Things we never thought we would say...

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I have been meaning to write some of these down. With two kids and various pets, I often am horrified by some of the things I say in the middle of the chaos.

I thought it would be fun to hear some other people's as well!

So from dinner just now...

"We don't eat floor balls!"
Oh here's another one. My son used to be prone to heat rash. A few years ago it was bad enough that I had to get Aveeno oatmeal bath for him to soak in to help stop the itching. He wasn't so sure about taking a bath in oatmeal, so I did my best to reassure him:

"It'll be ok. I'll toss in some brown sugar and cinnamon. Maybe a few raisins. Then you can have a snack while you're in the tub."

He didn't think Mommy was very funny.
During my husband's last deployment -

Noah: Mommy? Where's Bahrain?

Me: Near Bah-Snow and Bah-Hail, but it's not that close to Bah Humbug.

Noah: ... :thumbsdown:
No, I don't want to see. Well, did he swallow it, or spit it out? Then he learned that bugs don't taste good and he'll be just fine. Thank you for telling me the baby was eating a bug.


Staff member
A controlled explosion is fine. We'll just have to take it outside and clear it with the principal.


Staff member
May we have some context, please? :D
We had to crack down on the 5th grade class for their disrespect and smart-assery. So my policy for this quarter is--Be good or you'll have worksheets while everyone else is doing a fun lab. We dissect sheep brains in 2 weeks.
I had a nice brain fart just last night. I keep a small stash of peanuts squirreled away due to the fact they disappear pretty quickly in my house. Everyone knows about it, and it's not some weird thing. But I was having ice cream last night, and wanted to toss some peanuts in. So what do I announce in front of my family?

I'll be right back. I'm just going to grab my nuts.
Playing Plague Inc and my five year old niece comes by.

"What's that?" "Uhm... a map. That's Canada, that's where we live!" "What's the red stuff." "It's... a virus." "Why?" "To... kill everyone." "YOU'RE GOING TO KILL CANADA?" "Y...yes." "CAN I HELP?!"
I've had enough of this orgy.

Granted, this isn't anything I've ever said, but I don't think I ever will.

Mostly because no one invites me to the orgies :(
-name omitted-, if you don't clean that (literal) shit up off the floor, I'm going to have to put you in the tank.


Staff member
My son, whose jobs include picking up after the dog and doing the cat box:

"Why do all of my chores have to do with poop?"
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