Rant VIII: The Reckoning

I'm really sorry its been so rough for you nick. I think blocking her was the right move. You might change your mind later, but if seeing her is so painful, its good to force yourself not to.
 
I've noticed your ability to articulate your thoughts through the internet is both a blessing and a curse. I think you wear your heart on your keyboard. I'm sorry right now it seems more like a curse for you.
 
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I've noticed your ability to articulate your thoughts through the internet is both a blessing and a curse. I think you wear your heart on your keyboard. I'm sorry right now it seems more like a curse for you.
Probably because I don't have any friends to get me out of the house and out of my head.
 
Probably because I don't have any friends to get me out of the house and out of my head.
I don't even know if it's that. Even when I do get to see my nearest and dearest, I don't always feel comfortable sharing exactly what's on my mind. Not because I fear judgment or rejection, I just don't always like laying my soul bare. There's a level of ....vulnerability? I guess? that I just can't bring myself to be in. I'm in awe of people, such as yourself, that can do that.
 
Please go to your interview tomorrow!

And I think blocking her right now is a good move until you're ready to be friends with her. And if you never are well, that's ok too.
 
Nick, please go to your interview tomorrow. Worst case scenario? You don't get the job. That simply leaves you exactly where you are now. So, with nothing to lose, the logical choice would be to go for it. Even if you just think of it as something you're going to do for fun, or just for the experience, or just to get out of the house.
 
Do it anyway. Matter of fact, any time you find yourself thinking "what's the point," I'm of the opinion you should treat that as "simon says."
I'm gonna quote this because I can't put it up on a billboard right outside your bedroom window. Not at my current pay grade, at least.

Anyone want to start a GoFundMe for that? [emoji3]


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Tow trucks are really loud at 3:30am. I don't know who in the neighborhood had their car towed home, but I'd like to put firecrackers under their bedroom window.
 
I think you're all forgetting that I have an account on here....
Also, I do understand and I am sorry. I am truly sorry and I know you won't believe me and I can live with that.
But seriously...why does all of this have to be online? Why does my name even have to be used? They all know it's me....
 
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What the fuck did I do though? I didn't make one status or post until right fucking now.
I left him. I gave him the reason why.
If you want to say stuff about me then go ahead. Just don't use my name or my sons name.
I don't care if you didn't use his name in a negative way, you still brought him into this and that's not right. He's a child.
Please, just stop putting all this online.
 
I removed it all. I'm sorry.

And it was a mutual breakup. Maybe more on your side, but still mutual.

The problem is, when I write on here - especially when I'm in a bad place as I have been in the last month - I don't think about what I'm writing. It's like free writing. I'm sure it's obvious that I'm very upset when I'm writing a lot of this. I wrote all that when I was depressed. I wrote all that when I was angry or upset. I know that doesn't excuse everything I said, though.

Anyway, I'm sorry for being public about those things. I changed all the posts to "[Redacted]."
 
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I think you're all forgetting that I have an account on here....
Also, I do understand and I am sorry. I am truly sorry and I know you won't believe me and I can live with that.
But seriously...why does all of this have to be online? Why does my name even have to be used? They all know it's me....
Yeah i didn't forget either. It's why I'm keeping my mouth shut and not taking sides.
 
I wanted to give you that rating earlier tonight for the same reason. I feel relieved of some pent up energy or something like that now.
 
An assault from my wife's father on her culminating in physical therapy for the next month led her to decide to finally cut him out of her life.

But then her mom begged her not to, and even though we know it's the best thing for my wife, it's really hard to just brush away someone who's begging. What her mother doesn't get is this isn't about this one time--it's the last straw from over 25 years of abuse.

To top if off, her father sent her an email on an unrelated issue. I asked if my wife wanted me to screen it and just paraphrase the info, which she did. Pretty much two pieces of advice in the middle of several sentences of insults. He is so out of touch with the concept that the people around him have lives and feelings apart from him. It is beyond him to ever acknowledge wrongdoing on his part and I think that's really why she wants to be done. He refuses to get help, refuses to stop drinking, refuses to respect her as a person. There is no purpose for him in her life.

And I know seeded under this, why it's so hard for her to stop it, is because she wants there to be a positive change, she wants acknowledgment of her autonomy and her feelings. It's easy for me to say "stop caring what they think" when I know that's what's chaining her, because it's easy for me to not care what someone thinks, but this is something she's never gotten from him and never will. He cannot see a world beyond himself.
 
Get a taper (one of the good 300 dollar ones with the shooty things that constantly go off for 30 seconds after you press the button and the next time you see him...

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