Online Dating, or How I Learned to Continue Worrying and Be Single

As requested, and promised. I probably will only share one story and then others when I'm not, you know, at work.

I had been on a dating site for a while when a girl messaged me - which was a first - and seemed interesting, pretty, and able to put together full sentences, which is a plus.

We chatted a few days, back and forth on the site's messaging system, which is user-unfriendly and I hate it, so I offered my email address and phone number as alternatives. She said she preferred to not disclose that information yet. Understandable, I was new at this myself, you don't know who people really are, etc, etc. So for what was a long week, we messaged each other about once or twice a day. Finally, we exchanged numbers, and I called and suggested a coffee.

No, too soon, she said, and another week went by of calling or texting; she was a frequent texter. I asked again if she'd like to grab a coffee. This time she suggested dinner, as coffee was a 'cop-out' date. Okay! Dinner it is. I was glad to finally be meeting her in person. She shot down a few restaurant suggestions and chose a chain that I don't really like, but whatever, it's one date, date one, let's just do this already.

Dinner is the usual first-date awkwardness. We have a good time and a closed-mouth light kiss at the end of our evening. I get a goodnight text message later that night at home.

The next day at work, my phone blinks with a text message that reads,
"Mm, it was really nice to meet you. I can't wait to be daddy's good little whore tonight."

What?

What?
 

doomdragon6

Staff member
Sounds like a keeper.

No online dating, and it sure wasn't a date, but it was a "coffee hangout" I suppose:

Actually--- no I probably shouldn't even tell this story. ... Fine.

I forget how we initially started talking, but it was in a class we shared. I was just being friendly, not at all interested in a date or whatever, but we ended up going to sit together in the student common area. Side note: This girl had some genetic issue where one of her arms was not fully formed properly. She herself was perfectly fun and whatever, but this sets up the terrible parts.

So we're sitting and chatting, but it definitely has this "first date" awkwardness that I typically never had when just chatting with girls. She asked a lot of questions and, since I wasn't, you know, interested in her really, she picked up that I wasn't trying to be "cool guy", so she was just like, "So, is this how you normally talk with girls?" so I just played it goofy, like, "I don't know, this is my first time!" Which -I- thought was funny but she didn't really.

Awkwardness levels rise. Abort.jpg

We chat a little more, she asks my interests, I say video games, and she tells me she never really got into videogames. Without thinking, I just immediately said, "Aw, why not?" before realizing she could not physically hold a game controller or even use a keyboard setup.

Me: :|
Her: I don't know. I just never got into them, I guess.
Me: :| ..............
Her: ...
Me: :| I think I need to go study for my test tomorrow.
Her: Yeah.

Not technically a date, but easily the WORST SIT-DOWN WITH A GIRL I'VE EVER HAD
 
Sounds like a keeper.

No online dating, and it sure wasn't a date, but it was a "coffee hangout" I suppose:

Actually--- no I probably shouldn't even tell this story. ... Fine.

I forget how we initially started talking, but it was in a class we shared. I was just being friendly, not at all interested in a date or whatever, but we ended up going to sit together in the student common area. Side note: This girl had some genetic issue where one of her arms was not fully formed properly. She herself was perfectly fun and whatever, but this sets up the terrible parts.

So we're sitting and chatting, but it definitely has this "first date" awkwardness that I typically never had when just chatting with girls. She asked a lot of questions and, since I wasn't, you know, interested in her really, she picked up that I wasn't trying to be "cool guy", so she was just like, "So, is this how you normally talk with girls?" so I just played it goofy, like, "I don't know, this is my first time!" Which -I- thought was funny but she didn't really.

Awkwardness levels rise. Abort.jpg

We chat a little more, she asks my interests, I say video games, and she tells me she never really got into videogames. Without thinking, I just immediately said, "Aw, why not?" before realizing she could not physically hold a game controller or even use a keyboard setup.

Me: :|
Her: I don't know. I just never got into them, I guess.
Me: :| ..............
Her: ...
Me: :| I think I need to go study for my test tomorrow.
Her: Yeah.

Not technically a date, but easily the WORST SIT-DOWN WITH A GIRL I'VE EVER HAD

Just going to point out that a friend of mine is an avid gamer, and she only has one hand. They make lots of special controllers to accommodate all sorts of disabilities.
 
Well... it's certainly better than the time a girl I was getting to know via email and text accused me of being a nazi sympathizer because I enjoyed Inglorious Basterds.

Craft your reply to this girl carefully.
 
Well... it's certainly better than the time a girl I was getting to know via email and text accused me of being a nazi sympathizer because I enjoyed Inglorious Basterds.

Craft your reply to this girl carefully.
This was a long time ago. Long over.
And...you responded how? C'mon man, you can't leave us hanging like that!
Right, right
clearly you are moving too fast for her.
Right?
...so that night went well, or?...
Nope.

So, brief TMI:
I really enjoy sexting, especially at work
Anyway, I do not have any 'daddy's girl' fantasy/fetish, and 'little girl' doesn't make me think of anything other than a... little girl, so I was not exactly turned on. I sent something back like, "For someone so standoffish, you really jumped ahead a few pages here." and her response that she "just wanted to please me," made me suggest we were not a fit.

ICING ON THE CAKE:
This was like... two... two and a half years into a dry spell.... I totally could've at least gotten laid, but didn't.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I've never been part of an online dating website, (though if you count Everquest as a venue, it was how I met the love of my life), but there was this one time that was pretty awkward in RL. I'd moved away to go to college you see, but one summer later (age 19) I had returned home over the school break and got talked into going to a club with some friends. So, cool, whatever, I go... and there's this girl there who I went to high school with.

She liked me back in high school, and I tried to be nice but never responded in kind to the flirting because frankly I could barely stand her... well, she was at the club that night. Fortunately I wasn't with my friends when she spotted me and came over to talk... and then lame ass me gets the bright idea to pretend I'm somebody else. She says "Hey!" and I say "Hello!...?" "Amanda!" "Hi! Amanda! I'm sorry, have we met?" "Of course we have, (My real name)! We were in class together!" "I'm sorry, I think you have me confused with somebody else, my name is Jared." *note, Jared is not my real name, obviously. "Oh, really?! You look just like my friend (My real name)!" "Wow, crazy!"

And we kind of drift apart after that. I go find my friends and convince them I need to leave right now. Because I'm 50/50 she saw through me right from the start and so I'm both a bonehead AND a douchebag, but if she sees me with them she'll definitely put 2 and 2 together. So we leave. Fortunately I haven't run into her since (my clubbing days came to an end pretty quickly after that, and I didn't go home as often any more, and never went "out" when I did)... but that is one of the more moderate awkward bonehead things I've done on the "dating scene."

*ohgodwhy.jpg*
 
I've never been part of an online dating website, (though if you count Everquest as a venue, it was how I met the love of my life), but there was this one time that was pretty awkward in RL. I'd moved away to go to college you see, but one summer later (age 19) I had returned home over the school break and got talked into going to a club with some friends. So, cool, whatever, I go... and there's this girl there who I went to high school with.

She liked me back in high school, and I tried to be nice but never responded in kind to the flirting because frankly I could barely stand her... well, she was at the club that night. Fortunately I wasn't with my friends when she spotted me and came over to talk... and then lame ass me gets the bright idea to pretend I'm somebody else. She says "Hey!" and I say "Hello!...?" "Amanda!" "Hi! Amanda! I'm sorry, have we met?" "Of course we have, (My real name)! We were in class together!" "I'm sorry, I think you have me confused with somebody else, my name is Jared." *note, Jared is not my real name, obviously. "Oh, really?! You look just like my friend (My real name)!" "Wow, crazy!"

And we kind of drift apart after that. I go find my friends and convince them I need to leave right now. Because I'm 50/50 she saw through me right from the start and so I'm both a bonehead AND a douchebag, but if she sees me with them she'll definitely put 2 and 2 together. So we leave. Fortunately I haven't run into her since (my clubbing days came to an end pretty quickly after that, and I didn't go home as often any more, and never went "out" when I did)... but that is one of the more moderate awkward bonehead things I've done on the "dating scene."

*ohgodwhy.jpg*
Ugh, I used to do the random accent thing during college as a joke when I'd go to the bar with friends and my English and Irish accents are generally good enough to sucker someone who isn't English or Irish. Trying to keep it up throughout a night, especially if I met someone who I actually liked quickly taught me what a fucking moron I was for thinking it was a good idea.
 
Ugh, I used to do the random accent thing during college as a joke when I'd go to the bar with friends and my English and Irish accents are generally good enough to sucker someone who isn't English or Irish. Trying to keep it up throughout a night, especially if I met someone who I actually liked quickly taught me what a fucking moron I was for thinking it was a good idea.
When I worked at the Texas Renaissance Festival, I would keep my scottish accent on for 12 weeks, thru rehearsals and thru the entire run of the fair. I'd keep it on backstage, at home, and everywhere I went, 24/7, so as not to lose it in the middle of a show.

At the end of the fair, there's a tradition where everyone who works there goes to a restaurant up the road called Hickory Hollow at the end of the last show. So, I'm at Hickory Hollow, cracking jokes, and generally cutting up like we all do, when I realize "hey, the festival is over. I can drop this accent." So I do, right in the middle of a sentence.

"Nooooooooooo!" came this wail from across the room. I glance over and see a smoking hot blonde chick I had never seen or worked with before, looking at me like I'd just kicked a puppy. "I thought you were really Scottish!"

Blew my chances before I ever even had a chance to meet the girl :D
 
I'm struggling to remember the details for this story, so bear with me.

I was messaging pretty haphazardly with girls on OKCupid during my early sophomore year at college. Well, one of them took a liking to me quick, which at first I thought was nice--I had been broken up with my ex for a few months and thought I might be ready to date someone else. We swapped phone numbers the day we started talking (yeah, oops). It started innocently with "where do you live", "what are you going to school for", etc. Then ...

Her: "Did you ever want to run a restaurant?"
Me, a lit major: "It's not exactly what I'm going to school for."
Her: "You don't want to? My dad's not going to like that."
Me: "What?"
Her: "Well, whatever. You can change that. My dad owns three restaurants in Michigan and he's going to want his son-in-law to manage one of them."
Me: "..."
Her: "Answer me. This isn't what our marriage is going to be like."
Me: "!!!"
Her: "You have to answer me."
Me: "..."
Her: "So I guess you don't want to talk to me anymore?"
Me: "Nope."

:confused: Another experience had a girl desperate for me to say I loved her on the first time we chatted over AIM. Another girl was desperately looking for a fiance as she had just been stood up at the altar a month earlier.
 
This was not online, but it was the stupidest moment I've had on a date:

Her: "So, you're a teacher, huh? I've never gone out with someone that smart."
Me: *nervous laugh* (because...wtf?)
Her: "I bet you could name all the states, couldn't you?"
Me: "Yeah. I always wanted to memorize all the countries in the world, but Africa always trips me up."
Her: "What's so hard about it? It's just Africa."
Me: (assuming she misheard me) "Oh, no, not the continents, I meant all the countries."
Her: "Yeah. It's just Africa. What's so hard?"
Me: "It's... there's, like, over 40 countries in Africa! It's hard to memorize them?"
Her: "I didn't know. I always thought it was just one."
Me: (Holy shit) "Ah... yeah. Soooooo..."

______________________________
And then ended that date as soon as I could.

Her: "Where should we go next?"
Me: "I'm tired. Going to call it a night. Bye."
 
This was not online, but it was the stupidest moment I've had on a date:

Her: "So, you're a teacher, huh? I've never gone out with someone that smart."
Me: *nervous laugh* (because...wtf?)
Her: "I bet you could name all the states, couldn't you?"
Me: "Yeah. I always wanted to memorize all the countries in the world, but Africa always trips me up."
Her: "What's so hard about it? It's just Africa."
Me: (assuming she misheard me) "Oh, no, not the continents, I meant all the countries."
Her: "Yeah. It's just Africa. What's so hard?"
Me: "It's... there's, like, over 40 countries in Africa! It's hard to memorize them?"
Her: "I didn't know. I always thought it was just one."
Me: (Holy shit) "Ah... yeah. Soooooo..."

______________________________
And then ended that date as soon as I could.

Her: "Where should we go next?"
Me: "I'm tired. Going to call it a night. Bye."
Just memorize this:

 
So, back in the day, I had just broken up with one of my boyfriends. It was fairly serious; we were living together. But during living together, I realized there were things about him that I could over-look when we were dating but couldn't be married to. One of them was he never liked to leave his apartment unless absolutely necessary. He preferred to just hole up in there, and occasionally have his two friends over to game(video and RPG) on the weekends. This would have been less frustrating if it weren't for the fact we lived in the middle of Manhattan!

I agree to a date with this guy who's been hitting on me for the last month and 1/2 of my previous relationship. He used to insist he was the catalyst for our break-up. I had to remind him we were already over before he came along, he just had really good timing. He also knew my frustrations with my ex, so where does he take me for our first date?

To his best friend's parent's house. To hang out in the basement with a group of his friends. Playing tabletop D&D.




...well, the joke's on me, because I eventually married him.
 

Cajungal

Staff member
I've been married too long. I don't even remember what dating was like.
Jake and I laugh about how terrible we'd be at dating now. I'm way too blunt, which makes me hate flirting and all the little unspoken rules of social interaction, especially with new people.
 
Cajungal said:
Jake and I laugh about how terrible we'd be at dating now. I'm way too blunt, which makes me hate flirting and all the little unspoken rules of social interaction, especially with new people.
I feel like if I had not met my husband before leaving college, I would have 10 cats and be living with my parents because I am terrible at social interaction.
 
Do guys really do the accent thing? Because man, that would get me hook, line and sinker! If it was a Scottish or Irish accent (those two are THE BEST), I would be instantly weak-kneed.
 

Dave

Staff member
Do guys really do the accent thing? Because man, that would get me hook, line and sinker! If it was a Scottish or Irish accent (those two are THE BEST), I would be instantly weak-kneed.
Until you found out they were faking it.

I had a couple of friends who would do this and say they were Australian. Dumbasses.
 
Does Nate know? I think someone should tell him.
Oh he's aware. :)


Until you found out they were faking it.

I had a couple of friends who would do this and say they were Australian. Dumbasses.
I may just be weird, but...I wouldn't be necessarily put off by that. I would think it's a fun party trick. And just general conversation starter.

Maybe how the guy presented it would put me off? But imagining it, I would probably be so excitable about the whole situation and I wouldn't be mad that it was faked.
 

Dave

Staff member
These guys were trying to get one night stands by saying that they were spending their last nights in America. The problem was, they did the same thing every weekend at the same bar! So if the girl went more than once...

As I said: Dumbasses.
 
I think that one of these days I need to arrange things so I can tell my wife I'm staying late at work, then change my outfit completely, adopt an accent (and slightly different personality), and show up at home, stealing her away for a "first date", getting her home and leaving just in time for me to text her that I'm finally leaving work, change, and come home as myself acting as though nothing had happened (other than a long day at work). Of course she would know, and I would know, but it might be a fun surprise for her, and an interesting date anyway.
 
These guys were trying to get one night stands by saying that they were spending their last nights in America. The problem was, they did the same thing every weekend at the same bar! So if the girl went more than once...

As I said: Dumbasses.
That's a bummer.

Guys should use their accent abilities for the side of good! Not evil!
 
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