See, it starts with a rudimentary lottery system..
Kags & Bumble AMA
- Thread starter LittleKagsin
- Start date
Are you curious about polyamory in general or how it works for us specifically?
Or both?
Anything you're comfortable saying or sharing.
I don't know...where to start. Haha! I will say, it's a lot of talking and setting boundaries and taking everyone into consideration. Which I adore.
And most every situation is different - what people are comfortable with, etc etc.
Also, I honestly don't go seeking out other relationships. My marriage is open and has been for a while but it's never just a 'go wild with every person I come across' situation. There has to be genuine connection for me to be interested in pursuing someone.
We're in what you'd call a 'Vee' relationship. I would be the point of the V and they would be the lines going out. Which means, they are with me, I am with them, but they aren't with each other. Since it's still newer, their interactions with each other are mostly in passing or through me. I want them to be comfortable and happy, not feel forced.
Because I'm long distance with Bumble currently, our time together is pretty limited but I think eventually, in the future, I'll split time between the two of them. So hopefully we live close enough to each other for that to be a thing.
And yes, being physical is within boundaries. (Which is lucky for me cause GODDAMN
:heart_eyes heart_eyes: )It's like most any other relationship - we talk, we hang out and watch movies or play games, we flirt and laugh and share music. He tells me silly jokes that make me laugh. We compliment each other, we're supportive. He's genuinely been the most amazing boyfriend I could ever ask for. We're disgustingly in love. There just isn't limits on who we love.
What else do you wanna know?
I should add: This is something I've never been part of before, and had never even considered. It's entirely new, and sometimes a little hard, but we honestly have insanely good communication.
I truly don't think I'd be comfortable doing this with many other people. We connected on so many levels I never expected.
Communication communication communication!
I truly don't think I'd be comfortable doing this with many other people. We connected on so many levels I never expected.
Communication communication communication!
Thanks for the insight!I don't know...where to start. Haha! I will say, it's a lot of talking and setting boundaries and taking everyone into consideration. Which I adore.
And most every situation is different - what people are comfortable with, etc etc.
Also, I honestly don't go seeking out other relationships. My marriage is open and has been for a while but it's never just a 'go wild with every person I come across' situation. There has to be genuine connection for me to be interested in pursuing someone.
We're in what you'd call a 'Vee' relationship. I would be the point of the V and they would be the lines going out. Which means, they are with me, I am with them, but they aren't with each other. Since it's still newer, their interactions with each other are mostly in passing or through me. I want them to be comfortable and happy, not feel forced.
Because I'm long distance with Bumble currently, our time together is pretty limited but I think eventually, in the future, I'll split time between the two of them. So hopefully we live close enough to each other for that to be a thing.
And yes, being physical is within boundaries. (Which is lucky for me cause GODDAMN
It's like most any other relationship - we talk, we hang out and watch movies or play games, we flirt and laugh and share music. He tells me silly jokes that make me laugh. We compliment each other, we're supportive. He's genuinely been the most amazing boyfriend I could ever ask for. We're disgustingly in love. There just isn't limits on who we love.
What else do you wanna know?
If I may ask, is jealousy ever a problem, or do you have contingencies in place for if it becomes a problem in the future?
Communication.
I've felt a little twinge of jealousy for a multitude of reasons, but we have a solid understanding of being open and honest with each other. If I feel any of that, I bring it up, we talk about it, and we feel better by the end of it (or after having a night to process and decompress).
We aren't perfect. But we talk and make sure our feelings are all out there.
What Bumble said!
But also, in my experience jealousy happens for a few reasons - be it past experience influencing your current relationship, a need isn't being met, or insecurity. So I try to pin point the why-why am I jealous? Then come up with a solution based on that. Like maybe there just needs to be some reassurance. Or some quality time spent together, etc etc.
I'm pretty comfortable and find jealousy happens less and less the more you deal with the root cause.
Thanks for the answers! Very reasonable, mature, and insightful!
To pivot away from the poly aspect, what's your favorite thing to do together as a couple, and is there anything you would recommend other couples try? (I don't know if you guys know, but I rather like trying things I see on HF on my wife.)
To pivot away from the poly aspect, what's your favorite thing to do together as a couple, and is there anything you would recommend other couples try? (I don't know if you guys know, but I rather like trying things I see on HF on my wife.)
I don't know if I have a favorite thing yet. Much of it is new since we don't get a lot of in person time together, so we're discovering a lot about ourselves as much as about each other.
Lemme revist the second part of this in a few weeks and I'll let you know.
So the first two are obviously jokey-jokes, but the last one is a real question that could have a number of answers that we just don't know yet.
The Fermi Paradox is the one that states that since there are so many other stars with planets, literally billions upon billions in the observable universe alone, then surely there MUST be some that also have intelligent life. It also follows that there MUST be some that are WAAAAY older than we are. If that is the case, even if you use the most conservative numbers, it stands to reason that the universe should be absolutely teeming with life. Yet so far, we have found none. So where is everyone?
Some of the potential resolutions to this are the following:
1) Intelligent life is incredibly rare - even more so than previously thought. It just is extremely hard for intelligent species to grow and thrive. So we could be the only ones or we are the most advanced ones so far.
2) We don't have the right level of technology yet - Humans just have not invented the technology needed to communicate with other species yet.
3) The Great Filter - Intelligent life HAS evolved elsewhere, but so far has all succumbed to some form of destruction. Either natural via meteor strikes or solar flares or self-inflicted such as nuclear annihilation. There is some event that is common to all species and so far none have survived it.
3a) The Filter event could also be another, malevolent species that wipes out all other life that pokes its head up.
4) Alien life is just too alien - Maybe the other species communicate solely through telepathy or exist in the 4th Dimension beyond our ability to perceive them.
5) Earth is quarantined - Intelligent life is out there and they've been watching us. For some reason, they do not interfere with our development. Maybe they are waiting to see how we deal with The Great Filter or there is some level of tech we need to achieve on our own before contact - a la Star Trek's Prime Directive. Or maybe they don't like us and have decided that we are not to be contacted.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, just some of the more common ones. I linked the wikipedia article above that goes into greater detail on all aspects. Personally, I ascribe to the "We don't have the right level of technology yet" theory.
How does it feel to steal the thunder from MY big news?
(I kid. I'm happy for you two crazy kids.)
(I kid. I'm happy for you two crazy kids.)
Plenty of sky out there for all of our thunder, I'm thrilled for your news as well!
Thank you!
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Dang, that's crazy
(I didn't read any of that, so you better not have been saying mean things about me)
It's funny, while I know those are primarily what we're known for around here, those are very likely two things I would say least define us and our interests/hobbies right now.
Her creativity runs deep, in several hobbies and outlets. It's very fun to talk about ideas we each have, new and old, and share plans for things we want to make or do later on. She's definitely helped to fuel my desire to be more creative and make more stuff
The long distance makes it tough to have a favorite thing to do together for sure. From afar, I'd say we love finding new music together.
I'll piggyback off her answer though.. let me get back to you in a couple of weeks!
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Okay, to sum up the summing up: Fermi Paradox = many planets, should be lots of alien, why we no find alien?
Possible answers:
No one home!
Us first!
End Times kill all space buddies! (Or space bullies kill all)
We not smart enough!
Earth no go for space buddies!
and so on
Finally a tldr I can understand!
I think it's multiple reasons, most likely, instead of just one. Us not being smart enough, for one. It also would make sense that earth is considered hostile, but I think most other life also isn't smart enough and those that are just haven't been here. The galaxy is vast, I can't imagine any intelligent alien life making visiting earth a priority.
Not an exhaustive explanation but that's the basics of how I feel.
I have a question for Kags
If you could help me cosplay any character youd want me to dress up as, who would it be?
If you could help me cosplay any character youd want me to dress up as, who would it be?
I still really want you to dress up as Linguini someday! Haha! So that's what comes to mind first.
But like a costume we could do together - I want you to do Peter B Parker, sweat pants and all so I can be your Mary Jane.
Then I'd commission someone to draw us in the style of Into the Spider-verse.Finally! A reason to start doing push-ups, doing crunches, getting strongI still really want you to dress up as Linguini someday! Haha! So that's what comes to mind first.
But like a costume we could do together - I want you to do Peter B Parker, sweat pants and all so I can be your Mary Jane.
You're perfect as you are, nerd.Finally! A reason to start doing push-ups, doing crunches, getting strong
Bumbs is the only NILF though.
I love it! I think he's incredibly talented and his comedic chops are on full display when taxi driving. Plus i love when he screams 'mya hyatt'.
Let's go burn down the NSFW board to the groundBumbs is the only NILF though.
It's been incredibly sweet seeing her go from knowing absolutely nothing about the character (I stream GTA Role-playing for those that don't know), to being his biggest fan. Pretty sure she's written headcanon for Linguini and it's adorable!
Might be worth hopping over there after you guys have read all of this thread
Oh. So you haven't been lately