I'm having a goddamn panic attack here...

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Soliloquy

It just seems like such a damn shame. She was getting healthier ideas about herself and actually feeling worth something for once in her life, then it all fell to pieces.

You all are probably right, though...
 
S

Soliloquy

Man... It's almost as painful to not talk to her as it is to talk to her. Errgh... why does human emotion have to suck so much?
 
Man there are so many issues with this relationship, a little amateur psychology here (it's cool I took an intro to psychology course). The co-dependence in this relationship is smothering and I am not even physically near it. You are being used, she is an emotional succubus man, it's horrible to think of her like that I know but from what you have described it's hard not to see it. She was in an "abusive" relationship and you were there for her, shit why wouldn't things be better with you. Now that she know's your a nice guy it's her turn to be the abuser, and why not she was controlled for so long she should be able to have a little control right? FUCKING WRONG, she should be seeking help to cope with whatever it is you pulled her out of. Relationships of a romantic nature should be the last thing on her mind. That's just her.

You have idealized this woman to the point that you have lost sight of the red flags, she uses her emotions and distance to control your actions. You've become conditioned, you seem to have no sense of self worth and you basically rely on her to know whether you are doing something right....isn't that cute, BUT IT'S WRONG! You need to get a grip and know that this woman does not define you, you define who you are. You are by all rights an intelligent human being, and you deserve to be in healthy, non co-dependent relationships. The women are out there and you can meet them, will it be hard? Yes. Will you have to suffer some heartbreak to find the right one? Yes. But as long as you know that you are a good person and that you can contribute in a constructive manner to relationships then you don't have to put up with this kind of manipulative, destructive, emasculating, and all around toxic environment.

Stay strong, avoid her, and find somebody with whom you enjoy spending time but where the time spent together doesn't define your life.
 
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Soliloquy

Emotions are weird.

I've been in a state of panic for the past few days, worried about her health and yet not wanting to contact her. Then today she texted me because I needed to take care of some paperwork before she went to work involving when I helped her sign up for electricity for her new apartment.

So now, having had a conversation with her in which 1) I found out she's at least well enough to go to work, and 2) was not utterly eviscerated by her, I feel a lot better.

The conversation was nothing but "this needs to be taken care of" and "All right, it's done! here's the info you need," and I'm still not going to contact her any more than necessary. And yet now I feel about 100% less distraught.

I think we should outlaw emotions, like in Equilibrium. And then we should all learn Gun Kata.
 
Well done, man. You're helping her with the technical stuff - which alieviates some of your guilt - while keeping her emotionally at arms length. Kudos.
 
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Soliloquy

Why does she have to go out of her way to make sure I know just how awful everything is for her and emphasize that everything's clearly my fault and that I've made her life so horrible?

She contacted me yesterday asking if I even missed her at all. I admitted that I did, and since I wanted to be supportive I told her that she's an amazing person.

She told me I was a liar and that if I felt that way this wouldn't have happened. Then she spent the next two hours detailing how horrible her life is and how I'm a "common con artist" and how she never should have trusted me.

The worst part is I understand why she feels that way -- I've done quite a bit of reading on people who have been through the kind of trauma she has, and on emotional needs in relationships -- but the only way I can go about making her feel better requires her to at least believe what I'm telling her. She made it clear that she doesn't believe a word I said.

Why does she even bother talking to me, if she's not going to even listen? Is this the only way she can feel better about herself? Having that conversation last night has made it difficult for me to get any work done today.

And the worst thing is -- I DO miss her. I had the best years of my life so far with her. She inspired me to make something of myself.

And now she's in pain... and I can't fix it.
 
Agggflbrrrrrg quit talking to her.

I make the angry squid noise because I have been there. This is not a condemnation of you: I know why you are doing what you are doing. But holy fuck just stop talking to her. You will be amazed at how much better your life can be. I know it sounds like bullshit but if the best years of your life were with someone who is clearly emotionally manipulative, then your life is going to be so much better when you meet people who aren't.
 
...two hours detailing how horrible her life is and how I'm a "common con artist" and how she never should have trusted me...
Dude, if someone is tearing you a new one on the phone... hang up. Be more proud of yourself and don't take that shit. Definitely don't take it for two hours.
 
It's okay dude... but you gotta stop letting yourself take a thrashing over this. What's done is done... she needs to accept that and you need to find some awesome people who won't beat you down all the time.
 
Want to know why she calls you?

To bury you and your self-esteem further into the ground.

That's all she calls for now. She's not even looking for help anymore (as I pointed out earlier, the only help she wants is a fat chunk of money to solve all her problems, she doesn't care who gives it to her) she just wants to constantly tear you down. Why? Because you let her.
 

Dave

Staff member
Invite her to the TF2 server. I'll make her do less damage and make you do more. Then you play until she rage quits.
 
S

Soliloquy

Invite her to the TF2 server. I'll make her do less damage and make you do more. Then you play until she rage quits.
I think she's better at TF2 than me :(. You'd probably have to make her do, like, half damage.
 
I'm probably the absolute worst pyro player out there. Good with the soldier though... my earlier days of quake rocket arena and unreal tournament seem to help me out a lot (aka I have played very little TF2).
 
S

Soliloquy

I think I just lost my oldest childhood friend over this. She's good friends with his wife and she's pretty much responsible for saving their marriage and they've been talking and... Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

FUUUUUUUUUCK.
 
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Soliloquy

Yep. Didn't answer his phone when I called, even though I know he's not busy. Fuck.
 
Jumping the gun a bit no?

Also a guy who'd stop talking to you forever over a woman doesn't exactly strike me as a "good friend". Especially if the woman is an ex of your and nothing to do with him directly.
 
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Soliloquy

Jumping the gun a bit no?

Also a guy who'd stop talking to you forever over a woman doesn't exactly strike me as a "good friend". Especially if the woman is an ex of your and nothing to do with him directly.
I tried talking to him last weekend but he didn't return my call. I found out today that he and his wife are paying to have my ex fly out to see them (they live in another state).

He's the first friend I ever had, all the way back from First Grade. We see each other every time we're in the same city, always get each other gifts for Christmas and birthdays, etc. He, my ex and his wife became good friends after I introduced all of them to each other.

I'm running low on friends.
 
That's pretty low brow, this is why I have no friends. Seriously. I push all attempts at people getting to know me IRL because it's never a positive thing. The Cons far outweigh the Pros. Much like being in a monogamous relationship.

I'm not saying that's what you should do. I'm just saying that's what works for me so I can't exactly relate to your issue.
 
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