Rant VIII: The Reckoning

Because being a good person doesn't mean jack in my situation. I'm a cliche, jobless, directionless, unambitious loser living with his parents.
So? You're still a good person. Being a good person when you're Bono and half the world is constantly telling you you're amazing, you're rich and so forth is easy. Being a good person when you don't have much or can't do much is much harder. Even if I do agree that it may not be the most useful quote in the world in this situation, it still applies.

I don't know whether or not this therapy can or will help you. I do know - from having been there - that insisting on looking at yourself strictly in a negative light is completely useless and counterproductive. Of course, it is much easier to see the negatives than the positives.
You have to find worth in yourself and work to make your life better. How, why or where from you find motivation, a sense of pride, a sense of self, or purpose, or whatever, is your matter. Some find it in faith. Some find it in their job. Some by having lots of babies and continuing the existence of the human race. Some by having wild amounts of orgies with playboy bunnies. Some people simply aren't interested or worried about existential questions.
Part of your "problem", if I may be so bold as to say this from across the internet, is that you limit your sense of utility, of usefulness, of importance, to quite materialistic things. I don't mean this in a bad way towards you, specifically - I find myself often doing the same thing; it's a Western "disease", so to speak. All things and all people have to be "useful" and "do something" and preferably add economic value. It's sadly the other side of the coin of living in an industrial, enlightened era and society. We have much more time and capacity to think about these things, and we don't find or don't accept the "easy" answers anymore. Looking for them yourself is harder, Lord knows I haven't found it yet, but it is better than spending your life not thinking about it, in my mind.
You look at yourself as a cliche loser. This simply isn't true - but your mind makes sure to highlight those aspects that fit the picture and hide, obscure or minimize the rest. "Living with your parents" isn't losing. It's increasingly the case (and often, decision) of our generation. We talked about it in another thread around here, I think - comparatively, wages have been pretty stagnant since the seventies (adjusted for inflation), while home prices have more than doubled. People of our parents' generation may think "living at home" is failure, and they've no doubt convinced you - but over a third of 25-35 year olds live at home, simply because it's practically impossible to afford a house - even couples with two incomes struggle if they're not higher middle class.
Unambitious? No. Perhaps for the moment, because of that other word - directionless. You don't know where you want to go or what you want to do, which makes it hard to have ambition any which way. When you've had goals in the past, though, you did strive to get there. You may not feel it necessary to shoot for the stars and become The Best There Ever Was, but nobody says you have to - yet another one of those things we learned as children. Where this generation's children are the ones getting too much "participation ribbons" and whatever, we're the generation that was thought you always had to try to be the best, you always had to fight, you always had to go for it. This, again, isn't true. It just makes the whole of life one big combat, one big race, where you're destined to fail, because no-one can be the best at everything, all the time, always. See also: oh so many editorials and opinion articles and self-help books these days about Super Moms - Be the perfect Mother! Have an Amazing career! Be Sexy for your husband! Still be the Perfect Housewife! Enjoy! Live! The same goes the other way around - we as men are also constantly being pushed harder and harder, with ever more people putting ever more pressure on us, to succeed at everything. You don't have to. It's OK to be good at some things and bad at others. It's OK to accept help, in whatever form it may come.
Cliche? I don't recall the cliche loser living at home of having written several really cool and imaginative books. You may not find that important or good or whatever right now, and that's sad - because despite what else you might say, it is an accomplishment.
I can go on, but all in all, I'm just a random voice from across the internet. The only person who can, in the end, convince you, is you. because of the yoga, you're physically in better shape than you used to be. Going by your books, you're imaginative. Based on your posts, you're sensitive, and in many ways a good guy. You seem to be able to work with kids - and enjoy it.
Try to figure out some things that can make you happy or which make you feel slightly less like a loser, at least. Find a small way of doing that, or feeling it. What do I know - go read to children in the library, do some volunteering at a local museum in the kids' discovery room, whatever. Most of all, though, don't go into this therapy thinking it won't help anyway, it's just one of many similar, it's all useless and hopeless - because you should damn well be aware of it by now that that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
Because being a good person doesn't mean jack in my situation. I'm a cliche, jobless, directionless, unambitious loser living with his parents.
It's not invalid, but it may be unhelpful and can be perceived as hurtful.
Fair enough. I am seeing this from the viewpoint of someone outside of the situation, so while I have context, it is a) biased, and b) incomplete, and while I can say, "This behavior* needs to stop," I have no useful advice as to how to accomplish that goal. I'm no professional with the training to give that advice, so this should not be a surprise.
I suppose the words get thrown back into Nick's teeth because the thought is that he believed himself without question to get into this funk, so it should be more effective than anyone else's advice to pull himself out of it. However I can also say from personal experience that I've seen negative advice be worth -5 when positive advice only seems to be worth +1 ... that is, a person in Nick's situation seems much more ready to believe the worst about himself than entertain any redeeming comments. I really don't know what to do about that other than say, "Get help!" repeatedly, but we've already done that.

--Patrick
*the consistent self-floccinaucinihilipilification, which is admittedly a word I don't get to use very often.
 
See right now it's sunny out. So grab some gloves and garbage bags and go clean up the local playground. This will attract the attention of some red haired yogi pants wearing MILFS who will ask you what are doing. You tell them that you like to keep this park clean because you bring your niece here all the time. They will be impressed and introduce you to their single friend Jessy, who works in the library.

Case closed.
 
See right now it's sunny out. So grab some gloves and garbage bags and go clean up the local playground. This will attract the attention of some red haired yogi pants wearing MILFS who will ask you what are doing. You tell them that you like to keep this park clean because you bring your niece here all the time. They will be impressed and introduce you to their single friend Jessy, who works in the library.

Case closed.
I'm gonna use that!

. . . but what do I do when Jessy learns I don't have a niece?
 
A

Anonymous

Anonymous

God it's hard to keep my mouth shut right now on Facebook.
After the Paris Attacks, the Belgian government did a whole bunch of stuff and pushed through a whole bunch of anti-terrorist legislation. PATRIOT ACT wise. I'm not at all a fan.
All over the media and facebook, people from both sides are throwing around all kinds of shit - the right is saying we're being overrun and need such measures and whatnot, the left is screaming about our fundamental freedoms (which I agree with) and how this is all being overdrawn by the right wing government to push through "their" agenda and the threat isn't that real, nothing is being done, national security doesn't know what they're doing,...

Now, look, I'm more of the mindset of the left than the right - freedom before security, thankyouverymuch.
On the other hand, I'm just a tad more informed than....well, apparently 95% of all politicians and opinionators and idiots around. Really, I'm seeing complete and utter fabrications and lies being spouted....and I know, because I do have access to confidential and classified information. And of course, because it is confidential and/or classified, I can't tell anybody or even talk about it. Gah! STOP SPREADING LIES AND DISINFORMATION YOU JACKASSES. You're not helping matters.

And, yes, of course you all know who I am and all that, but still.
 
God it's hard to keep my mouth shut right now on Facebook.
After the Paris Attacks, the Belgian government did a whole bunch of stuff and pushed through a whole bunch of anti-terrorist legislation. PATRIOT ACT wise. I'm not at all a fan.
All over the media and facebook, people from both sides are throwing around all kinds of shit - the right is saying we're being overrun and need such measures and whatnot, the left is screaming about our fundamental freedoms (which I agree with) and how this is all being overdrawn by the right wing government to push through "their" agenda and the threat isn't that real, nothing is being done, national security doesn't know what they're doing,...

Now, look, I'm more of the mindset of the left than the right - freedom before security, thankyouverymuch.
On the other hand, I'm just a tad more informed than....well, apparently 95% of all politicians and opinionators and idiots around. Really, I'm seeing complete and utter fabrications and lies being spouted....and I know, because I do have access to confidential and classified information. And of course, because it is confidential and/or classified, I can't tell anybody or even talk about it. Gah! STOP SPREADING LIES AND DISINFORMATION YOU JACKASSES. You're not helping matters.

And, yes, of course you all know who I am and all that, but still.
JCM?
 
Annnnnd whatever the plumber did on Wednesday about the sewer line didn't take, because when I ran a load of laundry before work tonight, the basement flooded again. Using the toilet or the shower is fine, but doing laundry or running the dishwasher is out of the question until this is definitively fixed. And maybe, finally, it will come down to removing the tree that has been dropping limbs onto the driveway for years. Every time it came up before, I'd get shouted down with "we can't afford it," and that would be that. Now that it's more than just not using the driveway much, our hand has been forced.
 
Annnnnd whatever the plumber did on Wednesday about the sewer line didn't take, because when I ran a load of laundry before work tonight, the basement flooded again. Using the toilet or the shower is fine, but doing laundry or running the dishwasher is out of the question until this is definitively fixed. And maybe, finally, it will come down to removing the tree that has been dropping limbs onto the driveway for years. Every time it came up before, I'd get shouted down with "we can't afford it," and that would be that. Now that it's more than just not using the driveway much, our hand has been forced.
I hope it's not lint buildup.
I mean, I can't think of any reason why laundry/dishes back up but flushing the toilet while running the shower is okay that I'd feel comfortable blaming on a tree. It would be really unusual for a tree to only block some of your outflow.

--Patrick
 
I hope it's not lint buildup.
I mean, I can't think of any reason why laundry/dishes back up but flushing the toilet while running the shower is okay that I'd feel comfortable blaming on a tree. It would be really unusual for a tree to only block some of your outflow.

--Patrick
Some roots were cleared out from the sewer line on the last visit. Apparently not enough. They make "root killer" products to put in the line, but I'm wary of what it might do to an already iffy tree.
 
Some roots were cleared out from the sewer line on the last visit. Apparently not enough. They make "root killer" products to put in the line, but I'm wary of what it might do to an already iffy tree.
it will kill it. I cant tell you the number of people that flush it down their main drain only to have a tree go all charlie browns Christmas a week later.
 
it will kill it. I cant tell you the number of people that flush it down their main drain only to have a tree go all charlie browns Christmas a week later.
I will definitely pass this little nugget on to Mom and sister, so they don't make any mistakes with that tree.
 
I will definitely pass this little nugget on to Mom and sister, so they don't make any mistakes with that tree.
the ultra root kill we sell at my workplace uses a combination of boric and muratic acid to stop growth and dissolve the roots. if the tree is healthy and most of its roots are elsewhere it will be fine, if it has many roots growing through the line she is done and dead. also how shallow are your lines? how big is the tree? here in the frozen north the lines are down 10 feet. that means the tree has to be at least 25-50 year old and a hardwood in order to get to the lines.
 
the ultra root kill we sell at my workplace uses a combination of boric and muratic acid to stop growth and dissolve the roots. if the tree is healthy and most of its roots are elsewhere it will be fine, if it has many roots growing through the line she is done and dead. also how shallow are your lines? how big is the tree? here in the frozen north the lines are down 10 feet. that means the tree has to be at least 25-50 year old and a hardwood in order to get to the lines.
The tree is NOT healthy. It's been dropping big limbs onto the driveway every few months for years. I think now we're past the "can't afford removal" stage. Now that's it's in the sewer lines, it's got to go.
 
The tree is NOT healthy. It's been dropping big limbs onto the driveway every few months for years. I think now we're past the "can't afford removal" stage. Now that's it's in the sewer lines, it's got to go.
I know there are some places that'll subsidize the cost of the tree removal if you let them take the wood scraps... especially stumps.
 
Oi.

:facepalm:

If the roots in the sewer line are as bad as suggested, we've got problems. It's probably not covered under the home warranty. The tree will need to be removed and the line dug up and replaced. And God help us if the roots have gotten into the city's side of the line.

And that doesn't include the new roof that's needed. :facepalm: :facepalm:

My sister's suggestion... walk away. Give the house to the bank and find a rental property instead.

Merry motherfucking Christmas. :cry:
 

Dave

Staff member
Money and upkeep are the reason we walked away and the house is now owned by Wells Fargo. I really feel your pain, man. Like really, really, really.
 
I never understood that reasoning. At least here, upkeep - even of an old property - and taxes still stay well below renting costs. Of course, there's a reason Belgium's a country with one of the highest home ownership numbers in the world...
Anyway, yeah, here as well, you can often find people willing to cut down a tree for the lumber. Even if not, if you have some ropes, a chain saw, a couple of people to help, some idea of what you're doing and permission from the local government, safely cutting up a tree isn't all that hard.
 

fade

Staff member
I hate to say it, but we just had to drop about 10 grand 3 years ago to get the sewer lines replaced due to tree roots. It's probably cheaper with a basement because most of the cost was for the time spent digging by hand all the way under our slab since there's no tool that really does that. Sadly it's a common repair in houses from the 60s housing boom, because they used those fragile cast iron sewer pipes. Good news is the PVC replacements will last forever.
 
I hate to say it, but we just had to drop about 10 grand 3 years ago to get the sewer lines replaced due to tree roots. It's probably cheaper with a basement because most of the cost was for the time spent digging by hand all the way under our slab since there's no tool that really does that. Sadly it's a common repair in houses from the 60s housing boom, because they used those fragile cast iron sewer pipes. Good news is the PVC replacements will last forever.
Not exactly forever. I was in a rental where a tree root didn't penetrate the line, but put enough pressure on it that it eventually snapped in the middle of the night. This was incoming water, not outgoing, so I woke up at 6am to someone banging on my door and telling me that I was flooding the street.

Drowned the tree, and had an $800 water bill that month :( Dunno what the repair cost was, since that was on the home owner.
 
If you've got more time than money you can replace the sewer line yourself. You have to be prepared for surprises, but pull a permit, call miss dig, and go for it.

Meanwhile, use a longer washing machine discharge hose going to the shower.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
I hate to say it, but we just had to drop about 10 grand 3 years ago to get the sewer lines replaced due to tree roots. It's probably cheaper with a basement because most of the cost was for the time spent digging by hand all the way under our slab since there's no tool that really does that. Sadly it's a common repair in houses from the 60s housing boom, because they used those fragile cast iron sewer pipes. Good news is the PVC replacements will last forever.
My dad's got a tree root problem too, and it IS with PVC sewer line. Unfortunately there's a joint midway that just won't stay joined, and tiny little tree root dendrites get into it and start growing all up and down the line. He's pretty much accepted he's going to have to pay to get it roto-rooted every year or two, and in the long run, that's still going to be cheaper than digging it all up and replacing it.
 
My dad's got a tree root problem too, and it IS with PVC sewer line. Unfortunately there's a joint midway that just won't stay joined, and tiny little tree root dendrites get into it and start growing all up and down the line. He's pretty much accepted he's going to have to pay to get it roto-rooted every year or two, and in the long run, that's still going to be cheaper than digging it all up and replacing it.
http://www.almacity.com/assets/Forms/Tree Root Control.pdf

Copper sulftate is supposed to help. Probably won't do much good if there's a huge root breaking your pipe, but it should keep the little dendrites from growing into the line.
 

fade

Staff member
Yeah the PVC won't prevent tree roots from getting in or moving the pipes around, but it will prevent the line degradation that leads to widespread line failure and silt buildup.[DOUBLEPOST=1448734537,1448734260][/DOUBLEPOST]The worst part about it was that I'm an avid DIYer and I just didn't have the time to do it myself. It took 3 healthy experienced diggers about 2 days to dig in (going in shifts). Then the city inspector didn't like their work and made them dig out some more. It would've taken me a lot longer working alone on evenings and weekends, and with no drains in the meantime.
 
Rushing around at work, I must have put my phone down and it managed to walk away. My immediate assumption is it's been stolen by a customer, either that or it's lost but the ultimate conclusion is it's gone. I've already contacted my carrier and had the line suspended so at least I shouldn't incur any crazy charges, and I do have another left from when I upgraded in the summer but now I get to pay for a phone for the next two years that I don't even have. It's my fault I was so careless but it's still frustrating. All of our cameras in the store are placed at the worst possible angles to deter normal theft and unfortunately did me no favors in helping track down what I might have done with it or who may have taken it.
 

GasBandit

Staff member
Rushing around at work, I must have put my phone down and it managed to walk away. My immediate assumption is it's been stolen by a customer, either that or it's lost but the ultimate conclusion is it's gone. I've already contacted my carrier and had the line suspended so at least I shouldn't incur any crazy charges, and I do have another left from when I upgraded in the summer but now I get to pay for a phone for the next two years that I don't even have. It's my fault I was so careless but it's still frustrating. All of our cameras in the store are placed at the worst possible angles to deter normal theft and unfortunately did me no favors in helping track down what I might have done with it or who may have taken it.
Most phones these days have anti-theft stuff on em... if it is an android phone, you can track it via GPS from google maps and lock it/make it alarm. I'm sure apple does something similar.
 
Most phones these days have anti-theft stuff on em... if it is an android phone, you can track it via GPS from google maps and lock it/make it alarm. I'm sure apple does something similar.
I've tried, through Android Device Manager but it will not connect at all. For google maps, for some reason the last location tracking is a few days ago instead of today though I hadn't had gps off so that's strange. Will keep trying though.
 
All of our cameras in the store are placed at the worst possible angles to deter normal theft
Not that it'll make you feel better, but the cameras are always pointed at the employees, not the shoppers, because the vast majority of retail theft is carried out by employees and vendors, not customers.

Sorry for your loss, hope you can recover it. Your home insurance policy may cover it, but chances are your phone, as expensive as it is, is still cheaper than the insurance deductable...
 
Not that it'll make you feel better, but the cameras are always pointed at the employees, not the shoppers, because the vast majority of retail theft is carried out by employees and vendors, not customers.
It really depends on the store. There is a Dollar General less than a mile from my house that had over 100k in theft/loss one year, most which was from people in the nearby neighborhood just plain breaking in at night and clearing out stuff like laundry detergent, motor oil, and other high value items they couldn't otherwise get without going to a proper store with real security. That's not even getting into how they'd just plain destroy the clothes section.

Thing is, corporate usually doesn't give a shit about customer theft unless they can actually catch someone walking out with a TV or something. You are trained to just let them go and hope you got their face or license plate on camera, because it's a lot more costly to fight/pay off an injured customer in a legal battle than it is to replace basically anything.
 
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