New profile posts

Does running out of fucks to give count as cardio?
PatrThom
PatrThom
No. Giving fucks is noticeably more of a workout.
I demand to be in good shape and I refuse to do anything to make that happen. Those are my terms.
My favorite childhood memory is the lack of joint pain.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Mine is being allowed to sleep as long as I damn well pleased on weekends.
GasBandit
GasBandit
You obviously did not have a dog when you were a kid.
PatrThom
PatrThom
I did. We had a golden retriever puppy I named “Playful” ... for about 10 days. He grabbed my pant leg one morning while I was jumping for my chin-up bar which made me faceplant, and when I came home from school that day, he was gone.
As long as you stay current on memes you can never truly be old - Dei, 1/24/2019
PatrThom
PatrThom
Does this mean Dei will always be more current than you?
I might be white, but I'm not "Let's go see what that noise was" white.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Won't that make people think you're yellow?
Babies sure stare a lot for somebody that doesn't know how to fight.
PatrThom
PatrThom
They're getting that vacant drunken stare down, though.
Like hornets, ticks do actually serve a larger, important role in the earth's ecosystem - they teach the compassionate the necessity and virtue of hate.
PatrThom
PatrThom
And they keep the opossums fed. You wouldn't want an opossum to die of starvation before it can grow up and be hit by a car, do you?
Being happy is like pissing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you feel the warmth. Also I haven't experienced it since I was 7 years old.
PatrThom
PatrThom
If true, then the quickest way to happiness is just to drink excessively.
In >/dev/null, no one can hear your screams.
PatrThom
PatrThom
In /dev/zero, they amount to nothing.
The more a cat acts like a dog, the better a cat people say it is.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Conversely, I've noticed that I prefer the types of dogs that act more like cats. e.g., basenji, greyhound, whippet, Akita, borzoi.
PatrThom
PatrThom
And when a dog acts like a cat, they call it a fox.
My retirement plan is to start walking across streets without looking and hope I get reborn in an Isekai anime, because that apparently happens constantly.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Not in TX, though. Sorry.
"Does my Thai girlfriend have a penis?" he wondered. Something inside him told him, "yes."
PatrThom
PatrThom
He would have asked her about it sooner, but it had never come up.
You can say "Have a nice day!" and it's fine, but "Enjoy the next 24 hours" sounds like a threat for some reason.
PatrThom
PatrThom
You can also imagine how people react when you say, “Treasure what remains of your current 86400 second cycle.”
If I am expected to manage my anger, stupid people should be expected to manage their stupidity.
PatrThom
PatrThom
See, that's the thing, because at least you can TELL when you're being angry.
(waves hi) Sorry, Casey's my Avatar.
Reading is staring at a dead piece of wood for hours and hallucinating.
PatrThom
PatrThom
I thought it was a city in Pennsylvania?
mikerc
mikerc
Dead piece of wood? Get a kindle you Luddite!
Sears started out as a mail order catalog that would deliver products right to your door. They were driven to bankruptcy by internet sites that deliver products right to your door.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Pretty sure they were driven to bankruptcy by Eddie Lampert's greed.
I'm pretty disappointed that Batman is the rich man beating up criminals and Daredevil is the blind man using echolocation, and not vice versa.
GasBandit
GasBandit
That's not the same thing. Unless there's a BLACK lantern that is actually GREEN, and a guy named Claybody who can only reshape his face.
mikerc
mikerc
Wasn't Jade a Black Lantern for a while?
PatrThom
PatrThom
Pretty sure most everyone was.
There's a point where we need to stop, and we have clearly passed it. But let's keep going, and see what happens.
PatrThom
PatrThom
You mean like, getting a ticket?
Every time you get dressed, remember: If you die, that's what your ghost will wear. Forever.
PatrThom
PatrThom
i.e., don't die naked if you can help it. Otherwise everyone will think you died on your birthday.
Dei
Dei
My ghost will be slovenly, but oh so comfy.
People with "make tea, not war" bumper stickers are pretty ignorant about the history of tea.
PatrThom
PatrThom
The "make love, not war" people are in a for a few shocks, too.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but could this meeting be an email maybe
You ever notice, for special occasions, ladies with curly hair straighten it, and ladies with straight hair curl it?
PatrThom
PatrThom
And well-endowed women minimize while slender women pad.
The best part of the cucumber tastes like the worst part of the watermelon.
PatrThom
PatrThom
But put them both on the belt in the checkout lane with a jar of Vaseline and see what kind of looks you get.
When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees, sycamore~~~
PatrThom
PatrThom
When converting Poe's "Raven" to text-to-speech .WAV, "Nevermore~~~"
I used to sneak out of the house to go to parties. Now I sneak out of parties so I can go home.
[E\\..............F] <- Outta Gas
PatrThom
PatrThom
Eat more fiber!
It takes 45 muscles to frown, but only 10 to smile. So smiling is for the weak and lazy. Frown your way to fitness.
PatrThom
PatrThom
It only takes two muscles to close your eyes, though, and then you don't have to do either.
Few things are as gratifying as finally managing to grab that one stray ear hair with tweezers and no mirror.
PatrThom
PatrThom
Or even sans tweezers.
I don't need discord, I just need an audio file on loop "Hey Gas, I got a question.."
PatrThom
PatrThom
But it's only a QUICK question...
GasBandit
GasBandit
But a "legitimate" question!
Somewhere between Wonder Woman and "Sometimes you make me wonder, woman."
PatrThom
PatrThom
Where does "you make me feel like a natural woman" come in?
♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫Holy♫Shitballs♫
PatrThom
PatrThom
It's still a little early for Christmas music.
If you're not in Discord, are you even really a Halforumite?
Cog
Cog
Do I need to say something there?
PatrThom
PatrThom
Yes.
Top