Just found out via Facebook that a friend of mine (well, more my younger brother's friend, I guess) died of a sudden heart attack. It's very strange to look at his FB wall. Over a couple days it goes from him posting his usual wacky stuff, to birthday wishes from friends, to memorial posts (he died on his birthday). So added onto the sobering fact that people 3 years younger than me can die of heart attacks is the increased immediacy of his death that Web 2.0 has apparently brought. Five or ten years ago, I probably would have heard from my mother or something a couple weeks after the funeral. Now I stumble into a virtual funeral in progress.
Facebook and death
- Thread starter Jake
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Aside from when /b/ gets a hold of these types of things, I think that the online memorials are wonderful. Most of these people can't go to the funeral and speak while this gives them an outlet to reminisce about the person and how he touched their lives. It's also a lot longer lasting than a graveside speech.
ElJuski
Staff member
It's creepy to me. The irony. One of my friend's best buddies keeps on posting messages to his wall, which in turn, shows up in my feed, which in turn, makes me cringe at the sheer irony latent within using a social networking website to talk to your dead friend.
But really, at the same time, it does kind of make me laugh. And that's what absurdity is all about.
But really, at the same time, it does kind of make me laugh. And that's what absurdity is all about.
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Chibibar
That is kinda creepy.ElJuski said:
It helps them to cope. Like they're really talking to them still. I don't think it's absurd, I think it's incredibly sad, and not in a snarky sarcastic way.
You've never had anyone close enough to you die that you've found yourself picking up the phone to call them? Lucky. Had I the outlet at the time you damn right I would have written on their wall. And I'd have felt better because of it.ElJuski said:
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Laurelai
Jake, may I ask where your friend died? We had a death here on the beach two days ago where a man died on his birthday.... on vacation. Bad bad luck (or extraordinarily good luck as he was fishing- depending on your point of view). Just curious.
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Lally
I'm with you on this, Juski. Before the age of instant electronic memorials, I've never been a big "speaking to the dead" person. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been to a gravesite after a burial is over (in fact, I believe the number is one time -- and it wasn't my relative, it was my boyfriend's... I honestly can't remember ever visiting any of my relatives' graves). To me, that kind of thing is more of a pent-up, silent thing, and putting it on a MySpace or Facebook doesn't communicate with that person, just shows other people what I'm feeling... and while I'll put the minutae of my life on Twitter or Facebook, I try to minimize (or immediately feel remorseful for and delete) the more negative emotional stuff so as not to feel like an attention whore. That doesn't mean that I feel like people making memorial comments on a MySpace or Facebook are attention whores, I would never tell people a right or wrong way to mourn, that's just what I feel like when I do it, so it doesn't make me feel any better.
What's been unsettling to me lately is a woman I used to work with at Siamese Rescue recently died. (I helped her find a home for her own cat, who was becoming irrationally violent with the others. It was heart-wrenching.)
How did I find out about this? One or two friends of hers have been sending out emails from HER address because they didn't know any other way to contact all her friends and acquaintances. Which makes perfect sense, except they sent out like three or four messages and it was creepy each time to get an email from a dead woman.
How did I find out about this? One or two friends of hers have been sending out emails from HER address because they didn't know any other way to contact all her friends and acquaintances. Which makes perfect sense, except they sent out like three or four messages and it was creepy each time to get an email from a dead woman.
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Chibibar
There are several service that will "send out" messages after you died. I might consider doing something like this to let my online people know I have shuffle off.
I still try to convince my wife to burn my body and toss my ashes to the wind..... she still not going for that.
I still try to convince my wife to burn my body and toss my ashes to the wind..... she still not going for that.
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