have to sit in front of a TV show I'm not watching while I refresh the same 3 websites, scraping for fresh content like an addict licking the inside of a plastic baggie that has been empty for days
GasBandit
Statistically speaking, if you make it to the airport, you're already through the deadliest part of airline travel.
PatrThom
PatrThom
...depending on where you're flying TO, of course.
GasBandit
Waiting for election results is like waiting to hear your grade on a group project. I know I did my part right, but I'm worried the people around me fucked up.
PatrThom
PatrThom
*too many of the people around me
GasBandit
Internet friends are so weird. I know your deepest trauma but I've never seen your legs.
GasBandit
It's only sodomy if it's from the Sodom and Gomorrah area of Mesopotamia. Otherwise it's just sparkling butt stuff.
GasBandit
Thank you for contacting The Abyss. Your scream is very important to us.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Due to high demand, we are experiencing longer than normal wait times. Please hold and the next available representative will be with you shortly.
<Orff's Carmina Burana starts playing>
S
Apparently profile posts are a thing.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Yup! Gas uses it to put in a clever thing every now and again, but that's not a requirement.
GasBandit
Men: Vaginas with teeth is a terrifying concept. Also men: Boy I love getting blowjobs
PatrThom
PatrThom
Also also men: "Watch while I stick my head into this alligator's mouth!"
GasBandit
Job requirements be like "we need a virgin with 12 years experience with sex"
PatrThom
PatrThom
"The ideal candidate eschews promiscuity, and can confirm via 10-20 personal references."
GasBandit
It's bad luck to say MacBook inside an office. You have to refer to it as "The Scottish Laptop"
PatrThom
PatrThom
It's also bad luck to be seen using a MacBook in an office, since even the most recent one is only Kaby Lake, tech from all the way back in 2016.
mikerc
mikerc
MacBook isn't Scottish, it's crap!
GasBandit
Not to slut shame, but you all could be much sluttier if you'd actually put in the effort. Come on, step it up.
mikerc
mikerc
You don't pay me enough for me to put in the effort.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Perhaps your sluts would be willing to slut harder for you if you did not shame them so much.
Soupy
10 years later... still somewhat lurking and occasionally posting...
PatrThom
PatrThom
Keep it up!
I occasionally look for you to stream but so far no luck. This may be due to how rarely I look/you stream.
Soupy
Soupy
Oh I think my streaming days are over/rare for now. Between workload I bring home from teaching to my own young kids, by the time 9pm hits it's time for a couch! Thanks for the kind thoughts though! I should just flip on twitch when I AM playing something though... but first.. a new rig is in order.
GasBandit
Happy 3:16! Remember, God so loved the world that He sent Himself to sacrifice Himself to Himself to save humanity from the torment He said we deserve for breaking rules He designed while knowing completely that we were incapable of following them to His satisfaction.
PatrThom
PatrThom
And blow them into tiny bits, in Thy mercy...
PatrThom
PatrThom
You know, it occurred to me this could also be construed as, "You all better behave yourselves, or else I will kill Myself. I SWEAR TO ME I'LL DO IT DON'T PUSH ME."
GasBandit
Look, all I'm saying is, every single person who confuses correlation with causation ends up dying.
mikerc
mikerc
True but i haven't died yet, so I'm clearly not going to.
PatrThom
PatrThom
As do the people who don't!
...wait.
GasBandit
If you're looking for some life lessons, here's a place to start: You will never be unhappy that you didn't trust a fart.
GasBandit
Maybe the reason so many guys have foot fetishes is because they lost their virginity to a sock.
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