Whine like a baby, now with 500% more drama!

I ate a small Royal (Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard with a tube of chocolate fudge down the middle) Blizzard (how does anyone eat the larger sizes? The small is enormous.) at DQ this evening.

I am very lactose intolerant. My asshole is a storm of diarrhea right now.

Worth it.
 
I ate a small Royal (Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard with a tube of chocolate fudge down the middle) Blizzard (how does anyone eat the larger sizes? The small is enormous.) at DQ this evening.

I am very lactose intolerant. My asshole is a storm of diarrhea right now.

Worth it.
I was liking your post until the last part and then I didn't.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I ate a small Royal (Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard with a tube of chocolate fudge down the middle) Blizzard (how does anyone eat the larger sizes? The small is enormous.) at DQ this evening.

I am very lactose intolerant. My asshole is a storm of diarrhea right now.

Worth it.
The triple-chocolate blizzard is my go-to. Chocolate ice cream, chocolate chips, brownies. If I'm feeling extra daring I can also get the chocolate tube.
 

fade

Staff member
I agree on the sizes. Small is huge. I go medium on a hot day, and even though I'm not lactose intolerant, medium can make you a bit bubbly in the gut. I can't imagine doing the large. Isn't there one above that, too?
 
Honestly, I can't eat all that chocolate anymore. The older I get, the more chocolate is just way too sweet. Just reading your post made me gag.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Honestly, I can't eat all that chocolate anymore. The older I get, the more chocolate is just way too sweet. Just reading your post made me gag.
I'm pretty sure there's something genetic in my lineage that makes us prone to chocoholism. My stepmother likes to tell the story about how the first time my Dad's sister came to visit after for the first time after the wedding, and my stepmom came home from work on day two to find all the cabinets open and boxes of food pulled out, and as soon as my aunt realized she was standing there, she wheeled around from the carnage and said in hissing, clipped words... "Where. Is. Your. CHOCOLATE. How does my brother live in a house where there is NO CHOCOLATE?!" The crazy light of a junky shone in her eyes. They went and got chocolate immediately.
 
I'm pretty sure there's something genetic in my lineage that makes us prone to chocoholism. My stepmother likes to tell the story about how the first time my Dad's sister came to visit after for the first time after the wedding, and my stepmom came home from work on day two to find all the cabinets open and boxes of food pulled out, and as soon as my aunt realized she was standing there, she wheeled around from the carnage and said in hissing, clipped words... "Where. Is. Your. CHOCOLATE. How does my brother live in a house where there is NO CHOCOLATE?!" The crazy light of a junky shone in her eyes. They went and got chocolate immediately.
I'm not going to say I don't eat chocolate anymore, that is a lie. But I can't do Death by Chocolate type things anymore, and some brands of chocolate are just flat out disgusting.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Those little snickers bites they sell by the bag (not the fun size, the even smaller ones that aren't individually wrapped) have become my most recent vice.
 

fade

Staff member
I'm pretty sure there's something genetic in my lineage that makes us prone to chocoholism. My stepmother likes to tell the story about how the first time my Dad's sister came to visit after for the first time after the wedding, and my stepmom came home from work on day two to find all the cabinets open and boxes of food pulled out, and as soon as my aunt realized she was standing there, she wheeled around from the carnage and said in hissing, clipped words... "Where. Is. Your. CHOCOLATE. How does my brother live in a house where there is NO CHOCOLATE?!" The crazy light of a junky shone in her eyes. They went and got chocolate immediately.
I read this in Jean Shepherd's voice.
 
I find the chocolate protein shakes I make super sugary. I was fairly horrified to learn my friend puts extra sweetener in them and that random internet dudes use chocolate sauce in them. Ew.
 
I find the chocolate protein shakes I make super sugary. I was fairly horrified to learn my friend puts extra sweetener in them and that random internet dudes use chocolate sauce in them. Ew.
My brother delivered furniture when he was just out of high school. He delivered to a house where the kids in the house added three table-spoons of sugar into their Coca-Cola.
 
I find chocolate with too much milk too sweet for me, which is why I usually don't like chocolate-based ice creams. The only exception is milkshakes. Otherwise, it needs to be dark chocolate. Mmmmmm...
 
I find chocolate with too much milk too sweet for me, which is why I usually don't like chocolate-based ice creams. The only exception is milkshakes. Otherwise, it needs to be dark chocolate. Mmmmmm...
The ONLY Chocolate ice cream I don't find disgusting these days is the Dreyer's/Edy's Show Churned Chocolate that is 1/3 fat or w/e.
 
As a belgian, I feel obligated to, once again, point out that 90% of what you can find in the USA that's called "chocolate" really, really isn't chocolate. It's brown sugary fatty crumbly crap. Chocolate can be sweet or bitter or more sharp, but it's not the brown thing covering a Mars or snickers bar.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
As a belgian, I feel obligated to, once again, point out that 90% of what you can find in the USA that's called "chocolate" really, really isn't chocolate. It's brown sugary fatty crumbly crap.
AKA "Milk Chocolate," which is chocolate suspended in a fat solution (at least 10% chocolate and at least 12% milk by law).

But if you think Snickers/Mars chocolate isn't "real," I'd love for you to try some of the cheap chocolates that go on sale around valentines day that taste like brown plastic cement and have a chalky, fragrant aftertaste. That shit should be illegal.
 

fade

Staff member
I have to ask...Why does every European I've ever met in my life do that? There's always this insistence that the American version of everything is inferior.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I have to ask...Why does every European I've ever met in my life do that? There's always this insistence that the American version of everything is inferior.
I notice it doesn't stop them from buying as much American stuff as they can cram into their luggage before they go home, though. Or, I dunno, maybe that's just the dutch, because my former in-laws sure as hell did. (Both the "everything here isn't as good as in Europe" thing AND the "buying everything you possibly can and hauling it back to Holland" thing)
 
AKA "Milk Chocolate," which is chocolate suspended in a fat solution (at least 10% chocolate and at least 12% milk by law).

But if you think Snickers/Mars chocolate isn't "real," I'd love for you to try some of the cheap chocolates that go on sale around valentines day that taste like brown plastic cement and have a chalky, fragrant aftertaste. That shit should be illegal.
No, there's perfectly good milk chocolate. Most belgian chocolate is milk. America does not insist on the amount of vegetable oil that has to be actual cocoa butter, unlike Belgium. It's usually replaced with cheaper fats like coconut or palm oil. And the sugar gets replaced with HFCS. And yes, all that crumbly cementy chalk is what I meant with "not chocolate". Ugh.
 
I have to ask...Why does every European I've ever met in my life do that? There's always this insistence that the American version of everything is inferior.
Every European grew up with "the real deal" of a small amount of products. The U.S. has those products too, but usually in much shittier quality at the staple price range.

To be fair, though, nobody does TexMex and imperialism like Gaston America.
 
No, it's not about "American", per se. I'll be the first to say there are quite a lot of good American beers these days. Plenty of good cars. Finding babyback ribs worth rating is difficult on this side of the ocean. I'm sure that you can find among the finest chocolates in the world being made in America.
But there really, really is a difference in quality in what is considered the "norm" between Europe and America. While this is quickly disappearing, it's still at least partially true. Consumers get more protection, there's more government quality control, there's more mandated minimum guarantees, etc. It's one of the reasons TTIP was opposed so much on this end - it more or less allowed lower-standards-but-cheaper products on the eu market.
Much of the same holds true for China. No doubt they make great stuff there too, but "made in China" isn't exactly a quality label.
 

fade

Staff member
I think Britain will always have us beat on imperialism.

The problem as I see it is that ”real deal” is an opinion. You can like something less without belittling it. One of the things that I guess bugs me the most is that it's not a two way street. Americans are still viewed as in the wrong for offering the same kinds of opinions. Especially if we use the same kind of language.
 
As a belgian, I feel obligated to, once again, point out that 90% of what you can find in the USA that's called "chocolate" really, really isn't chocolate. It's brown sugary fatty crumbly crap. Chocolate can be sweet or bitter or more sharp, but it's not the brown thing covering a Mars or snickers bar.
I think the only way to really know is for you to send you best chocolates over here, and we'll have a taste test. I volunteer myself as tribute, er, taster, so everyone else doesn't have to suffer. :D
 

fade

Staff member
Maybe it's a difference in culture. No one in the US considers Snickers as fine candy. it is what it is: mass produced candy. You want the good stuff, there's plenty of that, too. No one looks at a Snickers bar and say, now that's a fine piece of food.
 
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