Today I'm editing the translations of some marketing texts produced by what appears to be a very ambitious company.

"We aim to be the undisputed global leader in this sector within three years." Guys, you're a small startup based in a suburb of Taipei. If you do get big, you're going to be competing against Fortune 500 companies, but we're not even close to that point yet. Right now your competition is closer to the mom-and-pop store down the street.

Still, on some level I do sort of admire their pluck.
 
whats up peeps?
Take your pick:

The amount of wild animal sightings near cities around here, spectacularly. Apparently we do still have quite a lot of wild boar around!

The profit margins of coffin builders

the tip of the iceberg that's slowly going to F you up the ass

My heart rate, cholesterol and anxiety levels

The amount of lurkers and long-time absentees coming back since they have nothing better to do
 
One of my hot female coworkers is very openly flirting with one of the IT guys. I'm not sure for what, though currently my best guess is that she wants to jump the queue for an upgraded computer.
 
Me to my wife: I know we're fine right now, but with all the talk of a pending recession/depression, I feel like we should watch our spending.
Facebook ad: Hey, would you be interested in a scented candle that evokes a haunted mansion.
Me: Well yes, obviously, and I would pay almost $30 to have one shipped to me, because apparently I'm an idiot. :Leyla:
 
I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up some pain meds for my Mom. Before the pharmacist would give me her good drugs she asked me her birth date. Since I am terrible with dates I stumbled a bit, and gave her just the month and day. She asked "What year?"

Uh, every year?
 
One of my hot female coworkers is very openly flirting with one of the IT guys. I'm not sure for what, though currently my best guess is that she wants to jump the queue for an upgraded computer.
Update: The IT guy is setting up my hot female coworker's new computer as we speak.

Man, I gotta try this next time.
 
Hardly. My IT knowledge is limited to "have you turned it off and on again" and "did you see that ludicrous display last night?"
Congratulations, you said "off and on" instead of "on and off". That means you're almost ready for IT support level 2. Next thing to memorize is "have you tried that in another browser"?
(follow-up: "Do you use the internet with Google or not?" to know if they're using Chrome or IE)
 
Holy shit, I exercised extensively today for the first time in a while. I can barely life my arms right now. Tomorrow is going to be difficult.
 

Dave

Staff member
When I say it's never too soon I mean it's never too soon.

Back to work today for the first time in a week. In my morning meeting my boss showed a graph with a really flat trend line, but the data points were scattered high & low. One of my coworkers commented that the graph looked like a heart monitor. I replied, "Yeah. The trend line is my mom."

Stunned silence followed by incredulous laughter. They have forgotten my sense of humor already.
 
Lol I'm moving from the part of town with 1 internet/cable provider to the part with 2 providers so my bill is now $15 less per month and I get HBO and Showtime included, even with the old provider.
 
I'd be lying if I didn't say that each online meeting is largely me waiting for someone to forget they're not muted and audibly farting.
 
I'm just glad they didn't realize switching isn't actually realistic at the moment since I can move my own equipment fine, but would need to call the other company to send someone to set me up, which is problematic these days.
 
I'd be lying if I didn't say that each online meeting is largely me waiting for someone to forget they're not muted and audibly farting.
I dread the day I start baby talking to Pud in the middle of a call. He’s all over me during them and i have apparently ruined him with the way I speak to him.
 
Top